Michelle: Do you want that bread?
Barry: No, take it.
Michelle: I’m so mad at that Carla Bruni.
Barry: What’d she do now?
Michelle: She still hasn’t apologized.
Barry: For what?
Michelle: You saw how she did me.
Barry: I forgot.
Michelle: Come on! You know – how my “whole life is hell.”
Barry: That was a long time ago. People have forgotten.
Michelle: You want that potato?
Barry: No, take it.
Michelle: I don’t think people have forgotten. They think she’s some fashion plate, but, me, they make fun when I wear a belt at my bust line. Do you want that pork chop?
Barry: No, take it. I think you’re overeating – I mean - overreacting. A lot of people recognize you as a woman of delicate beauty and style.
Michelle: Do you want all that butter?
Barry: No, take a handful.
Michelle: I mean, even at the R&B party we had, no one said I looked beautiful. No one. I was even wearing that red dress with the black widow on the front - and a belt at my bust line.
Barry: You’re wrong. A lot of people remarked how beautiful you looked.
Barry: Come on - we all heard Stevie Wonder carry on how beautiful you looked.
Michelle: He’s blind, Barack!
Barry: Oh. What do you want from me, I didn’t notice!
Michelle: And that Beyonce, walking around with her big ass, like she’s something...
Barry: I think you’re going to have to accept that when you’re at the top, people are going to take potshots at you.
Michelle: I still haven’t even gotten a magazine cover yet.
Barry: What happened the fold-out Hog Farmer Magazine was going to do on you?
Michelle: They said they changed the theme of that issue. Yeah, right.
Barry: What about that women’s magazine that was going to do a cover with you?
Michelle: We’re still waiting. They can’t find two of the same dress that I liked to sew together.
Barry: See? It’s just a matter of time.
Michelle: Bull. Do you want that hamburger?
Barry: No, take it. I’ll just eat the other pork chop. Who’s “they?”
Michelle: The media.
Barry: That’s crazy. The media is completely on our side. They’ve sold their souls to us.
Barry: What do you mean, “bull?” They’re calling me God - and I’m a guy who hasn’t gone to the bathroom three days!
Michelle: Why don’t you take some of the quantitative easing pills I take?
Barry: Are you sure that’s what they call them? I had a conversation with Bill Ayers about them...
Michelle: Why are you telling him about my personal hygiene!
Barry: I didn’t! For some reason, we were talking about policy and for some reason he happened to mention them...
Michelle: I don’t know what they’re called. Some bitch just brings them to me. And speaking of bitches, all my misery started with that Carla Bruni opening her big mouth... Barack, I want you to declare war on France.
Barry: Don’t be silly.
Michelle: I’m serious: I want you to declare war on France.
Michelle: You can do it. You’re the president.
Barry: Michelle, you went to law school. You know the president can’t declare war.
Michelle: Who can, again?
Barry: Only the Supreme Court can declare war.
Michelle: Forgot. Second amendment, right?
Michelle: No wonder you got into Harvard. I wish I went to Harvard.
Barry: If you hooked up with the same Saudi donors I did, you’d have gotten into Harvard, too. The problem is they never leave you alone – they’re like loan sharks. Remember how I had to bow when I went over there?
Michelle: Maybe I’m overreacting. But people don’t know - it’s hell being first lady. It really is.
Barry: Don’t go Betty Ford on me.
Michelle: Who’s that?
Barry: That drunk woman – the one who started all those clinics.
Michelle: I don’t drink, okay Barack!
Michelle: In my position, it’s unladylike... Are you going to eat that cake?
Barry: No, take it. But save me a slice.
Barry: Michelle. Are you doing what I think you're doing?
Michelle: Uhhh, what's that honey? (nervously rearranges her position in the bed)
Barry: I said "Are you doing what I think you're doing?" What are those squooshy noises?
Michelle: Barack, I can't believe you'd ask me a question like that!
Barry: Michelle, I thought we had an agreement about this.
Michelle: No, really - I'm, I'm not.
Barry: Michelle - give me that pork chop. Now. What if the children see you scarfing down pork chops in bed again???
Raum Emmanual Goldstein
Obama: "A lot of people recognize you as a woman of delicate beauty and style."
Doesn't this Guy have any of His own material?