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Dig a Hole for Gun Control!

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The Democrats' recent historic, storied, epic, heroic, and romantically glorious sit-in on the House floor has inspired me to ponder what I can do to get noticed, become a social media darling, and engage in a little fundraising for my foundation that does so much to help the oppressed and less fortunate by drawing other people's attention to their plight.

Eight years ago, I perched on a high-rise ledge to raise awareness of how much I cared about something. I spent 62 days on that ledge, during which time I raised the awareness, started a national dialogue among everyone who agreed with the need to raise that awareness, and collected a lot of free stuff to make my perch-in a great deal less the hardship it appeared to be to low information masses.

Until Day 62, when Zampolit Blokhayev, who'd obviously been radicalized by the hateful rhetoric of Republicans and the NRA, somehow managed to get his hands on a semi-automatic deadly-assault lock-and-loading self-shooting rapid-fire multi-ammo high-powered head-blowing maximum-destructive super-fatal trigger-happy bloodthirsty machine gun.

He readied it, aimed it, and then fired it at me. I was struck with a glancing blow that knocked me off the ledge. I plummeted toward certain death on the street below with no hope of my fall being broken, except by rubbernecked gawkers who all turned and fled for their pathetic lives once they realized that wasn't a cloud sliding over the sun, but the shadow of my body about to drop on them with a horrific splat.

As I cursed Republicans and the NRA for murdering me in cold blood and screamed for the Government to save me (since we all know thoughts and prayers never work), my red headscarf suddenly snagged itself on a horizontal flag pole, and I found myself wrapped up—yes, comrades, wrapped!—in the (choke) American flag!

That was eight years ago, comrades. And eight years later, Republicans continue to brazenly arm total nutjobs like Zampolit Blokhayev with illegal, death-causing weapons of immoral war. Their hate speech continues to radicalize his otherwise moderate and peace-loving way of thinking, thus impelling him to shoot innocent Cube treasures like me from high-rise ledges where all I'm trying to do is my own small part to change the world and make a difference by calling everyone's attention to how much I care.

So this time, instead of perching on the ledge, I am taking my shovel and digging a hole for gun control. Quite aside from the fact that it cleverly rhymes, it should also make me less of a target, especially since I plan to post a sign at the edge of the hole designating it a Gun Free Zone. As long as the cameras keep rolling, I am going to keep digging and digging my hole for gun control. While the media is away filing their stories or lunching at Olive Garden, I am going to sit at the bottom of the hole and relax with all the free stuff I fully expect will be donated to me by those who also care.

And while I'm sitting in the hole, I will be hoping that Congress gets off its butt to repeal the Second Amendment, so I can get off my own and catch the next Progressive bandwagon that rolls by—assuming, of course, that it doesn't roll over into the hole and crush me. Maybe we should add an orange pylon to the Gun Free Zone sign. Or maybe one of you can dig another hole to raise awareness of our crumbling infrastructure that invariably causes Progressive bandwagons to disappear into seemingly bottomless holes, never to be seen again. Or maybe I'm just confusing those bandwagons with the tax dollars that fund them.

In the meantime, comrades, I need your help. In addition to free stuff, I want a phone call from President Obama to congratulate me on my immense courage and boundless sacrifice. I want to see the usual awareness ribbons, wristbands, and selfies of you holding up pieces of paper with hashtags, like #diggingaholeforguncontrol or #stopbandwagonrollovers or #gimmefreestuff.

Join me in my latest Glorious Cause! Grab a shovel! Together we will dig our way to glory, and I promise you, comrades, it won't be long before we will answer the question that right wing naysayers are sure to ask:

WHO CARES?

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Oh, the HUMANITY!

Say, eight years ago, that was the "Previous Administration", and who was is charge? BOOSH! <spit>

Why, oh why didn't he outlaw Zampolit Blokhayev and spare our Commisarka from such trauma?


Ivan, could I borrow the tractor this afternoon to haul some building supplies? I got this work order to build an outhouse over some newly completed hole under some ledge somewhere...

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Of course! We're all about PROGress around here. Golly, a new outhouse!You did pay off get the permits approved, yes?

