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Michelle Obama's Many Talents

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Michelle Obama has recently decided to step out from the shadow of Dear Leader and put her many talents to use.

She has been recently quoted on numerous occasions detailing her numerous talents and super powers. Michelle Obama: "I cannot sit on my talents."

Here we will compile a list of suggestions for her, regarding the best ways to put her talents to good use.

Human Ashtray

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Grave Digger

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That second picture of Michelle invokes a certain melody:

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We built many graves water irrigation across USSA. She oversaw the whole project, and with her shovel, she knocked since into doubters. Sometimes she knocks them deadinto deep sleep in which many coffins beds were made during the project.

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I think she would also make a great ambassador to Benghazi.

Upon further thought, her big mouth would really make an ideal ashtray.

The downside is that all those small butts would make her butt look even bigger.

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Digging Comrades,

Remember this picture of Dear Leader pitching in to help the downtrodden? He is pushing with his right hand and lifting with his left. Moochelle is doing the opposite in the picture above. Why is it that every right handed person I know handles a shovel like Dear Leader. But he's left handed - isn't he? Is Moochelle left handed too? I don't think so.

Surely Dear Leader and Lady Moochelle spent their youth in the beet fields like everyone else - didn't they? If so, then why do they handle a shovel like it's the first one they've ever touched? It goes without saying that the First Couple are also the First Shovelers - which must mean everyone I know (including myself) is doing it backwards! This is ruining my Saturday night...what does it all mean?

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I'm not sure about the human ashtray aspect of all of this though, one must admit, that is a truly unique talent. However, when one deconstructs the statement attributed to our Empress of Culinary Delights, one can only assume that the talents she speaks of are the cheeks of her posterior. I don't think I'm mistaken, unless, of course, she considerers a sofa chair to be a talent. In any case, she seems to have a rather unfortunate condition that a supply of Preparation-H may be useful in alleviating. Just a thought. I'm sure Moochelle does not want to burden us with her everyday ailments so we are compelled to 'read between the lines' and interpret the meaning of her divine utterings. If only we were all as brilliant as the Obamas, these questions would never arise. Alas, we are destined to be forever so intellectually inferior as to be incapable of understanding their philosophical meanderings. I so want to understand the relationship between an angry strong African-American woman, a carrot and a golf club. Some things only gods can understand.

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Rikalonius wrote:That second picture of Michelle invokes a certain melody:

A glorious melody reminding me of my young days...

Perhaps the protocol officers could request an executive order mandating that this be played when FLATUS Moo waddles emerges from the cargo bay of O-Force One much the way they play "Hail to the Chieftain"

It should at least be the ringtone on Der Dear Leader's phone for when she calls.

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Fireworks Butt Launcher

Michelle's butt would also make an excellent launcher for fireworks.

There are many videos on the Internet of people attempting this without the proper equipment. Michelle has the most satisfactory equipment to launch rather large rockets and assorted fireworks with ease.

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Due to the hefty size of her backside, greater safety would be proffered to spectators and fireworks handlers.


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This commentary is quickly turning asinine !

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Captain Craptek wrote:Surely Dear Leader and Lady Moochelle spent their youth in the beet fields like everyone else - didn't they? If so, then why do they handle a shovel like it's the first one they've ever touched? It goes without saying that the First Couple are also the First Shovelers - which must mean everyone I know (including myself) is doing it backwards! This is ruining my Saturday night...what does it all mean?


What you're failing to understand, comrade, is that shoveling bovine manure requires a completely different skill set. Bovine manure is soft and wet. It requires a finesse that the Obamas possess in spades (racial reference is unintentional). There is a certain artistic skill required to shovel bovine manure and Dear Leader and his loverly angry strong willed spouse are extremely talented artists. She is not know as Moochelle for nothing.

For the first time in my country, I'm proud to have a life.

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Star Wars Wookie

There is a new 'Star Wars' movie in production. The original 'Wookie' is rather old, decrepit and perhaps less fit to fill the role than, say, Michelle Obama.

She would make a most excellent Wookie. Not just on looks, but her ornery personality and combativeness make her the perfect choice.

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Krasnodar wrote:This commentary is quickly turning asinine !

Comrade, what do you expect? We work late and then get up for postings at the butt-crack of dawn...


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Lady Schick Salesperson

She could be a spokesmodel for "Lady Shick" personal hygiene products, such as ladies' razors.

After her recent debacle at an unnamed sporting event, where racist cameramen focused in on her hairy, unshaved underarms, she can promote lady's razors.

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Fortunately, Ms. Obama noticed that her underarm hair and filth was showing, so she quickly covered her underarms and opened her mouth wide to distract attention.

Cameramen are racists.

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Comrades, we should not be so fast to joke.
Michelle Obama has laid claim to some undisclosed talents, and who knows... she might actually have some real talent we are unaware of.

President Clinton and former Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan both played the saxophone.

John Kerry plays the guitar.

If I would guess at what she would be good at - based purely upon looks - I would say a death metal band could use a scary guitarist.
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Talent. Pure deep-fried talent with a side of cheese-fries and a milkshake.

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Deep Fried?
Are you insinuating that she eats non healthy food? Just any old slop?

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Tovarichi wrote:Talent. Pure deep-fried talent with a side of cheese-fries and a milkshake.

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Is she doing a line? I'm pretty sure she's doing a line. Nothing says "racial harmony" like black on white. What an example!

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Fresh Produce Salesperson
Nobody expects Queen Michelle to follow her own advice, but she is quite good at ordering others what to eat.
For that reason, she would make a great produce salesperson.

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She would make an excellent "Lady Monkey-Butt" spokesmodel. She already appears on the label.
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