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My Index Finger - Victim of Evil Capitalist Corporations

11/20/2010, 12:39 am
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Comrades,

Years, ago, yes, many years ago, precisely, 1974 to be exact, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and yet, through my own efforts, I managed to stave off deformity from this crippling a deforming disease. And then, along came an evil capitalist corporation, which I will not name for fear of the litigious nature of evil capitalist corporations.

Innocently, enough, I started using a laptop created by this evil capitalist corporation, and from hours and hours of posting on the Cube, creating fake PhotoShop images, and other activities that involved either clicking a mouse, or rubbing my finger on a laptop finger pad, I began to develop my very first arthritic bump on my index finger.

This is abominable. This is wrong. This is a terrible social injustice, that must be remedied by one lawsuit after another, until it blows up into a class action lawsuit.

Whenever I drink too much vodka my index finger bump becomes inflamed, yes inflamed. It gives me no choice but to self medicate with anti-inflammatory medicines and the like. Of course, the vodka is not to blame, only the evil capitalist corporation.

When will it stop? When will these evil capitalist corporations be nationalized, I asked. These kinds of injustices cannot go on. They must be stopped.

In the meantime, I continue to suffer by continuous rubbing my index finger on the finger pad of my laptop. I can't help it. I'm addicted. And that, too, is the fault of the evil capitalist corporation who lured me into purchasing the laptop in the first place.

Comrade, I ask you. What is your advice? To sue, or not to sue, that is the question.
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11/20/2010, 3:21 am
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Leninka wrote:Comrades,

Years, ago, yes, many years ago, precisely, 1974 to be exact, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and yet, through my own efforts, I managed to stave off deformity from this crippling a deforming disease. And then, along came an evil capitalist corporation, which I will not name for fear of the litigious nature of evil capitalist corporations.

Innocently, enough, I started using a laptop created by this evil capitalist corporation, and from hours and hours of posting on the Cube, creating fake PhotoShop images, and other activities that involved either clicking a mouse, or rubbing my finger on a laptop finger pad, I began to develop my very first arthritic bump on my index finger.

This is abominable. This is wrong. This is a terrible social injustice, that must be remedied by one lawsuit after another, until it blows up into a class action lawsuit.

Whenever I drink too much vodka my index finger bump becomes inflamed, yes inflamed. It gives me no choice but to self medicate with anti-inflammatory medicines and the like. Of course, the vodka is not to blame, only the evil capitalist corporation.

When will it stop? When will these evil capitalist corporations be nationalized, I asked. These kinds of injustices cannot go on. They must be stopped.

In the meantime, I continue to suffer by continuous rubbing my index finger on the finger pad of my laptop. I can't help it. I'm addicted. And that, too, is the fault of the evil capitalist corporation who lured me into purchasing the laptop in the first place.

Comrade, I ask you. What is your advice? To sue, or not to sue, that is the question.


As an old computer professional, I might recommend a mouse. Or trackball. Moves the aggravation to your wrists. Remember the old carpal tunnel disability?

It sure took me a long time to stop missing my touch pad.

Oh, and on nationalizing, you are merely replacing the great big care less corporation with an even bigger and more care less bureaucracy (with impunity and immunity).

As for the vodka, you might get better results by soaking your finger in it. Better for the liver anyway.
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11/20/2010, 3:43 am
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Czar of Stupefaction wrote:Oh, and on nationalizing, you are merely replacing the great big care less corporation with an even bigger and more care less bureaucracy (with impunity and immunity).

Comrade Czar of Stupefaction,

Your capitalist pig heart is showing. Unless, of course, you forgot to preface that statement with a prog off rubic's cube.

Was that a prog off statement? I hope so. Otherwise, consider yourself DENOUNCED for being a cold hearted pro-business capitalist.

I'm a made prog, and you should be, too. Nothing is my fault. I can't be responsible for myself. Don't you know that? These are the main tenants of progdom.

However, vodka as remedy for the bump on my index finger is not a bad suggestion.
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11/20/2010, 4:11 am
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Leninka wrote:Comrade Czar of Stupefaction,

Your capitalist pig heart is showing. Unless, of course, you forgot to preface that statement with a prog off rubic's cube.

