[img]/images/ISIS_Can_You_Fear_Me_Now.jpg[/img]

Foreign fighters for the Islamic State have become desperate as their favorite devices slowly start giving way to the effects of war.

ISIS has now run into a logistics problem, as much needed supplies such as iPod chargers, electric foot-warmers, DVD players, PlayStations, and blankies that their moms tuck them in with at night are now at major shortage levels.

Although the newly proclaimed Caliphate's goals are still to conquer the area surrounding Syria and Iraq, many new militants refuse to charge into battle, fearing the notorious 'dead zones,' and that their devices won't last long against the stand of hashtag fronts and selfie barrages. And, of course, there's the looming fact that they're probably going to die.

Many of the militants have started to complain to their leaders, often foolishly wishing to return to their exploitative capitalistic societies out of fear that they might miss the next season of their favorite shows. Many are fearing the cold winter ahead due to the lack of survival skills, as well as because their batteries died soon after they Googled how to use their Kalashnikovs.

Comrades, it's up to us to offer important tips on conducting a revolutionary takeover when mommy and/or government isn't around, especially during the cold winter. ISIS has already been through so much, and now they have to face a new fight against a guy named Amir, "who's been hogging the only USB outlet in the entire city for like two days now."

[img]/images/ISIS_iPod_Chargers_Ad.jpg[/img]

Comrade Sovremennyy,

I'm happy to announce my the collective's solution to our desert hero's electrical woes. Available in single or double hump models, this portable solar hump pack provides sufficient power for 12 tweets, 17 text messages or a full 15 minute CD of Islamic ballads for wilderness wanderers.

Perhaps Dear Leaderess should be sent there to be sure the poor lads are receiving nutrient-rich, low-fat, low-calorie, low-sodium foodstuffs -- and to insure that calorie counts are posted on all existing foodstuffs (camels, snakes, scorpions, locusts, etc.).

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Captain Craptek!

Did you really think that your [highlight=#ff99cc]Double Hump Model Portable Solar Pack[/highlight]™ could even begin to power the '[highlight=#ffff00]Full Attack Force Two-Man Controllable iPod[/highlight]™ ?'

I think not, sir!

Craptek, with all due respect, you are a crackpot!! (Put that on your avatar!)

You mean they can't charge their KKKAPITALIST communication devices with the power of jihad?

Comrade Putout wrote:.
Captain Craptek!

Did you really think that your [highlight=#ff99cc]Double Hump Model Portable Solar Pack[/highlight]™ could even begin to power the '[highlight=#ffff00]Full Attack Force Two-Man Controllable iPod[/highlight]™ ?'

I think not, sir!

Craptek, with all due respect, [highlight=#ffff00]you are a crackpot[/highlight]!! (Put that on your avatar!)

craptek-egg-large.gif

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Comrade Putout,

Tut...tut. Come. Listen to the solar CD player as I demonstrate my double hump charger.

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Crappy and Lena sittin' in a tree...
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