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Maduro Uses Korrekt Math to Battle 'Economic Persecution'

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Venezuela's charismatic powder-puff strongman, Nikolas Maduro, has devised an ingenious plan to combat evil "economic persecution" being directed against the Venezuelan economy by neighboring Columbia. President Maduro has secretly leveraged information extracted from the US Department of Education approved Kommon Kore Math curriculum to defeat kapitalist attempts at free market terrorism by announcing the prompt removal of three zeros from the Venezuelan Bolivar.

This revolutionary use of Kommon Kore mathematical principles will usher in a new era of economic policy standards to finally combat and defeat capitalism once and for all.

Business Standard:

"I have decided to reduce three zeros of the currency and take out of circulation the current bills and put into circulation new bills," Maduro said on Thursday during a broadcast on state channel VTV.

The President said that this new monetary denomination, which replaces the one he established in January 2017, will help the government fight the "economic war of financial persecution", which he claimed was masterminded by Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos with the help of Venezuelan opposition leader Julio Borges, Efe news reported.

"That war is directed from Colombia, personally directed by Santos, advised by Borges," he said, while also accusing them of "stealing" the country's oil money.

However, 500 bolivars, the new maximum denomination of the country's bills, amount to only $0.01, according to the official exchange rate of 43,980 bolivars per one dollar.

Pure brilliance komrades, BAN TRAILING ZEROES NOW!!!

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Comrades, according to Paul Klurrrgman: this is one of the wonders of the distribution of numbers! It even has a ring to it! Oh Big Punch would be so proud!

"You see, it begins with a set of undefined numbers, functions, relations and a set of unproven propositions which are not merely numbers at all but are variables. Yet, if the theorem is replaced with a proposition embodying the implication from the conjunction of the postulates to the theorem in question, why it becomes an expression of mathematics……and everyone wins!"

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Its really just basic Government accounting. If you take three zeroes off the bill, so say a 500,000 (denomination) becomes a 500 denomination, your bill is now worth 500 denomination to you, which is to be taxed at the old rate, since that never changes.

The Government, however, gets to keep the change! It's revenue coffers just went up 499,500 denominations (per bill in print or to be printed) that can be used to renovate party-loyalist dachas, fund "conferences" and "fact-finding" junkets to exotic beachfront resorts, or even purchase a new website to enroll citizens into new healthcare reforms!

And besides, trailing zeroes would be marginalized and oppressed by egotistical decimal-centric leading zeroes that think they are better...

Keep up the good work, Señor Presidenté!

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Ivan the Stakhanovets -

You and Maduro ought to share a Nobel Prize for collectively nailing down the secret of economic inequality.

Indeed, the trick that can make everyone equal is to end the decimal-centric hegemony of the trailing zeroes. Who do they think they are? They aren't even real numbers, as Comrade Krugman has pointed out above.

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They give Nobel Prizes for doing nothing?
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Never mind. The Order of Hillary is beyond my grasp, I'll take the Nobel, thanks....

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trashmouth wrote:...if the theorem is replaced with a proposition embodying the implication from the conjunction of the postulates to the theorem in question

Oh, what a relief. At first I thought he'd said, "from the conjunction of the prostitutes..."

Good to see that my colleague Professor Kurgman hasn't (cough) lost his mind [kaff kaff]...

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Dear me, all this math has made my whiskers hurt and my paws tremble. But it does not matter. When the Party tells me that 2 + 2 = 5, then I believe that 2 + 2 = 5. When the Party tells me how many zeroes are A Good Thing, I believe that, too.

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Most Equal Komrades,

All this math, zeros, and South AmeriKKKa remind me of an incident from my time in the Glorious Peoples Air Force. Our aircraft stopped for fuel at a lovely location known as La Pas. The airport building looked shiny and new from the outside, but inside it resembled a farmers market with stalls of vendors haphazardly arranged around the walls. There was no security going on there.

Sorry, I get sidetracked very easily these days. Anyway, I had a few spare minutes and went in to see if there were any treasures I needed. I found a stall with a pack of gum. I pointed to the pack of gum and handed the woman staffing the stall a $1 bill (US). She smiled and handed me the gum and a one million Peso note in change. I know she short changed me.

I still have that note as a reminder of just how quickly the "good times" can slip away.

I keep a 1 Kwanza note (pictured below) for different reasons.

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Yours in pursuit of the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon


 
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