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INDICT NONPERSON CHENEY: SPEECH CRIMINAL!

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Comrades, perhaps we can let a little torture slide and turn a blind eye when politically convenient, da? However, we cannot stand for this political agitation and speech crimes of the nonperson Cheney. To learn more, read this anti-First Amendment diatribe thoughtful essay by Comrade Lanny Davis!


Dr. Strangelove
Direktor of Flashing Lights, Shiny Things, Bobbles, and Cinematography
Ministry of Agitprop
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room."

This truthful analysis will be read in the public skools for decades to come! Comrade Davis has exposed the EVIL of the RethugliKKKan spokesman, Dick Cheney, to the unwashed masses.

Now VP Joe Biden has finally revealed where the location of Cheney's secret bunker was located. Cheney can no longer hide and plot against the citizens of the new Progressive USSA.

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Comrades, how does a dedicated worker for the people initiate a post on the people's blog? Not that I would have an original thought. I denounce myself in advance if such foolishness should enter my mind. I simply wish to recite the wisdom of the party for the good of the people.

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Apparently, you have not been properly edukated, Comrade ThePeoplesComrade. You can initiate a post in three easy steps: First, go the nearest Jiffi-Lobo(TM) for cerebral tuning. Second, grab your shovel and report to the train dock for transportation to the Karl Marx Treatment Center (KMTC). Third, click the 'Group Think' tab --> 'People's Blog' --> 'Post New Topic.'

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I see it Comrade Dr. Strangelove. Thank you.

It would certainly have been reasonable to restrict the people from posting. Many of us have not been sufficiently re-educated and still suffer from those delusional years under that traitorous Ronald Reagan. The people need continuous protection from themselves through dedicated and enlightened leadership. How very progressive of The People's Blog to allow unrestricted access. Yet how very clever. What better way to expose subversive thinkers and resupply the work camps. I am ever humbled at the forward thinking of The People's Blog.

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To Comrade Dr. Strangelove:

Dick Cheney is such a horrible criminal. He should be roasted, skewered, scraped, raped, goaded, impaled, trussed, goosed, quartered, pistol whipped, manacled, burned, phosphorized (whatever that means), gulaged, cooked, chopped, fried, pelleted, given a pair of cement shoes, whacked, food processed, turned into fertilizer, sauteed, brazed, skinned, scalped, daggered, glued face down to a mouse catching, bug catching glue board, have Tabasco Sauce rubbed into his eyes and mouth and other parts, and so many other things I can't think of right now, to make up for having caused the torture of those innocent Al Qaeda freedom fighters.

Lanny Davis, has, and always will be my hero. And he's so handsome, too.

To Comrade PeoplesComrade:

Welcome Comrade. I too, am somewhat new, however I have made so many silly comments, in my short time here, that I have worn a hole into a corner of the gulag.
Beware, this gulag is addictive, and watch out for the thought police.

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Thank you for the warm welcome Comrade Leninka. I appreciate the thought warning however I am probably safe because I seldom allow myself time for thinking. Work in the people's beet fields is my only interest. I prefer to leave thinking to the party leaders (such as Comrades Mattews and Olbermann) who are trained in such things. How fortunate we are to have control of so many of the people's air waves or I would be spending much more time at the Karl Mark Education Center. Which I would be more than happy to do. How much better it would be for my children to be fatherless than for them to be influenced by un-progressive thinking.

Please note this happy occasion. Comrade Yellena is protesting this horrible group of home school children having their minds poisoned by un-progressive parents. An otherwise tragic event is thereby converted into a glorious people's protest.
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Leninka, I agree with your sentiments about Cheney. My biggest complaint is, and wait for it, that he appears to <i>be grown up</i>. He acts like a full-grown adult. He believes that actions have consequences, and that it doesn't follow that if we wish on a red star our wishes will all come true.

How can someone like that be allowed to flourish? I demand that my wishes be honored. If I want something, then I get it. But Cheney, the monster Cheney, seems to think that--and I can hardly credit this--you have to pay a price for things.

Now that, Comrades, is the ultimate evil. Why would I even be a progressive if I thought that I had to pay a price? Isn't that what Progressivism is? Shedding of all responsibility and throwing it onto the backs of others?

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ThePeoplesComrade, welcome to the Cube. Dr. is right--you do need a tune-up at Jiffi-Lobo. You'll feel <i>much</i> better after the liquefaction of all those superfluous prefrontal lobes, and then your tin-foil hat will fit better. Laika, noble Space Dog, will then be better able to beam down to you the Current Truth du Jour, du Heure, to your tin-foil hat.

