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Life imitating the Cube: Putin's sweet sweet 62nd

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62 years ago was nothing. And then, from out of the nothingness, Dear, beloved Putin stretched forth his caring hand, and created the world from out of the darkness and confusion. He then populated the earth with its creatures and its life. And from out of this life, he appointed one race to rule and to reign supreme over all the others… the noble and divine Russian. And when he had elevated the Russian over his lowly neighbors, Putin descended to the Motherland to guide and to govern the Russian people, and to lead them to dominance over evil forces through his wisdom, his bravery, his merciful heart, and his faithful devotion to his nation and people.

So, in gratitude for all he has done for the motherland, we celebrate the year sixty two of Putin.

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PutinPhone is the opposite of ObamaPhone. At the cost of $4,340, it's designed for the oligarchs who will have to buy it if they want to keep on oligarchin' under Putin. A smart marketing move, only in the Motherland!

And that sums up the concept of the free markets and the marketing economy in today's Russia.

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Buy a Gold-Plated Putin Phone to Show Your Love for Russia

President Vladimir Putin's jewel-encrusted likeness can now be found gracing a limited run of gold-plated iPhones, available for purchase at the princely sum of 147,000 rubles ($4,340).

Italian luxury brand Caviar's "Supremo Putin" iPhone 5S boasts an 18-karat gold exterior, the back of which features a portrait of Putin accompanied by the Russian coat of arms and the first lines of the national anthem.

Caviar's description of the phone states that Putin has become the "symbol of a new generation." The company appeals to customers' sense of national pride by pitching the flamboyant device as "the best way to express patriotism."

The new phone has propelled Putin to the ranks of Leonardo de Vinci, Mohammed Ali and Steve Jobs, whose faces have also been featured on Caviar's gold-plated iPhones.

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In other news, someone gave Putin a serious anus licking by organizing and paying for a series of seven gigantic jingoistic murals in different cities across Russia, themed around the words Strength (Сила), Memory (Память), The Arctic (Арктика), Sovereignty (Суверенитет), History (История), Security (Безопасность), and The Olympics (Олимпиада). Together, they make an anagram: THANK YOU (Спасибо).

Then they made this nifty video for Putin's birthday, showing the murals and explaining the concept. If you understand the Russian language, watch it with a large barf bucket planted firmly on your lap. Also you will need mints to overcome the strong butt-licking aftertaste.



 
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