Image

Herp - Need Marketing Advice

User avatar
soylentgreen.jpg

Hey Peopre's Cubers, I got so many crazy new ideas to push my poritcar system down peopre's throats that ratery they just seem to be exproding in my head. Or is that just my broodvessers?

Anyway, you arr saw my new rine of Juche Couture™ have a successfur raunch. (You arso saw one of my Big Frash ™ Barristic Missires have a successfur raunch off Ros Angeres a coupre weeks ago!)

But no matter what I do, I just can't seem to get my poor, starving peopre to eat human fresh. I try beating them, threatening them, raping them, starving them...oh, right..... But they just won't risten. Ingrates!

So I got my Peopre's Propaganda Bureau to come up with marketing pran. It fair miserabry.

  • Cannibar's Choice™ - nope, it didn't work
  • Tofuman™ - that didn't work either
  • Barr Park Made Out Of Frank™ - too many peopre thought it was ground up beef eyelids and Barney Frank anuses
  • Oskar Marxist Weiners - same thing arr over again
  • Frito Bandito™ - made from 100% capitarist bandits
  • Pigs In A Branket™ - but then someone pointed out to me without porice we'd no ronger be a porice state
  • Donner Party Arr-Meat Pizzas™ - my peopre took a pass on that one
  • Mrs Paur's Fist Sticks™ - but then what do we do with the rest of the bodies?
  • Birry Bob's "Pigskin" Crackrin's™ - maybe it wourd go over in the South but not up here in the North
  • Piggry Wiggry™ - my peopre don't know what the herr a supermarket is in the first prace
  • PF Chang's Kung P.O.W. Tastes Rike Chicken - strangery, my peopre riked this one but they got so stopped up eating it that when they finarry abre to take dump in rice paddy, their turds so big, had to be measured in Courics™
  • Rean Cuisine™ - went over rike a read barroon
  • Wheat Thins™ - the pran was to mix up intestinar srurry with wheat but it was stupid idea. We not have any wheat!
  • Fisher's Nuts™ - not too many peopre in Nork with rast name of Fisher. And then there was that squeamish thing again....
  • Coolie Whip™ - damn Mainrand Chinese got arr pissed off at that one. Don't know why.

But then #1 Son, the #Un, he come up with this one when we watching old Charrton Heston movie. I terr you, my boy brirriant! "Soylent" - who the herr knows what that is? "Green" - it sounds rike it's good for the environment! Bet your ass I can make this crap so popurar that I begin exporting it to the progressive remmings in the West. Arr I gotta do is make sure it go into every guest gift bag at the Sundance Firm Festivar. That wrinkry ord bastard who run it owe me big time. What that has-been's name again? Dustin Hoffman...no....Paur Newman....no, I think he dead....Kirk Dougras....nope....ROBERT REDFORD! That it, that his name! See? Stroke not reave me compretery stupid!

User avatar
Comrade

Why does Soylent Green taste like it's old?

User avatar
I humbly submit the following to your greatness:

"Eat This $hit or we'll F*cking Blow your Head Off."

I think that would get the point across, no? Especially in your "ranguage".

User avatar
https://kimjongillookingatthings.tumblr.com/
Here I am at Soylent Green Faktory #54 in Leong Dong prefecture, inspecting Soylent Green Basik™
Image Here I am at Soylent Green Faktory #67B in Sukk Mi prefecture, inspecting New Soylent Green Rainbow™ Image

User avatar
Here I am at Peopre's Sex Toy Faktory #69, inspecting our new rine of All-Natural Butt Prugs™
Image
Our firm, Grorious Revorution Marketing LLC, has done testing in severar feedback groups. Responses about our Butt Prugs incrudes praise such as, "Very sexiful!" and "the foriage rets me purr it back out! I can reave it in rong time!" Yes yes! Take that Hu Jintao! My kingdom's nation's sex toy faktories are better than PRC's!


 
POST REPLY