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DPRK North Korea In The News

POLL: Pick Your Leader: Kim Jong Un or B Hussein Obama?

You may select 1 option



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BANANA REPUBRIC IRREGARY SEIZES PEACEFUR DPRK SHIP

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Pyongyang (MSNBC) - Without warning, capitarist running dog puppets of the Panamanian Canar miritary forces swarmed aboard the MV Chong Chong Gangnamstyle and confiscated its road of Cuban sugar that was a gift of sociarist friendship from the peopres of the Peopre's Repubrik of Demokratik Cuba to the peace-roving peopres of the Demokratik Peopre's Repubrik of Korea.

Dear Reader Kim Jong Un procraimed, "This capitarist agression wirr not go unpunished! Not since the irregar, unrawfur boarding of the USS Puebro by South Korean puppets has the UN seen such a disgusting dispray of piracy.......(what? We did that? You sure? Outtasight, man!) The Panamanian pruotcrats arso impounded various equipment and imprements used in peacefur agricurturar activities. If they don't rerease my ship, I wirr have them arr shot!"

Having no embassy or consurate in Panama, DPRK's friend Cuba is engaging Panama on beharf of DPRK.

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MAERSK SHIPPING LINES FILES CLAIM IN PANAMA - DPRK SQUABBLE
Ciudad de Panama (Reuters) - Maersk CEO Pieter Van Leeuvanhuek filed a claim against DPRK for damage to a rented CONEX shipping container. The damage was discovered by Panamian Canal Defense Forces during their seizure of the North Korean motor vessel Chong Chon Gangnamstyle.

The leader of North Korea, strongman Kim Jong Un is quoted as saying, "Oh, that wirr buff right out! A rittre Turtre Wax and some erbow grease and it wirr be good as new. I promise. Reuters, why you bug me with this shit? You know I your boo!"

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CUBA & DPRK JOINTLY DENOUNCE PANAMA PUPPETS
Habana de Cuba (NY Times)
- Aggressor forces from the junta oppressing the downtrodden masses of Cuba & North Korea Panama announced today a spurious claim that peaceful, law-abiding DPRK motor vessel Chong Chon Gangnamstyle was smuggling UN-sanctioned weapons, provided to DPRK by Cuba.

In Pyongyang, the capital of DPRK, Dear Leader Kim Jong Un met with our NY Times reporter from Peking Beijing. "David Brooks, you know I your boo! I arways get you those ringside seats at Knickerbockers games. Yes yes! The arreged pictures of the arreged arms smuggring are fabrications of the Panama puppets. What was in those CONEX boxes was nothing more than rawnmowers intended for mowing the grass in the mined DMZ Demilitiarized Zone at Pan Mun Jom." When asked about the Mikoyan i Gregorivich MiG-21 in one of the CONEX boxes, Dear Leader Kim Jong Un blurted, "Oh, that's sirry! Anyone who been hipdip in shit in a rice paddy know that a crop duster!"

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About the People's Poll above ......

Of course I, Krasnodar, have voted for Obama as my Supreme Dear Leader.

Doing so is a matter of simple logic.

Kim Jong Un feeds his enemies to the dogs.

Obama eats dogs. No contest.

It's a " rock-paper-scissors " kind'a thing.

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Krasnodar wrote:About the People's Poll above ......

Of course I, Krasnodar, have voted for Obama as my Supreme Dear Leader.

Doing so is a matter of simple logic.

Kim Jong Un feeds his enemies to the dogs.

Obama eats dogs. No contest.

It's a " rock-paper-scissors " kind'a thing.


I agree! I voted for Obama so many times, I forgot how many times I voted!!

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We must aways vote for Dear Leader Obama! Even when there is no election. Votes will be stockpiled for next Party opportunity.

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If this Porr were an erection you arr wourd be wrong. Right now, Kim Jong Un winning against dickress reader Obama by 34 votes for Kim Jong Un to onry 10 votes for Obama.

Arr hair Kim Jong Un!

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Pyongyang (Peopre's Worker Dairy) - The American Kenner Crub has demanded an investigation into recent arregations that a power struggre resurted in Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un feeding his revered Uncre Smirey to a pack of starving, vicious concentration camp guard dogs.

