The Fierce Urgency of Now!

Oh My Lenin, I am in such splendid agony! Oh, I can scarcely bear it a moment longer! Oh, how can this devilishly handsome man, with his mysteriously dark eyes, his handsomely sculpted features, and his strong, hard muscled body seemingly hammered from glistening solid bronze, arouse me to such a tidal wave of pleasure and ecstasy that seems never to reach the shore, but only peaks higher and higher, until I don't know how I can stand one more stroke of his incredible tongue against my every sense! Oh, the magic that rolls off it with every exquisite word he speaks!

The pain of unrequited desire trickles up my leg, when pleasure should be trickling down. O where are you, sweet passionate release? Talk to me some more, Barack! I am burning with the fierce urgency of now! Now! NOW! Right here—HERE! Yes, here—OH! OHHH! AHHH!

Awesome, awesome, awesome!
Ohh, Barack! Your thrusts of oratory pound deeper than Keith Cate's observation:

News Channel 8's Keith Cate was talking with people in the crowd as mic checks got under way on stage.
He was struck by what people here didn't like as well as what they did.
“I feel there's a very anti-Republican establishment feel to the room,” Cate said. “I talked to a woman about what she hopes to hear Obama say today, and she said, ‘He could sing nursery rhymes and it would be better than [what] we've gotten from the last eight years of Republican administration.' ”
“Obviously this crowd is for Obama. But just as noticeable is the strong anti-Bush sentiment.”

Oh Barack, I love you so! You could sing nursery rhymes, yea, even read aloud from the phone book, and I will crawl after you wherever you go, just so I can ride those sweet waves of ecstasy that wash over me and drown me in ecstasy every time you open your mouth, and do that wonderful thing with your magic tongue that leaves me senseless and sated . . . and yet . . . always wanting more!

Oh, I'm heaving--I mean oh, my heaving bosom!

Anyone have a cigarette?

Were there any flesh-colored helicopters in the area?

Ivan Betinov wrote:Were there any flesh-colored helicopters in the area?

I was wondering the same thing...perhaps this is where the F.P. went.....to Pinkie's dacha.

Commisarka Pinkie:
Dayem,Gurl!...that made me have to wake my H.U. up from his nap....he thanks you

Pinkie, you traitor! I thought your were a HO, a Hillary Operative - but now you have stooped pretty low. Ok ok I always knew you are not a HO; you are a Huckabee operative working to get your Boss into Insane McCain's good graces so he can be VP. Then he will make sure the old guy does what old people do and becomes president and you will get your reward. Yes, Pinkie. I know what you are up to!

Purge Pinkie™!

My goodness, Pinkie. The soaring oratory of your narrative has swept up even this old man. Your fanaticism alone is enough to make me want to join the rest of the Obamatons in their selfless congregation of Obama supplication, Bush Derangement and Bush Induced Tourette syndrome. But, alas, I must wait, finger erect in the wind, for the official word from the Party elite as to whom I should pledge my undying devotion.

*Sigh* It looks as though I will go to sleep unsatiated tonight.

Tell me, Vodkov, how long have you been chomping at the bit, thrashing in your harness and twisting your legs around to keep from peeing to spit that out?

Nice try, Bottle Boy. Think you can make that stick just because you tack a trademark onto it? I am The Telflon Commissarka, and don't you forget it.

I have HBO, too, but that doesn't mean I'm any less loyal to the Empress. I will do anything for her, even if it means sleeping--or in this case, listening to--the opposition!

Besides, haven't you ever heard of faking it? Ever seen the "deli scene" in When Harry Met Sally? Oh yes, even Lenin 'n' Thingies wants to have what I'm having, yet I don't see you denouncing her. Or is that because she's blond, and I'm once again a victim of red-headscarfism?

Commissarka, be careful my readscarfed friend...after a quick roll in the haystack of Hope and Change, he will drop you faster than you can say 'HO'. I warn you, that boy ain't right in the head...uh, that is, he can't stand up on his own...I mean, politically speaking, his plenary is, well, you know, warped a bit, but still servicable for future party purposes. Did that make any sense? Probably not.

Save yourself the pain of another Philadelphia speech where he distances himself from you, and calls you his crazy exchange student friend from Russia, and implores Amerika to more self-flagellation on the topic of diversity and xenophobia.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Besides, haven't you ever heard of faking it? Ever seen the "deli scene" in When Harry Met Sally? Oh yes, even Lenin 'n' Thingies wants to have what I'm having, yet I don't see you denouncing her. Or is that because she's blond, and I'm once again a victim of red-headscarfism?

Yes Commissarka, I have seen the deli scene. For some reason this has never happened to me. Ok I'm not going to be modest - I'm a great lover. All that practice from the Pup's Pleasure Palaces has not done any harm but I think in my case it's just natural. Most women who have had the privilege of knowing me say Kommissar Vodkov is the greatest lover in the world. Even those I haven't had sex with say that. So, Commissarke, think about that next time you are faking it for Huckabee.

