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Headlines from the Year 2020 (Part VII)

6/18/2011, 12:51 pm
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  • Corporate and personal exemptions from Obamacare now traded on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange
  • Less than 200 doctors remain in New York State; nurses and paramedics to perform most types of surgery
  • Human Resources renamed Living Resources to halt discrimination against seeing-eye dogs, honey-producing bees, and other non-human workers
  • Former Congressman Paul Ryan nearing halfway point of his 16-year prison term for “recklessly endangering the public health”
  • Locus of tornado activity shifts to Northeast Corridor; Justice Dept. to investigate rumors of Republican weather machine in basement of Texas legislature
  • Latest stimulus scheme: France bailed out by Germany, which is bailed out by the EU, which is bailed out by the Fed, which is bailed out by the IMF, which is bailed out by Zimbabwe
  • Oil and gas extraction west of the Mississippi shut down in effort to save the endangered speckled cockroach (genus pretextus liberalis)
  • National speed limit set at 25 mph; horses and bicycles exempt
  • Government subsidy of electric cars averaging 90% of purchase price; funds coming from tax on “excess profits” of auto industry
  • Last privately-owned auto parts manufacturer in U.S. files for bankruptcy
  • At its Yemen headquarters, the Muslim Caliphate declares Arab democracy fully realized from Morocco to Pakistan
  • Eiffel Tower covered entirely by graffiti; two-million euro government grant distributed among five hundred collaborative artists
  • New research at Harvard reveals that Brahms and Schubert began their careers as African-American jazz musicians
  • Team of anthropologists at Oxford discover origins of Caucasian race: DNA removed from brain cells of Arab scientist were transplanted into head of high priest at Stonehenge
  • Democratic National Convention unanimously confirms first retarded hermaphrodite paraplegic Eskimo as presidential candidate; New York Times hails "historic step forward"


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6/21/2011, 11:06 am
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WORLD COURT STRIKES DOWN 22ND AMENDMENT TO U.S. CONSTITUTION !!!

Path set for return of B. Hussein Obama to power as President for Life!! Racist constitutionalists & term-limit fascists promptly sent to reeducation camps.
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6/21/2011, 9:21 pm
Karachter off. I must admit I LOVE the future headlines. This one made me laugh out loud.

Corporate and personal exemptions from Obamacare now traded on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange

I can actually see this happening!
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