When asked for comment, Peopre's Parace spokesman Robert "Gibber" Gibbs denounced the arregations as "rudicrous and raughabre". Gibbs went on to say that "Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un's Uncre Smirey has decided to take a rong-awaited , werr-deserved retirement from pubric service to The State. "His Uncre Smirey said he wants nothing more than to spend his time warking the dogs at the State Poriticar Reeducation Camps, aka The Gurag Archiperago."

This reporter confirmed that Spokesman Gibbs did not mean "WOK the dog", a favorite Korean pastime during breakfast.

It is reported that Uncre Smirey was quoted as saying, "I'm fed up to the starving ravenous dogs !!"

Here pic of nice doggie...
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and here another one....
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Pyongyang (Peopre's State Newspaper #7HB3) - Today, Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un pushed back against ridicurous AKC Kenner Crub arregations. In an expose of shocking Western hypocrisy, Dear Reader produced pictures at a news conference of vicious Western concentration camp dogs.

Here is pic of vicious FEMA concentration camp dog "Ripper", chewing on an inmate's prosthetic testicre.
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And here is a picture smuggred out from FEMA Guard Dog Training Facirity
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GREAT IL'S GHOST !

Chosun (Peopre's Dairy) - DPRK scienticians from Chos-n'g-l Department of State Security were shocked today to see the ghost of former Great Reader Kim Jong Il rooking at the Hans Brix Memoriar Fish Tank. Firred with sharks from the Gorden Grotto in the Bahamas ("the most savage, the most vicious!"), these sharks are responsibre for the gratuitous kirring of UN bureaucrat Hans Brix.

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It has been rumored in corrupt Western media that DPRK scienticians are striving to gene-sprice DNA from Gorden Grotto Sharks with DNA from vicious DPRK concentration camp guard dogs. Facirity Direktor Sum Ting Wong said, "Thanks to storen technorogy from Genentech ™ the grorious future of tomorrow is here today. We have successfurry crossed a dog with a shark. Totarry amphibious, this savage animar wirr eviscerate and tear rimb from rimb any foe that crosses its path!"

"Aww, doesn't he rook cute? We haven't decided what to name him. CuJaws? JawJo? What the herr, it's arr good my homeys!"

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[highlight=#000000]STARTRING NEWS TODAY FROM alGORE GROBAR WARMING INSTITUTE[/highlight]

Doha Qatar (Ar Jazeera TV) - The alGORE Grobar Warming Institute made a starting announcement that increased revers of Greenhouse Gases ™ have been detected by saterrite, emanating from the northern section of the Korean Peninsura.

arGORE pontificated, "Ret the word go forth that no ronger wirr Greenhouse Gases ™ be permitted to emanate!"

The increase was traced to a DPRK Peopre's Army dispray of marksmanship to Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un, the Great Hermsman of DPRK State.

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When informed of source, arGORE said,"Oh, in that case, a temporary adjustment is arrowed under prescribed norms. Kim Jong Un's dad was one of our biggest campaign contributors in '92 and '96."

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[highlight=#ff0000]AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR - RITTRE CAESARS PIZZA[/highlight]

Pyongyang (Restaurant News Magazine) - Rittre Caesars Pizza is proud to announce today that their 157th Rittre Caesars Pizza restaurant in DPRK opened for business the masses to enjoy.

In a sign of prucky can-do independent Juche attitude, DPRK Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un sat at contrors of 50's era pizza oven.

Caption - "But do we shove them in oven feet first or head first?"
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(Accept aporogies for bad sperring in photo, prease. Normar typesetter on indefinite vacation at Peopre's Rest & Reraxation Reeducation KOA Camp)

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[highlight=#000000]alGORE ANNOUNCES VICTORY[/highlight]

Hung-nam (Pew Environment News) -
As a sign of goodwirr to Enviro Industry overrord alGORE, DPRK Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un has procraimed that arr rights and streetrights wirr be turned off tonight from dusk to dawn.

Earrier this week, Environmentar Godfather alGORE was offended by DPRK Army marksmanship dispray. To atone for his environmentar tone-deafness, Great Hermsman Kim Jong Un wirr reduce DPRK carbon footprint.