Lenin 'n' Thingies is hot, no doubt about that, but doesn't she already have a prole husband unit? Maybe if he would disappear I might become interested. You know, people disappear all the time for the Common Good.

Kommissar Vodkov wrote: Yes Commissarka, I have seen the deli scene. For some reason this has never happened to me. Ok I'm not going to be modest - I'm a great lover. All that practice from the Pup's Pleasure Palaces has not done any harm but I think in my case it's just natural. Most women who have had the privilege of knowing me say Kommissar Vodkov is the greatest lover in the world. Even those I haven't had sex with say that. So, Commissarke, think about that next time you are faking it for Huckabee.

Nice try, Vodkov, but I happen to know you're reading that off a card that all male comrades carry in their wallets and use to pick up Pinkie. All you do is fill in the blank with your own name. You're not the first one here to tell me you're the greatest lover in the world. Nor can you all be the greatest, though each of you might be equally great.

And I wouldn't fret about Lenin 'n' Thingies's husband-unit calling you out, unless he happens to be the one in her avatar.

I usually keep a box of Kleenex and lotion on hand for when Barack is about to make a speech. His speech last night about uniting the country and bringing us all together (while bashing Bush and Republicans) really, really got me going. There was lotion and Kleenex everywhere, Comrades. EVERYWHERE!

Turning to MSNBC I noticed Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann were also pleasuring themselves – and each other – as Barack was speaking. CNN was a little bit more, well, “graphic” when Wolf Blitzer and Larry King started mounting each other as the crowd started chanting “yes we can”. All in all last night was a good night for everyone hoping to get off on hope -- or what I like to call a "hopejob".

‘He could sing nursery rhymes and it would be better than [what] we've gotten from the last eight years of Republican administration.'

Greetings fellow revolutionaries. I watch Comrade Obama's speech. I could swear he was singing nursery rhymes, or am I mistaken?

Somehow I just knew this thread would degenerate into self-pleasuring fest.
That's why I kept my reference book handy....don't want to feel left out.

To Kommissar Vodkov:I am indeed hot(it's 100 degrees here),but must confess that I don't quite look exactly like what the avatar portrays...my hair is actually strawberry blonde.

Mr. Kruschev wrote:Greetings fellow revolutionaries.

Greetings Mr. Kruschev. Please keep your shoes on. This is not the U.N. you know.

No, this isn't the UN. The UN is full of limp-wristed liberals who failed to deliver unto the people a one world government led by the benevolent Soviet Union! THE UN IS A FAILURE OF MONUMENTAL PROPORTIONS AND IS ALONE RESPONSIBLE FOR US AGRESSION AROUND THE WORLD!

I spit on the UN, Comrades! I spit on the UN for allowing war criminals like George Bush to roam free! CRIMINALS! THEY ARE ALL CRIMINALS! Bikini Moon is a FAILURE! Do you hear me, Bikini!? YOU ARE A FAILURE!

Bikini's?!? Where? WHERE?!?

Smoke 'em while you can Pinkie, next year you'll need to worry about what other countries might think.
Reactionary Enemy of the People ™ Michelle Malkin [who has had surgery by Dr. Karl Rove to hide her European brain] has made a list of so-called BO "gaffes", inadvertently pointing out his miraculous powers. I have drawn from her list of miracles and added a few more to the list of reasons to vote for BO. (Just in case our beloved Madame H seeks victory by the path of defeat, she is soooo clever.)

BO can raise the dead:
In May 2007, Barak Hussein Obama told us the tragic news of the tornado in Kansas, “In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died — an entire town destroyed.” Thanks to the miracle healer BHO, the actual death toll was reduced to 12.

BO can speak new states into existence:
Earlier this month in Oregon, BHO redrew the map of the United States, adding 8 new states with nothing more than the spittle from his silver tongue: “Over the last 15 months, we've traveled to every corner of the United States. I've now been in 57 states? I think one left to go.”

BO can move mountains:
-Kentucky mountains where backwoods hicks love their guns and Jewish Jesus, but mountains nevertheless. Explaining last week why he was trailing Hillary Clinton in Kentucky, Obama explained: “Senator Clinton, I think, is much better known, coming from a nearby state of Arkansas. So it's not surprising that she would have an advantage in some of those states in the middle.” On BHO's map, Arkansas is closer to Kentucky than the bordering state of Illinois.

BO can travel in time:
In March 2007, on the anniversary of the Bloody Sunday march in Selma, Ala., BO claimed his parents united as a direct result of the civil rights movement: “There was something stirring across the country because of what happened in Selma, Ala., because some folks are willing to march across a bridge. So they got together and Barack Obama Jr. was born.”
Obama was born in 1961. The Selma march took place in 1965.

