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I Denonuce Comrade KOOK

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Comrade, you have gone too far by creating a thread and then commenting to it using your many secret identities. You not only concocted a Current Truth, but have stacked the deck to make it appear that you have more standing than the Inner Party.

I accuse KOOK of co-opting the Current Truth for his own gain. Deceiving the Inner Party as to his many secret sockpuppets. Taking more than his fair share of identities and denying the People a fair and equal distribution of those identities. He has even stolen the identity of Dear Leader to create one of these fake alter-egos.

I demand a SHOW TRIAL! We must investigate this matter further. Many questions remain unanswered. Why has KOOK created so many alter-egos? Is it a plot to take over the Collective? Who are all these co-conspirators? They must be exposed. Are they unregistered agents of a foreign power? How has KOOK profited from this secret one man network?

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It's true comrade, I myself have witnessed his subversion and offer myself as witness for the Prosecution.

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I've been working on exposing this fraud in an upcoming issue of the Peeple's Journal. I stand ready to give testimony in KOOK's trial.

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This is an affront to the integrity of the Party! He should be taken out and shot.

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A fatwa on him, defiler of the Truth. Subverter of the Greater Good. Enemy of the People.
Chop off his hands, stone him.

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Has anyone considered that in using so many identities his carbon footprint must be huge?

He is threatening Mother Earth by his wretched excesses. That is a crime against nature.

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Holy Moley,


Oh what a perfect illustration of Progressivism's faux concern for the victim. Here I am in an obviously defenseless position with both hands tied behind my back while being intellectually stoned by my very own subordinates who now behave as though they have a mind of their own. Have they become capitalists? Where are my defenders? Are there none? --KOOK

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No one read me my rights! Where are the Progressive concerns for my rights?
Do I suddenly have fewer rights than the residents of Club Gitmo? (I know I have fewer free videos to watch.) Where is the ACLU? Where is Attorney General Holder? Is Holder, now Older, not Bolder?

Where's my Habeas Corpus? My Corpus Delicti? My Ipsi Dixit? Verbum Vitae et Lumen Sciente? Veni Vidi Vici? Sic Semper Tyrannis?

Any genuine Progressive would already know I am blameless for anything and everything-- It's all Bush's fault. He made me do it.

What is "it"? I haven't a clue.

I find no evidence to support these vile charges against me.
Do my subordinates have lawyers?

Are they next on the docket?

I want Judge Judy... no, Judge Wapner.

Maybe I'd even be assured better treatment in Kelly's Court.

But please don't throw me into "Judge" Napalitano's court.

I demand, period.

--KOOK

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I demand to be traded. No, instead I demand that Lebron James be traded for Anna Chapman. We need her back. I suspect Boris Badinov needs her front.

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Aha! I see my cowardly accusers have now taken flight. Probably working a Progressive 2-hour work-day.

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I HEARD FROM TOP SECRET, INNER COMRADE SOURCES, VIA SECRET EMAIL FROM A CONFIDENTIAL PAID INFORMANT, THAT THIS IS ALL TRUE!
Kook - Gorbels Cube - Thought-Crime Warden - GAIA Minister - Neytiri
- Kommisar of Fatwas - Peeples Journalist - Doctor Obama - Fearless Leader are all the same, deceiving, TROLLS!!

I am pondering skipping any Show Trial and going directing to execution and expulsion! What is all this trickery?! He is trying to pull the wool over the eyes of the camel... or whatever. . . and that is not responsible, admirable or acceptable.

I demand a complete and through explanation from this guilty defendant and why he chose, by choice, to use trickery and descent on the glorious Collective!!

(OK, so who brought the vodka and beets?)

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SOOOOooooooooo Kommisar of Fatwas. You are not even of the good Mooslim blood??!!! You are to be of the JUICE???!!! Pretending to be of the Mooslims???? You have been of infiltration to my good country peoples as way to disrupt their activities and you will not to be going unpunished. I will now have to be speaking to husband and you are not knowing just how disgusted I am of being for having to be doing such thing! Just wait until he has been of hearing such things. You are now as good as Goat Gonad Soup!

Where is my Misha? Misha? MISHAAAA????

Oh, there you to be. Get underwives 25, 51, and 33. We have some of the working to be doing.

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So much gratitude and pardons go to you, loyal comrade Mrs. Al. You should not have to tolerate impersonations of Mooslimics, which is an offense to your personal personage. I hope underwives will be able to beg off daily duties and help to assist you and the Collective denounce these phony fakes. spit!


pssst, and when you finish with Misha, please direct him back this way.

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:I HEARD FROM TOP SECRET, INNER COMRADE SOURCES, VIA SECRET EMAIL FROM A CONFIDENTIAL PAID INFORMATE, THAT THIS IS ALL TRUE!
Kook - Gorbels Cube - Thought-Crime Warden - GAIA Minister - Neytiri
- Kommisar of Fatwas - Peeples Journalist - Doctor Obama - Fearless Leader

Fraulein! How could you be so gullible as to believe these show-trial charges against me? Look at what I endure for the sake of the party: Indefinite confinement in the Thought-Crime Gulag with my hands tied behind my back. You, on the other hand, have your hands free to plump your pulchritudinous pumpkins while I can't even scratch an itch.

It should be obvious to you that high-tech minions of Jabba the Soros are manipulating the minds of Gorbels Cube, Thought-Crime Warden, Kommisar of Fatwas, Peeples Journalist, Doctor Obama, Fearless Leader and GAIA Minister Neytiri and that Jabba the Soros himself is also manipulating more than the mind of GAIA Minister Neytiri. What would dear Mr. Pulloskies have said? Would he not have immediately discerned my innocence and risen bravely to my defense? Or would you have manipulated him by denying him the pleasure of plumping your pumpkins? How can such a pulchritudinous woman be so quick to embrace such ugly charges? I suggest a seance with Mr. Pulloskies.