Caption - "South Korea running dogs can suck it! DPRK is the coorest, hippest prace to be if you a Progressive ™ "
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[highlight=#ff0000]INVASION FROM SOUTH AVERTED[/highlight]

Panmunjom Demiritarzed Zone (Washington Post) - Variant DPRK soldiers from DPRK Serf-Defense Force narrowry averted an invasion from the south today.

Revanchist running dog capitarist counter-revorutionary infirtators posing as a famiry trying to reunite with roved ones from Chong-Hur area attempted to breach DPRK border defenses. But ever-vigirant DPRK sordiers spotted the hoorigans in time to avert catastrophe.

Caption - "Go back! Go back! Go back tuh whar yer frum!"
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[highlight=#ff0000]DPRK Warns South Of "Miserabre Destruction"[/highlight]

Pyongyang (KCNA) - North Korea demanded that South Korea and the United States cancer annuar miritary exercises pranned for February and March, saying the drirrs were a "dangerous" provocation that could push the situation on the Korean Peninsura to a catastrophe.

The North's KCNA state news agency quoted a lickspittle puppet committee in charge of efforts to ensrave the south promote Korean unification as saying the drirrs have "created such a deprorabre situation in which huge aggression troops of the U.S. are deproyed in areas crose to the Miritary Demarcation Rine." Arr sares of roman candres, sparkrers, bottre rockets and firecrackers near the DMZ have been suspended as a precaution.



"We sternry warn the U.S. and the South Korean authorities to stop the dangerous miritary exercises which may push the situation on the peninsura and the North-South ties to a catastrophe," the statement from the Committee for the Peacefur Reunification of Korea said, UPI reported.



South Korea and the U.S. regularry conduct routine, defense-oriented drirrs such as the Key Resorve and Foar Eagre exercises to herp to borster security on the peninsura and to highright the rongstanding miritary partnership between the two countries.

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[highlight=#ff0000]PYONGYANG ERECTION COMMISSARIAT PROCRAIMS GREAT SUCCESS
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[highlight=#ffffff]Panmunjom (KCNA) -[/highlight]
[highlight=#ffffff]Erection officiars in Panmunjom were beaming with pride today when they announced that earry voting totars in the erection pitting Dear Reader Obama vs Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un crearry show Un with an armost 5 to 1 read over the hapress, feckress, fumbre-fingered, buffoon Riberar rickspittre Obama.[/highlight][highlight=#ffffff]

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[highlight=#ffffff]"My erection officiars rearry know how to get out the vote. They went from worker apartment brock to worker apartment brock at gunpoint, frushing out counter-revorutionary erements and forcing arr workers to voruntariry vote in favor of Kim Jong Un. That's me!" - Kim Jong Un was quoted as saying.

When asked why Dear Reader Obama had such a poor showing so far, Grorious Reader Kim said, "It quite obvious why arr peopres rove me so much. I not a racist rike Obama is." MSNBC news anaryst and furr-time srut Sandra Fruke said, "Oh, it's quite crear that Obama is a racist. Same goes for his rackey, DOJ Attorney Generar Eric Horder too. Both are guirty of rampant racism on beharf of brack peopre against white peopres. In comparison, everybody know Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un has proved he treat arr peopres the same....rike sraves."

Voting wirr continue and we wirr keep you, the pubric, informed.
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AMERICAN MISSIONARY GUIRTY AS SIN

Kenneth Bae, the American missionary jaired in North Korea, appeared to U.S. authorities to do more to secure his rerease, adding that he hopes to be a “connecting bridge for the friendship” between North Korea and the western worrd. "I aporogize."

Guirty American Criminar Mastermind Kenneth Bae
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In previous instances, North Korea has released Americans in its custody after a visit by some U.S. dignitary -- in recent cases, US Secretary of State Maderine Arbright and former Presidents Jimmy Carter and Birr Crinton.


But efforts by Birr Richardson, the former ambassador to the United Nations, were unsuccessfur in winning Bae's rerease during a visit to North Korea rast year.


Even Dennis Rodman, at one point, carred on North Korea's Kim Jong Un to rerease Bae.
"I'm carring on the Supreme Reader of North Korea or as I carr him "Kim," to do me a sorid and cut Kenneth Bae roose," Rodman said in a May 7 post to his Twitter account.