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ditch digger.jpg

Let me the first to donate to the cause. I had to do a little finagling but I snagged one in your color.

Comrade Biffinaditch

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Oh, Biff. You don't know how angry Pinkie gets at the mention of mustache wax....

Commisarka Pinkie,

Your forethought demonstrates your brilliance as always. Not only does your slogan rhyme and call attention to the evils of an armed citizenry, but the holes will also be useful once that archaic 2nd Amendment has been eradicated and Dear Leader needs to deal with criminals who threaten our Glorious State.

I was wondering if you have considered turning to Kim Jong-Un for advice on your illustrious campaign?

https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/446949/Terror-of-North-Korea-s-prison-camps-revealed-by-guard


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Now I lay me down to weep,
Shovel to head is how I sleep,
If I should die before there's cake,
I pray Dear Leader™ attends my wake.

dig it.jpg

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DA!! Truly inspiring words from Commisarka Pinkie. Not only will I begin digging immediately, I'm going to change my sir name to......Fluffy Bunny
As clearly, Tokarev will "trigger" MACROaggressions to useful idiot liberals, and cause them to wet their adult diapers.

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*sigh* Comrade Pinky!!! *tsk* *tsk* *tsk*... That was a case of mistaken identity. From a distance I thought you were that evil troglodyte, Ann Coulter. The Party™ issued me a new scope and I attempted once again to eliminate that vile spawn of Medusa. But when she gaze upon my bullet it changed to Lemon Jello, which is how she prefers her fellow "conservatives". Yellow and Squishy. And one more thing to clarify while I am at it. I did not fire at you with a contemptible capitalistic poodle shooter like an AR-15. No! I shot at you with The People's Rifle™: the bolt-action Mosin-Nagant 91/30!!! No member of The Party's™ Inner Circle™ would EVER use a bourgeois rifle to take out an enemy of The People™!
Last edited by Zampolit Blokhayev on 7/7/2016, 11:40 am, edited 2 times in total.
Reason for editing this post: Dyslexia. It's terrible thing to waste!

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Blokhayev! It's about time you showed up to explain yourself. Frankly, I don't care what kind of weapon you used. The fact remains you used a gun. Guns are guns and all guns are evil. That and—and—how could you EVER confuse me for a single scintilla of a second with—with THAT WOMAN? And she's not even a real woman.

Really! If you wanted to piss me off so much that I'd whack you with my shovel, then why didn't you just say you confused me with Sarah Palin, who isn't a real woman either?

WHACK!!!

Or why didn't you just get down on your knees and say, “Oh, please, Pinkie, please please please whack me with your shovel!”

WHACK!!!

Real women are women like Hillary. Like Nancy. Like Barack.

Now don't just stand there next to Betinov at the edge of the hole. Give him a little nudge and let him roll down here to the bottom. I'll just catch his jar between my boot and my shovel.

I look down upon the jar to see the liquid shift and slosh around the brain within. Tell me, Betinov—what exactly is that fluid? Surely not Obama's Snake Oil, because I don't see a mustache anywhere. Yes, I remember the free can of mustache wax. The humiliation. The anguish. The idea that I should read fine print when everyone knows that no one cares about fine print anymore than they care about nitpicky things like due process—especially when good progs like me don't even know what the hell that is.

Don't bother warning Biff. Assume not for whom the shovel whacks—though you, Betinov, can safely assume it whacks for thee.

WHACK!!!

And you, Captain Craptek—as always, you please me! Of course, it also helps that as an adorably cute, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed little squirrel, you're a member of a protected class who can never be whacked by my shovel, even if you do something as stupid as Betinov or Blokhayev, for whom ignorance or lack of intent is never, ever an excuse!

No reasonable commissarka would ever shovel-whack you! Now here's a pair of nuts for you that I got off from James Comey!

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:
And you, Captain Craptek—as always, you please me! Of course, it also helps that as an adorably cute, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed little squirrel, you're a member of a protected class who can never be whacked by my shovel, even if you do something as stupid as Betinov or Blokhayev, for whom ignorance or lack of intent is never, ever an excuse!

