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I Denounce Tooorisky

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If Theo is Father Prog, does that mean the job of Progfather is still open? Perhaps Dr. Chicago could tell us if there is a Progfather in his current city....

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Comrade Ivan,

The job of Chicago's Progparent is open, but our friend and comrade Rahm is seeking that title as we speak. Residency requirements, Hah! It's Chicago for crying out loud, but we digress.

I admire how you in Party ™ leadership try to cover for one another however, the issue remains that Theocritus is using gender specific language in his new title. Will those in leadership stand with me in denouncing his blatant exhibition of patriarchal attitudes? Will this insult to our sisters in the Struggle ™ for Equality ™ be allowed to continue? What about the Children ™ ? Must they too share in the misery that patriarchal societies have fostered for centuries? If this is allowed to continue, who knows what damage will be done. First November and now this!


I remain,
Dr. Chicago

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Comrades,

This appears to be an insult or humiliation.

How could there be anything involving Debauchery and I was not even consulted much less invited!

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When did this name change come to be? Father Prog Theocritus? Is this the result of your getting into the "Longest Night" celebration's special stash of wine at Mrs Al's Cave?

Speaking of "The Longest Night" here is the website of a most progressive church that recognizes the "Longest Night" as an important religious holiday, and they even believe in an ancient way of emptying one's head of all thoughts - if this is an alternative to Jiffi-Lobo, it wouldn't work for me, as I wouldn't be able to keep quiet long enough for it to work. Thank goodness for Jiffi-Lobo. My thoughts are not the only thing it shuts up.

https://www.stpaulshouston.org/details/ ... nceId=1002

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:"This buffoonery of his. I suspect it's a ruse. He's a natural con man."

I wish it were and I wish I was. It is welcome news to hear my name is not cursed under the breath in the Theo/Bruno household as it is in the Betinov, Whoopie and Grigori households.

For the record, I warned them all what happens when I mix amphetamines, grape soda and all night Golden Girls Marathons!

Did you ever get those stains out? The ceiling fans reattached? Your goats to therapy?

Not that I care mind you...

UNRELATED QUESTION: Obamugabe is there a low level civil servant you could assign to track down my midwinter freebies? AAAAND- I tried to join the ranks of your elite military forces and was rejected... why?

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One question. If Theo is Father Prog where does that leave the People's Director?

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Comrades,

do you see the trouble this "Father" business is creating already? Too many disturbing questions are being asked.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:One question. If Theo is Father Prog where does that leave the People's Director?

Even our esteemed Comrade Whoopie is questioning the chain of command and he wasn't the first. This must be nipped in the bud before the common proles begin to question the order of things in the collective. I believe a show trial is in order!

I remain,
Dr. Chicago

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Dr. Chicago wrote:Comrades,

do you see the trouble this "Father" business is creating already? Too many disturbing questions are being asked.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:One question. If Theo is Father Prog where does that leave the People's Director?

Even our esteemed Comrade Whoopie is questioning the chain of command and he wasn't the first. This must be nipped in the bud before the common proles begin to question the order of things in the collective. I believe a show trial is in order!

I remain,
Dr. Chicago

And what would be the charge? Being too big for ones britches?

NOTE: An extra beet to Comrade Whoopie for pointing this out.

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You, Obamugabe, of all people! Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

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Comrade Buffoon wrote:

UNRELATED QUESTION: Obamugabe is there a low level civil servant you could assign to track down my midwinter freebies? AAAAND- I tried to join the ranks of your elite military forces and was rejected... why?

Buffooon

1) Fill in form 43KJ2998 in triplicate as well as form HUO89yy786 in sextuplicate. Also provide six copies of your birth sertificate, your pasport and your ID document and a sworn statement that you are indeed eligible for the Midwinter Freebies. Present yourself at window 43 in the basement of the People's Ministry of Love on the morning of the Winter Solstice. Your application will be reviewed and you should get your answer by January 2022.

2) We do not have a Don't Show, Don't Tell policy here in Zimbabwe as they have in Amerikkka. My guess is that that enormous boot covering your head looked like some sort of instrument of perversion to the recruitment officer.