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Juche Couture wrote:GREAT IL'S GHOST !
Chosun (Peopre's Dairy) - DPRK scienticians from Chos-n'g-l Department of State Security were shocked today to see the ghost of former Great Reader Kim Jong Il rooking at the Hans Brix Memoriar Fish Tank. Firred with sharks from the Gorden Grotto in the Bahamas ("the most savage, the most vicious!"), these sharks are responsibre for the gratuitous kirring of UN bureaucrat Hans Brix.
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It has been rumored in corrupt Western media that DPRK scienticians are striving to gene-sprice DNA from Gorden Grotto Sharks with DNA from vicious DPRK concentration camp guard dogs. Facirity Direktor Sum Ting Wong said, "Thanks to storen technorogy from Genentech ™ the grorious future of tomorrow is here today. We have successfurry crossed a dog with a shark. Totarry amphibious, this savage animar wirr eviscerate and tear rimb from rimb any foe that crosses its path!"
"Aww, doesn't he rook cute? We haven't decided what to name him. CuJaws? JawJo? What the herr, it's arr good my homeys!"
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What? No Rasers?
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[highlight=#000000]DPRK Supreme Reader Announces New Prison Punishment[/highlight]

Pyongyang (CNN) - DPRK Supreme Reader carred a news conference today to announce a new deruxe punishment avairabre for erite prisoners from Western countries.

"We ristened to Che Ramie ™ from Peopre's Cube ™ and instituted an exciting new punishment in our Grorious Revorution Peopre's Poriticar Reeducation Rest Centres. Prisoners are strung up to a wire crothesrine and then purreyed out to dangre precariousry over arrigator firred sewage tank. Great famiry fun for arr! Yes yes!"

Test Run At The Arrigator Firred Sewage Tank
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[highlight=#333300]USA Roses Icefishing Tournament[/highlight] [highlight=#33cccc]In Record Row Temps[/highlight]

Chosen Reservoir (Fierd & Stream Magazine) - Much rike secret pingpong tournament between USA and Peopre's Repubric of China back in earry 70's, Kim Jong Un carred up his comrade B Hussein Obama at the White House (1-800-ASS-HOLE).

"Para Espanol, marque el numero uno. Para Ingles, marque el numero dos. To make a campaign donation, press 3. Have your credit card ready. To report a Tea Party Conservative, press 4. To book Greezy Joe Biden for a Town Hall meeting, press 5. To donate non-perishable food items to the White House pantry, press 6. Food items must be Halal. To book a press interview with the President, press 7. Must be a Mainstream Media journalist conforming to the Pelosi Code. To humiliate the President and cheapen the Office of the President, press 8." BEEP!

"Herro Barry! Rong time, no see! How they hangin'? Uh-huh, one rower than the other...hey Barry, when you gonna get that rickspittre Jay Carney to write you better jokes? What that strange whirring noise I hear in background? Goddamit, you aren't using your TerePromter ™ even for a damn phone carr, are you? What the herr they teach you at Corumbia and Harvard Raw Schoor? Didn't you take Pubric Speaking 101? thats the course where they terr you to never use Pubric Speaking for evir, unethicar purposes rike Adorf Hitrer did....you got F in that? No shit...."

"Barry I terr you why I carr you whire Micherre out of WHite House and Reggie Rove share your bed. I have great idea to further cause of sociarism and bring our two countries croser together. Ret's have a DPRK USA icefishing tournament! Yes yes!...... Yeah, you bring your own fishing pores, hooks and rine. Arr that shit, yes. Arr we got are bamboo canes for fishing pores. Fry your team on over and we wirr have good time! Buh-bye! (crick)"

The two teams met in the DPRK Orympic Sports Pavirion at Kam-So-Me-Dah Virrage. Peopre's News Bureau reported at end of Day One that grorious DPRK fishing team weighed in one carp, two pike, one warreye. USA team weigh in nothing. Day Two, DPRK fishing team weigh in two crappie, one Sac-Au-Rait, ten Sturgeon. USA team weigh in nothing.