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So much for audacity is this Kook he think he to be as glorious as our Dear Leader for to be speaking in such way to the Fraulein.

Fraulein Pulloskies... I would not be standing of such things... or to be for sitting or laying down too. It is seeming like the Kook is wanting to be of endowing upon you endowments! Hands tied behind back... indeed.

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Mrs Al Czarweary wrote:SOOOOooooooooo Kommisar of Fatwas. You are not even of the good Mooslim blood??!!!


As I said to Frau Pulloskies, Kommisar of Fatwas is under the mind-control of Jabba the Soros' high-tech minions while I, being confined as I am within the Thought-Crime Gulag (which lacks virtually all the modern amenities at Club Gitmo) am unable to move about freely in order to investigate, apprehend and bring to justice the REAL culprits. Should hemlock my only recourse under such circumstances?

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:I hope underwives will be able to beg ...


Fraulein-- here's the proof that Gorbels Cube, like Kommissar of Fatwas and others accusing me, are being manipulated by Jabba the Soros' high-tech minions: If Gorbels Cube were not being thus manipulated, he would have already responded to the needs of the underwives by compassionate thrusting of his tongue down their throats. Isn't this clear proof that the minds of Gorbels Cube and my other accusers are being manipulated by sinister forces????

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.Or would you have manipulated him by denying him the pleasure of plumping your pumpkins? How can such a pulchritudinous woman be so quick to embrace such ugly charges? I suggest a seance with Mr. Pulloskies.

Mr. Sir Kook, this is most insulting and demeaning to the loyal Frau! How dare you, a common prole, address the glorious Collective Member Fraulein Pulloskies in good stead, in such a manner?! I triple denounce you and all of yours! And you even mention the name of my dearly beloved late Mr. P is beyond presumptuous audacity!
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and you many not make accusation against our loyal secret, trusted email infomates?! Are you now trying to say you are not a collective of one, with phony false alters?! I denounce you again! piffle on you!!!

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Please Comrades, Kollective Kalm is needed. The People's Grand Jury has just Indicted Comrade Kook. This in it's self is a travesty of the People's Justice. No witnesses for the defense were allowed! Hold on my red phone is ringing...............
Hello, yes, uh huh and what about.......
OK, but why me? Well, you know I'll do all I can.
Sure, I'll tell the Kollective straight away.
Click.


I'm back. The Indictment is being prepared and I've been appointed as Council for the Defense. It's been a long while. The last Comrade I helped defend was my dear old friend Leon Trotsky, but please don't hold that against me. There is also a special guest Judge and Prosecutor on the way. Gulp, this is going to be a tough one. Comrade Kook, give me a PM or email [email protected] .

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Dear loyal Comrade (albeit, possibly, temporary?) Grigori, how can you, being such a glorious loyalist to the Peoples Cube, defend such a Kook? Are you representing ALL these alter identities, solely created to to mock, foil and tomfoolery your comrades? spit spit

He has not defended his obvious guilty wrong doings but simply mocked glorious Leader and harassed your dear Fraulein.

I will be sending my top secret informative emails from our top secret informant directly to the judge (who I assume, will be appointed and short up shortly after our afternoon siesta and vodka tasting party?)

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:
... Are you now trying to say you are not a collective of one ... ?
Your question puzzles me. Any true Prog knows there is but one "Collective of One" and knows his true identity:
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Thus, you should already know that it's impossible for me to be the Collective of One.

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Grigori E.R. wrote:Comrade Kook, give me a PM or email [email protected] .


Dear Comrade Grigori E.R.,

Per your instructions I sent you an email expressing my boundless gratitude for your courageous offer. I hope that while we're working on my defense, you can use your influence to obtain for me here in the Though-Crime Gulag at least some of the modern amenities and creature comforts enjoyed by those at Club Gitmo. If not, I shall nevertheless persevere.

--KOOK

Oh, and by the way. Did you ever read Atlas Shrugged? It's a life changing book, I have a spare copy here if you, or anyone else would like to read it.

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Dearest Fraulein,
When my red phone rings, it is only members of the highest echelons of the Party and as they command, so must I do. The Party works in sometimes mysterious ways.

Are we still on for the vodka tasting party?

Comrade Kook,
I'm working on it. Hard to put forth any motions when we don't have a Judge yet. I'll contact the Colonel, I think he's the Warden of your Gulag.

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KOOK wrote:No one read me my rights! Where are the Progressive concerns for my rights?
Do I suddenly have fewer rights than the residents of Club Gitmo? (I know I have fewer free videos to watch.) Where is the ACLU? Where is Attorney General Holder? Is Holder, now Older, not Bolder?

Where's my Habeas Corpus? My Corpus Delicti? My Ipsi Dixit? Verbum Vitae et Lumen Sciente? Veni Vidi Vici? Sic Semper Tyrannis?

Any genuine Progressive would already know I am blameless for anything and everything-- It's all Bush's fault. He made me do it.

What is "it"? I haven't a clue.

I find no evidence to support these vile charges against me.
Do my subordinates have lawyers?

Are they next on the docket?

I want Judge Judy... no, Judge Wapner.

Maybe I'd even be assured better treatment in Kelly's Court.

But please don't throw me into "Judge" Napalitano's court.

I demand, period.

