Joke of the Day: Pelosi Celebrates 50% Success of Agenda

11/10/2010, 5:07 pm

And this is why the People's Cube humor is moving fast into the mainstream culture. As I like to say, with every step towards the Sovietization of America, political jokes from the old USSR, which Americans had difficulty understanding before, are rapidly becoming more and more translatable.

Pelosi to throw reception to celebrate 'accomplishments' of Dem Congress

The Hill wrote:The event will offer congressional Democrats, many of whom will not be returning to Congress next January, an opportunity to reflect on the party's legislative victories over the past two years. These have included the passage of major healthcare reform, financial regulatory reform, and climate and energy legislation.

In other words, the retiring Pelosi is celebrating a partial success of her socialist agenda. And here's the promised joke:

The Soviet government ordered a scientific research institute to develop a cheap and healthy food product for the masses, that would both recycle city sewage and save the government money - a nutty chocolate spread made from crap.

After years of work and billions of investments, the institute director reports:

"The progress is palpable! We have achieved an astonishing 50% success rate!"
The government officials ask him to clarify the meaning of 50% success.
"It means that our product is already spreading over the bread like Nutella, but it still smells and tastes like crap."

And that is also the meaning of Pelosi's partial legislative success she was able to achieve as Madam Speaker.

11/10/2010, 5:37 pm

Comrades,

She is “celebrating” that the glass is half-full! Under her reign, she was allowed to misinterpret the Constitution correctly. She knows the oath of office is just a meaningless collection of prattle, you have to say it, but it carries the same weight as "trick or treat." The "parc" sandwich shown needs to have another condiment or a clothes pin for sealing nasal input.

11/10/2010, 5:42 pm

"It means that our product is already spreading over the bread like Nutella, but it still smells and tastes like crap."

Oh, my bad. I thought you said Nutria... which smell and taste bad too.

As for the very- oh- so- special Her Highass Peloski, she's no longer calling it a "party"...... but a "meeting". (please make adjustments in all your memo's and speaking engagements)

11/10/2010, 5:46 pm

Speaking of jokes...(ok, can it people)...this reminds me of one.

A judge walks out of his chambers laughing his head off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other judge. "I can't - I just gave a guy ten years for it!"

Ok, ok, here's another one...

Five precepts of the Soviet intelligentsia (intellectuals): Do not think. If you think — do not speak. If you think and speak — do not write. If you think, speak and write — do not sign. If you think, speak, write and sign — don't be surprised.

11/10/2010, 5:47 pm

I've just received a message from Comrade Swimmer, Necroproxy voter, D-Mass :

"Errr....ah...whatever happened to 12 Noon...err...Nancy, 3:30 is a little late start.....*urp*...don't you think?"

11/10/2010, 5:49 pm

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Oh, my bad. I thought you said Nutria... which smell and taste bad too.

Jokes aside, when I lived in the Motherland, some people used to breed nutrias in cages and made the ushanka hats from their pelts, as well as home-made sausage from nutria meat. It was... nutritious. Tastes like rabbit.

11/10/2010, 5:54 pm

Please don't inform on me, but when in the glorious Soviet Union were the people able to celebrate half a loaf? Half a loaf was what one got on Lenin's birthday.

11/10/2010, 5:55 pm

Red Square wrote:Jokes aside, when I lived in the Motherland, some people used to breed nutrias in cages and made the ushanka hats from their pelts, as well as home-made sausage from their meat. Tastes like rabbit.

The hat or the sausage?

11/10/2010, 6:02 pm

Red Square wrote:Jokes aside, when I lived in the Motherland, some people used to breed nutrias in cages and made the ushanka hats from their pelts, as well as home-made sausage from their meat. Tastes like rabbit.

Most illustrious Red Square,Do you mean it tastes like Wabbit? or Waskly Wabbit?

11/10/2010, 6:19 pm

Since the subject of nutria has suddenly become an issue - IT IS NUTRITIOUS!

But of course in the decadent West, they had to use use nutria fur for sensationalist purposes, making the so-called Merkin - the pubic wig.

