Kabul, Afghanistan - March 16, 2012 - AP (Associated Potatoes)

Today in Kabul, a large crowd of peaceful Mislooms, standing directly in front of a cloud of patchouli incense smoke, offered to stop cutting off the heads of journalists, mercy-killing their own daughters and wives who are raped or who allow their ankles to be seen, burying women up to their necks and stoning them to death, cutting off miscreants' hands and feet, and calling the United States the "Great Satan" - if Americans will promise to stop such outrageous behavior as badmouthing the Koran and drawing cartoons of the guy with the bomb in his turban.

The crowd's spokesunit, Mohammed Akbar Mohammed Muhammed, told AP journalists that enough is enough, and Americans simply MUST stop doing these evil things. Stating that he considered the deal a fair trade, Mr. Mohammed Muhammed also said that he was sure the rest of the Misloom world would follow suit, if the Americans would simply take the first step.

A Black Moving Object (BMO) walked by during a lull in the negotiations, and when Mohammed Muhammed noticed that he could see an eyelash protruding from the burka the (alleged) woman was wearing he casually raised his own eyebrow and lopped off her head with a machete.

As the negotiations resumed - and the crowd peacefully shouted "Allahu Akbar!! Death to the Great Satan!!" - another patchouli incense tire was lit on fire.

Will the negotiations succeed? Only time will tell.

We have offended them greatly. Give peace a chance. All people are reasonable.

Comrade R.O.C.K.,
You obviously do not understand Misloom culture. The machete represents the powerful 'Hand of Allah' for his followers here on this pathetic orb to wield to swiftly administer his will. Allah's will in this case was to reduce the carbon footprint of the gathering by eliminating the BMO so He in his Heaven with his innumerable virgins could enjoy the offering of the patchouli tire fire. Maybe as an incentive in the negotiations we could also stop calling them such odious names such as camel jockey, rag head and goat roper.

Comrade Yuri, you may be correct - and I suspect that if we stopped calling them these hideously undeserved names they would no doubt up the ante on their side and volunteer to take, say, one centrifuge offline in Iran for each odious name we ceased using, thereby also matching Dear Leader's desire to lower America's defenses as He ratchets down the military in every way conceivable.

And don't forget, now that our Marines are highly trained and versed in proper motherhood techniques as well as being much more sensitive to the feelings of the persecuted Mislooms everywhere, maybe we could finally just get along.

A little patchouli incense could go a long way, comrade.

This is good news. As a sign of good faith, I anticipate Dear Leader Obama sending them some nice, fresh plutonium to advance their peaceful nuclear energy program.