Comrades,

I've been hopeful that it wouldn't happen - hopeful that the hate mongers would somehow sate their yearning to destroy all that is different from themselves. But alas, my hopes were dashed forever by an admirer's email. I suppose it was only a matter of time before they got around to the order Rodentia. Yes, comrades, your fuzzy little friend and confidant Captain Craptek - and my kin around the globe - are now in mortal danger! And what manner of danger might that be? Who could possibly consider yours truly a threat to human survival or future world order?

Human supremacists and other far-right extremists are engaging in a growing number of violent assaults against legal and illegal immigrant rodents, and those perceived to be immigrants, while singling out all eastern gray squirrels as potential targets - this, according to a new report from the Anti-Defamation League's Rodent Division - Rodent Watch. (ADLRDRW)

The most open displays of rodent hate speech began recently in the UK. During preparation for a food festival in Gloucestershire this weekend, hate filled limeys called on their countrymen to kill and eat the invading "free range chickens of the trees". As if their insatiable appetite for kangaroo, ostrich, camel and other exotic meat wasn't enough, the carnivorous British savages are now demanding gray squirrel burgers with their tea and crumpets!

The hate mongers smear campaign has spread false and misleading claims of an “invasion” of undocumented squirrels to the UK in the late 19th century. Hateful Facebook and Twitter comments flooded the Internet: “they strip the bark off trees and pose a threat to native birds - the filthy, disease ridden mongrels murdered all our red squirrels the minute they arrived from America - they are a pest, they are in abundance and there is a food source to be had there. I think it might make a nice cheeseburger.”

A lone group of animal rights advocates stands firmly opposed to the British teabaggers, skinheads, and hate mongers growing call for mass extermination of the “invader squirrels”. In a defiant rebuttal, Rodent Watch chief council Sir Chip Rodere issued the following statement regarding a recently published report:

“The rhetoric we are seeing about gray squirrels is downright scary. While these sentiments are often relegated to the private chat rooms, blogs and message boards maintained by hate groups, it only takes one individual with hate in his heart to act on these notions. For us, that is a very real concern as the national discussion on immigration continues to gain momentum. To counter this emerging new threat, Rodent Watch has outlined a broad public policy Action Agenda stressing government action and increased vigilance by law enforcement.”

"It is time to shine the spotlight on those who have seized upon the immigration debate as an opportunity to advance their agenda of hate, bigotry and human supremacy. This report reminds us that there is a direct connection between the national policy debate and the atmosphere surrounding the daily lives of immigrant rodents. Extremist groups are seeking to exploit the flow of foreign squirrels into this country to spread a message of xenophobia, to promote hateful stereotypes and to incite bigotry and violence against Amero-Anglo gray squirrels, regardless of their status as citizens."

“Aside from racist rhetoric against gray squirrels, human supremacists also have been urging each other and humans as a whole to "fight back" against the perceived "invasion" of the U.K. by organizing explicitly anti-immigration counter-protests and events. The Rodent Watch report notes, for example, that Human Revolution, a Coleford based neo-Nazi group, asked its followers to participate in a national "Anti-Invasion Day" in November in response to pro-immigrant marches also planned for that day.”

Yes comrades, it's time to end the hate. Let us march together proudly, openly, defiantly toward a future free from anti-rodent bigotry - a future where no rodent, regardless of his or her fur color or continent of origin, is singled out for consumption - a future where video games like “Kill the Squirrel” are outlawed. My fellow rodents, let us reclaim our proud rodent heritage! Let us emerge from the shadow of the old oak and live once more in the glorious sunlit world of Next Tuesday.™ Remember, there is no such thing as an undocumented rodent! Are you with me? Then, let us begin our march today!

When they came for the squirrels, I said nothing. When they came for the kangaroos, I started shooting back.