Was that a prog off statement? I hope so. Otherwise, consider yourself DENOUNCED for being a cold hearted pro-business capitalist.

I'm a made prog, and you should be, too. Nothing is my fault. I can't be responsible for myself. Don't you know that? These are the main tenants of progdom.

However, vodka as remedy for the bump on my index finger is not a bad suggestion.

My dear Leninka- Be aware that I may be O'Brien from the inner party. A Nomenklatura of special privilege. In which case, your denouncement may have been appropriate.

Or not.
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11/20/2010, 4:19 am
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The People's Choice for first lady,
Theresa Heinz Kerry, touted the use of gin soaked white raisins for arthritis.

Or perhaps she WAS a gin soaked white raisin WITH arthritis,
I forget.
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11/20/2010, 5:15 am
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Comrade Leninka

You are right.

I hereby order that your undeserved laptop computer wealth be redistributed to the people. As the Dear Leader of the people I will be the Custodian of the People's Wealth. (In this case your laptop)

Your door will be kicked in at dawn tomorrow morning. Be ready to hand it over.

(Wow, at last I can get rid of my People's Commodore 64 and get a real computer!)

Amandla!

Obamugabe
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11/20/2010, 11:51 am
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Comrade Leninka,

There is simple solution to this problem. Index finger has grown tired of the relentless touchifacations and is ready now to be supported by rest of hand.

Obviously it is time to give notorious bourgeois laptop your middle finger. The days of shirking useful work are done for the middle one. It must be given over to the laptop, The index finger is now for to stir your drink and for wagging at suspected thought criminals.

Trust me. I am professional.
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11/20/2010, 12:14 pm
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THERE IS BUT ONE ANSWER. You must sue these evil capitalist and their eviler capitalist corporation for monetary gain. (I was thinking you could give them the finger, but it is something you might still need when you are able to type and use a keyboard. And why should you give them something of use?) You need their money, obviously. This would bring healing to your crippled soul and allow you to hire someone to do your postings for you.

And more obviously, you will need tons . . gallons and gallons of more vodka to help easy your suffering.

I can give you the name of a good, qualifed lawyer. Dino"the mulcher" Giordano "gets the job done without any trace left behind". Give him a call.

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11/20/2010, 1:06 pm
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Comrade Terry_Jim,

Is there some way you can confiscate some gin for me? I can get some raisins from Comrade Fraulein, I think.

Comrade Obamugabe,

I waiting for the door kick. Where are you? With one of your teenage mistresses, I suppose. Dictators, you can't do with them, and you can't do without them.

Comrade Ivan Ivanobitch,

A professional index finger wagger? I'm impressed. Now this is the kind of talent we need in the collective. I wonder if wagging will help heal the bump on my finger.

Comrade Fraulein,

Yes, lawsuits have the modus operandus of our side for decades. Thank you for your sympathy. Do you have any extra raisins in your stash?
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11/20/2010, 1:49 pm
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Leninka, why not redistribute the work to your other hand? I broke my right wrist once and had to move my trackball to the left side of the keyboard. Sure it was awkward at first but in a week or two I no longer noticed the difference. That was 10 years ago and I still use my left hand to work the trackball.

It has advantages too. Especially when I'm viewing porn typing text or writing on note paper. And when some stranger sits down at my machine, he's totally helpless. It's better than passwords for keeping strangers from messing with my PC.
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11/20/2010, 2:36 pm
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Comrade Whoopie, I do not believe you. I tried that once.... moving the little mouse to the opposite of the correct side and everything was upside down. Unless you found a cure for that dilemma, I think you are mistaken.

Leninka, of course, I have raisins. . . . oh, no wait. Those are roaches I believe. Well there might be one or two left, if you'd like them.
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11/20/2010, 2:57 pm
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Fraulein,

These are indeed difficult to tell apart. It does take some time, but usually the one's that have legs and move, in all likelihood, are not raisins.

Raisins usually have no legs and do not move, unless you live within a 400 mile radius of Chernobyl.
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