I… I… I… I didn't know that I… I didn't know that I was briefed and, and the Bush people, uh, the Bush people were like, uh, lying to me and stuff.

I wasn't in the loop and I was not in the setting to, uh, to do the proper things with the ranking members and, uh, my statement was, uh, my statement was clear that I was told it was legal and that water boarding was, water boarding was not going to.

My staff person… My staff person didn't brief me and I wasn't informed.

I was sick that day…

Yeah, I was sick that day and at the doctor's office.

You know what, I'm pretty sure I have a doctor's note somewhere excusing me that day that the, uh, whenever I was supposed to be briefed I was sick that day, at the doctor's office, and Bush's people lied to me.

It was all Bush's fault.

He did it, I was sick and at the doctor's…. I AM THE VICTIM HERE! STOP STARING AT ME THAT WAY! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON! I'M INNOCENT! DON'T REPLACE ME WITH STENY HOYER! PLEASE LET ME BE SPEAKER!

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!

What have they done to you, Nancy??!! This is a smear campaign by the VRWC to make you look bad. Don't cave into their fabrications and lies!! Fight the good fight and make Karl Rove give you your enemas for a month.

Dearest Madam Speaker,

I find your excuse explanation that you were told that waterboarding was NOT going to be used on terrorists to be... [cough] rather credible. I'm quite sure the intention of the briefing was so the CIA, those lying bastards, could inform you and other congressional leaders of a list of torture techniques that would not, most definitely NOT, be used on detainees. In fact, in addition to waterboarding, I'm quite sure that the CIA informed you that they would also not be performing testicular electrocutions, sending detainees feetfirst through a woodchipper set to "slow grind," scooping eyeballs from their sockets with a rusty spoon, and playing the "Barbara Streisand's Greatest Hits" album on a continuous loop until the terrorists' ears bleed out.

Now that we have this out of the way and you understand my unwaivering support for you, I was wondering if I can have your diamond-encrusted, gold-rimmed massage chair after they move your skinny ass out of the Speaker's office?

With Affection,
Dr. Strangelove
Direktor of Flashing Lights, Shiny Things, Bobbles, and Cinematography
Ministry of Agitprop
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.

Well you can always jump the Party line when things get a little too hot, Nanners. I'm sure the loon... Er, I'm sure those wonderful folks in good ole' San Francisco will be mighty upset to learn you tortured innocent people. Why, I would jump now if I were you, Nancy. Just the thought of losing power... My God what a terrible thought -- too terrible to even finish.

I just posted these pictures on another thread, and then I noticed this... I'm glad to see Nancy posting again. Here's my little photo reportage about a day in the life of Speaker of the House. I hope this helps...

Komrade Zarkof wrote:What have they done to you, Nancy??!! This is a smear campaign by the VRWC to make you look bad.

Thank you, Comrade Zarkof, for the idea.

I never realized it before, but I guess the question used in progressive teaching can be rephrased this way as well: 'Why Can't a Girl Have a Penis [for a Nose]?'

Speaker Nancy has a Glorious future at the Party Pleasure Palace if she's removed as Speaker. She will never be unemployed again!

No one will need to take any Viagra if she's there. All she will need to do is whisper in your ear "How you doing Big Boy?" and you'll be ready to go!!

That or you can pull her finger!!

Well, she does have me love you longtime experience as a HO.

Oh, but to have Comrade Nancy's pretty face. Even if she gives up her crown, she will have a most pretty face, and this will carry her far. After all, she has done most of what was required of her by our Dear Leader to transform Amerika into a glorious workers paradise. Now, Comrade Nancy has a much, much bigger project to tackle: She has a planet to save.

Nancy would be able to supply most of the fertilizer needs for the Collective farms. She may still be of use by the Party.

Nancsky,

You stupid druken tramp! You have really pissed me off this time. I told to keep your *** **** MOUTH SHUT and all that waterboarding crap!!! But did you? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....

I swear by the dollars that Meow has <s>stolen</s> liberated, I will send Comrade Smersh and the Civilian National Security Force up to the Capitol and have them ESCORT YOU to the nearest GULAG if you don't shut that pie hole!!!!! You are dragging down His Excellency's import work to bring about a perfect socialist system in AmeriKa.