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Overpopulation of Liberals Creates Zombie Food Shortage!

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There has been a request by my younger sibling to post one of his articles from his website The Monthly Lemon here. This article happens to be one his personal favorites, and wishes to share it with a larger audience than the one he gets on his own website.

Overpopulation of Liberals Creates Zombie Food Shortage!

Zombies complain about global “Zombie” food shortages and not enough brains!

Stupid people. We've been dealing with them for ages. It started when Eve first picked that warm, juicy, big, squishy, smooth red apple from the tree that God strictly said, ”Don't eat the fruit on that tree D**N IT!”. But Eve ate it anyway and so began the long family tree with that one gene known today as the Darwin Gene or just the Stuuuuuupid Gene. Once zombies showed their brutal powers on mankind they were very happy of all the smart people that roamed the Earth at THAT time. Once the sixties began the population of hippies began and so did the long line of stupid people known as Darwins, Dee Dee Dees, morons, idiots, dumb F***s, liberals, progressives, commies, democrats (or as we prefer dumb o' craps) etc. but most today are known as politicians. The zombies had just entered the sixties and had thrived in the fifties on all the smart people but with this tremendous rise in stupid people the zombies started to worry about their race. The first recorded death of a zombie on stupid people was when one hungry baby zombie invaded a hippy trailer park. The hippies first invited the zombie in saying that she was just a little girl who played with to much makeup. In just a few minutes the zombie attacked the hippies and ate ferociously. The hippies counter attacked with flowers and their hidden stashes of marijuana. This did not effect the zombie one bit but she did get a little high. The zombie proceeded to eat the hippies when suddenly it just dropped dead. Early F.B.T. (or Federal Bureau This!) agents came to the seen and picked up the body and brought it to an early Area 51 where the science officers dissected the body. They found out that the zombie was lacking an essential vitamin, vitamin C.S. or vitamin Common Sense. The science officers said that vitamin C.S. is only found in smart people, not crap for craps. The science officers said that the zombies' breath smelt really bad and gave the dead body an Altoid. As more zombies became hungry more died of lacking vitamin C.S. and so began the protests. Zombies ran around streets gargling what they could, which sounded like, “Stupid people equal bad!!!” as history progressed America inflated more with stupid people. Zombies were now dying of a new thing with stupid people. The Global Warming gene. The theory is that zombies ate stupid people whom believed in Global Warming and they died of all the hot air inside of the stupid people's heads. The hot air inflated the zombies like balloons and sent them flying off into the stratosphere where they popped like balloons and sent zombie flesh containing the deadly vitamin G.W. killing even more zombies. Probably the biggest killer is not having enough brains. Some smart zombies said that 10,000 stupid peoples' brains equaled 1 tenth of that of a republican with a normal common sense ratio. The worst thing the zombies have to deal with is that awful Darwin award winner taste of all of the stupid people. The zombies have to add flavor by grilling the body to death to release all the bad vitamins. This created another problem. The vitamins started to float in the air and started killing even more zombies and infected average people with vitamin G.W. turning the citizens of America into stupid people creating a lack of even more smart people and the trees the zombies used as fuel for their fires started a chain reaction among “Global Warmers” which made the Global Warmers start to protest. The world started to get a lot uglier. Then came the eighties where you could smell the liberal crap in the air. Zombies started to wear gas masks and bullshit protectors over their faces and ears. The shortage of food got worse over the years, which made the zombies protest about the commies saying that the zombies weren't equal. This gave the commies a bad image so they started using their K.G.B. agents to assassinate zombie political members and blamed the government for doing the evil (little did the commies know is that they ran the government). The zombies just gave up and started using suicide poisons, which did them no good because they were already dead. The zombies ran through the streets crying, “F**k you stupid people!”. And so ended the race of the zombies, with their glory days over they threw themselves into the military hoping to die of bullets to their brains that were slightly bigger than the stupid peoples'. Little did they know was that they were now serving the idiots that killed them. With their species depleted, their lives more pointless then before, the zombies added more stupid people then they got rid of making it a worse world for us mere mortals.

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That's pretty clever. How old is the kid and is it a he or a she?


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Let us never forget that the elemental particle of stupidity is the bozon. If you stand in the well of the House, you will be utterly immerded in the bozon flux between Nansky Peloski and Maxine Waters and soon will be saying "Sir" to a doorknob.

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apparently he is not clever enough to use the return key.



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Comrades, I see something requiring instant intervention. This child must be taken from his parents and raised in a Progressive Home. I see no signs of breast-beating for something he didn't do, and I see no signs of making other people do the breast-beating for something that they didn't do, and that's the sign of a future member of the Politburo.

This child must be educated in the right way. He is showing signs of independence of thought. Can't have that.

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He has already been shipped to the nearest re-education camp. The transformation should be complete within the year.

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Ah! I see that he is being given a reading list approved by the MLA.

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Yes. The reading list is something that not even I can look at without going into epileptic shock. I had to deliver it while wearing a paper bag over my head, and thick sanitary rubber gloves. My head still hurts from missing several doorways. (I didn't cut eyeholes in the bag for fear of glimpsing the dreaded list. And we were out of plastic ones.)

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Betty, plastic bags are so over. The hottest bag in Europe is by Anya Hindmarsh and is a simple cotton tote with embroidered on it, "I am not a plastic bag."

Which cannot be said for the women carrying it.

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I never understood why people (mostly rich women) get those really expensive bags. They're just bags, and they hold stuff. They might as well just get a collapsible Lumpenwagon to keep all their stuff in.

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That is because you are not, in truth, a woman. Women dress for status much more than (straight) men do. (Or some gay ones--the ones you wouldn't spot.) It's an old joke, but a true one: when a woman goes to a party and sees another woman in the same dress, she gets pissed off. When a man does the same thing, he knows he's dressed right.

But some accessories, like an expensive bag, show membership to an exclusive sorority, which confers taste and displays wealth. Or in the case of the cotton tote, being very with-it.

But I've always thought that truly good dressers are those who know what looks good, and have, and this is the crucial thing, the poise to carry it off. You really do have to wear your clothes.

And it's the same with men, too. My brother is the only man I know who owns the Porsche instead of the other way round.

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I always wanted to have a cartoon character wardrobe. One of those closets with a bunch of coat hangers that contains the same set of clothes on every single one. I nearly have that except for a few different colored shirts, pants, political t-shirts, and military surplus (all from the motherland of course).

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"I see stupid people...
...they're everywhere...
they walk around like everyone else...
they don't even know that they're dumb."...


I feel the zombies' pain..... Wait, do zombies feel pain? Oh, in progressive 'logic' facts do not matter, only feelings..


So yes, I feel the zombies' pain!

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But they don't seem to mind when I beat them with various assorted objects in videogames....

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Do you recall Slick Willie saying, "I feel your pain"? I wanted him to. I really really did.

Comrade TankoGrad, the virtue to idiocy is that it doesn't know it. Even a cat senses when it's being laughed at.


 
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