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Obama Gave Me Crabs

POLL: What are your symptoms of Hope?

You may select 1 option



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This ad has got to be the funniest thing I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean, the production quality is stunning and the concept just blows you away! Inspiring and sure fire way to motivate young people into buying our recycled BS!

Here is what MoveOn is saying about the ad:

Help us air the funniest ad from the "Obama in 30 Seconds" contest on MTV to remind young folks of the hope that Barack Obama inspires in so many.

As Republicans go negative on Obama, we'll fight back with tactics and ads like this one—we'll counter their unprincipled smears with humor and hope.



Humor and hope. Brilliant! We will remind young people that following The One™ is on par with catching a sexually-transmitted disease or coping with drug dependency! Come to think of it, following the Messiah is like being eaten up with the crabs while smoking opium!

Gee, now we all know the "tingling" sensation Chris Matthews was suffering from was really nothing more than an STD! I wonder if his tingling sensation is followed by an itching or a burning? Hmm?

I just want everyone to know that I too have hope – I have hope pretty bad. *scratches crotch*

Thank Lenin that Move On.org made this public service announcement for the True Progressives in Amerika.

I've had Hope that the One™, the Truth and the Light of Progressive Thought, would burn in the hearts, minds and genitals of all Comrades.

I feel the power of Obama! It burns Comrades, it burns! Especially when I squeeze the puss out every morning!!

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Safe-Høpe: Steps you can start immediately to protect yourself from the infectious høpe on a rampage across America:

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Ah, but comrades, isn't it true that having a social disease is a new symbol of being hip, with it, down with it? This IS the Revolution! Contracting a disease that in previous generations would bring shame is the best way to strike back at the reactionaries!

Hope. It's the New Herpes!

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I was wondering about the strange sensation in my butt. Now I know. It's hope!

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Bush-Induced Error Notice!

George Bush is obviously manipulating my brain once again because it appears that I have made an error in word choice in one of the poll's responses. "Uncountable itching" should be "uncontrollable itching" (although let it be known that the number of crabs I am currently afflicted with is certainly uncountable. There must be hundreds of billions of the little buggers gnawing away at my genitals right this second).

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That is incredibly astonishingly amazingly lame. Our great leader is an infestation? Why don't they just come out and call obamunism mass-hysteria? Who in the party approved getting this dangerously close to the facts?

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Meow, I entirely missed your uncountable gaffe. For I itch too in uncountable ways, and lust in uncountable ways for the Obamessiah to bless me with his gaze and I'll take his crabs too--no doubt his crabs are <i>the best</i> sort of crabs, crabs that any five-star restaurant would be glad to serve up, crabs that can jump, lo, a full 15 feet to bless other people.

Crabs which can spread to infect bless an entire Astrodome of people, penitents at the shrine of the Blessed One, in 15 minutes time.

And the best part? You don't have to even have sex to get an STD! You don't have to go home alone in the rain! You can get crabs through your television!

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*scracthing* Commissar Theocritus *scratching* wrote:You can get crabs through your television!

You sure can, Theocritus -- *scratching* you sure can.

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<off>True story. The character on whom Bruno is based one time infected me. I even went to the doctor, a Chinese one, who had no idea what those, er, bumps were. I was on the phone with my best client, sitting in almost nothing for I worked at home. I watched a thing walk across my leg while I was on an important phone call and <i>did not scream</i> as the realization hit.

In Texas if you are fumigated for crabs you better not say it or they report you to some authorities. Say "fleas" and they don't. I had to have it done twice, and my clothes cleaned twice and Rid and Barq twice, which I got on the west side of Odessa where they know about those things.</off>

LATER. I forgot the point of this seedy story. I didn't do anything this time. All a drunk has to do is fall on your bed. Hence I know that you don't have to get up close and personal, and considering the Mighty Power of the Obamessiah I do believe that I could get a STD just by looking.

And have my blindness cured by looking too.

