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Party-approved Commissarial Erotic Entertainment venues

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Red Square wrote:Comrade Stierlitz - the "other" wild party-approved videos were previously distributed on an need-to-see basis through the network of Party Pleasure Palaces managed by Marshal Pupovich, who is now deceased. As our inspection has later discovered, no paperwork existed that made sense, and the double bookkeeping seem to have siphoned all the revenues to multiple bank accounts that have since been closed.

Long story short, the Party Pleasure Palace program was suspended pending a government bailout. We argued that it was "too big to fail," but the Republican obstructionists in Congress threw it out of the stimulus package. It is now scheduled for sequester.

If you like, the Party can appoint you Marshal Pupovich's successor in charge of Party Pleasure Palaces if you can pull enough strings to revive this important program (kickbacks to be discussed separately and without witnesses).

A MODEST PROPOSAL
FOR THE ALLOCATION OF RESOURCES
TO BE USED FOR THE RECONSTRUCTION
OF PARTY-APPROVED KOMMISSARIAL
EROTIC ENTERTAINMENT VENUES


I have submitted this proposal to the Party and to the State in efforts to not only return a once-admired aspect of Kommisarial life to our beloved Kommissars, but also to mourn and avenge the death of His Excellency Komrade Marshal Pupovich. Mr. Pupovich, as you may recall, once headed the Board of Erotic Entertainment and was the Direktor of the now-disbanded Commission on Erotic Entertainment Venues. There is currently no head to the BEE, and if my proposal were to be accepted I expect to have this position and a rank of Marshal to be bestowed upon me as soon as the medals, certificates, and nametags can be made.

I have found from my own data and the research of the National Association of Debonair Sheilas, or NADS, that there currently exist 32 brothels, 45 whorehouses, 345 gentleman's clubs, and 104 seedy venues in our Glorious People's Republic. Due to there being no direction to the BEE, all but 15 of these organizations remain untaxed. Undercover operations by private investigators have also found that 82.5 percent of the people who work at these venues have sought tax-free status through various criminal organizations or by storing their monies in offshore accounts. My calculations show that over 6 trillion roubles are lost to this criminal behavior.

I propose a three-prong approach to this current problem. The first prong being construction, the second one being destruction, and the third one being incarceration.

We shall construct new, clean, safe, camera-monitored Erotic Entertainment Venues to be enjoyed not only by Kommissars, but by regular old Proles and Peasants as well. Our EEV's would be made of concrete and would take up a half of a city block. There will be two sections, prole and Kommissar-only. The prole entrance shall remain guarded by policemen, whereas the Kommissar entrance will be guarded with Military Police and a proof of Kommissarship must be presented. Those attempting to gain entry without or with forged proofs will be shot on sight. Those who manage to escape the MP's at the door will be found and inducted into the GULAG system for life. The cost for the construction of a single EEV will be 5,000 roubles, and the annual running cost will be 100 roubles. I propose the construction of 1,000,000 EEV's across the nation, which will cost 5bil Roubles and whose running costs will be 100mil Roubles. I intend for the costs of construction to come out of the Ration account, which will only result in a 45.5 percent reduction in rations to the average Prole for just five years, and for the running costs to be paid for by taxes levied at the EEV's during the rental of a Intercourse Specialist. Management and oversight of these EEV's will be undertaken by committees set up in each Oblast who will file annual reports with the BEE.

We shall destroy the old ones by artillery fire. We currently have a training deficit in our People's Army in artillery weapons, even moreso with long-range and air-to-ground artillery. I believe that this is simply because we have only been involved in urban engagements in protests and because we haven't done anything out in the more rural areas of the country where the Secret Police takes care of all matters that would require military attention. We simply haven't had the chance to use our artillery. Under my plan, we would use these filthy houses of degeneration as practice targets for our artillery. This would not only get rid of the unapproved venues, I predict that it would result in an 850 percent improvement in our People's Army's artillery-related abilities. Furthermore, I would work with the PA to introduce new artillery training programs into the PA so that we could become an even more unstoppable force than we are now.