--KOOK
What are you anyway Herr Kook?

ACLU? Habeas Corpus? My Corpus Delicti? Ipsi Dixit? Verbum Vitae et Lumen Sciente? Veni Vidi Vici? Sic Semper Tyrannis?

Certainly you realize that your skin color is against you! As an Anglo-American Herr Kook et al, you have yet to atone for your white guilt for the oppressions of all non white peoples and animals that you and your cracka brethren, in the name of Judeo-Christian religion, have continued to oppress, from the beginning of time and to time indefinite!

You deserve no special privileges! And none you shall receive!

Oppressor of the peoples!!! You will not escape punishment!
May you be bitten over and over by six scorpions!!!

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What the??? DAMN YOU GOOGLE IMAGES!!!!!

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I join in the denouncing of Kook, et al. Multiple Inner Comrades are one thing, but multiple Outer Comrades? That's disgusting and counterrevolutionary. I demand an explanation!

On top of that, I nominate Comrade Lt. Just_a_Car to do various snoopy sneaky spy thingies to ferret out more evidence against these multiple outer comrades.

Meanwhile Comrade Kook (IF that is your real name) you should be aware that as we speak I am directing the LIfespan Duration Security Administration to examine your records very, very, very closely. There may be much redistribution of lifeforce to engage in. In fact, I think I'll handle this one personally. Should you see a black Zil pull up near your hovel, be afraid. Be very afraid. And do lay out some vodka, caviar and black bread too. I hate to close files without a proper meal.

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Comrade Kook seems to think he's in some decadent American court where justice can be subverted by slick talking lawyers exploiting the old obsolete Bill of Negative Rights.

Here in the Collective our Constitution is a Progressive living document that evolves day by day, moment by moment as conditions require. In short comrade Kook, you have no rights. You are presumed guilty unless your court appointed People's Defender can offer the appropriate bribes. So ix nay on the mealy-mouthed pleas couched in Latin, eh.

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Reiuxcat wrote: ... What are you anyway Herr Kook? ...


I've been in the Thought-Crime Gulag wearing this straight-jacket so long I'm not sure I can remember what I am. Unlike those at Club Gitmo, I don't even have a mirror. (I've never been there but it's been described to me by my interrogators as a wonderful place to which I could be sent if only I were to become able to eradicate thought-crimes from my brain. Believe me, I've tried very hard for the sake of The Collective.)

I probably should claim torture as a defense but I already know that true Progressives only object to torture when inflicted by minions of Bush against people from oppressed cultures and not when it's inflicted by our Progressive Comrades (or by the few un-oppressed leaders of the oppressed cultures), so that may be a clue that I may not be an oppressed person of color. How can I know? All my skin except for my head is covered by this straight-jacket suit and I have no mirror.

I'm hoping Grigori will come up with a vigorous defense for me. Meanwhile, I worry that evidence against me is being manufactured as we speak.

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KOOK wrote: I'm hoping Grigori will come up with a vigorous defense for me. Meanwhile, I worry that evidence against me is being manufactured as we speak.
Stop your worrying Herr Kook. It won't help your situation at all.

Your goose is cooked! And don't be blaming Bush either!!!


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Colonel 7.62 wrote:... Multiple Inner Comrades are one thing, but multiple Outer Comrades? That's disgusting and counterrevolutionary. I demand an explanation! ...
Now you have me worried that I might be a prole abused as a child and thus afflicted with the same condition that affected Sybil. Naaaah. I'm sure I know it if I suffered from multiple personalities. But then again, Sybil didn't know it until her psychiatrist figured it out. But then again, Sybil was a decadent American woman, and I'm a guy. Does that condition have sexist predelictions in afflicting people? Surely not. Comrade Pelosi seems to manifest similar symptoms and the MTE does so even more often. I've heard scuttlebut within the Gulag that she may be planning a coup and then a purge. Maybe that's when I'll be released, but I doubt it because I think I may have said things critical of her during one of my lengthy interrogations.

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Reiuxcat wrote: .

.... Your goose is cooked! ....


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I'm elated and honored that someone cooked a goose for me-- even if it was Bush. I look forward to my best meal since I've been dining only on beets in the Gulag for many years. Maybe it's part of that spy-swap deal. Wait... that proves my innocence because if I was a spy, I would have been traded for Anna Chapman. (Does she have multiple personalities??) Will she end up her in the Gulag with me after after the news media loses interest in her?

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Comrade Kook seems to think he's in some decadent ... court where justice can be subverted by slick talking lawyers exploiting the old obsolete Bill of Negative Rights.

Well, Grigori has assured me he's the slickest talker of all the slick-talking lawyers. I'm counting on him to show that I should be in charge of, instead of confined in, the Thought-Crime Gulag. So watch out!

Indeed, I have every confidence that after Girgori secures a glorious victory for me, I'll be put in charge of preventing thought-crime in addition to being in charge of curing it.

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KOOK wrote: I'm hoping Grigori will come up with a vigorous defense for me. Meanwhile, I worry that evidence against me is being manufactured as we speak.

Normally manufactured evidence is admissible. However in your case we have the unique opportunity to use actual evidence of your crimes, such is the paper electronic trail you've left in the archives. The thread you started just this very day, commented on by all of your so-called subordinates is damning. Even as I speak operatives of the State Security Apparatus are scouring your past posts looking for more examples of your treachery.

While we await the arrival of the Judge and Prosecutor you might want to acquaint yourself with past show trials to see how justice is dispensed here in the Collective.

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A strange old woman has just entered the People's High Court.

