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More Daylight for The People!

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It is that glorious time of the year, when the clocks are directed to "fall back", giving The People an additional ration of daylight during the morning hours. Please note that this is a temporary condition, that is subject to change, as the earth rotates around the sun. The global climate disruption that will be experienced as the "seasons" change is directly attributable to inaction on the part of Republicans in Congress for failing to recognize the importance of imposing additional cap and trade penalties on greedy corporations. It is believed Obama is working to pass legislation that would give The Party(TM) control over the change of seasons, as well as distribution of weather. Until such time, please be patient as we do our best to manipulate time to suit the needs of the workers and peasants of the USSA.

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Is this time to be redistributed to us ONLY from those who make $250000 a year or more, or will all komrades find their time being redistributed at the pre-Bushian levels after Jan. 1st?
(BTW it's been a while! Good to see the walls haven't come down in my absence.)

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The benevolant Obama administration is redistributing this time to all persons, regardless of race, sex, religion or income. It is part of the Party's outreach program to the masses. Except for Arizona. Due to their discriminatory laws regarding undocumented migrant democrats, they are not a part of the glorious Daylight Saving(TM) program.

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:The benevolant Obama administration is redistributing this time to all persons, regardless of race, sex, religion or income. It is part of the Party's outreach program to the masses. Except for Arizona. Due to their discriminatory laws regarding undocumented migrant democrats, they are not a part of the glorious Daylight Saving(TM) program.

Comrade,

I must inform that Dear Leader's ™ home state of Kenya Hawaii is also exempt from such changes.

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That is because Hawaii basks in the eternal sunshine of Hiis O'liness, and does not need saving, or daylight.

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That is good to know. We cannot have unity until all are equally made to pay the time burden for the Common Good™. This will give us all an extra hour to present to His Highness upon his return from India, as I'm sure the jetlag, combined with champaign and caviar, and the hell of being cooped up in the Taj Mahal for a month will have made him quite exhausted. I can't wait til he is back in town to tell those repubicans "elections have consequences. You won- so you'd better compromise with me."!!!!!

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Czar Squared, I recall Lord Barry Dear O'Leader telling us that he expected the Republicans to work with him more. Just so. Read that as, "Roll over and I may not put carborundum in the grease which I may use to fuck you with." Which makes Lindsay Graham deliquesce into tears of gratitude.

7.62, I do not know if you're onto something or committing suicide as the Commissar of Time. One of the glories (La Gloire de Commie) of being a prog is that as soon as a problem arrives, or one can be discerned, or created (pay strict attention to that last one), then we spring into action to make a huge bureaucracy to insure that there is fair treatment for everyone.

This insures that the problem is set into cement, that we cannot grow out of it, and that we get control.

Does this mean that you, 7.62, are superfluous to requirements, or are you so good that as soon as you get your hooks into something, as a made prog, that you can kill it dead?


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truely this shows the power of "the chosen one". this morning i was awoken in the gulag to my surprise my peoples clock and the amount of light outside did not make sense. upon reading this i now see that He has made it so. it is about time fair light is being distributed. Alaska (spit) gets 23 hours of daylight durring some parts of the year.

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My Comrades

This morning at 5:39 Central African Time I ordered the sun to rise.

And it promptly did.

I am indeed the Dear Leader and Fearless Tyrant of the People's Utopia of Zimbabwe!!

Mmuwahahaha!!

Obamugabe

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Comrade Theo, even as we speak, a massive bureaucracy is being enlarged to deal with the unfair distribution of daylight at different times throughout the world. Right now I have to make at least a hundred trips through the wormhole each day just to handle the paperwork. I will be setting up shop in Olympia, and offering union government jobs, just as soon as funding comes in.

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Comrade Clock, if the rich are also getting an equal share of extra light, then where are we redistributing this extra light from? Who is being made to sacrifice so that others may have a fair share? This is all very confusing.

btw: Is that 7:62 am or pm?

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Comrade Whoopie wrote:Comrade Clock, if the rich are also getting an equal share of extra light, then where are we redistributing this extra light from? Who is being made to sacrifice so that others may have a fair share? This is all very confusing.

btw: Is that 7:62 am or pm?
Comrade Making Whoopie ... not to speak for the Kernal, those with military backgrounds would know that there is no such thing as AM or PM. AM/PM is someplace the Prole go for coffee, donuts, and gas (in that order).