We shall incarcerate the proprietors and sex workers of these venues and incarcerate any future proprietors or workers. First-offenders who are sex workers would simply be put into prisons, whereas repeat offenders who work in unapproved venues after release from prison would be inducted into the GULAG system for a period of 10 to 45 years. Former workers would be barred from entry into state-approved Erotic Entertainment Venues and would be required to wear Hijabs inside of and within 500 yards of any government building. Proprietors of unapproved venues would be inducted into the GULAG system at a rate of 5 years per sex worker, or 10 years per thousand Roubles, whichever is higher. Sex workers currently in the act at the time of military police raids on unapproved venues will be tossed out the window and shoved into a 55 foot trailer filled with tear gas for six hours. They would also be inducted into the GULAG system for six months and then would serve their prescribed sentence as stated above.

Taxation would be levied towards those who visit EEV's. They will be taxed at a rate of one percent of income for each rental of an Intercourse Specialist. They may choose to pay the tax at the point of rental, or they may choose to have it levied towards them during their annual payment of tax. If they refuse to accept the tax, their quota will be increased so that they will produce an equivalent value of goods to offset their refusal. Kommissars will be exempt from all taxation. I believe that we can generate up to ten billion roubles from taxes of this kind.

My analyses forecast a general public morale increase of 500 percent, and a one million percent morale increase in the National Kommissariate. These increases are expected to reduce the amount of violent crime by 56%, reduce thefts by 32%, and reduce tax delinquency by 99%. Productivity increases of 69% are expected as well. Furthermore, public opinion of the current government and the People's Direktor is expected to rise by one-thousand percent.

With all facts stated, I hope that my proposal may be accepted by the Central Committee and that we may begin to build a better, safer, more peaceful People's Republic.

Signed,
Comrade Stierlitz

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By Lenin, if you can't bedazzle them with brains, bury them in bullshit!

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Comrade Stierlitz, direktor of party approved sexual entertainment,
will the EEV's contain wet beavers?

beaver.jpeg

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Comrade Stierlitz - are you prepared for a promotion to Marshal Stierlitz?

Also, if you are going to eliminate all existing sex worker kulaks as a class, who are you going to recruit to take their place, and will their commitment to social justice be a requirement?

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Minitrue, that's disgraceful.


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Beavers if not shaved should be at least neatly trimmed.

Lets maintain some decorum, and order and discipline and stuff all up in here. Dammit

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Red Square wrote:Comrade Stierlitz - are you prepared for a promotion to Marshal Stierlitz?

Also, if you are going to eliminate all existing sex worker kulaks as a class, who are you going to recruit to take their place, and will their commitment to social justice be a requirement?

PROPOSAL EXTENSION-

We shall go into the prisons and find all people who were found in previous raids of Unapproved EEV's and use them as the new State-Approved Sex Workers. Of course we will force them to take loyalty tests to see if they are truly loyal to the state and not the former unwashed idiots they once were. If this is not feasible, we shall simply put all sex worker kulaks through an enhanced 2-year GULAG career, which will include six hours of brainwashing every single day on top of the reduced 12 hours of hard labor to accommodate the brainwashing. On rest days there will be 18 hours of brainwashing. They will be put through a loyalty test before expulsion from the GULAGs, and if they fail they get another six months until they pass the test. If a certain prisoner fails the test more than ten times, they get ten years of a regular, non-brainwashing career in the GULAG system. Upon release from this ten-yer career, they will be stripped of all clothing, strapped to a chair, doused in boiling water, and abandoned in the northernmost regions of Siberia, still strapped to the chair.

And yes, I am ready for promotion to Marshal Stierlitz. It just means that I still get to hassle more people and send them to Siberia more often while still doing nothing Gloriously Struggling to help the Kollektive. I'll have to remake my namebadge, but it's all for the good of the Kollektive.

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Are you planning to introduce equality quotas eliminating gender barriers among the prospective sex workers? It is unfair that in the 21st century formerly male comrades who have switched their identity are still unable to be employed as women in the EEV field.