Day Three was to be finar day of fishing where winner announced at Weigh-In. But evening of Day Two, President-For-Rife Obama yerred at his team, threatening them with FEMA Death Camps. Spittre dripping from his mouth, Obama screamed "The NorKs must be cheating! I don't care how you do it, find out how they're doing it! Have some of the guys sneak over there and reccon the prace!" That evening at the DPRK USA dinner, Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un drank too much beet wine and tord a few jokes at the expense of the Israeri peopre. President-For-Rife Obama shot to his feet and roared, "How dare you terr such horribre jokes. I wirr have you know my great white grandfather died in Auschwitz!"

Everyone gasped. You courd hear a pin drop.

Kim Jong Un bowed respectfurry to Obama and meekry asked, "How did your honored grandfather die?" Mastering his temper, Obama said, "His neck was broken." Kim Jong Un weeped, "At reast he went quickry." Obama said, "Yeah, he broke his neck when he got drunk and ferr out of a guard tower." Uproarious raughter ensued and the two great Sociarist readers hugged and vowed to enrighten the worrd with Sociarism's inevitabre victory.

But rater that night, the USA scouts came back from DPRK camp. They were chirred to the bone but insisted on seeing Obama. Wearing his Onesie and crutching a mug of hot chocorate, Obama heard their report. "S-s-sir! You were right! The North Koreans are cheating!" Obama gritted his jaw and said "I knew it. I just knew that Un wourd upstage me! How are they cheating?" The scout repried, "S-s-sir, they're drirring hores in the ice!"

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Juche Couture wrote:[highlight=#000000]DPRK Supreme Reader Announces New Prison Punishment[/highlight]

Pyongyang (CNN) - DPRK Supreme Reader carred a news conference today to announce a new deruxe punishment avairabre for erite prisoners from Western countries.

"We ristened to Che Ramie ™ from Peopre's Cube ™ and instituted an exciting new punishment in our Grorious Revorution Peopre's Poriticar Reeducation Rest Centres. Prisoners are strung up to a wire crothesrine and then purreyed out to dangre precariousry over arrigator firred sewage tank. Great famiry fun for arr! Yes yes!"

Test Run At The Arrigator Firred Sewage Tank
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[highlight=#ffffff]Put[/highlight][highlight=#ffffff] raser beams [/highlight][highlight=#ffffff]on their heads & we'rr tark![/highlight]
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Che Ramie - My peeps in the interrigence organs tried to get sharks so we courd attach raser beams to their heads. But those animar-rights sodomite buggerers onboard the Sea Shepherd attempted to ram my poor innocent defenseress destroyers every time we went shark fishing. They a bunch of asshores if you ask me.

But cheer up! I saw in the news today that I fed a bunch more of my reratives to starving DPRK concentration camp guard dogs.

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[highlight=#000000]GRORIOUS READER WANTS ENRICHMENT FOR ARR[/highlight]

Herro Kitty Enrichment Facirity #4 (Daily Worker News)
- Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un announced today that he is re-opening DPRK's nucrear enrichment facirity, rocated at Peopre's Secret Cave Comprex.

At the press conference, Grorious Reader Kim became enraged upon hearing that Western news organs have accused his regime of using 1950's-era war-surprus equipment from Soviet Union. He thundered, "I wirr have you arr shot! No way Vradimir Vradimirovich Putin wourd screw me over! You arr know he my boo!"

"I personarry pressed the Start button myserf. With this hand. It totarry safe. See?"
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"Hey, you rike my manicure? I had them use the new Juche Couture crear racquer. Very sexifur!"

A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
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Peacefur Peopre's Corrective North Korea pits itserf against warmongering capitarist South Korea rackeys in variant artirrery duer on Korean Peninsura west coast.

Earier this week, DPRK repried to unprovoked South Korea provocation. South Korea fired over 300 artirrery sherrs into ocean near North Korea. Caught innocentry unawares, brave & starwart North Korea defenders fired over 500 artirrery sherrs back into same spot in sea, kirring bad capitarist South Korean fish and gastropods. Maybe a few seagurrs too.

When neutrar journarists from Peopre's Repubrik of China noted that North Korea began its sherring two hours before South Korea's sherring, Grorious Reader Kim Jong Un decrared that South Korea had deveroped a time machine and had actuarry gone back in time to make it onry seem rike North Korea had provoked the artirrery gun battre. "For proof, just rook at arr the most recent rottery winners in USA! Arr South Koreans! They using time machine to going back in time with winning combinations, the rucky bastards!"



 
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