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EU: Drinking Water Does Not Reduce Dehydration

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Our comrades in the European Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (EUSSR) inform us that drinking water, contrary to kkkapitalist propaganda campaigns from Big Water, does not in fact reduce dehydration. Like with any government statement, disagreement is punishable by jail time:

Drinking water does not ease dehydration, the European Union has ruled – and anyone who disagrees faces two years in prison.

The decision – after three years of discussions – results from an attempt by two German academics to test EU advertising rules which set down when companies can claim their products reduce the risk of disease.

The academics asked for a ruling on a convoluted statement which, in short, claimed that water could reduce dehydration.

Dehydration is defined as a shortage of water in the body – but the European Food Standards Authority decided the statement could not be allowed.

The ruling, announced after a conference of 21 EU-appointed scientists in Parma and which means that bottled water companies cannot claim their product stops people's bodies drying out, was given final approval this week by European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2063031/Dehydration-EU-says-CANT-claim-drinking-water-stops-body-drying-out.html

Enlightening news, is it not comrades? Now we can confirm what we always knew: all liquids are equal, and drinking sulfuric acid is just as beneficial and drinking water!

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You know, before right now I had naively assumed their was some limit, if only a nigh-unreachable one, to government stupidity. I was wrong.

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Ha! You've proved it, Joe!

Next time my friends get on my case for drinking sulfuric acid, I'll be able to prove to them that it's just as effective at quenching thirst as water.

Thank you for this enlightening tip on our trip to the Progressive World Of Next Tuesday™.

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More insanity, different asylum:

https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/ ... 6197176697

THE whitewash begins. Now that the carbon tax has passed through federal parliament, the government's clean-up brigade is getting into the swing by trying to erase any dissent against the jobs-destroying legislation.
On cue comes the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission, which this week issued warnings to businesses that they will face whopping fines of up to $1.1m if they blame the carbon tax for price rises.
It says it has been "directed by the Australian government to undertake a compliance and enforcement role in relation to claims made about the impact of a carbon price."
Businesses are not even allowed to throw special carbon tax sales promotions before the tax arrives on July 1.
"Beat the Carbon Tax - Buy Now" or "Buy now before the carbon tax bites" are sales pitches that are verboten. Or at least, as the ACCC puts it, "you should be very cautious about making these types of claims".
There will be 23 carbon cops roaming the streets doing snap audits of businesses that "choose to link your price increases to a carbon price".
Instead, the ACCC suggests you tell customers you've raised prices because "the overall cost of running (your) business has increased".

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(Shhhhhsh..... you didn't hear it from me.)

The real Current Truth is that Gaia was very sad about bottled water. The dehydration malarky was just a ruse. Now she is said to be recovering nicely and is slightly un-sadder.

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If water doesn't prevent dehydration then wouldn't dehydration itself be a myth? Comrades, if this is the case, we can then work that much longer due to the uselessness of water breaks!

Image Please, tell me the EU will come out next session saying food doesn't prevent starvation.

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Please, tell me the EU will come out next session saying food doesn't prevent starvation.

"Verily I say unto you: Man does not live by bread alone, although it helps if you take the bread the Wall Street Fatcats have stolen from the people and redistribute it to the unions that are the guardians of public order and decency, but rather by deconstructionist deconstruction of White Male Patriarchy paradigms and initiating the glorious World of Next Tuesday by constant drumming and public masturbation."

--K. Marx, "Das Besetzen Sie Wandstrasse Grossbuch von Ideen"

Nope don't see anything in here about food. Just the standard advice to grab the cash. Among other things.

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Oh nyet! Tovariches, a horrifying possibility occurs to me. With the EU finally informing the world that water does not quench the body's need for water, what are we to do? Dear 0'Leader says the RethugliKKKans want dirty air and dirty water. The EU has just pulled half of that plank out from under Dear 0'Leader, since water is now no longer necessary to the human body! What if the EU next says that we do not need to breathe air?

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Commissar_Elliott wrote:If water doesn't prevent dehydration then wouldn't dehydration itself be a myth? Comrades, if this is the case, we can then work that much longer due to the uselessness of water breaks!

Image Please, tell me the EU will come out next session saying food doesn't prevent starvation.

Hurrah! More work hours! A brilliant insight, Commissar, as ever! And this time I didn't even notice the Party Goons™ standing behind me with loaded guns before I said it! Please don't kill me

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Well of course not. The next session will be to inform us that air does not prevent asphyxiation. Then we move on to food.

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If the committee needs enhancing, I have an unemployed candidate for the brain trust.

too dumb.jpg

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An entirely new social class .........

The Dysfunctional Literate.

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Bottled water should never have been used for anything that didn't advance the Party's agenda.
"It's for the greater good." ™

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