Him Magazine




Dr. Strangelove
Direktor of Flashing Lights, Shiny Things, Bobbles, and Cinematography
Ministry of Agitprop
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room."

And even Year 0!

I don't know whether I can grab the smelling salts before I hit the floor!

My favorite part is just above the bar code. "We just peed in our pants!"

This is a mandatory magazine to subscribe to is it not Comrades?

Subscription?! Ha-ha-ha-ha! That's very funny, Comrade 7.62. HIM Magazine is paid for by the state, delivered to every house, and required reading for all proles. Noncompliance requires Re-education and Re-programming (R&R) at the K. Marx Renewal Spa.

Ahh sorry Comrade Strangelove. It is in my blood you see. I suspect one or two Inner Capitalists(TM) were not purged, and they slip past the Inner Comrades(TM) sometimes. When I see something as amazing as HIM Magazine, and realize that ALL must read it, I start thinking of ways to sell it.

I will go submit myself for more medical exams to root out and purge my Inner Capitalists(TM). Perhaps I can gain a couple more Inner Comrades(TM) that way...

I was wondering about the price, a matter that has been largely answered. Just had that section of cover from The Economist on my mind, with the price in something like 8 different currencies, only here all could be priced at 0. Or maybe the new global currency, the UN0!

I was thinking;"a smile that could light up the world"
and I found this:

You Light Up My Life


This person looks strangely familiar...............?????????

Yes, Comrade Grigori. Strangely familiar indeed. Everybody knows and loves Commissarka Garofalo, and I must say that she looks so much more lovely in that video taken after her cosmetic surgery.


Of course, the ultimate CIA torture technique was never released to the public, as it was so disturbing that even The New York Times was unwilling to report it. This inhumane technique involved having Janeane Garofalo put into the terrorist's cell for the night, as seen in that video.

I got my issue of HIM today and was put to work digging beets for an extra hour because the cover was wrinkled when I got it.

You mean they didn't even cut off a finger or toe?! The overseers must be going soft these days.

I showed this video of Commissarka Janeane to Bruno who sat in amazement. "Theocritus, she looks so much <i>happier</i> now. And she's washed her hair!"

Dr. Strangelove wrote:You mean they didn't even cut off a finger or toe?! The overseers must be going soft these days.

Comrade Doctor, it does not matter now, with my recent change in status, I did the first thing any good socialist would do. I sent the Revolutionary Guard(TM) to seize the overseers and volunteered them for bayonet practice.

Then I arrested their families for being part of a criminal conspiracy and put them to work in the same beet fields. Which are now of course under the control of the Guard, and will produce revenue for us to maintain ourselves. It is of course for the Good of The People(TM).