Organizing For Amerikka, Proud Distributor of Obama Steaks

WARNINGS AND CONTRAINDICATIONS:

• Obama Steaks contain NO protein which has been associated with dangerous brain activity in lab rats and other Party animals. Obama Steaks contain NO MSG but are loaded with MSM.
  
• Discontinue use of Obama Steaks and call your local Party HQ immediately if the unicorns you hallucinate begin to look like Ronald Reagan.
  
• Obama Steaks should not be used with alcohol because Ted Kennedy retains dibs on most of that.
  
• Call your end-of-life review panel if you, like Chris Matthews, have an erection lasting more than 4 weeks while using Obama Steaks. This could be a sign of a dangerous condition known as political priapism which could cause death if you have a sudden urge to stand up and cheer when Obama speaks.
  
• Seeing clean, articulate light-skinned Negroes who speak without dialects is a common but benign side effect of Obama Steak use.
  
• Tell your friends, family and associates about your experience with Obama Steaks and call them racist if they refuse to sample one.
  
• Obama Steaks ARE habit-forming but the effect may be diminished by electric shock or a dose of reality. These should be avoided at all costs.
  
• Excessive use of Obama Steaks may cause hyper-partisanship and groupthink behaviors, which we consider a feature.
  
• Do NOT mention tax cuts in front of Obama Steaks.

CAUTION: Cooking Obama Steaks may increase carbon emissions and damage your planet! Use solar or wind-powered ovens only!

Call 1-800-DEAD-MEAT for some great recipe hints from Bill Ayers and Rev. Wright.
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There are, however, some very cheap Obama steaks--they're Obama tube steaks, and everyone in America gets one.

You have to buy your own J-Lube though, but don't let people know that you're buying the J-Lube because you will be called unpatriotic.

But you might as well get used to the Obama tube steak because you'll be with it for the rest of your life.

Nanski Peloski is however working on an entitlement to supply obligatory sand for the J-Lube.

Somewhere, in a dark, smoke-filled room, Keith Olbermann just went moist at the thought of Obama-Meat. He reached for his cellphone, fingers trembling.

(rings)MATTHEWS: "Hello?"

OLBERMANN: "Chris! OMYGODOMYGODOMYGOD!!! You gotta try these Obama steaks. They're soooooo much better than BushBurgers!" (spits on floor)
MATTHEWS:(spits on floor) "BLEACHHH! Dammit Keith, I told you never use that name without warning me first! You know it makes me hurl! But since you mentioned it, Bush hated the media so much, he never offered me any of his meat- not that I would ever, in a thousand years, try it. It lacks the leg-tingliness of Light Negro Meat."

OLBERMAN:(gasping for breath) "Then by all means, rush out and get some Obama Steaks. They are tender, if properly lubricated. Most folks use butter, but I prefer whip cream for my Obama-meat. And the best part about it is, you can share it with friends- whether they want it or not! Just sneak up to 'em and ram it down their gullet. If they gag or choke, just tell them it's what's best for them, it's the will of the people, and you're just doing it for the children! That's the way Robert Gibbs does it."

MATTHEWS:(voice quivering) "Well you know me- anything coming out of the Oval Office is never to be questioned- only repeated as fact! I'm gonna go get some tonight, and tell all my loyal viewers to do the same- It's gonna be a Obama Sausage fest tonight, right?.....uhhh, Keith? You there?"

OLBERMANN: "What? Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about Obama's meat, and I got lost in a gorgeous fantasy world filled with hope, change, unicorns, rainbows, world peace, and Dictator-for-Life Barack Obama- it's enough to make ya drool!"
MATTHEWS: "Hold on to that dream- it's soon to be a reality. Until then, I'm gonna go fill my mouth with Obama Steak. TTYL, you sexy beast!"
OLBERMANN: "Luv ya too, babe. Later." (makes kissy-kiss sound, then hangs up)

(end transcript)

Czar Czar, since you have a pipeline to Chris and Keith, would you mind delivering them a message?

Keith, Chris, you do <i>not</i> want to choke on your Obama Tube Steaks. After all, the President is sharing his meat with 6 billion other people, you know, and you won't get nearly as much as you'd like. So when your time comes, don't flub it.

First, spray your throat with Lidocaine. This cuts down on the gag reflex. Pay no attention to the rosacea of Gibbs' face--it is a small price to pay.

Then work your way up with protheses. Start with an okra. Then a pickling cucumber. There are people who would suggest that Obowma might require the ability to service an entire English cucumber but the strength of our President is that that is entirely metaphorical. In real life the pickling cucumber will work.

But under no circumstances gag.

But I'm sure that you won't. You've swallowed every single thing that has come out of this White House, no matter how transparently absurd it is or how big a lie.

Theocritus, your tube steak idea is quite excellent as the Party will need an Obama pork product for the downscale consumer who will not be able to devote much money to groceries after paying his ultra-affordable ObamaCare mandantory premium. However, the tube part may be just too much temptation for the likes of Maureen Dowd and Janeane Gawdawfulo, if you understand my meaning. And I don't know if the focus groups will take to an Obama product with so much Modo scent on it; it might scare the children away, not to mention causing the dogs and cats to hide in the corner. Perhaps a different shape may be less arousing, perhaps a steak in the shape of Bush's nose, for example. No self-respecting progressive womyn would be caught dead with Bush's nose... well, I think I've made my point.

