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Etiquette for Being Presented at 1600

POLL: If, out of sheer religious ecstasy, you fart on being presented to The President, do you

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When President Barack Hussein Obama enters the room, rise at once.

When the President is in the room, cease talking and making other sounds. Bring with you a thick handkerchief. Should you feel a need to sneeze or cough which you cannot control, do it into the handkerchief, pressing it with both hands so as little noise as possible comes out. Losing an ear drum is a slight price to pay for the decorum of an audience with the President.

If you have allergies, do not come.

If you have the flu or a cold, do not come on pain of a three-month audit by the IRS and being placed on the most-dangerous list by DHS. It is imperative that the President's courtiers and retinue be kept as healthy as possible. The President does not catch human diseases.

If the President walks past you rolling his shoulders, it is considered polite to move back a step with a frightened look in your eye.

When the President wishes you good afternoon, the proper reply is, “You're not the kind to sweat!”

Do not speak until you are spoken to. Limit your responses to, “Absolutely, Lord Obama,” or “Up to a point, Lord Obama.”

If the President offers his hand to shake, you may shake it, but bow over it first. It is unnecessary to kiss it. Ladies may either bow or curtsy. Ladies and gentlemen of minority sexual orientation may either bow or curtsy. It is considered good form to put a glove over your right hand after the shake to protect the aura.

Should the President's TelePrompTer malfunction, pretend that it never happened. It would be impolite to notice a stutterer's problems. It is just as impolite to notice the President's brain while it reboots.

After being presented to the President, do not turn and walk away. The President should never see one's backside. Bow, or curtsy, as is appropriate, and back away, your eyes on the floor.

After the President dismisses you and leaves the room, you may talk. As you leave, deposit your wallets with one of his aides.

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If an extra-terrestrial spacecraft lands and informs us telepathically they are here to take Obama back to his home planet, should one bid him adieu by calling out "Thanks for your help, Obama Won Kenobi" or simply say "Better luck next time, Mr. Lincoln"? This is important.

It appears that the White House Press Whores Corps got the advance copy of the new rules of etiquette when His O'liness deigns to be in the presence of the less equal.

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What about the etiquette for our MTE? One can see HER backside, even from the front.

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7.63, I am the reigning expert for etiquette for our Many Titted Empress.

First, feed her bloody marys made with A+ Rethuglican virgins' blood. Second, don't drop anything around her--it will orbit her ass.

Third, be sure to polish her hooves.

Fourth, as with all Progressives, give her lots of OPM.

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Kind and Generous leader, this could prove to be a poser, if his mellowness is "Burning a Bowl, and offers a hawl, do you accept? And should you accept and get wasted, Crappy Nappy will have you arrested as a dangerous person.


Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock HospitalityäINC
Director of Kicking Doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Defender of the Faith

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Red Star, no doubt that bowl was bought with other people's money and so it it entirely up to His O'liness purview. Remember that we serve at His pleasure.

J Garcia
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Comrades - don't forget to recycle. It's for the Children.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:7.63, I am the reigning expert for etiquette for our Many Titted Empress.

First, feed her bloody marys made with A+ Rethuglican virgins' blood. Second, don't drop anything around her--it will orbit her ass.

Third, be sure to polish her hooves.

Fourth, as with all Progressives, give her lots of OPM.

With all due respect Comrade Commissar Theocritus, our MTE is again drinking Bloody Martyrs. She has full access to the White House and all it's priveledges.

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Reiuxcat, information that came in over the transom tells me that we are both wrong.

Our Many Titted Empress has been, for years, drinking the blood of Rethuglican congressional members. How else to explain their behavior except by being bloodless?


 
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