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New Doctrine: Gambling Is Not Capitalist

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Good morning, comrades.

Today I checked my email -- a capitalist subversive tool frequently used to generate wealth that is extremely hard to redistribute -- and discovered that the Party has embraced a new method of generating much-needed funds:

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On second thought, I was under the impression that this was an old, imperialist method of raising funds. But then I remembered almost immediately that gambling has always been acceptable to the Party, and that the Party has never opposed games of chance.

I'm putting the whole enchilada on red....

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The Party LOVES gambling, as long as the gamblers lose. And they will.

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Comrade Opiate! I am ashamed of you. In keeping with the Philosophy of The People's Cube, equality of results are always guaranteed! Think of how the proles will feel if they all lose. Their self-esteem will be so low. With this in mind, the gamblers won't lose, they will all win!

However, The Party will merely use The Current TruthTM to redefine what "win" means.

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My apologies, Comrade SFT, I have an unfortunate tendency to be clear and to the point at times, which precludes me from ever having a career in politics.

I should have said when the individual loses, the collective wins. So losing is winning. Therefore, it is every citizen's duty to lose. At least, that's the way it works in New Jerkey...


 
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