Czar Czar Czar (oops, a czar too far... I am prone to stuttering sometimes) I think you have stumbled onto something. Obama steaks may need some lubrication to pass, just like the ObamaCare bill. Since we no longer have any billions to provide such lubrication (Ben Nelson got the last hundred billion) perhaps we can have Lurch Kerry's wife, Theresa of the 57 Varities whip up a nice oily relish for them. I will suggest she call it "Bush's Own" (after Newman's Own products, an interesting parody) so that way if someone throws up after eating the Obama steak, we can blame it on the Bush relish.

Opiate, I just realized that we humble progs need training on how best to deal with the Obama tube steaks. And the teacher is Bonnie Fwank. Bonnie can tell us from his vast experience how to deal with tube steaks.

This could be a joint venture with Monica, who is the queen of knee pads too. After all, we're not all spring chickens and cold terrazzo floors are hard one one's knees, you know.

Do you realize that this means that the voting booth is the new Glory Hole?

But still, there are <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/c ... ns">rumors circling around</a> that Obowma's Yang isn't up to anyone else's Yin, if you take my point.

Also, I really must protest your disparagement of Big Ketchup. I mean, wail away on Big Oil or Big Pharma, but Big Ketchup? Lurch had to find someone even richer than his first wife to afford to keep him in the style that he wanted to become accustomed to and Terry was just about it. Without her, he couldn't have been rested as he threw medals at the Capitol. Or sort of lobbed them, as Oliphant said. Oooooh. That makes a difference. I'm so glad of subtleties.

Theocritus, I did not intend to disparage Big Ketchup. I assumed that the Bush Relish would be produced by one of our many dummy corporations or fake offshore holding companies sister organizations which we can throw under the bus blame on the Rethuglicans.... I mean, let's outsource this to somebody we don't like under an assumed name. Using assumed names is no mean feat for us as it is how most of us usually vote in elections, right Mohammed?

What's more, we can put the factory in Texas, a place which all proper progressives loathe because of their low taxes and lack of reverence for eastern university elites. Besides, starting a factory to produce Bush Relish in Texas will have the appearance of being a concilliatory gesture to a man and a state we loathe, when in reality it will be a bit of manipulative treachery by a bunch of mendacious hypocrites... I mean, they already don't much like Lurch Kerry there now so no big deal if it backfires.

Yes, that plan will work perfectly. Bush Relish for the Obama Steaks. Now, if we can get Hillary Clinton and Nanski to handle the rolls.

Opiate, if people in your neck of the words vote under assumed names, then you are insufficiently diligent in pursuing the Progressive World of Next Tuesday(tm). Here in Texas LBJ won election by voting graveyards. Oh, that was a long election. The last county didn't turn in results until it was known how many votes were needed.

So don't you be dissing Texas as being a place that Progs hate. We gave the world LBJ.

Now I do admit that Texas doesn't much trust eastern pointy-headed intellectuals. Why, even what is thought to be its best university, Rice, doesn't have the proper cachet to be an effete, left-wing pointy-headed place. At Rice the students merely fought each other over unimportant things like math and science, which didn't let them express their personalities at all. Do you know how miserable it is to go to a university which emphasizes subjects which don't care what you think?

I do like Bush Relish. A very good idea.

And having our Many Titted Empress and Nanski handle the rolls is wonderful. AFter all, they can personally supply yeast which would raise Lazarus from the dead.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Opiate, if people in your neck of the words vote under assumed names, then you are insufficiently diligent in pursuing the Progressive World of Next Tuesday(tm). Here in Texas LBJ won election by voting graveyards. Oh, that was a long election. The last county didn't turn in results until it was known how many votes were needed.

So don't you be dissing Texas as being a place that Progs hate. We gave the world LBJ.

LBJ???? Here in New Joisey, we are close enough to Taxachusetts to be part of the Kennedy duchy, especially since Bobby was a favorite son senator from NY (anywhere a Kennedy hangs his or her hat is home) and NYC was the home of Jackie and now HRH Caroline. Thus, we are all obliged by our feudal contract to look down our progessive noses at LBJ. WE have not forgotten LBJ's rude failure to defer to Attorney General RFK during his stint as caretaker of the JFK presidency. WE have not forgotten his sordid attempt to claim the credit for JFK's legacy by forcing Congress to pass the bills they wouldn't give Jack the time of day for. WE have not forgotten his despicable behavior after the assassination, moving into the Oval Office and such on the pretense that he was now the president or something. I could continue, but my orders from Marcia's Vineyard are to prove our superiority by declining to continue. (They also told me to say WE think for ourselves so don't try to convince me otherwise.)

Anyway, LBJ prosecuted the Viet Nam war which we all know JFK had changed his mind about so LBJ had him rubbed out for that. I remember this vividly, especially the part where someone put extra butter on my popcorn.

I consider LBJ to be a fine progressive president. When he was obstreperous enough that another Texan wanted to take a swipe at him, he would fall on the ground, curl up in a ball, and scream, "I'll kick you! I'll kick you!" He was in WWII an flew in planes in the Pacific. He did this for political viability, a phrase we all love from Slick Willie. LBJ was a very brave progressive. He used thugs.