Amandla

Obamugabe

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Leninka

I have no idea what you are talking about, but being called black is the greatest compliment ever. As a light skinned black woman you should know that!

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Dr. Chicago, despite your rant about the feminists, which I shall correct, with some art learned from our dear Commissarka Pinkie, your paean to proggery has touched my heart, and when you consider that there is not the slightest possibility of a diagnosis for an enlarged heart, that's saying something. Either you touched my heart or I had another slight reaction to my favorite Prog drink: the Nanski:

It's eight ounces of Eagle Rare Bourbon, eight ounces of Coke, the juice of one lime, and hydrocodone. Trust me: it's the chaser which make it the Nanski. After two Nanskis, you could vote to have your children's sex changed and sell them into slavery and congratulate yourself on your wonderful performance.

Which is just what happened, isn't it?

The Nanski is the antidote to anti-psychotic drugs. There was a danger at one time of someone giving dear Senator Reid some Haldol, and things got close enough that we had to enlist the Secret Service. And we fought it all off.

But just to make sure I had Harry drink a Nanski every hour on the hour, which explains his diction but was prophylaxis against anyone slipping him an anti-psychotic.

Because if our dear members in Congress were not fucking crazy, they wouldn't be proggerific, would they?

I shall be accepting honoraria through the services of my attorneys, Nastie, Poer, Brutishe and Shorte. Inquire for Thomas M.

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Oba-won-Mugabe, your picture has captured the essence of my transprogrification into Father Prog Theocritus. I shall treasure it; I promise you.

I am now working on the Father Prog Theocritus Manifesto. I am hoping over the Pre May Day holidays to manage to make a Unified Theory of Progitude, in which I shall prove to encompass every sphere of human and non-human behavior. Pfui to Michiko Kaku; I shall prove that as Father Prog all the atoms in the universe dance in attendance to me.

I'm adopting the Holy Gore's play book and kicking it up a notch.

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THE QUEST FOR THE PROGITRON - DAY 2


Tell that Hawking fellow that darn spaghettification gravity thingy on entry is a real bitch.
I'll need a new Peoples Spacesuit if I return. He really needs to work on the Current Truth for that.

I seem to be floating down some sort of wormhole. I am surrounded by all the ghosts of all great Marxists past. I keep hearing things like:

"All propaganda has to be popular and has to accommodate itself to the comprehension of the least intelligent of those whom it seeks to reach."

"Politics is war without bloodshed, war is politics with bloodshed."

"The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe. You have to make it fall."

"Death solves all problems - no man, no problem."

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Hey, Uncle Joe is pointing the way! Onward Comrades!
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Whoa, Gulag 4 U, the imagery is reminiscent of a third season Star Trek episode.
Both simple and confusing at the same time.....perhaps even simultaneously so.

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Comrade Father Prog

I wish you well on your endeavour. You carry the hope and change of the global progdom with you.

Comrade Alfie

If you meet Laika tell him we miss him. My tinfoil hat has been quiet for quite a while now. In fact, ever since I started the new medication the nice prole in the white coat gave me.

Obamugabe

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote: I am now working on the Father Prog Theocritus Manifesto.
I'm adopting the Holy Gore's play book and kicking it up a notch.

All this palace intrigue had me worried for the People's Director's safety, what with the abortive Oct. surprise when Leninka kidnapped Red Square and kept him incommunicado in a small room with bars on the window for days on end.

However in light of the recent revelation of Red Square hobnobbing with the Rightwing elite I might be inclined to support these coup plotters (provided they offer me a high ranking position in the new regime).

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Obamugabe wrote:Leninka

I have no idea what you are talking about, but being called black is the greatest compliment ever. As a light skinned black woman you should know that!

Comrade Obamugabe,

I don't know, either, as I see, now, that you did not make a post above mine. Suffice it to say, however, that I must have caught you in-progrante in some other post and somehow got my signals crossed. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

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Comrade Alfie! Is it possible for you to be elevated so fast?

The Tunnel of Great Marxists, leading right into the Truth Event Horizon! Just think. Spaghettification is not a problem because far sooner than your corporeal body will be ripped into shreds the truth will have been shredded into pieces smaller than quarks.