Bizarre History of the Merkin:

Although the merkin may seem like a “fresh” idea to you, it actually has a centuries old history through many continents. By its name, “merkin” the pubic wig is said to have been worn as far back as 1620. Originally, prostitutes as well as other women with pubic lice used the merkin to cover the pubic area after shaving. The merkin was also popular after being treated for “French Pox” or syphilis which was back then treated with mercury which caused the pubic hair to fall out. The word merkin is believed to be a derivative of the word “malkin” which could mean a mop and was also used as a demeaning word to describe low class women. The Japanese are also famous for their merkins which are often used to add pubic hair to those lacking it for one reason or another. Through history, merkins have been made of many different materials or animals. The skin and hair of an animal was cut in a triangular shape and applied to the shaved pubic area with glue. Clearly, the merkin has evolved with the times and is now sometimes worn by striptease dancers in combination with perhaps a set of pasties. Still a great way to trick your pubic audience into thinking they saw the real thing. However, today's merkin audience is hopefully only about to contract some laughter.

11/10/2010, 6:32 pm

Merkin....A Bush supporter?

11/10/2010, 6:33 pm

Looks like something died on that guy's...er, girl's...er, something died on its head.

11/10/2010, 7:22 pm

From the House of Representitives to pubic hair : That is the biggest off-topic shift I have ever seen on the Cube !

11/10/2010, 7:34 pm

Comrade Krasnodar,

You have hit the hammer on the nail. Some areas of posting are full of shift, others not so bad.

What was the topic?

11/10/2010, 8:01 pm

But what does the joke have to do with Pewlosi Pelosi's successful agenda? If anything, like manure, the legislation is just spread over thick and hard for greatest growth of weed weeds plants. I'll be attending this glorious event in hopes of sending our good comrades off with hopes of reelection in 2012.

11/10/2010, 8:14 pm

Thank Obama goodness the glass is half full! Party™ On Comrades! Garth!

11/10/2010, 8:15 pm

Krasnodar wrote:From the House of Representitives to pubic hair : That is the biggest off-topic shift I have ever seen on the Cube !

They're so cute when they're young.

11/10/2010, 8:38 pm

Laika....are you talk'n to me ? Huh ? Are you talk'n to me ?

Are you saying I'm young ? I remember Gargarin's flight !

You ever see what an R-7 Semyorka can do in the hands of a cosmonaut who knows how to fly one ?

Well ?

[/color][/b]

Oh yeah....my bad....you rode up to orbit on one. . . . .
But I'm still older than you !

To any tech. nit-pickers: I know it's a Soyuz, not Laika's capsule up there.....I liked the photo....and it's still an R-7 booster ! You try finding a good photo of that flight....
the official ones look like they were sandblasted.
And the answer is yes...Krasnodar is a rocket specialist.

( I just realized that Laika could've been talking about the nutria and/or merkins displayed a few posts up. If that's the case, Laika, please ignore this post.

11/11/2010, 12:52 am

Red Square wrote:Bizarre History of the Merkin:

weird stuff weird stuff weird stuff... The word merkin is believed to be a derivative of the word “malkin” which could mean a mop and was also used as a demeaning word to describe low class women. ...weird stuff weird stuff weird stuff

AWESOME - now I know a new insult. "You merkin!" "Shut up, merkin breath." "Pelosi is such a merkin." And I also know what Shakespeare's witches mean when they say "Come Greymalkin."

Red Square wrote:

TADAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! It's the head-merkin! For all those dick-heads out there who need one... just like this fellow here.

11/11/2010, 12:55 am

And although I know this falls in the realm of bad jokes
What's brown and goes "merk merk merk"?
A pubis with a hairlip.

11/11/2010, 8:04 am

Krasnodar wrote: ( I just realized that Laika could've been talking about the nutria and/or merkins displayed a few posts up. If that's the case, Laika, please ignore this post.

Young in Cube lore Kras....One day SMO will be back and Theo will join in and then (and only then) will you realize just how far a thread can wander off in the farthest reaches of the cerebral cosmos. We could be talking about the glorious price of beets in Smolensk and end up talking about quantum physics.

