Dear Comrades,

The Supreme Soviet of the USSA, under the chairmanship of our Glorious Leader, Comrade Barack Barackovich Obama, has decreed that the Commissar for Homeland Security, Comrade Janet Leonardovna Napolitano, is hereby awarded the Hero of Socialist Labor medal and reassigned to the Chief Directorate of the University of California as its head. Comrade Obama personally thanked her for her years of loyal service to the Party by implementing many of the State's most effective security policies, especially the ‘full-contact' approach to airport screening.

Comrade Napolitano is expected to make many new and much-anticipated improvements to one of the State's most important institutions of indoctrination. The UC system is responsible for the political formation of many future Party leaders, and so it is essential that only the finest political minds be entrusted to its care.

Along with a purge of any potentially disloyal or non-conformist faculty, Comrade Napolitano has promised a new Universal Information Justice program, which allows the Department of Social Justice to assist students with their studies and personal security through a network of closed circuit cameras and microphones in all student housing, dorm rooms, gyms, locker rooms, showers, restrooms, classrooms, and public areas. Through this same program, students will be able to use the internet for free through WiSpi technology that will automatically access all student computers and provide instant data sharing.

Faculty will also be screened for potential weaknesses that may allow them to be influenced by reactionary ideologies, something that Comrade Napolitano has pioneered in her days as head of the Department of Homeland Security. Workers and peasants who send their Young Socialists to the UC system can expect that their children will receive the finest ideological training that our Workers' Paradise can provide.

The Faculty of the University of California voted unanimously to adopt a new logo (see below) in commemoration of Comrade Napolitano's arrival and as an expression of gratitude for Comrade Obama's gift to the UC system.

Napolitano will bring safety and security to our UC students! All Young Socialists welcome her leadership and protection!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

Comrade Climber,

I, Captain Craptek, wish to volunteer my personal services at the coed screening center. I have a keen eye for hidden objects under clothing and will be a great asset to the new regime.

Dear Comrade Captain,

Obviously, the UC needs many brave volunteers such as yourself to be in Vanguard of the Party's efforts to protect students through enhanced information gathering. Due to the problems of obesity, it is imperative that students be routinely examined for excess body fat and unhealthy eating habits. We need to monitor students body weight and physical condition through routine body examinations. It us a hard job staring for hours at young people in the showers, but it is for their own good.

Your enthusiasm is duly noted, and the NSA will contact you shortly to give you an eyesight exam and an Obamacare mandated ED medication to enhance your (job) performance.

Captain Craptek wrote:Comrade Climber,

I, Captain Craptek, wish to volunteer my personal services at the coed screening center. I have a keen eye for hidden objects under clothing and will be a great asset to the new regime.

I stand ready for duty, comrade Climber.

It's all about feelings, comrades, and this manly woman has more feeling-up experience than anyone else in the country, except Bill Clinton, who isn't available right now because he's busy becoming a billionaire by helping the planet's poor people.

Napoleonitano's exile to Elba U Cal may not last long. I understand she has already submitted a proposal for dorm room re-design so that LGBT Studies maybe undertaken in comfort. The California Kiddies of the Collective™ may just decide to stay in their parents' basements.