You'll be feted by the NYT, when they're not whoring their bums to pay for the mortgage on the building or the IOU to Carlos Slim, which is at 14%, you know. Pardon me while I piss myself laughing ponder the iniquities of the marketplace which mean that the Paper of Correct Record should have to have people who want to read it.

So if you are about to enter the realm of Plausible Deniability to the Truth and Narcissistic, Selfish Sociopathy, I must say, congratulations. You are a very young prog for such an honor.

is only the first dreadful thing that will happen to you as you cross the Truth Event Horizon!

First you will be savaged by Katie Couric. Now I admit that's like having a chihuahua, but one with a really big jaw, gnawing at your ankles.

Second you will be glowered at by Lauer. Enough said.

Then Keith Olbermann

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THE QUEST FOR THE PROGITRON - DAY 3

Praise Lennin. Uncle Joe's finger of fate has lead me to what appears to be the source of all propoganda "CURRENT TRUTH". The base code of all the media organs & journolists. A giant Marxist Wikiileaks.

A ethereal creature has appeared saying it has the knowledge to lead me to the object of my quest. The creator & sustainer of all things progressive.....

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It says I must be transformed into pure dark energy to complete my task.
Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....


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That looks like a blue version of Sauron's Eye.

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Okay, now this is getting bizarre...and bear in mind, I've been a Cubist for years.

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it looks like some obscene parts of Janeane Gawdawfulo after she's been fished out of lake after two weeks.

It does take, I know, modern medicine to determine if Janeane is dead or not, and I realize that. The normal indicators of EEG do not apply.

Obamugabe, who has the place of Ezekiel Emanuel in the Party, has been charged with finding a way to determine if a prog is dead or not.

Let me suggest specially bred maggots. I know for a fact that whenever dear Janeane comes to visit at the Rancho, I don't have to refrigerate things. She kills all the bacteria in the house with her more toxic ones. Fortunately they die off after a while, but the stench is, well, indescribable.

It's called Eau de Janeane.

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And to all you sniping bitches complaining about my assuming the role of Father Prog Theocritus--just how do you think that we get anything anyway? I recall when Pupovich promoted himself to Marshall. I said nothing, but sharpened my knives.

That's how to do it. Don't tell me to my face that you're concerned. Laud me. Tell me how wonderful I am.

Suck up. And sharpen your knives. Don't you know what before someone can consolidate his power, he's vulnerable? And there are some comrades whose cojones I do not yet, and that is yet, have in a safe to ensure that they do what I want them to.

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The best way to find out if a Prog is really dead is to shout "FREE STUFF!"

If there is no response, then the Prog is verifiably, certifiably, undeniably, morally, ethically dead.

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Death, like race, nationality, sexuality and political ideology is merely a social construct.

NO LABELS!!!

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Comrades,

much has been learned; I've been sober for far too long. Forget Father Progs denouncement, pass the vodka and get me a prole to shine my boots!

I remain,
Dr. Chicago

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THE QUEST FOR THE PROGITRON - DAY 4
"The Creator & Sustainer of all things Progressive"

IT'S FULL OF HIPPIE PROTESTERS PAST!

The chanting is relentless. "Stop the war"... "Hell, no. We won't go"... "Peace Needs No Excuse"...
They are telling me: You must be born into the revolution, man - follow the darkness to the place HOPE is born....

tunnel-background.jpg


And suddenly.....

        Mystery item No. 1

Edit by Inner Party Member: Comrade Alfie, this post caused severe gastric symptoms, similar to a bottle and a half of Putinka Vodka. I hid the agitprop to protect our fellow travelers from the same terrible fate. It is For The Children!

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A bottle and a half of Putinka has enough lead in it to keep a reloader in business for ten years. You'll be blind, in more ways than one. But that always helps with a prog, you know--anything to drown out the cognitive dissonance. Why do you think we have Jiffy-Lobo?

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The burning question now is: Is my People's Commode a possible portal to the Truth Event Horizon?

Comrade Gulag 4 Alfred. I would like you to come to Harare to investigate. You will receive a few trillion Zim$ at completion of the contract.

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As part of the investigation, I will send a top scientist from our glorious state into space to see the effects of Toooooooooooorisky's damage to the environment.