11/11/2010, 9:23 am

Red Square wrote:
Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Oh, my bad. I thought you said Nutria... which smell and taste bad too.
Jokes aside, when I lived in the Motherland, some people used to breed nutrias in cages and made the ushanka hats from their pelts, as well as home-made sausage from nutria meat. It was... nutritious. Tastes like rabbit.

And I'm sure all the mama nutrias were thrilled to make 'the' sacrifice for the better of the (hungry/cold) group.

we have some of those little critters in Texas, who've been mistaken for beaver, rats and Democrats (well, OK, not Dems so much). I think the provide food for the crocks and 'gaters we don't have, but really do. I don't eat rabbit so don't know about comparisons . . . and hope I'll never have to find out. I'm certainly no country girl/Sarah Palin - if it doesn't come wrapped in cellophane, I want noth'n to do with it.

11/11/2010, 10:17 am

Frauleins : It could have been worse.....how 'bout some tasty road-kill armadillo ? Slow roasted on Hwy. 87. With some spicy Texas barbecue sauce, perhaps. Yum........

Comrades Laika Space Dog : I have much to learn, oh great one. After all, your broadcasts are helping to usher in the glorious progressive world of equality of equalness in which we are all now living !
How's this for a span of topics : Obama to patriotism or Pelosi to responsibility........

By the way, did you get those milk-bones I sent up on the last resupply ship ? Wow, moving at five miles per second, munchin' on peanut butter- flavored snackies. Must be nice.

11/11/2010, 11:34 am

Frauleins : It could have been worse.....how 'bout some tasty road-kill armadillo ? Slow roasted on Hwy. 87. With some spicy Texas barbecue sauce, perhaps. Yum........

This is one of our Gulags Friday Favorite's delicacies, Comarde Krasnodar, which is served, "as available". Poodle Strudel is a Saturday delight, also "as available". We try to make our friends and foe's gulag stay, filled with gladness and anticipation, so do not believe all that you hear!!

11/11/2010, 1:30 pm

All Hail the Political Martyrs of the Glorious Heroic Peoples' Revolutionary Party who were voted out of office on November 2! Each one is now free to return home and join a Farming Collective!

Nothing could be more clear than the fact that Our Dear Leader was unable to prevented from presenting His arguments to the illiterate peasants in flyover country. Couple this with the blatant vote theft conducted by the Running Dog Lackeys Of The Imperial Conspiracy Against Peace And Justice, and the results were preordained no less shocking.

Standing In Solidarity with our newest Political Martyrs, ComradeU drank a toast (the good stuff - beet vodka!) to Each And Every Martyr. Afterwards, ComradeU crawled into the street and rested, looking up at the sky until the next morning, thinking of ways that he could be more useful to the State.

11/11/2010, 1:46 pm

Comrade Fraulein, as you are from Lower Oklahoma, I am sure you have tried famous Coyote Cutlets from famous Roadkill Cafe. Is almost as tasty and nutritious as bark from birch forest outside Moscow! And, when you order grilled chicken sandwich, be sure that chicken is pulled from grill of Cadillac automobile. Nothing but most best equal for Party elite!

11/11/2010, 5:25 pm

OKLAHOMA!!? (spit) I am not from any lower, upper or middle Oklahoma but T E X A S (which, btw, is not, never or ever will be pronounced Tejas). I have not heard of the Roadkill Café although it does sounded much like the gourmet ground gater served in our glorious gulag. (the secret to its tenderness is that we must dig the deceased gater out of the cement truck tires)

11/11/2010, 5:32 pm

Why Fraulein....Your vivid description of tenderizied 'gator reveal that you are something of
a " restauranteur".

11/11/2010, 5:48 pm

More along the lines of Offical Taster . . . and truck driver.

11/11/2010, 7:34 pm

Fraulein, I have a menu from the Roadkill Cafe.

11/11/2010, 11:11 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCsH-GY ... r_embedded

11/12/2010, 12:36 am

Hey wait a minute there Abe. I seen pork feet and a hog's head in that video. Buffoon will be really upset to have his yummy produce condemned along with that unwholesome beef product.

(Buffoon old buddy, avert your eyes!)