(And I have been entering a joint venture to make really fetching designer tin-foil hats. I call them Les Chapeaux de Tin Foil. I'm death on French, just like the French.)

There's one thing to remember in the Cube.

It's never your fault. No matter what you think or so or say, it's never your fault. Here actions do not have consequences. You want to spend a trillion dollars? Here you will find nothing but support for His O'liness who did just that.

You want to shit all over America? Why not? It's difficult to live up to the idea of America--I would never try that. But here you can put your arms over the shoulders of the Puppet of the TelePromTer of the United States and Her Excellency Janet Napolitano and do a Rockette-style kick-step while you accuse America of being arrogant and unfeeling.

And you can feel <i>good</i> about doing it here.

Because here, at this wonderful fraternal sodality of the People's Cube, no self-hatred cannot be forgiven.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Leninka, I agree with your sentiments about Cheney. My biggest complaint is, and wait for it, that he appears to <i>be grown up</i>. He acts like a full-grown adult. He believes that actions have consequences, and that it doesn't follow that if we wish on a red star our wishes will all come true.

How can someone like that be allowed to flourish? I demand that my wishes be honored. If I want something, then I get it. But Cheney, the monster Cheney, seems to think that--and I can hardly credit this--you have to pay a price for things.

Now that, Comrades, is the ultimate evil. Why would I even be a progressive if I thought that I had to pay a price? Isn't that what Progressivism is? Shedding of all responsibility and throwing it onto the backs of others?

As always, Commissar Theocritus, you have brought up something I never thought of before-and now my little head is getting even more crowded with exposure to these perceptive musings of yours.

Let us wish and hope on a Red Star that these Cheney types are a dying breed. There aren't too many of them left on the planet, and if they are, they are in executive positions, and in charge of large corporations, and our Dear Master B.O. will be taking care of them, one by one, if he has to, as he nationalizes more and more of these evil corporations (I hope).

We don't need such pragmatists in our midst as much as we need "Hope" and "Change."

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Leninka, how long since your latest Jiffi-Lobo(tm) tune-up? I make a point of having one every time I have my car's oil changed. I just hate the thought of ideas in my head. You know, those nagging, whispering thoughts. I hate to think because they cut into my time for self-love. Why, I can hug myself and hold my fingers behind my back, I am so wonderful.

I find that the most cogent explanation for the world today, which is leading inexorably into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday(tm) is that Progressive Politics is a form of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM">BDSM</a>. [ off. I'm not kidding about this, not a bit.]

I am a progressive because I want unaccountable power over other people, but I am also willing to lie down and grovel if there is a bigger dog around.

If I can snarl and be a bully and have other people grovel in front of me, that's great, even though I choose not to think that my power is second hand, derived from submission.

If there is a bigger dog around, I am willing to surrender that ultimate responsibility for my life to him, because then I just don't have to worry about ethics. I'm <i>lazy</i>, Leninka. I have jettisoned ethics for tastes. And if I choose a Top Dog who is <i>au fait</i>, then I will look good by groveling to said Top Dog, doing my fancy <i>mea culpa</i> dance while showing my soft underbelly. There is always a good bit of passive aggression in a <i>mea culpa</i> dance.

I can dress myself in fashionable ethics, like Eve Layton. It saves the trouble of thinking for myself.

And the absolute last thing that I want is to have to stand alone in a room and say, "I am Theocritus. I have thought about this, and these are my conclusions. I am not asking anyone else for support and I'm not blaming anyone else."

People like that should be shot because they tend to make us Progressives very uncomfortable because they limn the fact that a True Progressive exists only in the eyes of other people.

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Comrade Theocritus,

There you go again, making me think about thoughts and things, again. However, you Jiffi-Lobo recommendation is one I will blindly accept without thinking.

To vacillate between snarly bullying and groveling, this is the perfect attainment of "The Middle Way," of the progressive's road to happiness, is it not?

I had never heard of BDSM, but this concept describes my entire life in a nutshell (or shelled nut?)

I plan to get a Jiffi-Lobo tomorrow? I think. First, I'll read my horoscope, and see if it's in the stars. Or, what do you think?

This conversation gives me distant memories of a play, a play by Eugene Ionesco, but I don't remember the name of the play. Oh, well, no need to ponder. I'll be getting a Jiffi-Lobo soon enough.

