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Larisa Alexandrovna, Minister of Truth and Creative Writing

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My fellow comrades:

Last night, I was perusing the funny pages, aka the Mime's Impeach for Peace site. I absolutely love their new “News of the World” style tabloid format, with the deliciously lurid stories and grotesquely compelling photos, like the one of the five year old girl in Guatemala who gave birth to a chupacabra with ten heads that all look like Karl Rove.

But I was especially enchanted, nay, swept away by the courageous, hard-hitting, in-depth investigative reporting of an up-and-coming useful idiot and PuffHo by the name of Larisa Alexandrovna.

Until I discovered the indisputably borderline genius of Comrade Larisa, I didn't believe anyone could match the intensity of my HBO reception, but oh, how arrogant I've been. I'm almost ashamed to confess that her hatred of Bush makes me look as if I might have voted for him—and twice at that! Indeed, not only has she mastered the rare achievement of multiple Hate-Bush Orgasm, but I do believe she has even discovered the elusive, legendary “W-spot” believed to enhance HBO. In other words, it really exists!

Behold her buildup to a spectacular explosion of splendorous hatred against The Worst Human Being Ever:

Open Letter to George W. Bush

When I came across the following excerpt, even I found myself ready to spontaneously combust into an ecstasy of disgust from this latest charge against Bush:

Your very own concentration camps

You ordered the creation of secret camps all over the world and on US territory where you also authorized the torture of countless men, women and children is a violation of the Geneva Conventions, international law, and domestic law. In other words, you authorized war crimes.
We don't know the number of people you have had disappeared, tortured, and possibly murdered. Although we have some idea of what these numbers may be, I doubt the full truth of it all will ever be known.

In 2005, I had a CENTCOM document leaked to meillustrating that since the start of the Afghanistan and Iraq wars, more than 70,000 men, women, and children have been detained at one of your various camps Mr. Bush. We don't know what happened to them, if they were tortured, raped, or murdered. What we do know is that less than 2% of those 70,000 had any sort of charge brought against them in a court of law. None of those alleged crimes, by the way, were acts of terrorism. We don't know if that 70,000 figure was the actual and full count of detainees in US custody around the world in 2005. But it is safe to say that in the last 3 years since this document was published, the number of detainees has likely grown.

What we also now know, in great horror, is that at least one of your camps had a crematorium in it, which some of the US soldiers stationed there suspected was used for burning bodies:

"We had some kind of incinerator at the end of our building," Specialist Megan Ambuhl said. "It was this huge circular thing. We just didn't know what was incinerated in there. It could have been people, for all we knew -- bodies." Sergeant Davis was not in doubt. "It had bones in it," he said, and he called it the crematorium. "But hey, you're at war," he said. "Suck it up or drive on."

What we also now know is that Dick Cheney and senior members of your administration carried out a plan of torture and abuse that violated international and domestic law with regard to human rights, down to the type of torture tactics that would be used against prisoners in our custody. This plan, we now know, was approved by you.

Comrades, when I read this, I must confess, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that even Bush, with all we already know about his countless crimes and atrocities, would ever stoop to—oh hell, who am I kidding? OF COURSE I wanted to believe this!

And why? Simply because it's true. Should you have any doubts yourself, consider the following facts that support the Truth presented in Comrade Larisa's Epistle to the Evil One:

FACT: She has a document leaked to her from CENTCOM. If it had to be leaked, as opposed to released under the Freedom of Information Act, then obviously the information contained in that document is something the Bush Administration is desperate to suppress and keep secret. Therefore, it must be the TRUTH!


FACT: A couple of soldiers found an incinerator at one of these camps. They don't know what was burned in there, but they saw bones. They didn't specify what kind of bones, but Sergeant Davis, who has no doubts, called it a crematorium--a place for burning human beings, in which case, those must've been human bones! Comrades, if we truly Support the Troops, then we can hardly scoff at them and spew our beverages across our computer keyboards when we read harrowing and courageous eyewitness accounts such as this one. No, we owe him nothing less than to take his word for it! Additionally, it stands to reason that if there's an incinerator full of human bones at this camp, then there are incinerators full of human bones at every camp set up by Bush! Therefore, it must be the TRUTH!