11/12/2010, 1:02 am

Wow ! This thread's gone from Nancy Pelosi and the House of Representitives to pork.
It seems that we are back on-topic.

11/12/2010, 1:10 am

Krasnodar wrote:Wow ! This thread's gone from Nancy Pelosi and the House of Representitives to pork.
It seems that we are back on-topic.

On topic we have returned, and right into the midst of a potential riot of offended Muslims. Pork? PORKKK?

[img]/red/images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]
In fact, wouldn't it be great if all that anger could be somehow diverted against the pork in Congress?

11/12/2010, 11:34 am

Why, my my my . . . does not the slab of Lab sound delicious. Or, wait, perhaps Poodles'n Noodles (I am partial to noodles, I admit). But the Road Toad a la mode I have had.... much to tuff and chewy. And our gulag guests became very ill (oh, the smell. I could tell you such stories!)

Did Buffoon successfully avert?? Or if he did, would we be able to tell? (that boot appears to be so tight)

11/12/2010, 11:35 am

( off )

About our last Congress: It is hard to avoid pork when you are a pig.

And about the Muslims......just throw strips of raw bacon at 'em. They love that !

11/12/2010, 12:22 pm

mmmm bacon!

11/12/2010, 8:10 pm

Recall? RECALL??? This is a thing that should not be allowed in The World Of Tomorrow!

After our heroic Comrades have been elected to The Supreme Soviet Congress, they should hold that office for life! Only in this way can The "Nation" Formerly Known As "America" finally join the (United-Nations-sponsored) Global World Government.

Plus it would have avoided the unfortunate and highly embarrassing electoral losses by Our Heroic Political Martyrs in the recent election. Ohhh, if only our Chief Commissar had been able to get down to the level of reach the ignorant peons dirty little nuthins in flyover country citizens to explain the glories (and rewards!) of socialism, how different those results would have been!!!!!

11/12/2010, 10:22 pm

Just when I thought Nancy couldn't get any more stupid. Someone should forge a inventation from Hitler to celebrate the accomplishments of the Third Reich and it is to be held in his bunker on April 30th 1945. I would but I am still swamped with everything.

11/12/2010, 10:42 pm

Chedoh - there are many accomplishments the socialist movement can celebrate -

11/12/2010, 10:46 pm

I'm tempted to make that my wall paper for my computer.

11/12/2010, 10:46 pm

Red Square wrote:Chedoh - there are many accomplishments the socialist movement can celebrate -

I'm a little pressed for time in terms of making a picture, but how about the rise of the Berlin Wall?

11/12/2010, 11:10 pm

Perhaps it's an idea for another thread...

11/13/2010, 1:36 am

" Beware of Snakes Turning Right " ? Red Square, I don't understand.........

11/13/2010, 12:36 pm

Grab a shovel and start digging, eventually everything will make sense.

11/13/2010, 1:52 pm

Commissar_Elliott wrote:
Red Square wrote:Chedoh - there are many accomplishments the socialist movement can celebrate -
I'm a little pressed for time in terms of making a picture, but how about the rise of the Berlin Wall?

The socialist movement has given people so much more than that wall. It has inspired people to use ingenuity, it has inspired people to become athletes demonstrating extreme agility, and it has inspired people to be extremely resourceful.

11/13/2010, 7:50 pm

Red Square wrote:Perhaps it's an idea for another thread...

As promised, the new thread is now open: https://thepeoplescube.com/current-trut ... t6406.html

Chedoh - I suggest you post your above comment there as well.

11/25/2010, 9:59 am

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Fraulein, I have a menu from the Roadkill Cafe.

embiggened menu.jpg

Comrade Whoopie,

I have an urgent need to talk with this restauranteur! I had to get rid of dismiss Wolfgang Pup (I only kept him on because of Pupovich's pathetic whining about canine equal (bah!) opportunities, and I caution you do not to tell Pup of this)
I find this menu to be interesting and nutritional, if a bit pricey for the proles LOL

If at all possible, would you kindlyround him up....set up an interview asap? The kitchens, commissaries, and gulags are all in need of goodstrong backs to breakfood service workers.

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