This is a fine how do you do! I was promised cake and all the vodka I could drink. Well, there's nothing and nobody here so I'm gonna go home. Hrummfff!

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:...
While we await the arrival of the Judge and Prosecutor you might want to acquaint yourself with past show trials to see how justice is dispensed here in the Collective.

Since I've been in the Thought-Crime Gulag longer than I can remember, and since being executed would therefore be a blessing, I have nothing to lose except more time in the Gulag-- So I hope for the change to be wrought by my lawyer but am reconciled to my fate regardless of what it is.

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Auntie Semitic wrote:A strange old woman has just entered the People's High Court.

This is a fine how do you do! I was promised cake and all the vodka I could drink. Well, there's nothing and nobody here so I'm gonna go home. Hrummfff!

Haven't I seen your face before? It's not a face one can forget no matter how much one may want to do so. You resemble another person I met named "Press Corpse." Northerners may know your true identity but Southerners may not decipher it. What's the old saying? "An ant by any other name is still an ant." (Or is it "An old aunt by any other name still smells like a corpse"?

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Uh, Oh. I've just been told I'm being taken to another place. I'm told it will be for only an hour or so, but I'm not sure I can trust what I'm told.

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Grigori E.R. wrote:Dearest Fraulein,
When my red phone rings, it is only members of the highest echelons of the Party and as they command, so must I do. The Party works in sometimes mysterious ways.

Are we still on for the vodka tasting party? .
ah yes, dear Grigori, I must denounce myself for ever questioning your loyalty to the glorious collective. Yes! If not for the vodka, why else would be all be here??!!


Reiuxcat, please, tell us that isn't dear Comrade Red Rooster on that plate!

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Comrades,

I would like to help in the defense of Comrade Kook's behavior. Besides, I've never participated in one of these glorious show trials. Being from Chicago, I recognize this is a very Progressive thing he has done. There are many on the books here who are not who they say they are, yet there votes are counted, praise Obama. It is not so unusual for, even those who have assumed room temperature to have their votes counted. Why yesterday, I myself went to the voters registration office with a name that is not mine and registered, for the seventh time this month.

Maybe, Kook was just a bit overzealous in his approach, but hey, who among us has not been. I recognize that our comrade cannot get off lightly as we have to think about the Greater Good ™ , so I suggest 1 year of latrine duty in the gulag.

I remain,
Dr. Chicago

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umm, dear comrade Dr. Chicago, unfortunately, you seem to make a lot of progressive sense. If we take into consideration, "Chicago politics" and our glorious Leaders political leanings, then we might have to consider the remote possibility that Kook is on point with his fraud and deceptive ways. If illegals vote and the dead vote and non existent voters vote, then a case could be made for his multiple personality being right up the Progressive path.

I think this calls for another bottle of vodka. Waiter!

(I do hope all my comrades come out from under the table... the drinking his just begun, my friends!)

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My Dear Fraulein,

All you say is true and let us not forget the felons who helped dear comrade Smiley, ahem, I mean Franken over the top in the great progressive state of Minnesota. Yes, Vodka for everyone.

I remain,
Dr. Chicago

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I denounce all of you, especially that little weasel, Grigori E.R. I read he's been hanging out with a bunch of rightwingnuts around lunch time, thinking no one would notice! You haven't fooled anyone - Pres. Obama noticed and told Rahm.

Get yourself over here and defend that!

Now about this Kook fluke. I say yes - he's a fraud just like the Chicago machine we love and admire so much.

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Again, dear Dr. you have made such fine points, one can not easily dismiss them. And since Kook has appeared to vanish and since his defensive attorney has not made an appearance (cough cough) you have made a remarkable case for him.

The guilty do very well in the Progressive world of next Tuesday, do they not?

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Did somebody mention show-trial? Ah yes, show-trial - what fond memories! I remember when my traitorous comrades tried to show trial me for ... something. I don't remember what is was for but that doesn't matter. However, most of the comrades accusing me have since then disappeared from the Cube. I could tell you behind which dacha they are hiding and how far down, but I'm not going to. Comrade Kook, if these class traitors insist on persecuting you, let me know. We will make a list together. I love lists. Does anybody have surplus ammo for sale? Comrade 7.62?

Btw, what are you being accused of comrade Kook? I didn't quite get it.

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Vodkov, the official list of charges will be read when the officers of the court are assembled. I have it on good account it will be a long list indeed. Although this is an open and shut case I suspect this will be a drawn out trial as there are so many co-conspirators to question. Even now some have attempted to flee but were apprehended and may make their appearance here tonight to offer their lame excuses.

As for the deceptive Chicago way being an accepted Progressive tactic, all I can say is "Not when it's employed against the Collective."

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Vodkov, the official list of charges will be read when the officers of the court are assembled. I have it on good account it will be a long list indeed. Although this is an open and shut case I suspect this will be a drawn out trial as there are so many co-conspirators to question. Even now some have attempted to flee but were apprehended and may make their appearance here tonight to offer their lame excuses.

As for the deceptive Chicago way being an accepted Progressive tactic, all I can say is "Not when it's employed against the Collective."

ummm, you make a glorious argument, Comrade. Kook is a deceptive fraud in the style of Chicago. . . and yet . . he is frauding against the glorious Collective, which is NOT acceptable.

Can't we just find him guilt and go for drinks??

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Where to begin! My inner comrades are conflicted and confused. I cannot smell where this is going with enough certainty to choose sides, not yet.

Please take no offense, my comments should not be construed as blatant narcisssim or opportunism. A furrier, cuter Blago I am not. Let's face it, in the final analysis, it's not about ideology, it's about who will grab the can opener and feed me dinner.