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Leninka wrote:phosphorized (whatever that means)

Comrade Leninka, as The People's Chemist, I am qualified to answer this question. White phosphorus, one allotrope of elemental phosphorus, is highly reactive and pyrophoric in the presence of oxygen. Furthermore, pyrophoric substances burn more readily when spread out over a larger surface area. Thus, phosphorizing nonperson Cheney would involve covering his body and stuffing the folds and cavities with white phosphorus and then letting it give him skin burns as it oxidizes. Of course, an easier way would be to use napalm, which contains white phospherus in some recipes, but you must take care not to defoliage any plants lest you be charged with the high crime of arborcide and tried by the Algore, Supreme Green Judge of the International Environmental Court.

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Dr. Strangelove,

What a most satisfying vision you have painted! Thank you for this detailed explanation. I only had a vague memory of this from the years when this phenomenon occurred to those foolish Vietnam veterans who meddled with the oppressive aggression glorious vision of Ho Chi Minh.

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Leninka wrote:This conversation gives me distant memories of a play, a play by Eugene Ionesco, but I don't remember the name of the play. Oh, well, no need to ponder. I'll be getting a Jiffi-Lobo soon enough.

I dunno, but I hear the future is in eggs.

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Doctor, do you think that you can whip up a basting recipe using white phosphorous for my Memorial Day impaling? I'm getting really tired of the taste of starter fluid. I wish Che Gourmet were here to advise on the right herbage. I still favor rosemary for it tends to mask the creosote that so many of the good impaling stakes have.

Leninka, if you're in West Texas, stop in and we can do a Jiffi-Lobo together. We'll need to get acquainted before the, er, procedure of course; afterward we'll be a little occupied with things like walking and bowel control.

But I have some really neat tin-foil hats which look just like piñatas.

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Actually, Theo, I think white phosphorus works better in a dry rub. For basting, I recommend the following:

1 gallon of turpentine
1 quart of Worcestershire sauce
10 fl oz freshly squeezed lime juice
2 TBSP Tabasco sauce
1 TBSP crushed red pepper
1 TBSP chili powder
1 TBSP black pepper
Crushed cilantro to personal taste.

Mix all of the ingredients together in a large pot and bring to a hard boil for 10 minutes.

I didn't include garlic as I know how much you can't stand it.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Leninka, I agree with your sentiments about Cheney. My biggest complaint is, and wait for it, that he appears to <i>be grown up</i>. He acts like a full-grown adult. He believes that actions have consequences, and that it doesn't follow that if we wish on a red star our wishes will all come true.

How can someone like that be allowed to flourish? I demand that my wishes be honored. If I want something, then I get it. But Cheney, the monster Cheney, seems to think that--and I can hardly credit this--you have to pay a price for things.

Now that, Comrades, is the ultimate evil. Why would I even be a progressive if I thought that I had to pay a price? Isn't that what Progressivism is? Shedding of all responsibility and throwing it onto the backs of others?

I agree, Comrade Commisar. Cheney is an unenlightened bourgeois kkkapitalist pig who must be Purged at once for the good of the People. His counter-revolutionary ideas that things have costs and people are responsible for their behavior must not be allowed to infect our glorious World of Next Tuesday.

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Dr., I adore garlic. The bit about being chary of it is merely a ruse. But the turpentine--this must be made from resin chipped off old-growth trees by unionized workers with fair-trade compensation in Bolivia. If they are one-eyed lesbians so much the better.

Comrade Joe, I cannot tell you how hard I work to seem to be working when really I'm getting other people to do it for me. The LAST thing that I would ever do is take responsibility for myself. Why I give master classes in finger-pointing.

The black death in 1349? Point the finger at Bush.

The craters on the moon? Point the finger at Bush.

The meteor that killed the dinosaurs? Point the finger at Bush.

I have a pimple on my ass? Definitely point the finger at Bush.

In fact I am thinking of opening the Commissar Theocritus University of Finger Pointing, Blame Shifting, Artful Dodging, Creative Lying, and Good Old Fashioned Theft.

I will award a PhClinton as my highest degree.

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Comrade Commissar,

Wouldn't one want the Tabasco to be harvested and made by the thought criminals that are soon to be interred in Angola? (the LA prison, not the country. I believe Marshall Pup does volunteer work extracting confessions there.)

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Frankly, Reiuxcat, I do not think that Pupovich has time for doing that, considering how much effort going into training the talent-shitting pigeons which accost me. And I find that they have been taught to fly into my courtyard and dump in patterns there. And he's branched into talent-shitting white dove, too.

But the absolute end is the Nano Jimmy Carter rabbits which I see everywhere. These little tiny things, the size of a gerbil, with those huge teeth and those little tiny beady eyes, which hiss, "Nucular, nucular, nucular..."

