https://www.leninade.com

Attention comrades! Recently I have been informed of a new progressive drink that outshines even the People's Vodka™! I know it may be hard for some of you to comprehend a liquid, but it is true.

One of my fellow comrades at the Junior College had sent me a picture of the “Leninade” bottle unopened, and after seeing the fabled drink for myself, I went to the campus bookstore where it was being sold and, um… “liberated” several crates for myself. (Those of you who would complain that by doing this I am not supporting this nation's higher <s>indoctrination</s> learning centers through this practice shall know that I fully support these centers. Just with other people's money.) This Drink is endorsed by the Great Lenin himself.

The below pictures document the greatness of this drink.

Excellent research, Premier. Too bad you're already a Premier because the Party could use a skilled comrade like you as Kommissar of Industrial Espionage within the Central Planning Committee. Do you have a sister?

This is brilliant! Why didn't we think of this? Anyway, here's the site. We may have discovered some like minded comrades!

Red Square wrote: Do you have a sister?

Alas, no. My sexist parents decided to have 2 boys instead, and my brother is a little young to understand all that is going on.

I hear the National Socialists are coming out with Nazi-Cola.

Dear Lenin! Where can I purchase some with OPM? It looks so refreshing!

Mmm. It looks like the original orange crush.

Red Square wrote:Excellent research, Premier. Too bad you're already a Premier because the Party could use a skilled comrade like you as Kommissar of Industrial Espionage within the Central Planning Committee. Do you have a sister?

My thoughts exactly, Comrade Red Square! Does Premier Betty have a sister... and if so... how wealthy is she and can I ask for her hand in marriage??? Just her hand, mind you... oh, and the money... I believe in California I get half of everything she has, right?? Right??????? I do get half of everything -- including the house... especially the house... and the toaster... no, I want the toaster and the dishwasher... yes... the toaster and the dishwasher.

I also want an open marriage with your sister, Premier Betty, so that I may have an affair with the hieress to the Leninade fortune. Got to keep that green coming in you see and I can't bog myself down with just one rich broad when there are others ripe for the taking.

This new beverage is quite refreshing I must say. Most of my comrades do not remember this, but we once produced a drink I was most proud of, Stalin Soda, which initially showed great promise. It is a fact that by February 1930, fully 50% of the peasant farms throughout the U.S.S.R. had at least one bottle of Stalin Soda in their hut. That means we had over-fulfilled the five-year sales plan by more than 100 per cent.

But successes have their seamy side, especially when they are attained with comparative "ease" -- "unexpectedly," so to speak. Such successes sometimes induce a spirit of vanity and conceit: "We can achieve anything!", "There's nothing we can't do!" People not infrequently become intoxicated by such successes; they become dizzy with success, and Stalin Soda was such a success. Over the next few years, we noticed a precipitous decline in sales of Stalin Soda in the Ukraine, Kazakhstan and North Caucasus. Now some agent provocateur "scientists" tried to link this decline in consumption with what they claimed to be a decline in the population in these areas. Needless to say these pessimists were "relieved of their duties" to the state and "placed in a new position" from which they could serve.

Be that as it may, as much as I enjoyed my Stalin Soda, even as far back as 1933 I wisely foresaw the threat of Nazi fascism and knew I could not trust this Adolph fellow. So I decided to shut down production of Stalin Soda to prepare for the coming menace so we were prepared from the first days of Hitler's attack.

I am pleased to see that Leininade is going to provide some needed competition against....

The Great Meow wrote: I also want an open marriage with your sister, Premier Betty

I have no sister! So you're just going to have an affair with the heir to the Leninade fortune without someone to cheat on, discover your affair, divorce you, then die a horrible painful death after working the streets for money because you took everything after the divorce. Or you could just hook up with some random vacuum cleaner for the time being.

Can we get some Lenin Lite for us heftier comrades?

Ivan Betinov wrote:Can we get some Lenin Lite for us heftier comrades?