BO can speak in tongues:
This month in Cape Girardeau, Mo., Obama showed off his knowledge of the war in Afghanistan by homing in on a lack of translators: “We only have a certain number of them, and if they are all in Iraq, then it's harder for us to use them in Afghanistan.” The real reason it's “harder for us to use them” in Afghanistan: Iraqis speak Arabic or Kurdish. The Afghanis speak Pashto, Farsi, or other non-Arabic languages.

BO is retroactively omniscient:
Over the weekend in Oregon, Obama pleaded ignorance of the decades-old, multibillion-dollar massive Hanford nuclear-waste cleanup: “Here's something that you will rarely hear from a politician, and that is that I'm not familiar with the Hanford, uuuuhh, site, so I don't know exactly what's going on there. (Applause.) Now, having said that, I promise you I'll learn about it by the time I leave here on the ride back to the airport.”
BO has not let his total lack of knowledge stand in the way of deciding what is best for the masses. He has voted on at least one defense-authorization bill that addressed the “costs, schedules, and technical issues” dealing with Hanford.

BO has visions:
Last March, the Chicago Tribune reported this little-noticed nugget about a fake autobiographical detail in Obama's Dreams from My Father: “Then, there's the copy of Life magazine that Obama presents as his racial awakening at age 9. In it, he wrote, was an article and two accompanying photographs of an African-American man physically and mentally scarred by his efforts to lighten his skin. In fact, the Life article and the photographs don't exist, say the magazine's own historians.”

BO ain't rich:
Mentor Reverend Wright has declared that “Barak Obama ain't rich.” Obama has not noted any factual error, so we can assume that his “tax the rich” rhetoric only applies to multi-multi-millionaires instead of just the rank-and-file millionaires like BO and the Rev.

BO is not an elitist:
"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say ‘OK.'"
Yesirree, not an elitist to the core, BO knows the best setting for my thermostat, that I should leave the dinner table hungry, and what I should drive, all for the sake of what “other countries” will think of me.

My new bumper sticker: "BO, no substance; what's not to like?

Speaking of La Malkin, I found this via her blog:

Top Ten Ways the Democrat Convention Could Be Even Lamer

10. Only the most carbon neutral entertainment allowed: Mimes.

Think we should send them Mikael's contact info?

Besides the cursed Mime, there's only one thing this thread is missing...

HOT MONKEY LOVE!

Eeewww....

Comrade Dr. Gno,

Please, don't show us anymore porn with "Moses" in it.
It's not very nice to mix a Progressive's depravity with a subject of the cursed Bible. The monkey people will also be upset about this as well and we must not offend them.

Surely, you must have some incriminating photos of high Party officials at the Party brothel.

More Obamagasms from Tampa:

Excitement Runs Wide and Deep!

Inside, Obama took the stage to thunderous applause, with supporters jumping to their feet and pumping their fists.

Hm, fist pumping. That reminds me of an old song . . .

So ve heil (ppft!)
Heil! (ppft!)
Right in Obama's face!

Posted by ( mmd3000<br>) on May 22, 2008 at 9:12 a.m. ( Suggest removal )

I think all those who have negative things to say about Obama are either miseducated on facts about him or either just not ready for an African American to be president and if the latter is the case then that's really a shame.
...
However, I do believe that Obama is for the people and not because he says so but because I have done my research on things he has done while in the senate. So to all you "Nobamas" I say get over it because he WILL be the next president of the United States of America and not only will he bring change but he will also make history!! GO OBAMA!!!

Posted by ( ZapDuff ) on May 22, 2008 at 10:56 a.m.

I have no doubt, maniacs can derail the O-train... but it constitutes an act of treason.

So here's the deal, Comrades: If you do not vote for Obama, then you are (a) stupid, (b) racist, or (c) guilty of treason.

Stupidity: A sure sign that you voted for Bush--twice, and will vote for 4 more years of him by pulling the lever for McCain. Since anyone who voted for Bush and supports his policies is obviously just as much a war criminal as he is, then that person is also guilty of Crimes Against Everything, and will be duly punished.

Racism: A hate crime, for which you will be severely punished under laws already passed specially for that purpose.

Treason: See stupidity.

And of course, because he will be the greatest leader the world has ever known, we will have no need of any other leader hereafter, and so will have to make him our president for life!

Dr. Gno wrote:Besides the cursed Mime, there's only one thing this thread is missing...

HOT MONKEY LOVE!

Dr. Gno, don't you know the 'M' word is forbidden here?!?!?

You are a fever blister on the lip of the collective, Doctor. Perhaps some sensitivity training that reaquaints you with your shovel would be in order?

Komrade Zarkof wrote:Comrade Dr. Gno,

Please, don't show us anymore porn with "Moses" in it.
It's not very nice to mix a Progressive's depravity with a subject of the cursed Bible. The monkey people will also be upset about this as well and we must not offend them.

