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Free Vibrators For Federal Employees

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The nice folks at Vibrators.com are graciously giving away free vibrators every day to 200 federal employees who are not working due to the Rethuglikan shutdown. (Please don't ask how I stumbled upon this.)

Now that they are unable to screw the citizens at work, they can screw themselves at home!

I believe it's the official President Obama model, endorsed by Dear Leader himself. If the sequester lasts another 2 weeks, they will be giving away the official Michelle Obama strap-on dildo, also endorsed by Dear Leader.


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LOL!! Good for them!

It is a pity that our dear Ms Sandra Fluke didn't get one (or several) in time... now she's punished with a baby...

Comrade Captain, is it true that the soon-to-be-offered Mooochelle & Barry model strap-on will actually have an autographed version?

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I trust these will be available in multicultural colors for diversity?

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Comrades, I just hope that the Mooooochelle model comes with free rechargeable batteries, in order to save the planet, which along with the vibrator comes in the eco-green color.


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Comrade R.O.C.K, due to the fact the autograph would wear off from rigorous use, said item is not autographed. It does however come with your choice of an autographed photo of either Dear Leader or Moochelle using the device or an Obamacare waiver. Every one thousandth customer gets all three.

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Comrade Captain, our glorious First Partners think of everything, don't they?

Comrade Putout (may I call you May?), I take it you didn't receive the special "for oral use" gel attachment with your official President Obama model vibrator? You may still be able to get one, if you still have the packaging receipt - I understand that there is a choice between a tingly one modeled after Chris Matthews' lips -or- a special Reggie Love™ version (I probably shouldn't describe that one).

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Comrade May, thank goodness you have Obamacare to pay for your broken tooth!

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This "free vibrator" offer is only a ploy to push the leftover stock of unsold 2008 Barack Dolls called "The Obamanator."

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A short time ago in a forest far, far away...

Captain Craptek and a lonely forest creature begin an equipment evaluation on the Caterpillar Fluke V2000 Relaxer.
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craptek-tests-cat.jpg

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After three grueling hours of fierce battle, the "relaxer" experiment was halted when a thruster piston adapter failed sending the machine tumbling into a nearby stream bed.

Hard Job.jpg

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[color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] destroyed Gulag 22 property and then wrote:After three grueling hours of fierce battle, the "relaxer" experiment was halted when a thruster piston adapter failed sending the machine tumbling into a nearby stream bed.
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Beet, the protector of lonely forest creatures, is not pleased!
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Comrades Putout and Beet,

Since my effort to offer the most advance and efficient Relaxer™ system yet devised is funded entirely by Federal Government stimulus funds, the research is moving Forward!™ to a highly advanced ver. 2 unit. As you can see from the image below, I am personally supervising the deep bore testing of our newest chrome steel self lubricating vibratory "head" as the lonely forest creature looks on in anticipation. Have patience, comrades. I am confident Dear Leader will continue the stimulus funding required to provide the relaxation you and other comrades so desperately need.

Relaxer ver 2.jpg

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So that tiny one that goes on the tip of your finger and uses a hearing aid battery is not enough for her, is that what you are implying?

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Comrade Squirrel, shouldn't your device be spelled "Relax-her"?

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Comrades Lyman and Commie - Please spread the word that evaluation volunteers will be required for final EPA and HHS approval after field testing is complete.

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Captain Craptek wrote:Comrades Lyman and Commie - Please spread the word that evaluation volunteers will be required for final EPA and HHS approval after field testing is complete.
Calling Comrade Putout......

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What was [color=#C0392B]Capt. Commie[/color] insinuating when he wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:Comrades Lyman and Commie - Please spread the word that evaluation volunteers will be required for final EPA and HHS approval after field testing is complete.
Calling Comrade Putout......
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I'm almost there... my car broke down!
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Comrade Putout wrote:
What was [color=#C0392B]Capt. Commie[/color] insinuating when he wrote:
Captain Craptek wrote:Comrades Lyman and Commie - Please spread the word that evaluation volunteers will be required for final EPA and HHS approval after field testing is complete.
Calling Comrade Putout......
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I'm almost there... my car broke down!
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Don't fret Comrade Putout. I will keep my crew on standby and the engine running.

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[color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] was bragging about being the boss when he wrote:
Don't fret Comrade Putout. I will keep my crew on standby and the engine running.
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Please stop sending me stuff!
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