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Obe Won Mugabe wrote:Is my People's Commode a possible portal to the Truth Event Horizon?
Yet another brilliant observation, dear Commissar.

I often consider that my time on the throne is not only therapeutic, but symbolic. And a pun. Time on the throne?

LBJ would conduct press conferences on the throne. When he wasn't picking up his wife, er, beagles, by the ears. That was his Truth Event Horizon.

it is fitting in every way to have the commode to be the People's Truth Event Horizon. Everything that I shit out of my ass passes instantly from an idea to Established Truth on which millions of lives and trillions of dollars are staked.

Gee. Nanski and Harry and Lord O are so proud. This is what they are all after anyway.

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THE QUEST FOR THE PROGITRON - DAY 5
"The Creator & Sustainer of all things Progressive"

And after being re-born in HOPE, I was seduced by the most high woman of Progdom onto the horse of Change....

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And as we all know - ALL THINGS LEAD BACK TO THE CUBE!

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Comrades, we are the Progitron Generators - creators & sustainers of all things progressive......
Duh.

the end.

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Obamugabe wrote:The burning question now is: Is my People's Commode a possible portal to the Truth Event Horizon?

Comrade Gulag 4 Alfred. I would like you to come to Harare to investigate. You will receive a few trillion Zim$ at completion of the contract.


What a shitty glorious assignment Leader of the People!

The Peoples Commode is indeed most progressive and truly represents a person of your mighty stature.

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And your hospitality & graciousness in providing some scientific evidence to investigate the hypothesis is to be applauded.

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I'll get the best Peoples Scientists from all over the world working on it.

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Comrade Gulag 4 Alfred,
What a foursome! Magnificent!:

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This reminds me of a joke...(yeah, yeah Frau whatever)

I hear that Jacob Zuma (Pres. of S. Africa) once had a bad case of diarrhea. His doctors were in a panic, they thought he was melting.

His chief witchdoctor gave him some medicine to drink. The next day he got better. He asked his witchdoctor what was in that medicine because it tasted like shit.

The witchdoctor said, that's what I thought was wrong, you were a quart low.

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Comrades,

My "appreciation" to all who piled on so enthusiastically! It is always easier to kick some one after they are down.

You can judge for yourself the quality of the writing by reading the above post.

I count none of you as "Friends" or "Foes", that situation can be reversed in a heartbeat.

May I suggest for the immediate future you wear body armor, especially the piece that covers you back. There is no future in attacking from the front.

The Russian expression is наблюдайте вашу заднюю часть, go and do likewise!

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Prole Tooorisky

The word "friend" does not appear in the NewSpeak dictionary. We use the word "comrade" which carries no emotional baggage (emotions are unscientific, and not allowed in the Naturalist World of Next Tuesday.)

So you are absolutely right: You should watch your back. The fact that you now realize this shows that you have made some progress on your travel to true Socialist Enlightenment.

If we felt anything for you, we might have been proud of your progress.

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Obamugabe wrote:The burning question now is: Is my People's Commode a possible portal to the Truth Event Horizon?

Comrade Gulag 4 Alfred. I would like you to come to Harare to investigate. You will receive a few trillion Zim$ at completion of the contract.

Most Equal Obamugabe;

The results are in and the "Science is settled."

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It seems that all "deposits" add some wisdom to the collective. However your kind submission spiked the meter, meaning the "deposits" of more equals sorta float to the top.

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My Swiss Bank Account Routing # is 0-2390-810010. I will enjoy my extra shot of vodka!

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When it comes to settled science, Progs put the "con" in consensus.

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Most Illustrious Obamugabe,

Your Excellency, I was referring to the member control area at the upper right of the blog.

My assumption was that terminology was party approved, although it may not be suitable for Public purposes.

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Comrade Tooorisky

Yes. well...












So what?

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Comrade Alfred

Is my eyesight failing me or is that People's Commode vibrating?

Sir, I salute you!

You are indeed on the cusp, nay, the cutting edge of the Unstoppable March of Science to the World of Next Tuesday.

May I immediately place an order for 73 of those vibrating People's Commodes?


 
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