Mudfinger

1/21/2010, 7:50 pm

Do you have the qualifications to be a Mudfinger? Can you turn a thriving economy into mud? Can you bring the unemployment numbers from 6.5% to over 10% in less than a year? Can you create a business climate where businesses are afraid to hire people for fear of higher taxes, more regulations, higher energy costs, and costly health insurance mandates? Then you are probably a Mudfinger.

As you know, everything Dear Leader touches turns to mud. This is good. This is his job. He touched Government Motors--it is turning to mud. He touched Shitti Bank--it is turning to mud.

Mud is good. All capitalist companies must be turned to mud. The evil capitalist USSA economy must be turned to mud. Fortunately, we have some highly qualified Mudfingers in Congress. Here are the top Mudfingers and why.

The following quote is confiscated from an article in the WSJ entitled The Message of Massachusetts. These Comrades are considered to be Dear Leader's "Real Cabinet."

• Ed Markey of Massachusetts, first elected in 1976, helped to ram the cap-and-tax bill through the House and has pushed relentlessly for the EPA to declare carbon a pollutant under the Clean Air Act that didn't mention carbon.
• Wisconsin's David Obey, elected in 1969, is the House Appropriations chairman who steered the $787 billion stimulus to focus on Medicaid expansion and other transfer payments that have done nothing for economic growth.
• Henry Waxman, first elected in the Watergate class of1974, deposed John Dingell in 2008 as too moderate to run the Energy and Commerce Committee. The Hollywood liberal is co-author of the cap-and-tax vote that will cost numerous Blue Dogs their seats.
• Pete Stark, class of 1972, runs the health subcommittee on Ways and Means and has written most of the House health reform that has forced moderates to walk the plank on the "public option."
• George Miller, class of 1974 and chief enforcer for Speaker Nancy Pelosi, has pushed to nationalize the college student loan market. Like Mr. Stark, he's from California.
• Barney Frank of Massachusetts, class of 1980 and chief protector of Fannie Mae, wrote the financial reform that would make too-big-to-fail the law for the largest banks. He has also pushed the mortgage foreclosure mitigation programs that have extended the housing recession by preventing home prices from finding a bottom.

Mud is good for beets. Mud is good for potatoes. Everything must be turned to mud, otherwise Dear Leader will not be able to lay the structural foundation necessary to create the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.

Here's mud in your eye.

1/21/2010, 9:29 pm

Comrade,

Very good; you speak the truth as well

One does have to wonder, however, after all our great leaders fisting, if it is mud on their finger or something else?

1/21/2010, 9:41 pm

Comrade Neotrotsky,

Oh, no you don't. You're not taking this conversation down into the mud right off the bat. Get your mind out of that mud hole. I mean, there is a difference between mud and poop, isn't there?

Beets grow well with mud. Yes. However, I will admit that adding a little poop for fertilizer is good.

1/21/2010, 10:57 pm

Mudfingers
-a tribute, by Opiate of the People
Sung to the tune of "Goldfinger"

Mudfingers!
They're the Ones, the Ones with the slimy touch,
A vampire's touch.

Such a dud-finger!
Beckon you to let them help you win
But it's all spin!

Oh, the pork they will put in your hand;
In the end, it will all turn to sand!
Dopey voters, know when they've kicked you,
It's with Hope and Change that they did trick you!

Mudfingers!
Middle class, beware of their Leftist hell;
YOUR blood they'll sell!

They're out for themselves!
Just themselves!
Help none but themselves!
They love themselllllllllllves.......

1/21/2010, 11:10 pm

Comrade Opiate,

That is an excellent, on the fly, rendition of the song that just had to be. Perhaps a movie will follow.

I will inform Check Point Charlie of your great work, as he is the one who thought there ought to be some kind of name ~~for the opposite of The Midas Touch, but The Mud Touch didn't quite sound right,~~ that would honor Dear Leader and all the progress he and Congress have made in turning us into a glorious, green and progressive utopia.

1/22/2010, 1:32 am

That was so down and dirty I almost soiled myself. But I dig what you're saying.

1/22/2010, 1:38 am

Thank you Comrade Ice Pic. I don't have respect for any Comrades who can't get down and dig, who can't get their hands muddy, and who won't step in it for the party.

1/22/2010, 9:21 am

I have one tear on the precipice of falling . . . and a glimmer of a smile crossing my lips (**if that receives approval of my gulag commandant). This is so poetic, dear Leninka, and
Opiate will have me humming a little tune, all the day long (see "**" for clarification).

NO one can turn an economy to mud as are dear Soldiers of Social & Economic Destruction, the U.S. Congress, headed by our glorious leader!Mud to all!

