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Night is day, and in Soviet Russia, Time Waste You!

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Glorious day indeed comrades! As your new Time Commissar I declare the two day weekend to be a three day weekend.

For all too long we have suffered under the inequality of time. Some people seemed to have more of it, the rich lived longer, and the poor died sooner. Some workers produce more in less time, than others do in more time. The list of inequalities goes on and on and on. 5 years plans do not get completed because of a decadent western idea of a "year", and so on.

Not anymore! Thanks to the glorious socialist way of life, we are now able to apply Central Planning to time itself!

Time is a valuable resource of The State, and will be rationed according to each person's needs. No longer will teenagers be allowed to spend idle hours, when that time is needed to wage our valiant war on capitalism. A person caught wasting time, will have that time redistributed in a more suitable fashion. Some people may have an entire lifespan worth of time redistributed. A special Time Panel will determine the proper use and application of time for the sick, elderly and unborn.

Instead of the decadent western notion of time zones, we will live under Party Time(TM). Day will be night, and night will be day, all according to the needs of society! No longer will we wonder what time it is on one side of the world or the other, for it shall be THE SAME TIME.

The oppressive 24 hour clock shall be replaced with a more modern and progressive 10 hour clock. Ten hours, ten fingers. It make sense, no?

Of course the noble socialist 8 hour workday shall still apply.
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To fund these heroic efforts, the Office of the Time Commissar, has mandated a special Party Approved(TM) Calendar. "Women of The Party". All female party members are ordered to submit seductive pictures to be considered for the calendar. We will follow it up with "Men of The Party" "Animals of The Party" and "Gender Indeterminate Members of the Party".

Lastly, we shall address the calendar itself. A new, and more progressive one shall be made up. To Honor the Glorious October Revolution, every month will be October. As there are 10 hours, there will be 10 months. For example The October of the Glorious Month of Beet Planting and The October of the Noble Month of Adhering to State Ideology. Each month will consist of 10 weeks of 10 days each. However, a week or day may not advance to the next one until approved by The Time Commissar. If I feel that time has not been properly or fully allocated, we will relive each day until it is deemed proper. In this fashion, all goals and plans of The Party(TM) will be completed.

I declare that everyday shall be called Tuesday, in honor of The Glorious World of Next Tuesday(TM) which we have now entered. The past, present and future are such vague and potentially oppressive concepts, that we will now treat everyday as Next Tuesday. Glorious is it not comrades?

You will all be getting your Time Ration Cards shortly. Please adhere to them, and do not waste time. Time is not yours, it belongs to society as a whole, and for the first time in human history will be managed as a communal resource in a fair and progressive fashion.

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It's about "time" The Party™ started managing time for the proles. For who who could manage time more efficiently than the government?

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Indeed, The Party(TM) can manage everything better. As we know, society requires specially trained people to guide it and steer it in the correct direction. The masses simply are incapable of thinking in a fashion that benefits the Greater Good(TM). Now that we are managing time for the masses, our glorious new society can excel even more efficiently. Everything will be managed for The People(TM). Time, meals, schooling, books, entertainment, healthcare, everything. In the most efficient, equitable and socially just fashion. Any who object are full of hate, and seek to destroy our perfect society.

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This is glorious news comrades. Now the disgraced and thoroughly purged Green Jobs Czar Van Jones will have plenty of time to grow a beard, don a turban and change his name to Abu Adu Du before the next news cycle starts on Tuesday.

By then he can be halfway to Pakistan to join the Taliban.

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So many 10s! Those aren't my numbers! Does not compute! ERROR. . .BOOM! (Reboot in progress. . .)

(off)
I don't believe in numberology, but I like to joke about the four numbers most often associated with me: 3,7,11,13.

For example, my birthday is in the seventh month,

There are seven letter in my name,

I have a class at 11

I have 3 other family members in my nuclear family.

When I look at a clock, I almost always catch 11:13 on the dot.

And so on, it's all in fun.

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:... Any who object are full of hate, and seek to destroy our perfect society.

Let us not forget, Comrade, that they are racists too.


 
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