Kommissar Vodkov, you forget some of us were present at your trial after witnessing your crimes. You are lucky to still be crossing Next Tuesdays off your calendar! It was one of the better ones, I think.

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Good Lord Obama! I'm gone for a few hours toiling for the Kollective and all Stalingrad breaks loose. Who let the bag lady in here? Ah, Auntie Semitic is it? The soup kitchen is down the block on the left. You can't miss ................. Blast, that phone's been ringing off the wall;
"Hello, yes it's all taken care of.
She's the what? Surely you're kidding. No, but.....but......
OK. Did you speak with George?...... Great! That's good news indeed.
Sure, just keep me updated. Thanks, you too."
The other line is now ringing;
"Hello, Colonel? Thanks for getting back to me.
You sent him where? Great Stalin's ghost, not the MTE room!
I know you're on a meager budget, who isn't?
Remember that Payolla Pal thing we discussed?
You've got your account all set up? Great, cause George says money is no problem.
A five with how many zeros? Hey, what do I care, it's not my money.
I'll tell him. You too Commissar.
Click.


Ah,er,ummm Madame Special Guest Judge Auntie Semitic, that was just a little misunderstanding. The lunch thing? I was visiting an Orphanage in Raleigh. My personal body guards were putting on a show for the children while I dispensed food and toys. Just ask them. They're loyal Comrades all:
armia.jpg

Comrade Kook, your conditions should be improving momentarily.

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Oh yes, thanks for reminding me Grigori. The People's Ministry of Justice has just started a new secure means to launder bribes. Payments from the accused can be made through:

Payoff Pal.gif
Checks, bullion, and most major credit cards are accepted.

(sorry, they don't take American Express)

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KOOK wrote:Uh, Oh. I've just been told I'm being taken to another place. I'm told it will be for only an hour or so, but I'm not sure I can trust what I'm told.


To avoid, or perhaps create, confusion, I'm repeating immediately above what I said several hours ago as the context for the following update:

Unexpectedly being summoned to attend to another matter in a nearby Gulag with an expectation of being able to return and resume defending myself within a little more than an hour, the return time was unexpectedly delayed but to make it worse upon return to my Gulag, it appeared that some unknown force had caused sudden high winds that toppled a tree in front of my Gulag, which tree had (unbeknownst to any expert responsible for caring for such tree as a ornament of Mother nature) apparently been weakened by some kind of bores which had digested enough of its interior to weaken it. Except for being a loyal progressive (despite also being prone to episodes of thought-crimes), I would characterize the sudden burst of wind in a brief storm as an "Act of God," but, being an atheistic progressive, I must simply blame it on Bush.

Hoping to remain safe from any more "Acts of Bush" I'm ready to resume defending myself, so I will attempt to respond to things said during my unexpected unavailability.

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Dr. Chicago wrote:Comrades,

I would like to help in the defense of Comrade Kook's behavior. Besides, I've never participated in one of these glorious show trials. Being from Chicago, I recognize this is a very Progressive thing he has done. There are many on the books here who are not who they say they are, yet there votes are counted, praise Obama. It is not so unusual for, even those who have assumed room temperature to have their votes counted. Why yesterday, I myself went to the voters registration office with a name that is not mine and registered, for the seventh time this month.

Maybe, Kook was just a bit overzealous in his approach, but hey, who among us has not been. I recognize that our comrade cannot get off lightly as we have to think about the Greater Good ™ , so I suggest 1 year of latrine duty in the gulag.

I remain,
Dr. Chicago


Dear Comrade Dr. Chicago,

Your expressions of understanding and recommendations of mercy are greatly appreciated if I am to be required to assume that I will be found guilty (I contend, of course, that unlike William Ayers, who courageously mocked the stupid capitalists by saying, "Guilty as sin; free as a bird," I will be forced to say, "Innocent as the first flake of snow that falls on the steeple but confined in the Latrine.") Hoping to ultimately receive either acquittal or greater mercy than one year of Latrine duty, I neverthless need some instrucition on the "Chicago Way" as it pertains to Latrine duty. I already understand that with respect to the duties of attending important meetings with others in Chicago, it is said, "If they bring a knfe, you bring a gun; if they bring a gun; you bring a cannon; if they bring a cannon; you bring a tank; if they bring a tank; your bring yourself to stay away." So how does that translate to Latrine duty? I know what "they" will bring; what I don't know is what I'm supposed to bring. Suppositories? Enemas? Please dont say to me, "Don't ask; don't tell," because that's what Larry Craig said.

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:umm, dear comrade Dr. Chicago, unfortunately, you seem to make a lot of progressive sense. If we take into consideration, "Chicago politics" and our glorious Leaders political leanings, then we might have to consider the remote possibility that Kook is on point with his fraud and deceptive ways. If illegals vote and the dead vote and non existent voters vote, then a case could be made for his multiple personality being right up the Progressive path.
Dear Fraulein Pulloskies,


I'm encouraged by the apparent softening of your heart to match the softness of your Pulchritudeous Pumpkins. (Just relying on visual observation, of course.)

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:

Reiuxcat, please, tell us that isn't dear Comrade Red Rooster on that plate!

No my dear Fraulein, it's mother.

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Dr. Chicago wrote:My Dear Fraulein,

All you say is true and let us not forget the felons who helped dear comrade Smiley, ahem, I mean Franken over the top in the great progressive state of Minnesota. Yes, Vodka for everyone.