I know that because I too was once a great military man. A ruthless revolutionary, all men feared me, all woman loved me ... now though .. I too go to AM/PM for coffee, donuts, and gas, in that order.

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Speaking of past military greatness,

The charge of the light Brigade [even though they had no lights] was magnificent to watch at the beginning. After the first 100 meters or so, not so much with incoming cannon and musket fire, blood everywhere from both horses and men. Perhaps they should have charged it somewhere else!
A cup of coffee is much more difficult to manage on horseback!

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Whoopie, I will let you in on a little secret. We are borrowing the daylight from the future, so that those in the present may have more. It is not something we have to worry about, as I'm sure our grandchildren will find a solution to the problem.

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Obamugabe, I think that after all this time, you may not be a made prog after all. If I were a made prog, I'd tell the sun to rise at 5:40, instead of 5:39, because I want the extra minute to compose my thoughts, the better to greet the day and impress the entire world, nay, all of creation, nay, all of the universe, nay, all of the multiverse with my wonderful ideas about how to make people buy compact fluorescent lights instead of incandescent ones.

So. Are you the REAL THING? Are you a REAL MADE PROG? Cannot you make a single minute's adjustment in the solar time?

Now I know that in your part of the world the days are growing shorter than longer. Which means that you have a two minute deficit.

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Tooorisky, I need also to speak with you. I'm a Made Prog. I'm a big, swingin' dick Made Prog. I see that you are trying to encroach on Kennedy territory--what's with this "debauchery" bit? You're nothing but a pollyanna compared to the real debauchers. Joe had his daughter lobotomized and parked with nuns; the competition between Jack and Joe Jr. was so intense that Joe Jr. killed himself in a suicide mission.

Then we have John Kerry. He married a woman and when he found a richer one, he dumped his first wife, delegitimizing his children. But hey! Who wouldn't for a half a billion? Hell, Tooorisky, I'd sell your ass to Arab slavers for a pack of Camels.

I keep hearing this tiny voice of uncertainty in you, Tooorisky. I am not sure that you're up to the challenge of being as nasty a bastard as you have to be to be a Made Prog.

Now. To prove yourself, go plant explosive on the wheelchair of a nun going through airport security. One of the progressive's most useful abilities is completely eliminating any sort of judgment at all.

Because when people are bereft of judgment, we get to take the decision to them.

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Most[ly] High Commissar Theocritus,Maybe when Dear Leader gets back, you can have a party comparing pen sizes.As you know, the B-17 flying target was not able to defend itself. over 5,000 were shot down over Europe, mainly because they were armed with .50 calibre bb guns against 20mm and 30mm cannon. Joe Jr. was trying to lay back because he got credit for flying 2 missions instead of one. The experiment was to load an aircraft with 10,000 lbs of explosives, then fly it by remote control television and crash it into the target.

It worked very well until the last mission, the biggest piece of the plane recovered was 2" square.

As far as selling goes, if you are man enough to stop four rounds of .44 Magnum ammunition, I'll use the fifth one on myself.

But why all this talk of violence? Did some comrade steal your beet whiskey?

Did you fall onto the concrete floor this morning? Was somebody not nice to you?

When I was younger, I spent four years in the Marines, and left as a sergeant.
Mother was only half of the word, and I was not promoted because I could say please and thank you.

The operant phrase comrade is come big or stay in the gulag! I may be the new guy here, but even don't think about messing with me, that has been tried by people a lot scarier than you, I'm here, they are not. I will kick your ass so hard, comrade, you'll be wearing it for a new hat.

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CT : Please don't take Theo's criticism to heart ..... Progressives have been known to get a little cranky after their Party looses big time in an election.

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Comrade Theocritus

I will not stoop to answer you.

Your criticism is obviously rooted in racism.

Amandla!

Obamugabe.