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Dr., I adore garlic. The bit about being chary of it is merely a ruse. But the turpentine--this must be made from resin chipped off old-growth trees by unionized workers with fair-trade compensation in Bolivia. If they are one-eyed lesbians so much the better.

Comrade Joe, I cannot tell you how hard I work to seem to be working when really I'm getting other people to do it for me. The LAST thing that I would ever do is take responsibility for myself. Why I give master classes in finger-pointing.

The black death in 1349? Point the finger at Bush.

The craters on the moon? Point the finger at Bush.

The meteor that killed the dinosaurs? Point the finger at Bush.

I have a pimple on my ass? Definitely point the finger at Bush.

In fact I am thinking of opening the Commissar Theocritus University of Finger Pointing, Blame Shifting, Artful Dodging, Creative Lying, and Good Old Fashioned Theft.

I will award a PhClinton as my highest degree.

That sounds excellent, Comrade. What kind of grade would this get me?

I blame Red Rooster for my failure to do anything because he distracted me by making me find ways to blame him. I DENOUNCE him as an Enemy of the People and I demand that he be Purged yesterday.

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You know, Comrade Joe, that I think that those of us here in the Inner Circle just get together and sort it all out. Since we are all Made Progressives, or aspire to be, why don't we just have a Progressive Circle Jerk about how Progressive we are?

I'm the most Progressive, one of us will say, to be contradicted by another Progressive, who claims the golden ring.

Since there is no substance to being a Progressive it's all bluff, like one of those lizard you see on television with the big ruff charging other lizards hoping to scare them off.

If we all have a Progressive Circle Jerk then we can all be very progressive together and scare off all the other wannbe progressive manqués.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Doctor, do you think that you can whip up a basting recipe using white phosphorous for my Memorial Day impaling? I'm getting really tired of the taste of starter fluid. I wish Che Gourmet were here to advise on the right herbage. I still favor rosemary for it tends to mask the creosote that so many of the good impaling stakes have.

Leninka, if you're in West Texas, stop in and we can do a Jiffi-Lobo together. We'll need to get acquainted before the, er, procedure of course; afterward we'll be a little occupied with things like walking and bowel control.

But I have some really neat tin-foil hats which look just like piñatas.

Comrade Theocritus, you will rue the day I come to West Texas, and don't think it's in the distant future. I'll make sure I bring along a special box of "Depends" for you. My dog and pony show may well carry me as far as Midland, at least, and even to Culo de Pecos if they have any organized Republicans and I could have my chauffeur drive me to your ranch. Just make sure those Nano Jimmy Carter rabbits are exterminated before I get there.

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Leninka, the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits have <a href="https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopi ... 1">mounted a revolt</a>.

I am waiting, and waiting, for Colonel 7.62 to send me some Che monsters to eat the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits but there is really no relief. When the odious Ronald Wilson Reagan defeated James Earl Rabbit Carter in 1980 something in me died.

In a strange exchange of souls, the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Car ... ent">swamp rabbit</a> that attacked Jimmy Carter's boat switched brains with Jimmy Carter, and the rabbit went on to rescue (cough, cough) the hostages in Iran and Jimmy Carter became a host of little tiny nano rabbits. Which flash their teeth all the time and make all sorts of useless noises and leave shit all around for responsible people to pick up.

Come to think of it, there is little to choose between the swamp rabbit and Jimmy Carter and the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits. Perhaps a time warp has melded them.

7.62, where the f@#$ are my Che monsters? I've had it up to the Plimsoll line with these nano Jimmy Carter rabbits.

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Comrade Theo, the eggs hatched and they are in fact Che Monsters. I packed up all 6 of them and shipped them out with ample food supplies to Pecos. In fact the tracking ship shows that a "B. Runo" signed for them. You best check your ranch...

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Oh. My. God. What has happened? There are six new dancing queens at the Rancho now, wearing enough paint for a Sherwin Williams store. Bruno has taught them to do a Rockette-style kick-step.

The Che monsters are now drag Che Monsters. And the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits are popping pop corn and sitting in the front row and clapping.

"What good is staying
Alone in your room..."

Bruno has corrupted the Che monsters <i>and</i> the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits.

Good-bye, cruel world...

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Comrade Theo, perhaps I made a mistake in not sending the parent Che Monster (and I'm not sure my Che Monster was the one that laid the clutch as it never tended to them) along with them.

However you can take comfort in one thing, even with drag queen Che monsters, they get ravenously hungry and sooner or later will start having to eat. Kulak and Trotsky monsters are their first choice of prey, then they will happily eat the various Enemies of The State(TM) and will finally turn on the rabbits when they prove to be annoying enough. Cheer up, they are just not hungry enough.