I remain,
Dr. Chicago

Ah, yes- similar to the Chicago way-- If they bring a ballot, you bring a felon. Of course there is an easy, Progressive explanation for this: Just as "Ignorance is Knowledge," "Voter Fraud is Democracy" (except, of course when it's Rethuglicanism).

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Auntie Semitic wrote:I denounce all of you, especially that little weasel, Grigori E.R. I read he's been hanging out with a bunch of rightwingnuts around lunch time, thinking no one would notice! You haven't fooled anyone - Pres. Obama noticed and told Rahm.

Get yourself over here and defend that!

Now about this Kook fluke. I say yes - he's a fraud just like the Chicago machine we love and admire so much.

Dear Press Corpse Auntie Semitic,


Didn't you play the supporting role in Young Frankenstein (Igor??)

Or was it the character whose last name was "Latrine" in "Men in Tights"? (These were old dvd's smuggled into my Gulag from an escapee from Club Gitmo who came here for re-education.)

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Again, dear Dr. you have made such fine points, one can not easily dismiss them. And since Kook has appeared to vanish and since his defensive attorney has not made an appearance (cough cough) you have made a remarkable case for him.

The guilty do very well in the Progressive world of next Tuesday, do they not?


The ever increasing softness of your heart lessens my dispair over your pronouncements of my guilt. I'll continue reminding myself of the Progressive maxim: Better that 10 innocently accused thought-criminals be convicted than for one guilty thought-criminal to go free. (But wait-- Didn't Bill Ayers invoke the opposite maxim? Maybe that's how he impressed the college faculty into hiring him to educate our young pumpkinheads.)

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote: Btw, what are you being accused of comrade Kook? I didn't quite get it.


I'm charged with posing as more than one member of the Progressive but I think the additional charge is that I'm doing so to undermine the Collective rather than to maximize my opportunities to undermine Capitalsim and heap additional blame onto Bush. It seems to be in part a motivational charge. Yet, all day today, every other character I am alleged to be has demonstrably denounced me during times when I am "logged in" from my Gulag.

So, is not that sufficient to prove my innocence?????


Without some type of assistance or collaboration from the Commissar of Time, how could I possibly be numerous characters at the same time? I want to have the Commissar of Time called as a witness for the defense, or, perhaps as a witness for the prosecution but with the court declaring him to be a hostile witness to enable maximum range of cross-examination of his testimony by my lawyer, Grigori. I might even have to call Red Square as an expert witness to establish the impossibility of my having been logged in as so many characters at the same time.

I hope Grigori has an ample supply of subpoenaes.

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Vodkov, the official list of charges will be read when the officers of the court are assembled. I have it on good account it will be a long list indeed. Although this is an open and shut case I suspect this will be a drawn out trial as there are so many co-conspirators to question. Even now some have attempted to flee but were apprehended and may make their appearance here tonight to offer their lame excuses.

As for the deceptive Chicago way being an accepted Progressive tactic, all I can say is "Not when it's employed against the Collective."

Dear Comrade Whoopie,


As my chief accuser, you are quite persistent. I understand how and why you think you have conclusive proof of my guilt, but if you examine my response (above) to Kommissar Vodkov, you will see that I expect to have proof that someone other than I has "posed" as those characters. At trial, I expect this to be a "Perry Mason" moment for the great lawyer Grigori defeating the hapless prosecutor with surprise witnesses.

Don't forget, if I am acquitted, I will be assigned to take charge of Thought-Crime Prevention.

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Boris Badanoff wrote:Hoo boy, Fearless Leader and me facing firing squad? Moose and squirrel must be having big laugh. Wait, I turn State's witness maybe I get off with only time in gulag.


Comrade Badanoff,


You should have no doubt that your legendary service to the Collective renders you above suspicion. I especially remember admiringly how you and Natasha infiltrated the Bush Administration in two of the most clever disguises I've ever seen in order to ultimately set the stage for a show-trial conviction of Karl Rove and Scooter Libby. You only succeeded in enablying Fitzgerald to convict Scooter Libby, but heck, that's batting 500 and the best ever was Ted Williams, whose best was only 400.

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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:
Comrade Whoopie wrote: ....
As for the deceptive Chicago way being an accepted Progressive tactic, all I can say is "Not when it's employed against the Collective."

ummm, you make a glorious argument, Comrade. Kook is a deceptive fraud in the style of Chicago. . . and yet . . he is frauding against the glorious Collective, which is NOT acceptable.

Can't we just find him guilt and go for drinks??

Fraulein!


Are you exhibiting feminine indecisiveness? I thought your heart was becoming as soft as your pulchritudinous pumpkins, but now that I see how hard your heart is, it makes me wonder whether your pumpkins are implants as hard as your heart. Which is it?

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General Mousey-Tongue wrote:Where to begin! My inner comrades are conflicted and confused. I cannot smell where this is going with enough certainty to choose sides, not yet.

Please take no offense, ... it's not about ideology, it's about who will grab the can opener and feed me dinner.

General Mousey-tongue,

Your Machiavellian intincts are indeed most sound. Not everyone correctly understands your most-often quoted wisdom (which I need not repeat here because I'm sure all genuine Progs have long ago memorized it). I remember Comrade Bubba Clinton was almost convicted because he had mis-remembered the quotation of your wisdom, which he incorrectly remembered as "Baring a 'gun' comes from political power."

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Proletariat Peabody wrote:Curses, I was just about to make my get-away when Col. 7.62 and some of his Time Bandits burst in to my lab and smashed my WABAC machine. He claimed I didn't have the necessary paperwork to operate an unauthorized wormhole generator.