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Krasnodar wrote:CT : Please don't take Theo's criticism to heart ..... Progressives have been known to get a little cranky after their Party looses big time in an election.
Yes, he also just dodged a big bullet, since Nansky will still be hanging around the US House of Reps. for a while longer she won't show up at his doorstep begging to bunk with him and Bruno ... Progressive woman always show up at his door seeking charity, just ask Janeane Godawfullo.

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*Gets popcorn out, moves the Theo and CT show to the big, big, big screen TV*

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Colonel, now look what you've done. I told you no good will come of messing with the timeline. Speaking of which, do I have time to take a leak and buy some Milkduds before round one commences?

(I don't wanna miss this)

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Comrades,

It has been a very tough week at the gulag, and was not in the right frame of mind for any jockularity, or to be a floor mat for anyone else's idle threats.

My apologies to everyone involved.

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:*Gets popcorn out, moves the Theo and CT show to the big, big, big screen TV*

Ditto.

Comrade Tooorisky,

This is Comrade Theocritus's way of showing he likes you.

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Leninka wrote:
This is Comrade Theocritus's way of showing he likes you.

YIKES! Run Tooorisky, run for your life.

(Seriously, Theo is a nice guy. It's a shame they won't let him be a Boy Scout Troop Leader.)

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Comrade Whoopie,

Thanks, but I would not touch that with your fork or shovel! Comrade 7.62 was simply showing he has the correct velocity to get things things done right the first time.

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Thanks for the spare time Colonel. I used this extra hour to sleep calculate how many tractors we'll need from our glorious tractor factories in 5 years.

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Too many tractors, too little time. What about thrashers, binders and combines.

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Thrashers, binders and combines ?

Leninka, where do you think you are , America ?

The State does tractors.....period.
Any other machine offered is just the capitalists trying to sell something we don't need, all in the name of efficiency. This new found efficiency will result in workers having more free time on their hands. And that, comrade, is when they start to think.....leading eventually to a people's revolution against socialism ! And I'm quite sure you don't want that to happen.
After all, they just might start digging into your history. Need I say more ?

So, once again.........TRACTORS ONLY !

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Comrade Colonel 7.62,

Perhaps the headline should read "More daylight issued to workers", new, higher, productivity quotas as well.

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Comrades, I'm pleased to report that production quotas for the new People's model 22 tractor are not only being met but exceeded.

I can confidently announce that by next Spring every farm that needs a tractor will have a tractor...and any farm that doesn't have a tractor didn't really need one.

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Krasnodar wrote:Thrashers, binders and combines ?

Leninka, where do you think you are , America ?

The State does tractors.....period.
Any other machine offered is just the capitalists trying to sell something we don't need, all in the name of efficiency. This new found efficiency will result in workers having more free time on their hands. And that, comrade, is when they start to think.....leading eventually to a people's revolution against socialism ! And I'm quite sure you don't want that to happen.
After all, they just might start digging into your history. Need I say more ?

So, once again.........TRACTORS ONLY !

Of course, you are korrect. To steal any kapitalist inventions like thrashers, binders and combines would be going against the spirit of the revolution. I was just trying to stimulate Comrade Elliott's dream-state imagination.

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Comrades,

What is with combines, that is when you add several things together. The correct word is "concubines". Every gulag needs more of these!

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Comrade T : I don't think that recreational resource should be made too available.
We must keep up on our production quotas. And let's face it, no one wants to contract a gift that keeps on giving, if you understand by meaning !

By the way, were you a gunny ?

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Comrade Krasnodar,

I was disgraced! Once it was discovered my parents were married, my career was done.

They unceremoniously threw me out after a few months over 4 years. I was only able to achieve Sergeant.

The gift that keeps on giving can be moderated by a pen that is in cillian.

It MAY work MOST of the time!

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Tooorisky, are you referring to penis-illin?

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Ah, Tooorisky, I do not for a second doubt your aptitude with weapons, and this would be just fine--in Red Star's brain-dead goons[/i] highly trained People's Property RePossessors.

You see, Made Progs, and I'm the Madest of Made Progs, just don't soil our hands with touching weapons. We mock people who use them, while exercising the full force of the state, which is nothing but force, on people.

You want to do it one wallet at a time. I want to do it class of people at a time.

That's why I'm a made prog. I'm a good deal nastier than you. I use mass-production of misery.


 
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