No reasonable commissarka would ever shovel-whack you! Now here's a pair of nuts for you that I got off from James Comey!

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To have pleased the lovely Commissarka Pinkie is sufficient reward for this lowly rodent. As always,
I serve at HER* pleasure and - of course - that of The Children.™
*(Ivan, take notice)


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It's been a rough eight months for Melissa Click! (PNG alert...)

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I felt bad after my last post...

To be fair... she is quite pretty now!

Her new boyfriend (our Captain Craptek) loves her front teeth!


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Comrade Putout wrote:I felt bad after my last post...

To be fair... she is quite pretty now!

Her new boyfriend (our Captain Craptek) loves her front teeth!


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Gild v.-
To give an often deceptively attractive or improved appearance to.

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Comrade Putout wrote:
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. . . clicking wildly across the Internet — that Melissa-2016 definitely reminds me of someone... huh, that prof who always stuck his tongue out? yet this time minus tongue, plus ginger wig? ???

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Genosse Dummkopf wrote:
Comrade Putout wrote:
__tmp.jpg
. . . clicking wildly across the Internet — that Melissa-2016 definitely reminds me of someone... huh, that prof who always stuck his tongue out? yet this time minus tongue, plus ginger wig? ???

Maybe this guy womyn person?

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Melissa is evolving and Captain Lt. Colonel Craptek can't quit her!

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Ah HA! I see where the starter-rope for the People's Lawnmower went!

We'll have that back now please...

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since this is a gun control topic, is the young lady concealing a weapon?

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Ah HA! I see where the starter-rope for the People's Lawnmower went!

We'll have that back now please...

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since this is a gun control topic, [highlight=#FFFF00]is the young lady concealing a weapon?[/highlight]

Not mine unfortunately.


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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Alas, comrade... "caliber" matters.

That's a bit rich coming from a guy who's as big as a Flobert:

flobertcomparison.jpg

The Stierlitz, on the other hand...

bbs.jpg

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Comrade Putout wrote:
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Can this be construed as yet another confirmation of the Timeless Troika Hypothesis :

JewStringsPulling ?

(memory-refresh) :

The-Jews.(al-Mahali).behind-the-scenes-pulling-the-strings-are-always.2.jpg
(more here)

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Genosse Dummkopf wrote:
Comrade Putout wrote:< that Melissa-2016 pic >
. . . clicking wildly across the Internet — that Melissa-2016 definitely reminds me of someone... huh, that prof who always stuck his tongue out? yet this time minus tongue, plus ginger wig? ???
Maybe this guy womyn person?

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(auto-whacks his forehead, thunderously shouts) : Eureka !
(background here)

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Genosse Dummkopf wrote:
Comrade Putout wrote:
__tmp.jpg
Can this be construed as yet another confirmation of the Timeless Troika Hypothesis :

JewStringsPulling ?

(memory-refresh) :

The-Jews.(al-Mahali).behind-the-scenes-pulling-the-strings-are-always.2.jpg
(more here)


Genosse, I must be Truly Revolutionary, because I pull on something all the time and I haven't once gotten caught. Maybe the KGB likes me? I dunno.

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Genosse Dummkopf wrote:
Comrade Putout wrote:
__tmp.jpg
Can this be construed as yet another confirmation of the Timeless Troika Hypothesis :

JewStringsPulling ?
(memory-refresh) :
< pic : Behind the scenes, pulling the strings there are always — THE JEWS !!! >
(more here)

Genosse, I must be Truly Revolutionary, because I pull on something all the time and I haven't once gotten caught. Maybe the KGB likes me? I dunno.

So, here the circle closes :
JewPullingPutz

Proof : (via magnificent Philip Roth)

Roth.Portnoy-s Complaint.(1969).Enough being a nice Jewish boy.jpg

(and, while at that : can you imagine the traumatic recoil plus PTSD, once he fires his gun ???)

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COMRADES!

Everyone is getting totally off topic here, and that is unacceptable.

This isn't about Melissa Click. She's had her 15 minutes.

This is about ME, Pinkie, raising awareness of how much I care about gun control. And it's quite clear from the direction of this thread that I care more than the rest of you.

