Hillary has cut short her summer vacation in the Hamptons to spend it with the unwashed masses, after hearing news that there may be a People's Cube dream ticket of Biden/Warren. In an effort to possibly upstage that announcement, she announced what her first act as President would be.

In what sounded like her standard stump speech, Mrs. Clinton talked about income inequality, gay marriage, and gun control. Mentioning the Emanuel AME Church shootings, she went one better. "I'm going to speak out against the uncontrollable use of guns in our country because I believe we can do better," she said. "First we need to ban the name Dylan. It's offensive and racist and it needs to go."

Clinton went on to explain that this is the second mass shooting involving a person named Dylan, and banning the name along with tougher gun control laws will help control gun violence.

People already named Dylan, who are time bombs ready to go off, will have 30 days to change their name to a less violent and racist one. There will also be a mandatory mental evaluation and background check.

"I support sensible legislation on naming your children," said Clinton. "It's why my staff has created an approved name database for white people. Have you ever met anyone of color named Dylan? I didn't think so."

Clinton went on to point out that with her approved name legislation, white parents will be able to choose names that are neither symbols of white privilege, nor are they racist, misogynistic or offensive. To give an example, Clinton said, "Tyrone is a great name. I mean it's Irish, but they were kinda enslaved by the British, so it's okay. That would've been Chelsea's name if she were a boy."

Oksana, It's a good act, but I can't wait until the second and third acts, that's where it looks like it's gonna heat up.