Hundreds of journalists waited anxiously as Obama was preparing to arrive. His campaign had sent out an email to all of the major news organizations, informing them that Obama was about to give a speech to dwarf all others previously brought before. The past week and a half had been depressing for many of the left-wing journalists, so they were hungry for good news. Obama finally came out and approached the microphone and teleprompters:
“As many of you may be aware, something terrible happened to our country this month….” Obama began.
“9-11!” a man interrupted.
“No, Sarah Palin. Our country is in the most desperate times since the civil war in 1739. But, what makes our country great, is the way in which we come together to fight the forces of Sarah Palin with each and every new generation.” Obama paused to wipe away a tear.
“And even in our darkest hour, when it actually looks like I might not be president after all….”
The audience of journalists gasped in horror. Several began crying. Obama knew he had to lead them back to the light.
“Now hold on a minute”, Obama read from the teleprompter, “This isn’t over yet, not by a longshot. The American people aren’t finished. We won’t give in to Sarah Palin’s excessive use of the “x” chromosome. I have a plan.” Obama explained firmly.
The journalists were at the edge of their seats.
“In this campaign, I have introduced the concept of the hope, and the idea of change. By hoping for the economy to change, we can get lots of new jobs and more money and free stuff. By changing our cynicism into hope, we can vote for me instead of that other guy. Through my economic policy of hope, and my social policy of change, we have come very far. But we still have a ways yet to go.” Obama beamed as he spoke. A sense that something big was about to leap out of his mouth was in the air and everyone felt it.
“Love. My new foreign policy. Love. Iran wants to annihilate Isreal. We will send them love. Russia invades other countries without asking permission. They’re just looking for love. Sarah Palin, however, cannot be reasoned with. She is bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad……” Obama panicked. The teleprompter got stuck with “bad” being the last word on the screen. Obama knew he had to do something fast.
“Uh, uh. HOPE! CHANGE! LOVE! YES WE CAN! HOPE! CHANGE! LOVE! YES WE CAN!” Obama defaulted on his campaign slogans. It always seemed to work whenever the teleprompter broke.
“HOPE! CHANGE! LOVE! YES WE CAN! HOPE! CHANGE! LOVE! YES WE CAN!” Soon the whole crowd of journalists were chanting along with him. A delirious ecstasy punctuated the atmosphere as the chant reached a fever pitch. Obama brushed a moth off his coat into the crowd and several were trampled to death trying to reach the insect that had touched the Holy One. Keith Olbermann was hospitalized due to a violent orgasm that occurred 5 minutes after the chanting began. The left leg of Chris Mathews is also said to be in critical condition.
The print media reacted quickly, distributing headlines such as, “Obama makes greatest speech of all time”, “Obama invents Love”, “Hope! Change! Love! Yes We Can!”. Most of the major TV networks, however, were unable to find any reporters able to discuss the story on air without bursting into tears.
To all of this great fanfare, applause, and lauding of Mr. Obama by the media, the McCain/Palin campaign released the following statement:
“Dear Mr. Obama,
See you in November.”
Fred Shelm“As many of you may be aware, something terrible happened to our country this month….” Obama began.
“9-11!” a man interrupted.
“No, Sarah Palin."
The person who shouted that out indeed must have been a patriotic, fascist jerk who tries to remember what happened that day...and probably blames the TERRORISTS for that.