Dear Comrades and Russian Tovarichi, I've got sad news. Our Caribbean Gulag Administrator, Lord Fidel-Tyranus, is now brain dead (Alzheimer's has slowly taken its toll). With the departure of his brain, so goes his control over the Cuban Revolution.
I don't need to overwhelm you with facts, in this sad moment, but I must stress that he was the mastermind of all our activities SOUTH OF THE BORDER. In fact, no one in our team can fully replace his hideous power over Latin America affairs; not even Hugo Chavez can channel him; and Raul Castro (our Fidel stand in) like Barney Frank, can't hide his gayness, and because of this the bulk of the Cuban Intelligence Cadre has lost respect for the Cuban Presidency, and is now in its fourth year of a silent revolt.
Therefore, this is the time for ALL our operatives in the region to begin destroying their code books (and laptops), and warn our 20,000 Cuban 'doctors' in Venezuela that the last man out will bear the brunt of the upcoming Venezuelan popular hate and wrath (you want to be first boys, not last).
To our faithful agents in Puerto Rico, please realize that Hugo will be down within a year (and your paychecks will end in 9 months before that), so make your move and register now in the U.S. DЭMOCЯAT Paяty, so that you can keep doing your faithful MACHETERO activies in service of the new paymaster. You can do more harm now to the USA by being the 51st DЭMOCЯAT Paяty State, than by being an 'independent' Chinese Sponsored Banana Republic. Lord Fidel-Tyranus loss will also mean that our dear Comrades in control of Bolivia, Ecuador, Argentina and Brazil will fall in sequence after Venezuela. Again let me stress, THE LAST MAN OUT WILL PAY FOR ALL THE DAMAGES.
There is a silver lining in all this, in that we can do more harm to the USA as part of a greater coalition of Latin American Movements and Trade Unions allied to the U.S. DЭMOCЯAT Paяty. This is the time to begin hijacking all Pro-American political parties in Latin America to push for a 'European Union' style 'free market', for just like Germany is picking up the tab for the now failed European Confederacy, the USA will pick up the tab for our future 'Union of the Americas' (UoA)...
Yours truly, and ahead of the 'jump the ship' crowds, Lord Jibby .
JíbaroDear Comrades and Russian Tovarichi, I've got sad news. Our Caribbean Gulag Administrator, Lord Fidel-Tyranus, is now brain dead (Alzheimer's has slowly taken its toll). With the departure of his brain, so goes his control over the Cuban Revolution.
Comrade Fat Mickey the Mooreon was absolutely correct in pointing out that Cuba has the finest healthcare system in the world. It's not surprising that after decades of research they conclude something we may have known all along: a medical redundancy.
It was very easy to make his positions our positions when all the necessary work was pulling a few strings!
Order yours from The Cube's Drygoods Store #86..... while there's still time !
( Ask Red Square if I, Krasnodar, could get a free t-shirt in exchange for this shameless endorsement of the free market and capitalism...... )
Comrades, the funeral is over, the Venezuelan Vice-President has spent Saturday chatting with Fidel, and has PROOF: Lord Fidel-Tyranus is alive and well, and his
Mr. Jaua (pronounced "How - Ah") came out of the meeting with the sweet smell of formaldehyde, and a fresh photograph of the living Fidel in his hand (by the way, why does the little girl in the photo look scared?).
Why didn't we do this with Lenin? If Stalin hadn't put him in the mauseleum, we could have kept Lenin alive for the past 88 years. Imagine all the wisdom we could have gained from reading and listening to the musings of the Living Lenin. Oh well, Fidel is the next best thing.
By the way, it is nice to see that they take the People's Cube as gospel down in Caracas...