Obviously, more awareness must be raised--which means I also need more government funding.

More awareness. More caring. More money! And 15 more minutes.

Don't make me climb out of this hole to whack all of you. By now it's getting pretty deep in here.

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Comrades, sounds to me like there is a WHACK!!! in progress.

Pinkie : "progress" ? "progress" ? don't you know, dummkopf, that Progress is written in cap-P ?
Dummkopf : ok, ok, calm down πnkie — me shovelling, dontcha see ?

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Genosse Dummkopf wrote:...Pinkie : "progress" ? "progress" ? don't you know, dummkopf, that Progress is written in cap-P ?

Oh good Lenin...
did, did Comrade New guy just correct the Commisarka? Oh my. I want his ration card before the account is de-activated. Does he have a watch? He won't need it shortly...

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:COMRADES!

Everyone is getting totally off topic here, and that is unacceptable.

This isn't about Melissa Click. She's had her 15 minutes.

This is about ME, Pinkie, raising awareness of how much I care about gun control. And it's quite clear from the direction of this thread that I care more than the rest of you.

Obviously, more awareness must be raised--which means I also need more government funding.

More awareness. More caring. More money! And 15 more minutes.

Don't make me climb out of this hole to whack all of you. By now it's getting pretty deep in here.

Commissarka Pinkie,

I quite agree with you!

That outfit "Melissa evolving" is wearing is certainly NOT in my Manifesto's chapter on fashion.

I think too many comrades are using their little hand trowels which is not making PROGRESS toward gun control.

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote:COMRADES!

Everyone is getting totally off topic here, and that is unacceptable.

[highlight=#FFFF00]This isn't about Melissa Click.[/highlight] She's had her 15 minutes.

[highlight=#FFFF00]This is about ME[/highlight], [highlight=#FF99CC]Pinkie[/highlight], raising awareness of how much I care about gun control. And it's quite clear from the direction of this thread that I care more than the rest of you.

Obviously, more awareness must be raised--which means I also need more government funding.

More awareness. More caring. More money! And 15 more minutes.

Don't make me climb out of this hole to whack all of you. By now it's getting pretty deep in here.

I highly recommend that you shelter-in-place till the all clear signal has sounded. Please shut off your cell phones and other electronic communication devices. Remain calm!

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:COMRADES!

Everyone is getting totally off topic here, and that is unacceptable.

[highlight=#FFFF00]This isn't about Melissa Click.[/highlight] She's had her 15 minutes.

[highlight=#FFFF00]This is about ME[/highlight], [highlight=#FF99CC]Pinkie[/highlight], raising awareness of how much I care about gun control. And it's quite clear from the direction of this thread that I care more than the rest of you.

Obviously, more awareness must be raised--which means I also need more government funding.

More awareness. More caring. More money! And 15 more minutes.

Don't make me climb out of this hole to whack all of you. By now it's getting pretty deep in here.

I highly recommend that you shelter-in-place till the all clear signal has sounded. Please shut off your cell phones and other electronic communication devices. Remain calm!

(* cleaning his Mosin Nagant 91/30 while singing the Hymn of the USSR *)

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Commissarka Pinkie wrote:COMRADES!

Everyone is getting totally off topic here, and that is unacceptable.

[highlight=#FFFF00]This isn't about Melissa Click.[/highlight] She's had her 15 minutes.

[highlight=#FFFF00]This is about ME[/highlight], [highlight=#FF99CC]Pinkie[/highlight], raising awareness of how much I care about gun control. And it's quite clear from the direction of this thread that I care more than the rest of you.

Obviously, more awareness must be raised--which means I also need more government funding.

More awareness. More caring. More money! And 15 more minutes.

Don't make me climb out of this hole to whack all of you. By now it's getting pretty deep in here.

I highly recommend that you shelter-in-place till the all clear signal has sounded. Please shut off your cell phones and other electronic communication devices. Remain calm!

ALARM!!!!!


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All that just because the lookout saw a cloud shaped like a shovel....Pinkie, your reputation, and great fear thereof, precede you.


 
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