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Our glorious comrade FLOTUS in all of her wisdom mandated that 3,000 children in day cares are to be weighed and measured as part of the "Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act" in an effort to see just how incapable American parents are of raising their own children.

However FLOTUS has decided in her great wisdom that there is no reason to stop there. She has started working on plans to have every refrigerator in the United States electrically locked, so that it can only be opened when the occupant of the home stands on a nearby scale that will feed live information to a government bureaucrat who will determine if it is moral or not to allow them access to food. If denied, there will also be a government-installed treadmill on which the occupant must run until the said bureaucrat has decided that enough calories were burned to deserve another meal.

"The success of the Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act has been so head-spinning in its success that it will be an injustice to extend the policy in magnitude to their parents as well," said FLOTUS in a press release. "Imagine the fair and just distribution of food if we were to also have scales at our grocery stores: we could deny citizens the very food that is causing their obesity and prevent them from having an unhealthy lifestyle."

The mandate also contains plans to liberate vehicles from those imprisoned by their body fat, who instead will be given bicycles with trackers that are also electronically connected to their refrigerators and pantry doors.

Dammit Chedoh, my EBT card is shivering in fear of being forgotten In all but my neighborhood liquor store, barbershop, adult entertainment, and sporting goods stores.

Can we still get rations of fast food without standing on a scale?(I know this wasn't your policy, but questioning FLATUS doesn't help my career path)

I am so glad the FLOTUS is looking out for us. Without her mandates, I would stoopidly blunder through life eating everything in sight and eventually not being able to work on the kollektive.

One thing though, from what I've seen, the FLOTUS has quite a bit of junk in her trunk. I wonder how much it weighs.

Chedoh wrote:She has started working on plans to have every refrigerator in the United States electrically locked, so that it can only be opened when the occupant of the home stands on a nearby scale that will feed live information to a government bureaucrat who will determine if it is moral or not to allow them access to food.

Oh dear! <Heading out to stock up on potato chips... cookies... crackers... >