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'Gulag Apprentice' premiere

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Since the Celebrity Apprentice is at a close, we are planning on our own apprentice show - yes, get ready for Next Tuesday's premier of "Gulag Apprentice!"

What is in store for the Gulag Apprentice? Well, we will travel to the most isolated place in the planet and have our contestants prove their worthiness to the Party in front of surveillance cameras. This upcoming show will be in Northern Alaska where a state-run uranium mining facility is in need of shovelers. It is a tough job to take, but I believe in our candidates to make things happen.

As we are auditioning candidates, we expect input from the community of who we should send.

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As my first act on the Cube on behalf of the Proletariat, I denouncenominate Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller, a former "apprentice" (or so I hear), as a reactionary enemy of the People and an unrepentant kulak. Also, I claim his ration of beets for the People (to be kept by me, on behalf of the People). I'm sure his skills in slight of hand will come in handy in getting all of the bread rations he can fit up his sleeves - which is sure to be a key factor in any success on the Gulag Apprentice.

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Welcome to the Cube, comrade Andrey Vyshinsky! As you already seem familiar with the Party narrative, you may skip the orientation training in the Toolshed section. However, make no attempt to leave until we determine where your true loyalties lie.

I nominate President Obama.

As a professional organiser, he has the talent to get everyone else shovelling while he worms works his way to the Kommandants Office before anyone even realises he's there. He's done it before, he can do it again.

You can take your vodka ration to the back of the tractor shed and bet on it.

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Iva Sputnik wrote:I nominate President Obama.

As a professional organiser, he has the talent to get everyone else shovelling ....
I thank Komrade Glorious Leader for organizing and creating my "shovel ready job" in which I spend the entire day, every day, digging holes and filling them back in again, and again, and again. I am doing my part to sustain the new "fundamentally transformed" Amerikan economy!

M84
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I nominate the mayors of Chicagostan and New York City, as well as the governors of those states, (and IL's last several governors, basically a prison transfer,) OR, WA, and CA.

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M84 wrote:I nominate the mayors of Chicagostan and New York City, as well as the governors of those states, (and IL's last several governors, basically a prison transfer,) OR, WA, and CA.
In the Peoples Republik of Illinoizastan, ex governors tend to make the state license plates.

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Most Equal Komrads,

I welcome you to The People's Alaskan Republic. This should be a hoot!

We have many wonderful venues for the Cast Party and any other shindigs the Party may desire.

One of my favorite State provided facilities is the lovely grain elevator (maybe now a beet elevator) in Valdez. This fabulous forward looking and almost completely devoid of any agricultural products State project was completed in 1982 to help share the plentiful barley harvest with our Komrads overseas. Due to an impudent intrusion of the actual truth, as opposed to the Current Truth, it was discovered that there is almost no barley harvest in Alaska with in 200 miles of this monument to agrarian reform. Fortunately a close relative of a high ranking Party Member was paid for the concrete and labor before this was discovered.

Another possible venue, more cosmopolitan than a soggy abandoned grain elevator, is the State built People's Fish Processing Plant in Anchorage Alaska. This glorious edifice was erected in the late 1990s as an example of "smart business" to show the evil money grubbing capitalist fish mongers how it is really done. The plant was built on some swamp land that was later determined to have been purchased from a high ranking Party Member's brother-in-law. Sadly the actual truth reared its ugly head again and it was discovered much to late that no fishing vessel docks anywhere within 180 road miles from the shining, uncontaminated by fish, processing plant. It was decided that the People's Fish Processing Plant should be donated free of charge to a purveyor of the Opiate Of The Masses who supports certain high Party Officials. On second thought the sight of religious iconography might be off putting to the Party.

My last suggestion for holding a Party party would be at the site of any of the many wind generator units standing still all over Bush (spit) Alaska. Whoever sold these communities the windmills must have repeated the slogan, "The wind blows free!", but neglected to mention that windmills need extensive yet costly almost continuous maintenance. I do not know if any high ranking Party Officials received graft recognition for this beautiful addition to the Alaskan landscape.

I would be happy to host a gathering of the Party Elite, but I think I'll be spawning then.

May the Current Truth include ridiculously high ratings for your reality TV show,

Red Salmon

I nominate the entire population of Detroit. They already know all of the work songs. Send a wire to the Governor, tell him I said ouch.

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Lev Termen wrote:I nominate the entire population of Detroit. They already know all of the work songs. Send a wire to the Governor, tell him I said ouch.
Detroit has a population?

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Red Square wrote:Welcome to the Cube, comrade Andrey Vyshinsky! As you already seem familiar with the Party narrative, you may skip the orientation training in the Toolshed section. However, make no attempt to leave until we determine where your true loyalties lie.

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