Comrade Proletariat Peabody,

Are you suggesting that he and/or his time bandits are responsible for the behavior today of the characters I am alleged to also be? I hope Gigori is paying attention to all of this. I may need you as an additional expert witness since your operation of the WayBack machine makes you an equal of, if not more equal than, the Commissar of Time.

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Grigori E.R. wrote:Good Lord Obama! I'm gone for a few hours toiling for the Kollective and all Stalingrad breaks loose. Who let the bag lady in here? Ah, Auntie Semitic is it? The soup kitchen is down the block on the left. You can't miss ................. Blast, that phone's been ringing off the wall;
"Hello, yes it's all taken care of.
She's the what? Surely you're kidding. No, but.....but......
OK. Did you speak with George?...... Great! That's good news indeed.
Sure, just keep me updated. Thanks, you too."
The other line is now ringing;
"Hello, Colonel? Thanks for getting back to me.
You sent him where? Great Stalin's ghost, not the MTE room!
I know you're on a meager budget, who isn't?
Remember that Payolla Pal thing we discussed?
You've got your account all set up? Great, cause George says money is no problem.
A five with how many zeros? Hey, what do I care, it's not my money.
I'll tell him. You too Commissar.
Click.


Ah,er,ummm Madame Special Guest Judge Auntie Semitic, that was just a little misunderstanding. The lunch thing? I was visiting an Orphanage in Raleigh. My personal body guards were putting on a show for the children while I dispensed food and toys. Just ask them. They're loyal Comrades all:
armia.jpg

Comrade Kook, your conditions should be improving momentarily.
.
Are you saying Auntie Semitic is my judge???? Lenin help me. (and you too, of course-- that's why I'm paying you the Big Bucks)

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Did I say that out loud?

Gen Mousey-Tongue:

it's not about ideology, it's about who will grab the can opener and feed me dinner.


thepeoplescube Kook.png

What shell of a man could defy Pulloskie boobage or Czarweary's servitude?

Just askin'

And now-

something totally Mel Gibson foul.

NSFW!


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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Oh yes, thanks for reminding me Grigori. The People's Ministry of Justice has just started a new secure means to launder bribes. Payments from the accused can be made through:

Payoff Pal.gif
Checks, bullion, and most major credit cards are accepted.

(sorry, they don't take American Express)

Sorry, I only use GunPal.Net, which, mysteriously, seems to be off-line at the moment.

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Comrade Buffoon wrote:
thepeoplescube Kook.png

What shell of a man could defy Pulloskie boobage or Czarweary's servitude?

Just askin'
...

Your collage seems to reach conclusions that defy physics only in a way that is within the means of the Commissar of Time. Are you failing to realize that the characters I'm accused of also being were appearing and commenting while I was commenting. This borders on being conclusive evidence of innocence. Remember, my original suspicion was that higj-tech minions of Jabba the Soros were controlling those characters. Yet virtually every prog who has commented in this post seems to have overlooked the laws of physics.

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KOOK wrote:
Dear Comrade Whoopie,


As my chief accuser, you are quite persistent. I understand how and why you think you have conclusive proof of my guilt

Don't forget, if I am acquitted, I will be assigned to take charge of Thought-Crime Prevention.

Comrade, I am but a humble tool of the Party. You will find that your crimes have been a matter of discussion amongst the Party elite for some time. Without naming names I can say that your persecution prosecution has been sanctioned by the very highest authority.

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KOOK wrote:
Comrade Buffoon wrote:
thepeoplescube Kook.png

What shell of a man could defy Pulloskie boobage or Czarweary's servitude?

Just askin'
...

Your collage seems to reach conclusions that defy physics only in a way that is within the means of the Commissar of Time. Are you failing to realize that the characters I'm accused of also being were appearing and commenting while I was commenting. This borders on being conclusive evidence of innocence. Remember, my original suspicion was that higj-tech minions of Jabba the Soros were controlling those characters. Yet virtually every prog who has commented in this post seems to have overlooked the laws of physics.

You seem to have overlooked that it is you on trial.....

...physics.

puhlease

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:
KOOK wrote:
Dear Comrade Whoopie,


As my chief accuser, you are quite persistent. I understand how and why you think you have conclusive proof of my guilt

Don't forget, if I am acquitted, I will be assigned to take charge of Thought-Crime Prevention.

Comrade, I am but a humble tool of the Party. You will find that your crimes have been a matter of discussion amongst the Party elite for some time. Without naming names I can say that your persecution prosecution has been sanctioned by the very highest authority.

Comrade Whoopie,

I have no doubt that what you say is correct, but don't foget, the history of the Party is replete with instances of those at the highest of authority being duped by others at the highest of authority. It's a conundrum to try to understand how the most equal can sometimes dupe the most equal. I still await subpoena of electronic records which I expect to prove that the characters I'm alleged to be were in fact participating today at the very same time that I was participating. To an objective observer, that would mean either:
  1. that I have a power lacked by the top party elite (except, of course, for the Commissar of Time or perhaps Peabody in his WayBack Machine-- but he says someone sabotaged it today)-- i.e., the power to be more than one character simultaneously, OR
  2. that someone other than I has been misleading the Collective today.
Which is it?

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Comrade Buffoon wrote: ...
You seem to have overlooked that it is you on trial.....

...physics.

puhlease

Given the evidence readily available today in this thread, if it is deemd to prove me guilty, then it thereby proves I have powers and authority far beyond those of the top party elite; If it is deemed to prove me innocent, then it proves that other members of the Collective are controlling the characters I am accused of controlling and are thus deceiving the rest of the Collective in the process. The time-sequence evidence is conclusively on my side. The logic is irrefutable. My defense is air tight.

