The state-run media is reporting that fiscal conservatives are to blame for last night's derailed Amtrak™ train. Although the wreckage is still fresh and many passengers remain unaccounted for, the voice of our Beloved Regime™ has not wasted the opportunity to blame this crisis on a lack of funding, mostly due to fiscal conservatives in Congress™.

Although rumors persist that the crash was caused by human error, the media and our communist operatives in the Democrat Party™ will continue to use the event to justify increases in infrastructure spending. Despite billions of dollars that were recently poured into our infrastructure, it just wasn't enough. The engineer on that train is rumored to have been travelling at twice the speed limit for that curve. With just a few more billions, we can afford to teach them how to obey speed limits and put an end these kinds of preventable tragedies.

This latest event affords us a golden opportunity to publicly shame and blame fiscal conservatives and secure the blessings of the taxpayer for growing the power and influence of the Party™. Just one week ago today, conservatives were blamed by Chris Cuomo and his co-hosts on CNN's New Day for a tree that fell in a Boston park on children as they played:

CUOMO: Scary video, this out of Boston. A huge tree -- watch it. Guess who it fell on? Kids. This happened Monday evening. They're just playing in a public park, 2 and 8, these little boys. Rushed to the hospital. One of them being treated for a skull fracture. The park remains closed. Its other trees are being inspected.

Now, why do we show you this? Because we want to scare you about your kids? No. But it raises a real issue. [highlight=#ffffff][highlight=#ffff00][highlight=#ffffff]People don't like to spend money in their government on going through infrastructure[/highlight][/highlight],[/highlight] in doing these kinds of things, tree checking. These things get cut very quickly in budgets, because it's seen as a waste, superfluous.

PEREIRA: When you think about it oftentimes, the videos that we show you are oftentimes things -- [highlight=#ffffff][highlight=#00ff00][highlight=#ffffff]sinkholes or this kind of things, infrastructure[/highlight][/highlight].[/highlight]

CUOMO: Things you've got to pay attention to. People don't want to spend the money on it. You've got to be careful.

[/indentr]This sort of reporting, i.e. falsely blaming conservatives, is exactly the kind of carpe diem that former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel had in mind when he uttered the phrase, "Never allow a crisis to go to waste." On this point, the media seems keenly aware of the opportunity and are dutifully falling in line to advance the Party™ narrative. If the media remains in lock-step with the regime, it should not take too many more of these 'accidents' until we finally regain the power to induce that Utopian world that we so lovingly know as The Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ .

Welllll ... ah'm jist an ol' engineer with a D-10 Cat 'n a poor attitude, but it's been mah 'sperience what even if'n ya'll got money fer inferstructure, y'all don't go roun' diggin' holes lookin' fer sinkholes, nor pushin' trees over t'see if'n they're gonna fall. We call 'at sorta thing "creatin' the problem so y'all c'n fix it" an' it's frankly summat frowned upon by them as pay the bills, id est, the taxpayers.

Th' boys out'n the machinery yard got a sayin', "Si non confectus, non reficiat" an' I b'lieve 'em business fellers got a fancy name 'n call it "management by exception."

Nonsense! It was lack of action on Global Warminsk Climate Change legislation that caused the train wreck.

It's still the RepubliKKKans' fault though. And the train wreck known as ObamaDear LeaderCare. That's the Rethugglikkkans' fault too.

In the Soviet Union there were no train wrecks. Just saying.

Comrade Otis wrote:In the Soviet Union there were no train wrecks. Just saying.

Proof that knowledge is slavery, comrade.

Comrade Otis wrote:In the Soviet Union there were no train wrecks. Just saying.

That is as long as you leave out the train wreck that was the Soviet Union, Tovarisch Otis:

Liberalism 101 Lesson 139:

The latest word for us to introduce in our forth coming “Enhanced Vocabulary” is the word “austerity”. This words latest function will be for smearing the simpleton peasant dupes and the rich white misogynistic, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, theocratic necrophobic corporatist/capitalist haters who exploit them for daring to cut one penny from the trillions of necessary preferred Liberal/Marxist/Progressive investment initiatives.

By labeling any minute cut in a three trillion dollar budget “austerity”, Statist/Stalinist/Collectivists get the luxury of both attacking obstructionist/reactionaries as miserly Scrooges and masking our true intent.

Bringing about the fundamental change requires reducing the US economy to ashes so that Liberal/Marxist/Progressives can rescue Amerika from itself by implementing the Worker's Paradise.

After the Evil One destroyed the flagship of Marxist ideology by using the ill-gotten gains of America to spend the Soviet Union into oblivion, just imagine the sweet, ironic ecstasy when Statist/Socialist/Progressives are finally successful at scuttling the U.S.S. Constitution through the destruction of her economy and replace that wheezing old witch with the Battleship Potemkin!

As usual, I am konfused by things like Komrade Glorious Leader in tights and a kape, kulpable Rethuglikkkans, train wrecks that never happened in the USSR, trees falling in New York, etc. So, I decided to check with Snopes, the official myth debunker of The Party ™.

According to Snopes, the train did indeed crash because it was going faster than the speed limit. However, Snopes goes on to say that the kommisars at the NTSB are in support of the official party narrative that the root kause was due to Rethuglikkkans.

The NTSB investigation showed that a sektion of newly installed track was removed and the komponents were sent back to the suppliers bekause racist House Rethuglikkkans refused to pay the invoices simply to spite Komrade Glorious Leader. In an effort to keep the trains running and kreate the illusion that everything was fine, John Boehner personally texted the train's engineer and ordered him to disobey the speed limit, open up the throttle all the way, and try to jump the gap in the tracks.

When Boehner was questioned about his role in the crash, his response was, "<crickets chirping>." His silence affirms his guilt and the guilt of the Rethuglikkkan Party. Purges and show trials are ekspekted to begin shortly.

When Komrade Glorious Leader was asked in a press konference whether he would use his super powers to make the world spin backward at the speed of light and go back in time to prevent the wreck, he stated: "Let me be klear. I would do so, but, the evil korporations running the telephone kompanies have eliminated all of the telephone booths in pursuit of ill-gotten profits and screwing others out of their "fair shares." I would have nowhere to change from my golf shirt and mom jeans into my tights and kape."

Didn't Rethuglikkkans install Toyota accelerator software and controls in Amtrak engines as part of the sequester budget cuts?

At least it wasn't the Rio Norte line.....

Warren Peas wrote:At least it wasn't the Rio Norte line.....

Who is John Galt?
THIS JUST IN:
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UPDATE: U.S. News and World Report is reporting that 'Speed Control Was Installed, Not On at Time of Amtrak Crash' due to bureaucratic delays by the Obama Administration's FCC. The money is there, the technology is there, the system is/was installed, but the FCC had not given Amtrak permission to turn the device on because of red-tape over bandwidth frequency.

I understand that now the kommissars at the NTSB have determined that racist House Rethuglikkkans were standing on overpasses and dropping small boulders through the windshields of the trains, inkluding the one that krashed. This, after they kut funding for boulder guards for Amtrak lokomotive windshields.