At last they have a President who is as athletically challenged as they are. A President who throws like a girl, swings a golf club like Stephen Hawking and who (by his own admission) bowls like a Special Olympian.

No longer must nerds feel ashamed. They can point with pride and even mock the most powerful man on Earth for being even more spastic than they are.

In the future we'll be treated to images of Obama falling off his stationary exercise bike and even tripping over his own feet while jogging on a treadmill. Even without the Secret Service tying the laces of his alligator loafers together. I know, loafers don't have laces...see the brilliance of the man? Even so, he'll blame Bush for doing just that.

He certainly can look at a woman's ass.

But let's give nerds a break. Nerds make things work. Nerds are dependable. Their only problem is that they aren't flashy. But they make things work.

----Theocritus, the uber-nerd.

Comrade Whoopie!

I just want to know where you found a picture of me!?!

Oh, I feel much better, knowing that our Dear Leader is a Nerd. I didn't know he was a Nerd. I always thought he was kewl. He really still is so kewl, to me.

But, this is an excellent observation you have made, Comrade Whoopie. Excellent. He certainly behaves like a Nerd. And the Princess Michelle is certainly evidence of it as well, because it really is very hard for Nerds to attract, oh, I'd better not say anything here about the Princess. She really is quite stunning.

Obama is very complex. Nerdlish in his physical attributes, wonklish in his policy and oh so stylish in his ill-fitting mom jeans that look like he borrowed them from his gardener.

Not like Bush or Reagan whose jeans fit them like a well worn glove, because they actually did wear them frequently and washed them over and over until they conformed to their body.

No, Obama is at home in a suit and tie. Whether he's hanging curtains, puttering in his wife's garden or just relaxing after a hard day of bankrupting the nation. I bet he even owns a smoking jacket and a fez that he wears after dinner.

It's just a shame that an elitist like him must do these silly photo-ops where he's expected to look and dress like a commoner and pretend to be comfortable in his own skin. There isn't a casual bone in his body.

Have you ever seen him in a smoking jacket patterned with brie and Cinzano labels? Quite stunning. And I have on good authority that when he eats out at fast food, to show he's of the people, they have to bring in plastic champagne flutes. You know, the type that are made in two pieces that you push together.

I hate those plastic wine flutes. When you try to pinch the base like a good little snob, they wobble and splash "Boli" all over your Bruno Mali shoes. You have to hold them by the stem like some white trash lottery winner new to the scene. And the bubbles stick to the sides instead of rising straight up like a crystal glass flute. It ruins the whole effect.

The only thing I hate more is when people hold the fork with their right hand instead of holding the fork upside down with the left hand and cutting with the knife in their right hand. Watching them switch hands over and over makes me nauseous.

Gawd...commoners are such scum

What about <i>beer</i> drinkers? I defy you to find anything worse than a <i>beer</i> drinker. Unless it's expensive European beer and you're doing something déclassé like a pizza party or watching soccer with friends.

I've learned that you can just sip it and when no one is watching, pour it into a potted plant. Escape when you can to the embrace of a pinot grigio or chablis.

It's difficult, but sometimes you have to act like a plebe in order to maintain your cover. Remember, once the proles discover you're status as a member of the inner Party your value to the movement is over and you'll be purged.

It's a heavy burden to be sure, but subversive agitators like us must keep up the pretense until such a time when we can expose our true agenda and take our rightful place as firsts among equals.

Yes, I know, and it's hard. That's why I keep my Acura in an out-of-town garage and drive my old Yugo. I'd prefer to find a good used Trabant to keep up appearances but since they generally quit working on the factory floor it's hard.

Comrade Woopie, you bring a happy thought to my head, I felt less equal to all before reading this, and now I feel as equal as anyone else, thank you for making my day, if even for a moment.