Comrades, what once was only a dream, has become reality. Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that you do not have to prove U.S. citizenship to register to vote, Democrats are teaming with the TV singing competition American Idol to help bring in more votes for Democrats in future elections. Consultants from American Idol are coaching DNC operatives in the methods of text message voting (TMV.)

Winners on American Idol are chosen partially by TMV. Statistically, the number of votes has ranged in the multi-millions. The Democratic Party has long viewed these numbers as a potential goldmine for electing Democrats. But how could text message voters be reached? Let's take a look at the issue.

Many American Idol voters are illegal aliens, under age 18 or don't pay attention to politics (low-information voters.) The recent Supreme Court ruling now makes it possible to reach viewers who literally view President Obama as an idol, but have not been motivated enough to walk to a polling place. TMV now bridges the gap between having a vague desire to vote, and actually doing it.

President Obama is working furiously on an executive order (his 1,237th, or something) to allow TMV. Starting in November 2016, votes will be accepted through text messaging (unlimited votes per phone number, following the American Idol model.) You can even submit a write-in vote through text messaging (Although everyone knows there is only One candidate.) Once President Obama signs this executive order, he is one step closer to claiming his third term. Despite Constitutional rules preventing a third or lifetime term, if the popular vote is big enough, the Constitution can be overridden. This is a little-known fact buried in one of the clauses (I don't remember which.)


We believe that the American Idol viewers are loyal to the reality show brand they have grown up with since 2002, and would be susceptible to any political suggestions made by said brand. Suggestions to vote for the Democratic Party through TMV can gently be made through subliminal messages. Should they choose to return as judges, such messages can be drawn in Nicki Minaj's neon eyeshadow or audibly communicated through Mariah Carey's dog whistle high notes. However, subliminal messages might be moot, since Michelle Obama has already appeared on American Idol's charity fundraiser, to which there was a huge positive response.

Some fear that these millions of new votes may get into the wrong hands and be unethically used by Republicans. The relationship between the DNC and American Idol Brand is proprietary and trademarked. The DNC has gotten a jump on any other reality show partnership the RNC may try to emulate. The DNC already has backup contracts in the hands of their lawyers with The Voice, America's Got Talent, and Dancing with the Stars. There is no need to worry that the RNC will hatch a similar operation to steal another show's vote-gathering technology. We guarantee TMV to be 100% Democratic-accurate and free of flaws.

TMV is popular with the Democrats for several reasons:

1) Robo-dialing. Multiple votes per person may be cast. All you need is one cell phone number, or multiple phone numbers connected to a computer program. The Republican Party will be left in the dustbin of history.
2) International voting. Voting can be done from abroad, by a person of any nationality. No more official absentee ballots needed! No American citizenship needed, either.
3) The End of Racism. Obviously, obtaining an ID card from a government office is blatantly designed to disenfranchise the citizens of color. Cell phones do not require an ID to purchase. Cell phones are literally colorblind.
4) The End of Ageism. TMV is not age-discriminatory. All citizens who want to participate in the voting process may do so, regardless of age. All they will need is a cell phone. Even babies, whose parents give them their old phones to play with, can be voters*.

*Parental guidance suggested to ensure the correct voting party (D) is chosen.

Olga Photoshopova wrote:*Parental guidance suggested to ensure the correct voting party (D) is chosen.

Comrade Olga, it occurs to me that with the NSA/CIA/FBI/ABC/CBS/NBC/MSNBC/LGBTQUXYZ already accessing and listening in to all phone calls it wouldn't be a big deal for them to just programmatically switch the required number of TMVs for a win (FTW) in any given election.

Wouldn't you agree?

Comrade R.O.C.K., I agree, but until Total Democrat Takeover is achieved, Democrats must give the appearance of being elected democratically, no matter how convoluted the voting process. Then, once firmly ensconced in all branches of government, the Democrats can completely do away with elections. The Democrats are almost there - only needing to obtain control of the House of Representatives before Takeover is complete. TMV is the first step towards Permanent Victory (Obama Third Term + Democrat Congressional Majority.)

Voting in America is a Basic Fundamental Human Right™, no matter what country you are a citizen of; no matter if you have reached the age of majority. In fact, some people (like those who are a member of a minority class) deserve to vote MORE than others, due to the tragic circumstances of their ancestors. Some minorities may not have tragic ancestors (if their roots are elsewhere) but should be granted extra liberties due to their appearance, and the discrimination of living with that appearance.

For such people, not only should all barriers (ID requirements) be removed, but an attempt should be made for there to be ANTI-barriers, which means the DNC practically does the voting for you. While there are not financial means (right now) for Obamacare Navigators to home-deliver all Democrat voting ballots, TMV is a step towards voting fairness, openness and honesty. Let's give all humans access to that Right by making The Vote accessible to All.

May I suggest the following text shorthand for those who don't have the korrect voting app?

WTF!=Barak Obama
ROTFLMAO=Joe Biden
IDK=Hillary Clinton
OMFG!=Nancy Pelosi
STFU=Harry Reed

Olga Photoshopova wrote: For such people, not only should all barriers (ID requirements) be removed, but an attempt should be made for there to be ANTI-barriers, which means the DNC practically does the voting for you.

Does this not already happen in many communities? Without the "practically"?

Olga Photoshopova wrote:Let's give all humans access to that Right by making The Vote accessible to All.

While I am in nearly complete agreement, Comrade, this line disturbs and puzzles me somewhat.

Isn't that just a bit speciesist? What about progressive cats, dogs, and hamsters? My cat, for instance, has voted several times in each election during all of his five (5) years, due to cat years (like dog years) being a larger number than human years.

And Comrade Killemov - a splendidly progressive idea!