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Gov't shuts down, psychotic nation loses touch with reality

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Daniel Trotsky-Greenfield reports from New York:

The United States of America (1787-2018) came to a swift and sudden end last week as the government shut down. The nation which had survived Pearl Harbor, the War of 1812 and Jimmy Carter ceased to exist.

The savage population, which had only been kept in line through a policy of rigorous gun
confiscations, food stamps and lectures on the environment unleashed its pent up rage in a spree of riots, looting and mass murder that had only previously been encountered in Somalia, Russia and a Walmart in downtown Atlanta.

"The government shut down! We can do anything we like," shouted Sam Hasbley of Grassley, Iowa, while tearing the tag off a mattress despite an explicit warning label forbidding such a dangerous course of action. "Tear yours off. The government is shut down. It can't stop you."

Eyewitnesses spoke of further horrors. On a quiet street in suburban Massachusetts, a man brought out a set of highly illegal lawn darts. In Maryland, there were allegations that an entire family had begun digging ditches to collect rainwater runoff. In Alabama, a farmer fed his hogs homegrown lettuce that had been certified by the state, but not by the Federal Trilateral Hog Commission

With the fall of the government, citizen activists took it upon themselves to chronicle the culture of lawlessness. Men heated their homes with coal stoves. Women bought cold medicine without a photo ID. Children went hours without hearing lectures about the environment.

The victims were many.

In Chuckolod County, Colorado, a transgender person was denied access to the Ladies Room. Frantic calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to an answering service in Depar, India, instead of Doneparre City, Indiana. In Brooklyn, New York, an overweight Iraqi woman was unable to obtain a sign language interpreter while waiting on line to collect her free Obamaphone. In Olegon Falls, Florida, the National Museum of Native American Yarn was forced to shut down depriving schoolchildren of an educational experience and three hours throwing bits of yarn at each other.

And there was worse to come.

The entire city of Detroit was seized by the Michigan Militia backed by Canadian air power. The village of Frankfurt, Illinois passed several ordinances in explicit violation of Title MXVIII of the Federal Charter of Approved Fruit Naming Ordinances. North Dakota seceded and declared that it was now the nation of Bismarckia, elected a Kaiser and petitioned to join OPEC.

READ MORE HERE: Government Shuts Down, Nation Descends into Riots, Looting and Cannibalism

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Don't even bother to call the complaint department about it. All you get is this crap:

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The swamp on shutdown holiday.

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More horror stories... Without the federal government we will soon all drown in dog poop!

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Red Square wrote:In Brooklyn, New York, an overweight Iraqi woman was unable to obtain a sign language interpreter while waiting on line to collect her free Obamaphone.

As a New Yorker, I can confirm that that poor woman never got her Obamaphone, or sign language interpreter, as I was standing behind her when I was in line as well to get my own State handouts, including the free Obamaphone, which I (surprise, surprise) didn't get.

Pity, I was going to have a field day out of it.

Heh, heh, heh! I walked on the grass! Next stop, World Domination! Be afraid, very afraid. For I shall declare every Wednesday Chicken Suit Day!

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Red Square wrote:More horror stories... Without the federal government we will soon all drown in dog poop!


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Scale yourself.

[img]/images/various_uploads/Craptek_Fed_Govt.jpg[/img]

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We must create a government agency to look into this problem. And a subsidiary agency to recommend solutions to it. And a further agency to implement the solutions. I will get right on this as soon as I return from my taxpayer-funded vacation shutdown-imposed furlough.

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The government has shut down? I hadn't noticed....


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Thank you for posting. I can now be selectively outraged!

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Red Square wrote:More horror stories... Without the federal government we will soon all drown in dog poop!


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Looks like something out of Zap comics.


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This year's shutdown is even worse than the previous year's shutdown, when the Department for the Prevention of Spontaneous Human Combustion was unable to stop over 1,475,286.04 preventable spontaneous combustions that took place every minute while Trump refused to see reason and negotiate.

Experts: government shutdown may cause human combustion


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Going back down the memory lane, all the way to 2013...

Government Forces Galactic Shutdown: Stargazing Prohibited


As a result of the ongoing government shutdown, not only is NASA's astronomy picture of the day not available, but stargazing has been banned as unlawful "recreating."

With the galactic shutdown comes the need to lay off non-essential personal, so the National Park Service has been tasked to make sure no illegal astronomical activity takes place, even among those with privately owned telescopes or similar optical devices. Further, all citizens will be required to wear rainbow themed umbrella hats to show support for same-sex marriage and to inhibit upward glances that may result in stargazing.

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