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In the words of Lewis Grizzard, "Damn, Brother, I don't believe I'da told that."

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It was to show my willingness to give my all for the Obamessiah. If Meow is scratching, how can I not do the same? Also I figure if he's scratching some of the swag that he took the last time he was here might fall out of his pockets.

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Bush-Induced Error Notice!

George Bush is obviously manipulating my brain once again because it appears that I have made an error in word choice in one of the poll's responses. "Uncountable itching" should be "uncontrollable itching" (although let it be known that the number of crabs I am currently afflicted with is certainly uncountable. There must be hundreds of billions of the little buggers gnawing away at my genitals right this second).

Damn it all! Damn it all! Damn Bush! Now I have to chenge my vote!

BTW Chairman, I am most concerned about you. I had heard of your attraction to one of those fancy "Kwee Seen Art" things, and thought nothing of it, till a comrade explained to me what it was! I have heard of horrible things happening when comrades got involved with the gender blenders, Isn't that what happened to that John "No Richard" guy, had his gender blended years ago before he became a porn star? For Lenin's sake Chairman, have safe sex! Stick with toasters like the rest of us.

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Marshal, you may have been promoted to Marshal (and there are those of use who believe that it was a brevet promotion to some astonishing sucking-up), but bear in mind that only a few select party members are allowed to have sex with toasters.

If you are a very good dog, you'll be able to have sex with a toaster oven. Which will definitely warm your buns.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:....and there are those of use....

Trust me Commissar, you are indeed one of those who are of use, as you will no doubt discover soon enough. As it happens, I am far too busy defending the Party from rethuglicans, and slackers and ThougtCriminals within the ranks to ever even think of toasters, Besides, once you have had Harley sex as I had exclusively for years, no counter appliance can ever kindle the flame again. Just nothing else like that V-twin vibe.

As for my promotion, I will have you know it came from the Glorious Red Square himself for oustanding service to the Party.

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Self-proclaimed Marshall Pupovich wrote:As for my promotion, I will have you know it came from the Glorious Red Square himself for oustanding service to the Party.

Where is Red, by the way? He's been strangely silent.

Marshal.

Or so you claim.

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Commissar, while of course I am not bound to reply to such a question, in your case I will make an exception. For you of all Commissars should know me well enough, to know that I am not the sort to claim titles to which I have not been granted by my superior equals. So I refer you to

Authorization

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Pupovich, I see it and believe that. Just as I believe all in the Soviet Encyclopedia.

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As you can see Commissar, this is why I take exception to certain self proclaimed generals and commissars around here. You and I are "old school," our rank has been earned and recognized by the Party.

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Yes, our rank has been earned, which means, gulp, that we are closer to a purge.

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I am sure from our exalted positions, we would be able to see such a purge coming and so deflect any suspicions on to less equal comrades before it would reach us. Right? Right?

BTW, is it just me, or does anyone else mistakenly read this thread's title as "Obama Gave Me Carbs?"

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The naive Pupovich wrote:I am sure from our exalted positions, we would be able to see such a purge coming and so deflect any suspicions on to less equal comrades before it would reach us. Right? Right?
I'm sure, Pupovich, I'm sure of that.

....Bruno! Quit beading that gown; you already look like a 70s disco mirror ball and it's not a good look. On you or on anyone. Never was. You're sure that we have locked up that stuff that Our Many Titted Empress left here when she was drunk on Virgin's Blood that she considered her ace in the hole if Pupovich acted up? Well, we do have it, don't we?

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As it happens Commissar, the items that I believe you are looking for was confiscated for safe keeping while you were on your "vacation," along with an assortment of other interesting items....videos, memory sticks, Hummels.....

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You think that I'd leave home without it?™

Nah. Still got it, entirely safe, right here. I told Bruno that if he kept a tight hold on it I'd let him have three free Judy Garland CDs. Always works a treat. Silly queen doesn't know she died before he was born.

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Peace, land, chicks!

I've seen that slogan before.


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