Surely, you must have some incriminating photos of high Party officials at the Party brothel.

I have many images of Chairman Meow in compromising positions (and I mean compromising!) but publishing the photos would only serve to get him boasting about his sexual prowess again. It's like asking Michael Moore to elaborate on one of his silly acceptance speeches at the Akkademy Awards...unfortunate and ill-advised.

I do have some of those 'this is how you'll look' computer images of Commissar Pupovich when he came to me contemplating a sex change operation. He told me he wanted to 'release his inner bitch.' Fortunately for the collective, re reconsidered.

General Mousey-Tongue wrote:

Dr. Gno wrote:Besides the cursed Mime, there's only one thing this thread is missing...

HOT MONKEY LOVE!

Dr. Gno, don't you know the 'M' word is forbidden here?!?!?

You are a fever blister on the lip of the collective, Doctor. Perhaps some sensitivity training that reaquaints you with your shovel would be in order?

Oooh, Komrade Kitty has me really scared. Lighten up, rodent-breath, or you will cash in the balance of your useless lives in one quick transaction. It would be a shame if you ended up in a casserole, perhaps with beets and some potato?

At least the casserole is better than those Hot Pocket jokes.

Comrade Dr. Gno,

It would not be necessary to see any photos of the Chairman. Everyone here on the Cube knows of his prowess and skill at displaying his own brand of depravity. If only more of us could be like him, but there is only one Chairman!

I'm sure many of us would like to see Commissar Pupovich's "after" images of a contemplated sex change operation.

I'm not so sure about that....

Pinkie, this is the best bodice ripper prose I have ever seen. Of course I would expect nothing less from you when the object of passion is Obama. When he becomes president, every woman in America will become a romance writer, producing equally exciting narratives, with progressive publishers buying all of them in bulk and publishing an endless series of Collected Works by American Women Who Confess Love For Obama and Hatred For Bush. There will be a subscription, of course. The full collection will take the entire wall in Chairman Punchenko's library, with the bookends worn from heavy use and the pages bookmarked with Kleenexes and carrying stains from Global Warming Jelly.

I'm glad I'm only reading this thread now because I was on a road trip for a couple of days. Had I read it before the trip I wouldn't be able to operate the vehicle, with various things running up and down my leg (unfortunately it's never the left leg) and I might've even got into an accident, having a seizure at the wrong moment and being unable to break at the sight of the Blue Light Special in my rear view mirror.

Note to self: get a copy of Kennedy Cop badge and license to show the state troopers in the future.

I'm looking forward to Pinkie's broadway musical.....Obamagasm!!
This would be brilliant as a stage show.

Oooh! Maybe it could be called "the Obama Monologues"!

Woman 'married' to 'sexy' Berlin Wall

Metro.co.uk wrote:A middle-aged woman has revealed her lust for the "sexy" the Berlin Wall.

Eija-Ritta Berliner-Mauer even claims she married the hated symbol of Communist oppression.

And the 54-year-old insists it is not just her who gets pleasure when the unorthodox couple make love.

Eija told the Sun: 'I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy.'

She now keeps a model of the former wall - which was ripped down at the end of the Cold War - at her home in Liden, Sweden.

Eija, who fancies objects rather than people, 'married' the wall in 1979 and changed her surname to the German for 'Berlin wall.'

Take a load of those bricks, comrades! I also like the comments under the piece. I think some of them were made by Chairman Punchenko using an alias.

commenters wrote: Well this explains the annoying and unsightly brick rash I see on her thighs.
- Mike, Rockville, MD USA

Count your blessings David, I married The Wailing Wall.
If she is a wall of silence, get her plastered - I find that helps.
- Peter, London

Sadly, an all too common story. Girl meets wall - wall meets girl, girl falls for wall....
It's a similar story to me and my wife, Office Desk, whom I met at a Christmas party where I was working at the time. I saw her across the crowded room and fell for her slim legs and large drawers. People don't understand, but I just tell them they are mad.
- Terry, Cardiff

Yes I know what you mean - I am married to a wall of silence.
- David, STOCKPORT

Belated congratulations to Eija and Wally on their nuptials.

Forgot....where are they registered? Would like to get them a little something.

Hey now, my little babushka wearing beet farmer. Let's get some vodka and read together from the Blue Book.

Here's what I'll wear to the party.

You people are some of the most wonderfully talented comedians....wish you had a show!

This womyn is having an obamagasm on camera. Will this be on someone's iPod as a version of Obama's speeches? I hear his viewership on TV is failing. This may be a way to bring it up...


This picture may look similar but it has a reverse meaning. Putin seems to be seeing her from TV screen and shaping his hands preparing for a sneak attack. Obama would never do that, what with millions of adoring fans who would want to have his baby.