The customers must also comply with mandatory quotas on female/male/transgender and other LBGTQ-affiliated workers they hire for such service.

The Sex Workers Union must be on the forefront of this movement, eliminating all discrimination based on age, gender, physical or mental ability, weight, body type, or being tested positive for HIV or other STD.

Equality of outcomes for all!

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Red Square wrote:Are you planning to introduce equality quotas eliminating gender barriers among the prospective sex workers? It is unfair that in the 21st century formerly male comrades who have switched their identity are still unable to be employed as women in the EEV field.

The customers must also comply with mandatory quotas on female/male/transgender and other LBGTQ-affiliated workers they hire for such service.

Yes, we shall promote, require, and advertise the introduction of equality quotas. And we shall also be complying with your demands of Affirmative Sexual Action, once they rent a heterosexual worker, they will have to rent a transgender, a homosexual, a bisexual, and a pansexual worker before they can rent a heterosexual worker again. If other sexualities exist at their local EEV, they will be required to rent these ones as well. If they cannot rent any additional sexualities because of nonexistance at their local EEV it will not have a negative impact on them.

My plan also accommodates for transsexual people. They will be allowed in, will be taken off the street if necessary, but any transsexual people will be checked for service-worthiness by a double-blind test. No at-home DIY operations will be accepted, they must have been done at a State Hospital. If there is a deficit of transsexual people in the EEV system, we will force non-transsexual people to go through an operation and put them through a 12-month brainwashing course. Furthermore, we will advertise them and their services under our slogan of "Grin And Fuck It!" We predict that we can start a craze, and that we can increase the number of sex change operations performed in this country by 4-7 percent.

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Minitrue wrote:Comrade Stierlitz, direktor of party approved sexual entertainment,
will the EEV's contain wet beavers?

beaver.jpeg

Beavers will be provided, but no guarantees of wetness are provided. If failure to wet is experienced, we will provide a small tube of astroglide on request. Also, see my response to Komrade Direktor's question on a quota system.

If you are speaking of bestiality-related endeavors, they can be provided, but must be requested six months in advance using a system not unlike inter-library loan. However, we plan to keep a goat pen at 95 percent of EEV's for our Muslim Komrades.

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This is starting to sound quite lucrative, and profitable. Dare I say Kapitalist?

I'm hearing rumblings of activity, but there seems to be some glitch in the paperwork that might require <ahem> favor$ <cough> to clear up...

Government bureaucracy, you know....

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:This is starting to sound quite lucrative, and profitable. Dare I say Kapitalist?

I'm hearing rumblings of activity, but there seems to be some glitch in the paperwork that might require <ahem> favor$ <cough> to clear up...

Government bureaucracy, you know....

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Don't worry, it's in good hands...

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Trimmed beaver
Just type it in google, wow.

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Nope. That's just Craptek after his annual haircut.

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I just split this topic from the other Wild Videos thread so that all the previously off-topic posts would become on topic. I also illustrated it with a picture of the Lubianka building in Moscow.

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Ivan Betinov wrote:Nope. That's just Craptek after his annual haircut.

Suddenly I've got two squirrel haters on my case? Are you teaming up with Ivan the Stakhanovets to form some kind of commie vaudeville act like The Brothers Ivan, or Betinov and Stak do TPC? Is that it?

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Captain Craptek wrote:
Ivan Betinov wrote:Nope. That's just Craptek after his annual haircut.

Suddenly I've got two squirrel haters on my case? Are you teaming up with Ivan the Stakhanovets to form some kind of commie vaudeville act like The Brothers Ivan, or Betinov and Stak do TPC? Is that it?

I think it's a nice haircut Crappy. Not nice-looking, but certainly advantageous for that certain person who'd like a squirrel to crawl into them. Would you mind signing these papers? Would really help a lot!

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Will straw mattresses be provided or do you have bring your own?

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Wait a minute, my hormone driven Comrades!!! In the interest of Gender Equality™, I propose that if any beaver (squirrel or any rodent for that matter) should be trimmed, then every single Party's kielbasy has to forgo a mandatory Brazilian smoothing procedure, just to keep the Female-Male gender gap unblemished.