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Kook, don't you worry about physics. If someone is violating the laws of physics around here, you can be sure unless I denounce them, they have my approval, which means they have my authority in that matter, and if I have to get involved it will be unpleasant. And you don't want to see me unpleasant.

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KOOK wrote:
Comrade Whoopie wrote:Oh yes, thanks for reminding me Grigori. The People's Ministry of Justice has just started a new secure means to launder bribes. Payments from the accused can be made through:

Payoff Pal.gif
Checks, bullion, and most major credit cards are accepted.

(sorry, they don't take American Express)

Sorry, I only use GunPal.Net, which, mysteriously, seems to be off-line at the moment.

WHAT?!... Are you purchasing unapproved weapons of the collective without prior approval from the Special Weapons Czar?! There are only two viable weapons to be issued as of yet and they are the People's Rifle™ and the People's Knife™!

Now that I see you have been doing such things behind the Collective's back, I will now put my full force into investigating you for the People's Court™.

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Comrade Kook, suffice it to say that the Party elite have means and knowledge at our disposal that defy your understanding. That several of your "subordinates" have been brought here today against your will is proof of that. By the way there's still two more that have yet to be captured. I expect they will surface before long.

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Comrade Lt. Just_a_Car has the full authority of the Temporal Counterproliferation unit in this matter.

As far as the incessant whining about violating physics from the accused, my office takes no interest in these proceedings, save only to ensure the outcome is Fair(TM) and Just(TM). All Inner Party members may freely access the wormhole and suspend the laws of space and time as needed to ensure the thoughtcriminal Kook is brought to Justice(TM)

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:Kook, don't you worry about physics. If someone is violating the laws of physics around here, you can be sure unless I denounce them, they have my approval, which means they have my authority in that matter, and if I have to get involved it will be unpleasant. And you don't want to see me unpleasant.


I construe that as an admission that you have not given me permission to violate the laws of physics and that therefore, the fact that characters I stand accused of being were necessarily being controlled by persons other than me since they were appearing in this thread simultaneously while I was here trying to defend myself. Thus, I interpret your admission as a total exoneration of me. Thank you.

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Comrade Kook said;
"Are you saying Auntie Semitic is my judge???? Lenin help me. (and you too, of course-- that's why I'm paying you the Big Bucks)"

I'm afraid so Comrade. They're preparing her bench and it doesn't look good. Instead of the normal gavel there's an axe just like Comrade Whoopie wears and a line of skulls arrayed across the front. Don't worry about my fee, it's all taken care of.

Ix nay on the physics nay.
Whispers in his client's ear;
"The laws of nature do not apply here. The People's Cube is a 4th dimensional matrix in sub-space."

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KOOK wrote:
Comrade Buffoon wrote: ...
You seem to have overlooked that it is you on trial.....

...physics.

puhlease

Given the evidence readily available today in this thread, if it is deemd to prove me guilty, then it thereby proves I have powers and authority far beyond those of the top party elite; If it is deemed to prove me innocent, then it proves that other members of the Collective are controlling the characters I am accused of controlling and are thus deceiving the rest of the Collective in the process. The time-sequence evidence is conclusively on my side. The logic is irrefutable. My defense is air tight.

You already are guilty. Your defense is bullshit.

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Lt. just_a_car wrote:
KOOK wrote:
Comrade Whoopie wrote:Oh yes, thanks for reminding me Grigori. The People's Ministry of Justice has just started a new secure means to launder bribes. Payments from the accused can be made through:

Payoff Pal.gif
Checks, bullion, and most major credit cards are accepted.

(sorry, they don't take American Express)

Sorry, I only use GunPal.Net, which, mysteriously, seems to be off-line at the moment.

WHAT?!... Are you purchasing unapproved weapons of the collective without prior approval from the Special Weapons Czar?! There are only two viable weapons to be issued as of yet and they are the People's Rifle™ and the People's Knife™!

Now that I see you have been doing such things behind the Collective's back, I will now put my full force into investigating you for the People's Court™.

My weapons were grandfathered long ago.

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Grigori E.R. wrote:Comrade Kook said;
"Are you saying Auntie Semitic is my judge???? Lenin help me. (and you too, of course-- that's why I'm paying you the Big Bucks)"

I'm afraid so Comrade. They're preparing her bench and it doesn't look good. Instead of the normal gavel there's an axe just like Comrade Whoopie wears and a line of skulls arrayed across the front. Don't worry about my fee, it's all taken care of.

Ix nay on the physics nay.
Whispers in his client's ear;
"The laws of nature do not apply here. The People's Cube is a 4th dimensional matrix in sub-space."
Confidential reply from stubborn client to noble lawyer:

But I don't posess any 4th dimensional powers. I think the Commissar of Time has wittingly, or unwittingly, proven my defense.

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Comrade Buffoon wrote: Your defense is bullshit.
No, it's shinola. You need to re-watch the scene in "The Jerk" in which the father teaches his son the difference between "S__t" and "shinola."

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KOOK wrote:

I construe that as an admission that you have not given me permission to violate the laws of physics and that therefore, the fact that characters I stand accused of being were necessarily being controlled by persons other than me since they were appearing in this thread simultaneously while I was here trying to defend myself. Thus, I interpret your admission as a total exoneration of me. Thank you.
Try again Comrade. The Inner Party members who are bringing you to trial may trample on physics. You may not. In Socialist Justice, there is no Fair, there only is The Party, and by golly, The Party will do what it needs to ensure Justice.Care to explain how you were seen with a humvee parked in your garage?


 
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