1/22/2010, 10:46 pm

Leninka,
You've triggered some old memories of the Motherland. Ole Dr Frank and I used to frequent a pub called Dimitri's House of Mud and Spirits (it sounded very catchy in Russian). Anyway, he got this idea from an old friend of his named Vlad. He had all these poles around the place with big vats of mud at the bottom. After the day shift the local farm girls would come in and dance on and around the poles. It was great fun.

I remember this one girl. I think her name was Yellena. She was quite fetching in her work clothes and boots. Always wore a pink head scarf. Just lovely. She always had a shovel with her and would whack anyone who got to close. I layed the ole Grigiori eyes on her and she was hooked. We dated for a while and then she went missing. Dimitri said she was pregnant and left for the States. Said she was going to spread the good word of Communism to America. Never heard from her again.

Blessed be the Mud. The Marshall Pup and I have been ~~making~~ donating millions of dollars from our Girls Love Mud series of videos. There's mud pole dancing and mud wrestling. It's all for the children of course.

1/23/2010, 12:07 am

Thank you Grigori. I can just imagine Yellena in her youthful strength and beauty.

Comrade Pulloskies,

That is a lovely T-shirt. The more mud, the more beets. The more mud we have, the more potatoes we grow. The more potatoes we grow, the more vodka we make, the more vodka we make, the more vodka we drink. So, all in all, mud is good.

1/23/2010, 1:43 am

Once I read a book which talked about making mud pies and I believe they were being metaphorical. The doctor who recommended it was Dr. Ike Bulb. The book was by Larry Kramer. I don't think that Julia Child has that recipe. But then Julia Child, with her rich foods, and her good cooking, was an enemy of the people.

Do you think that a better term for the reconciliation of the Senate and House versions of a bill could be mud wrestling?

1/23/2010, 2:30 am

Eee Gads.

Well, it's a possibility. Nanski would never admit it but, she is fond of getting down and dirty.
And, Comrade Al Franken surely must be reeling from the demise of Air America, so I suspect he would be willing to jump in.

1/23/2010, 2:38 am

Notice how the incidence of refraction of makes Nanski's boobs look normal instead of starting on her belly.

I think that Nanski must be proof of divine origin though--considering her many face-lifts, you'd think that her boobs would be on her collar bone.

1/23/2010, 2:57 am

Instead of being an over-the-shoulder-swinging-boulder?

She is quite neglectful of certain body parts, like her hands. Those bony grasping hands.

Oh, and Theo, notice how the maiden's maid is a really a gentleman of a theatrical turn.

1/23/2010, 3:17 am

Leninka wrote:Oh, and Theo, notice how the maiden's maid is a really a gentleman of a theatrical turn.

Oh. My. God. That's Bruno's great uncle!

1/23/2010, 9:38 am

I must say thanks again to my comrades . . . the beets and gruel tasted so much better as I hummed verse after verse of "Mudfinger".

My sensitives were a little offended . . I thought a saw Nanski's nu-nus but on second glance, it appears most it covered. I will say that all the plastic interjections are paying off but that starey-eyed, deer- in- the- headlights look is a little distressing.

1/23/2010, 10:00 pm

There are rumors that that deer is related to Nanski on her mother's side. But then this animal is closer to Nanski:

1/23/2010, 10:46 pm

Commissar Theocritus wrote:
Leninka wrote:Oh, and Theo, notice how the maiden's maid is a really a gentleman of a theatrical turn.
Oh. My. God. That's Bruno's great uncle!

I see. He was both feminine, and yet, as I could see from the way he knocked a grown man right off of a footbridge, that he was also strong. Bruno should be so proud.

1/23/2010, 10:50 pm

Have you seen Bruno's shoulders? It's really hard to be a convincing Carmen Miranda when you have a 50" chest.

1/24/2010, 2:03 am

Actually, with the way women are looking these days, and all the weight lifting they do, many of them are catching up to Bruno, which, really, makes Bruno way ahead of his time.

1/24/2010, 8:51 pm

Yes, but it's the bottle-brush legs you know that give the game away.

1/25/2010, 3:40 am

Now, if Nanski can have surgery to fix a face that would look like a crumpled up paper bag, if she did nothing, then Bruno could certainly endure chemical leg peeling treatments, and repeated waxing, and electrolysis, and lotions, and potions, and fake suntan lotion treatments, and exercising sessions, could he not? If only we could all have the same drive for self perfection as Comrade Nanski, when doing the best with what one has, is never enough.

1/25/2010, 3:45 am

I know what you mean, and I believe in my heart of hearts--like I had a heart--that Nanski is as good as she can be. But still, there are skeletons which say she ought to put on some weight and there are lemurs which say she has big eyes. And there is not a single bit of cloth that wants to hang on her back.

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