Also, Comrade Red Square is right. DO NOT GIVE THEM GUNS. Mine managed to get into my gun locker and before I knew it, the Che monster had shot 6 people in the back of the head. I distracted it with a Kulak Monster decoy and managed to disarm it, but it was a most uncomfortable experience. I fear it has already made a zip gun or three though...

At any rate given the opportunity a Che monster makes a fairly decent pet. Let it feed enough, and rub it's belly and scratch it's ears and it makes contented sounding noises.

Do give me an update on the Brunoized monsters though please. Perhaps the Che Monster is more trainable than I thought...

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More trainable or more susceptible. Just think if biddable Che monsters ever fall under the suasion of Nansky. Can you imagine the sound? Can you imagine the rapine and larceny? It would be the biggest scene since the rape of the Sabine Women.

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Mmmm perhaps we best keep the Che Monsters under control. Or find out if it is only the young ones that act this way. I'm wondering if these were not Che Monsters after all. Perhaps Kulak Monsters after all? I believe I have heard they can change their shape?

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Comrade Theo, there was video footage that was actually taken of the Jimmy Carter-Swamp Rabbit attack incident and then hidden in The National Archives. I have a copy in my direktor's personal collection, and here it is for your viewing pleasure:


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Dr. Strangelove,
"Look at the bones!". Priceless. It's amazing how far you can go with an innocent looking and sounding persona.

Commissar Theocritus,
Any idea why the nano rabbits are hissing "Nucular, nucular, nucular..." ?

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Jimmy Carter was a nuclar engineer. President Carter, before he was elevated from the peanut fields to the Oval Office, worked in nucleonics. He stuck his head into nuclear reactors to look at the radioactive cores; his micromanaging style did not permit the use of instruments. He had to see it for himself. As time went on the word "nuclear" became shorter and shorter until it was "nuclar."

After a while all the radiation made him shed his skin like a snake and all the scales became the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits, which have a full set of Jimmy Carter dentition and know very few words. Their battle cry is "Nuclar." It's like "Mommy."

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Their battle cry is "Nuclar." It's like "Mommy."

In that case, what if you introduce the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits to the Many Titted Empress? They'll all cry "Mommy!" er, I mean "Nuclar!" and then each of them will latch onto one of Queen Hillary's many teets and never let go. Then she can use them in her negotiations with the Iranians and Norks. Win-Win! Problem solved!

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Oh dear, Dr., I tried that when Our Many Titted Empress stopped in for a bloody mary. She passed out from the pint of gin that I put in the A-positive blood and I exposed her hoping that the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits would latch on. She'd come to, fasten herself up, while I bravely kept from projectile hurling, and walk out the door. But there were more nano Jimmy Carter rabbits than MTE tits. Which is a first. My lord but that woman looks like an a negative octopus when she lets it all hang out.

We had a rabbit civil war and the runts were of course let out in the cold. I do admit that I did get rid of lots of the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits but the ones that didn't get suckle are still here, and <i>they're breeding</i> and the sound "Nuclar, Nuclar," is drowning out "Tico Tico."

Bruno is in a Carmen Miranda phase now.

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Comrade Theo, I convinced a genetic research lab to do some work on Che Monster embryos. They should be "buffed up". Also I had them hardwired to avoid Bruno and Judy Garland music. You should have them soon.

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Thank you, Colonel. I have found that Bruno is an evil creeping influence. Having him in your house is like an attack of 6'4" crabs. It <i>is</i> and attack of 6'4" crabs. You can exterminate all you want but still it doesn't work. You'll never find the last sparkly bit in the sofa cushions and just as a drunk will have bottles stashed everywhere, I keep finding drag items and Judy Garland CDs stashed everywhere.

You wouldn't think that you'd find a Maybelline stash behind the refrigerator, would you? Well, been there, done that.

I am awaiting the Che Monster to rid of me of the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits.

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Oh shit! I just saw the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits carrying a lady's compact across the floor to a slightly bigger nano Jimmy Carter rabbit which was wearing lipstick and blush.

Those teeth, lipstick and blush, saying, "Nuclar, nuclar, nuclar."

I'm going to slit my wrists. It's all over now.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Having him in your house is like an attack of 6'4" crabs. It <i>is</i> and attack of 6'4" crabs. You can exterminate all you want but still it doesn't work.

Crab People

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NUCLAR!!! NUCLAR!!! NUCLAR!!!
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Look on the bright side, Theo. Things could be much worse:

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