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Obama Apologizes for Olympic Dominance

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In a White House press conference today, the President apologized for the United States dominance in the Winter Olympics being held in Vancouver, British Columbia.

"America has shown unprecedented arrogance in it's participation in this Olympiad of winter sports. Our lack of humility has deeply offended the rightful champions in these events - the Russians, Austrians, Swedes, Norwegians and the Jamaican bobsled team."

"We are not perfect, except in the Nordic combine, and for all too long, America has dictated the terms of competitive sports in these international games."

"To provide a restoration of America's standing in the world, I have ordered the U.S. Olympic hockey team to 'stand down' in their second engagement with Canada."

In related news, White House press secretrary, Robert Gibbs, did confirm that all U.S. Olympic athletes are now being detained in the San Juan Islands where their competitive performance will be assessed by an international sports tribunal. It is possible that several U.S. athletes will be stripped of their Olympic gold medals, which will then be redistributed to their rightful owners in the Nordic countries. Homeland Security Secretary, Janet Napoletano, reaffirmed the directive that at no time will snowboarding be utilized in the investigation of these athletes performance during the Winter Games.

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Leave it to our Great One to say all that's appropriate and fitting! I can only image how perturbed and angered our Motherland comrades are at these capitalist in the USSA.
"Send back those medals - it's the only fair thing to do." Isn't that what we were taught by comrade Sen. John "Fing" Kerry?! oops, my mistake... those were someone else's medals.

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All this Olympic competitiveness seems so unfair. I think all the medals should be redistributed to those who aren't athletically inclined. After all, its not their fault they were losers in life's lottery of physical prowess.

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[quote="Comrade Whoopie"]All this Olympic competitiveness seems so unfair. I think all the medals should be redistributed to those who aren't athletically inclined. After all, its not their fault they were losers in life's lottery of physical prowess.[/quote][/font]

Comrade Whoop's, I could not have put it better! Redistribution is mandatory.KingFuhrerPres. Obama should call his friends in the Special Olympics,stealdemandrequest those gnarly medals from their un-rightful & unworthy owners and give them to these "special" friends. Btw, is their bowling in Canada Olympics?

PLEASE IGNORE the picture! I don't know who added that!


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Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Leave it to our Great One to say all that's appropriate and fitting! I can only image how perturbed and angered our Motherland comrades are at these capitalist in the USSA.
"Send back those medals - it's the only fair thing to do." Isn't that what we were taught by comrade Sen. John "Fing" Kerry?! oops, my mistake... those were someone else's medals.'
But didn't our Vietnam vet Kerry return his medals to president Nixion? I at least recall he returned them because he felt that war was not worth fighting. I may have seen a paper we forgot to put down the memory hole, my bad.

Anyway, onto the main subject,
What is it with these Olympic games anyway, all that happens is countries come together and America comes along and shames the others with all its medal it grabs because it's America. Shouldn't we just end these games so as we have no more competition? It would make some of the less fortunate countries feel better.

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USA! USA!

At least the athletes have to bow to receive their medal; and there are many other opportunities to show remorse for being decadent capitalist (bonus for singing the national anthem out loud to remind the audience of our evil militaristic history). Other examples:

Luz Long demonstrates proper socialist salute:

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Bowing and Saluting combined in glorious defiant fashion by Tommie Smith and John Carlos:

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And a special "Thank YOU" to Jimmy Carter for sponsoring this ultimate opening ceremony:

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Oh, sweet comrade Gooneybirdova, many thanks for the glorious pictures of remembrance. Makes my heart go pitty pat.

More heartwarming USA Olympic humiliations:

Mary Decker:

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Nancy Kerrigan:

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Bode Miller:

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There should be no olympics at all! *Everyone* is entitled to gold medals, in order that no feelings are hurt. Why should someone exhibit dominance and be rewarded for ensuring other people cannot be at the top? Instead we need new Olympic gold medals for everyone.

We could still have different events. Like "Liberal Blogging", "Filling out Applications for Government Aid" "Unemployment Line Standing" "Demanding Healthcare Reform Now!" "Denoucing Teabaggers" "Actually having a job and paying taxes" "Not having a job or paying taxes because someone else took your job" "Loyal Union Member" and so forth...

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Colonel, I am dissapointed. If we have any new events, that will just ensure more competition.


 
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