"...and here came the squirrel again emptyhanded back down the steps to scamper off across the lower lawn toward a white oak for another acorn till at last when hard times came he'd have not the faintest notion where he'd buried any of them in this frenzy of survival serving neither himself nor even his kind but another vast kingdom, a different order entirely, planting white oaks broadcast..." -- William Gaddis, A Frolic of His Own

Craptek's cousin, Chippy, is a handful:

Doubting Comrades,

Don't underestimate the mental abilities of the rodent. As evidence, I offer this example of how our "cuddly cuteness" easily overcomes the natural shyness of Comrade Putout. Your human lack of visual acuity may require viewing this video more than once to realize exactly where I'm burying my nuts.

squirrelly


Describes a man trying hard to get a nut (like a squirrel) and usually not caring how repulsive the girl may look or about her personality. -- Urban Dictionary

[color=#C0392B]Dedhedvedev[/color] was being quite mean when he wrote:squirrelly


Describes a man trying hard to get a nut (like a squirrel) and usually not caring [highlight=#ffff00]how repulsive the girl may look or about her personality.[/highlight] -- Urban Dictionary

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I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES!!!!!

You should talk Dedhedvedev!!

...plus you have a stupid looking lamp!!

Every time I see this pic I see Craptec:

https://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2014/5/ ... rrels.html

dead or alive has a whole new meaning

About ten years ago, when I lived and worked in NYC, they showed a video on local TV that portrayed a huge rat escaping from three mousetraps that had snapped down on it. The rat then proceeded to disengage from each trap methodically. And, this rat did it with an "attitude." It was truly frightening. Tried to find it on YouTube, not there.

Moral of the story? You can't trap a rat that has an attitude! Not gonna happen. And, I hear there is a swarm of rats overtaking NYC that is unprecedented. The citizens of NYC just don't know what to do about it. I mean, the rats could be bringing the Bubonic Plague and New Yorkers would just say, hey, they're just trying to survive! And. we care about all living things, except actual humans. It's us imperialistic humans who drove the rats to carry the plague in the first place. We owe them!

Do you think they are carrying Ebola? Same explanation will follow.

I think [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] was bragging a little bit when he wrote:

Doubting Comrades,

Don't underestimate the mental abilities of the rodent. As evidence, I offer this example of how our "cuddly cuteness" easily overcomes the natural shyness of Comrade Putout. Your human lack of visual acuity may require viewing this video more than once to realize exactly where I'm burying my nuts.

And after making his deposit... I rode Captain Craptek all night long!

Comrade Putout wrote:I COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES!!!!!

You should talk Dedhedvedev!!

...plus you have a stupid looking lamp!!

I'm not that skinny.

[color=#C0392B]Comrade Putout[/color] admits who gives their all for the Party when she wrote:

I think [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] was bragging a little bit when he wrote:
Doubting Comrades,

Don't underestimate the mental abilities of the rodent. As evidence, I offer this example of how our "cuddly cuteness" easily overcomes the natural shyness of Comrade Putout. Your human lack of visual acuity may require viewing this video more than once to realize exactly where I'm burying my nuts.

And after making his deposit... I rode Captain Craptek all night long!

Comrade Putout,

No need to thank me, comrade. I do it for the good of the Party.™ I must say, it was an eventful evening. Later, I was quite satisfied to simply bask in the after-ride and watch as you enjoyed a little dip. We must do this again some time.

It's obvious that [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] needs to put away the weed because he wrote:
Comrade Putout,

No need to thank me, comrade. I do it for the good of the Party.™ I must say, it was an eventful evening. Later, I was quite satisfied to simply bask in the after-ride and watch as you enjoyed a little dip. We must do this again some time.

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What really happened...
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Be prepared to fight for your equal rights, comrade Craptek

Notice how [color=#C0392B]Comrade Putout[/color] forgot to mention she was hiding under Mr. Froggie when she wrote:

It's obvious that [color=#C0392B]Captain Craptek[/color] needs to put away the weed because he wrote:
Comrade Putout,

No need to thank me, comrade. I do it for the good of the Party.™ I must say, it was an eventful evening. Later, I was quite satisfied to simply bask in the after-ride and watch as you enjoyed a little dip. We must do this again some time.

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What really happened....

Moments Later...