FACT: Note the comments for her blog entry. One of them accurately points out that the opposition—the VRWC—has not posted a single comment disputing Comrade Larisa's column—that instead, the reichwingers are lying low, staying quiet, hiding their shameful heads and bloodstained hands, for the simple reason they cannot dispute a word Comrade Larisa has written. For they know, though they'll never admit it, that every word she has written is true, and they cannot defend or explain any of it, because they have done nothing but blindly follow Bush, dragging their knuckles through puddles of their own saliva drooling from their slack-jawed, open mouths. Therefore, it must be--yep, you guessed it--the TRUTH!

COMRADE LARISA'S POST SHOULD BE REQUIRED READING FOR EVERYONE. THEREFORE, YOU WILL ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE READ THIS AND ARE OUTRAGED BY LEAVING A COMMENT BELOW.

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Ok Ok I read it! Now how do I get the smell of sulfur off my skin and return it to it's original color?

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Of course I believe it. I think hs is burning living muslim children in there, has to be. It's the only logical explanation.

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Of course I believe it. I think hs is burning living muslim children in there, has to be. It's the only logical explanation.

Naturally, that is what he is doing. He also tortures kittens and forces the children to watch. (He uses puppies for non-Islamic children when they're being burned for sharing too much with others; he has a zero-tolerance policy for collectivism.)

I'm also sure mention was made in this polemic of the slogan over the camps' entrance gates.

You know, the one that says, "Work Shall Make You Free."

Yeah. We ALWAYS knew!

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ImageOf course it is true! The only secret is this, and it must be guarded carefully... Abu Ghrab was not set up by the US, it had been used for years by Saddam. Of course, he only used the incinerator to burn cardboard cutouts etc.

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Thank you, Pinkie. Someone needed to cut and paste share this article with the rest of the world. Too bad this won't appear in the NY Times, LA Times or Washington Post. I share your disgust.

This snippet from a commenter on HuffPo encapsulates our superior intellect and entitlement to power in this country;
bracken wrote:[...]If it's not all over the media and people aren't talking about it in reference to the next election or the past eight years, it's because of indifference.

It's too much information--a person is required to think, remember names and dates and timelines, for Christ's sake. Gotta read documents written at a higher level than one can read, with big words and complex sentence structure. Too hard.

A picture of Obama next to Osama, now that's easy to understand. Process drama is too boring, no capped bimbos, no exploding armaments.

Imagine a bunch of cranky infants rubbing their ears and squirming their faces away and flailing their little plump hands--that's the average American. Nope, don't want to know, don't care, can't be bothered, old news, "that's history!"

Scare me or suck up to me. Just don't make me think.
HURRAH! Well said, bracken! The people of this country are just like infants. We need to spoon-feed their thoughts and opinions to them, and this article is the undeniable proof!

-Mikhail

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Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Comrades, if we truly Support the Troops, then we can hardly scoff at them and spew our beverages across our computer keyboards when we read harrowing and courageous eyewitness accounts such as this one.

I just got a new one too! Stupid coffee....

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Larisa Alexandrovna wrote: I cannot think of one Democrat who can boast this kind of lineage. Canyou? No, I don't think so. But you can lie brazenly and attack asitting US Senator on foreign soil by comparing him to Nazisympathizers? Let us continue down memory lane to help those whoapplaud you understand just what it is they are celebrating.

Ted Kennedy was overheard heard saying: "er-eh, what about my Dad? My Dad was, er-a Nazi sympathizer too, der-eh, Larisa. I mean, er-eh, my brudah, rest his soul, said, er-eh, we need to be more like, er-eh, Hitler."

Larisa has brilliantly indicted Republikkkans and brushed the name Kennedy off the table when no-one was looking. Way to go, we can't have people thinking the all Amerikkkan family had any ties to fascist. No, no, Joe Kennedy never hated Jews and Communists. Never, ever. That is party line, divert from it, an we shoot.

RIK

Minister of Firing Squads

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Poor Larisa...

"I cannot think of one Democrat who can boast this kind of lineage. Can you? "

Ummmm....Averill Harriman?
Ahhh...Joe Kennedy, Sr. ?

She can't even get the Hitler quote right, many fools attribute Hitler, but it wasn't him:

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.”.....Joseph Goebbels

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What about George Soros? Didn't he actively participate?


 
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