Dear Comrades,

The People's Democratic Socialist Party of the USSA has announced that its special committee, known at the Committee to Re-Anoint the President (CRAP), successfully collected evidence from a secret conspiratorial meeting which planned the political assassination of Comrade Ashley Judd.

Reactionary Republican party members, headed by People's Senator Mitch McConnell, surreptitiously planned an ambush of Comrade Ashley, who figured prominently in the Party's quest to create super-majority powers in all three branches of government which would ultimately fulfill Comrade Party Chairman and President Barack Barackovich Obama's anointing as Supreme Leader of the USSA. CRAP, in defense of the People's interests and the well-being of the Party, was able to plant a listening device and record the Republican dirty secrets.

After informing Comrade Ashley of the Imperialist's designs, she announced her temporary retreat from political action, while CRAP provided American Media Collective Unit #17, which is devoted to the printing of ‘Mother Jones' indoctrinational magazine, with a transcript of the cabal. In their discussions, the Republicans threatened to attack Comrade Ashley's disability as a sanity-challenged American.

Yes, they wanted to mock her for being handicapped! They wanted to imply that she is mentally ill and emotionally unbalanced, when we all know it is Republicans that need hospitalization and drugging, so that they can become normal and mentally healthy like all Socialists.

Comrades, how long must we continue to tolerate such conspiracies against our Party? We must defeat the fascist Republicans by all means necessary, and every loyal citizen should be grateful for CRAP's diligence and audacity!

We salute CRAP for saving Comrade Ashley from certain political death! Down with the Bourgeois and their secret plans to undermine Progress!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

The Democrats set fire to a bag of s--t on the Republicans' doorstep. The Republicans put sugar in the Democrats' gas tank. The Democrats flatten the tires on the Republicans' car. The Republicans destroy the Democrats' mailbox with an M-80. The Democrats poison the Republicans' cat...

Yes Dedhedvedev, the merriment never ends. It's all fizz.

While setting up the depraved and ruthless Mitch McConnell, Mother Jones main operative ("Carlos the Mole") made hundreds of clandestine recordings. However, during these highly secretive engagements, it appears that Carlos had failed to record any crucial conversations in which McConnell and his minions discussed their final solution to the Ashley Judd "problem". Jones herd of staff lawyers were outraged: "You taped hundreds of hours of conversations and this is all we have to work with?"

Dear Friend --

Ashley Judd needs your help because a terrible thing happened to her today.

Ashley woke up this morning thinking that she would be running for Senate, but she couldn't find her clothes. As we learned later from a Mother Jones publication, Republicans headed by Mitch McConnell had conspired to steal Ashley's clothes earlier this week, so she wouldn't be able to get out of her house and run.

Use your email, Facebook, and Twitter to send a message to Senate Republicans! Tell them that the American people have taped their secret behind-closed-doors conversation and know about their crimes against Ashley Judd.

President has just issued a bill that would make stealing Ashley Judd's clothes a felony punishable by heavy fines and/or imprisonment. Tell Congress to pass the bill without delay and ask the rich to pay a little more in taxes.

We have also started a collection for Ashley. Please send us $3.00 or more today so that Ashley Judd can get to her Senate seat fully clothed.

Don't you want to start watching Ashley on CSPAN? We too!

Do you see the image below? You should FORWARD it!

Collectively yours,
Jim Messina

Twins support Ashley Judd

Don't fret for Ashley. The Birdonkey will protect her.

McConnell mean to Ashley Judd