That in a bullet shell is the problem as I see it with my Western comrades. They always want their progressiveness watered down. Do you think Comrade Lenin and I had it "lite" as we faced down the imperialist forces? Did they serve us "lite" while we struggled in exile without even the benefit of HBO (Yes, we hated Bush even then), or struggled again the global warming we foresaw even then without the benefit of a CCCP Card? Besides Comrade Betinov, your brain appears to be the correct proportion and no doubt the envy of lesser brained comrades.

BTW, I am most impressed with your dedication to the Party. We tried to have Comrade Trotsky become an organ donor, but the fool sent to Mexico to "collectivize" it ended up turning it into a mass of useless jelly with an ice axe. I was most disappointed.

Collectivization of the brains is a good concept that deserves a government grant.

Leave No Brain's Behind?

No, putting them all in a gigantic specially built blender, and then redistributing the homogenized mush in an equal measure, like they do it in soup lines. Or just visualize the oatmeal-kasha-day in the Gulag.

Leninade! What a wonderful idea comrade Betty! You better take credit for thinking of this now, before some other comrade steals, er, liberates the idea (*cough* Chairman *cough* *cough*).

I want some. How much is it in OPM currency?

RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Leninade! What a wonderful idea comrade Betty! You better take credit for thinking of this now, before some other comrade steals, er, liberates the idea (*cough* Chairman *cough* *cough*).

This is the Progressive way.... just as this comrade stole his idea, nyet, that is too harsh a term for a comrade, was inspired by my Stalin Soda, and some former non-persons claimed I borrowed the idea from Karl's Kola. Perhaps you heard of the Colaist-Trotskyite Lite Trials of 1938? All were found guilty of course after a spirited defense. This unfortunately led to an unwanted but necessary purge of the greatest soft drink scientists just as they were needed most, before the Great Cola War as we call it.

That in a bullet shell is the problem as I see it with my Western comrades. They always want their progressiveness watered down. Do you think Comrade Lenin and I had it "lite" as we faced down the imperialist forces? Did they serve us "lite" while we struggled in exile without even the benefit of HBO...?

But surely it has been observed that two true signs of the downfall of Western Civilization are rap music and LITE Beer? What better to toast the demise of Capitalism than Leninande Lite?

I believe that what Comrade Stalin is saying that sure, we want the demise of western civilization, as a means to an end. We do not wish for our party members to be corrupt or have their minds and souls watered down to the point that they too fall with the society. We must be strong so that we can take control of the sheep. Decadence on our part should stay behind closed doors, and only be done publicly unless it serves the party in some manner.

Red Square wrote: putting them all in a gigantic specially built blender, and then redistributing the homogenized mush in an equal measure, like they do it in soup lines.

I would definetly benifit from that....

Don't they have a Hot Pocket for that Premier Betty?

I believe you may be right. There are quite a few medicinal Hot Pockets that are unheard of outside the party. Although explosive diarrhea is not what I need right this second....

If we don't have collectivized brain Hot Pockets, we darn sure need some! Who is in charge of Party Food?

No one that I know of. We need to find someone to fill that slot so we may begin eating Brain flavored Hot Pockets. Ewww....

I thought that's how they already made Hot Pockets. Or maybe it was the colons.

Nope. Remember, brains and colons occur naturally in this world. The Hot Pocket doesn't. Therefore, these Hot Pockets must be made from all synthetic human/animal parts and must have a shelf life equal to or greater than a Twinkie. Plus they have to be just as if not more effective than drinking a gallon of prune juice and a laxative enema.

<GASP!>

Hot Pocket is PEOPLE!

Dont put your hand in her hot pocket thats gross

Can I still eat it?

Comrades, at the risk of necroposting I must mention that I saw this most glorious of progressive beverages today. It was carbonated, cloyingly sweet and tasted vaguely of lemon and ade. Also it was 2.50 CEU per bottle.

The label said "A Party in Every Bottle" and truly for that price, I would hope so.

Indeed this is a glorious beverage for the masses!