As for the EEV restructuring, did I mention that I worked as a liaisons officer during the "Ukrainian Barely Teens Reclamation Campaign" ordered by Comrade Vlad "The Man" Putin to keep innocent girls out of harm's way before the righteous strike to punish that ingrate Ukraine? Soooo... I know a tovarishch that knows a tovarishch that for a "finder's fee" could set The Party™ with some of those girls that accidentally "fell off the back of a truck", capiscinsky? *wink-wink*

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Biff Henderson wrote:Will straw mattresses be provided or do you have bring your own?

Komissars get memory foam mattresses in air-conditioned and heated rooms with carpet and a locking door. Proles get a 3 foot by 5 foot 1/4" thick rubber sheet in a walk-in freezer with no carpet.

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Biff Henderson wrote:Will straw mattresses be provided or do you have bring your own?

Komissars get memory foam mattresses in air-conditioned and heated rooms with carpet and a locking door. Proles get a 3 foot by 5 foot 1/4" thick rubber sheet in a walk-in freezer with no carpet.
Oh, A Bucket Joint (A spigot with a pail and squeegee at the end of the hall). No squeegee No pleazee. I hope you'll have the sense to use an open sewer drainage system.

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Biff Henderson wrote:
Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
Biff Henderson wrote:Will straw mattresses be provided or do you have bring your own?

Komissars get memory foam mattresses in air-conditioned and heated rooms with carpet and a locking door. Proles get a 3 foot by 5 foot 1/4" thick rubber sheet in a walk-in freezer with no carpet.
Oh, A Bucket Joint (A spigot with a pail and squeegee at the end of the hall). No squeegee No pleazee. I hope you'll have the sense to use an open sewer drainage system.

Komissar rooms get cleaned to the highest of standards and scented very nicely. Proles will have to spray their room down themselves with a fire hose and will be expected to dry it with paper towels.

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If the two Ivans are taking this show on the road, I must exercise my party seniority and propose that the act be called "Betinov With Ivan the Stakhanovets."

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I'm not going anywhere unless Putout is available as a roadie. Goodness knows such an endeavor requires a qualified helping hand.

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
If you are speaking of[highlight=#ffff00] bestiality[/highlight]-related endeavors, they can be provided, but must be requested six months in advance using a system not unlike inter-library loan. However, we plan to keep a goat pen at 95 percent of EEV's for our Muslim Komrades.

Ahem! That word is considered zooaphobic.

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Hammer and Loupe wrote:
Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
If you are speaking of[highlight=#ffff00] bestiality[/highlight]-related endeavors, they can be provided, but must be requested six months in advance using a system not unlike inter-library loan. However, we plan to keep a goat pen at 95 percent of EEV's for our Muslim Komrades.

Ahem! That word is considered zooaphobic.

Animal Pleasure Endavors?
Non-Human Erotic Edeavors?

Or you can call a duck a duck and just call it screwin' animals up the ass.

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Comrade Stierlitz wrote:...Or you can call a duck a duck...
Image I denounce your use of the "D" word as a pejorative demeaning to Anatidae-Amerikkans.

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Comrade Stierlitz - I would suggest you watch your language. Your entire month's vodka ration goes to the swear jar. We have deposited it there for you because we care.

Now, back to the real world... where were we? Oh yes, the irrational fear of ducks...

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I see some sex workers know what's good for them. They will be spared...

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Red Square wrote:I see some sex workers know what's good for them. They will be spared...

The attachment Hookers_4_Hillary.jpg is no longer available

Comrades: Don't miss out on this great opportunity!


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Most equally esteemed Komrads,

Sorry to chime in so late, but this has already been done. Hasn't anyone ever been to Pattaya Beach Thailand?

What's that floating in the Current Truth ™?,

Red Salmon

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Oh, my! I see that the Global Warming certain "globes" are getting pretty "warm" in here!

You must all stop this heavy breathing! It causes carbon dioxide, you know.


 
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