If there's anything more Orwellian than simple doublespeak, it's the "piled higher and deeper" (Ph.D.) doublespeak of academia and "peer-reviewed" scientific papers.


Peer-Reviewed Journal Publishes Gender Studies Hoax Claiming Penises Cause Climate Change

Two academics, Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay, used pen names to successfully submit a hoax paper that argued—“the penis vis-à-vis maleness is an incoherent construct” — to the peer-reviewed journal Cogent Social Sciences. Boghossian and Lindsay cited 20 sources, none of which they say they read, and five of which are fake papers that were “published” in journals that don't actually exist.

These two brave agitprop academics ought to beware that they risk exposing the sensitive sources and methods used by loyal socialists (and other leftist bedfellows) as they twist mold student minds and bully influence public discourse via "scientific journals." Their hooliganism may be the thin end of a wedge that threatens the Progress that we all expect to achieve Next Tuesday.

Most Equal Colonel Obyezyana,

I had the privilege of educating indoctrinating students for a private university. One ingenious fellow wrote a paper that cited nothing but Wikipedia articles. The paper was well supported by the Wikipedia articles. In fact, it seemed that the articles were written to support the paper. Upon closer examination, I discovered that all of the cited Wikipedia articles were written by the same student. As this occurred before Next Tuesday it did not turn out well for the student. He was sent to the Gulag and was no longer allowed to pursue his degree. I'm sure his future was bright anyhow. Last I heard he was promoted to General.

Flowing with the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

Red Salmon wrote:Most Equal Colonel Obyezyana,

I discovered that all of the cited Wikipedia articles were written by the same student. As this occurred before Next Tuesday it did not turn out well for the student. He was sent to the Gulag and was no longer allowed to pursue his degree.
Red Salmon

Equally equal and egalitarian champion Red Salmon,

Thank you for your one, single anecdote, which The Party accepts as sufficient substantiating proof of my point beyond any shadow of a doubt in all cases and at all times. It is now Settled Science™, game over, debate finished, case closed, fat lady has sung, The Party has spoken.

Please report any necktie-wearing deniers to the nearest available Zampolit!

---

One fish two fish red fish blue fish (Or just Red Salmon for those without poetry in their collective souls), I too have served a tour of duty in the higher indoctrination centers and have seen my fair share of papers of dubious provenance. One of our seniors plagiarized most of the paper from newspaper and internet sources, but cleverly cited published scholarly works. Unfortunately, I read for a living, and can tell when a one author stops writing and another starts writing. So first I went to the internet and found all the bit that he had cut and pasted. Then I went to the sources he cited and noted that absolutely nothing on the pages cited had anything to do with what was "written" in his paper. And as this too was before Next Tuesday, the evil professor failed said student and he didn't get to walk in graduation...so sad.

You, the fish! And you in the fishbowl, both of you ought to be ashamed of your overt hatred of students! I'll bet that you didn't let them monitor their friends on Obamaphone either. They are a protected class, and we pay dearly for their safe spaces and Student loans for default!


<off> good stories! Mine made it easy, he didn't even change the font and pitch of the cut and paste...

I also had the pleasure of instructing college students in mathematics during my tenure as a teacher. Every quarter I invariably had one student that did not know their multiplication tables. I would say something like, "take as much time as you need to figure out what 6 times 4 is". They would sit there the entire hour and I would finally have to tell them they should go back the 2nd grade. Teachers can be so mean!!! That was in the 80s. Can you imagine how much worse it is now? I'd be fired within a day for my extremely inappropriate comments.

On another topic, here in Washington state a public school receives $10,000 per year from the state for each student. If you have 10 bad actors they will never expel them since that would cause a loss of 100 grand for the school. And that is why we have discipline problems in school and nobody is learning anything. Bring back the ruler slapping nuns! (good name for female punk group?)

I do not see what all this fuss is about. Who cares whether words are hoaxes or copyings or anything else, when Comrade Derrida has definitively shown that the meanings of words are endlessly deferred? ... or, that is, he would have definitively shown it, had not his meaning been endlessly deferred so that what he meant to have shown could not have been understood to have shown anything ... and come to think of it, have these words of mine had any meaning, either? Oh, dear, I am becoming confused again.

[PROG OFF:]
Another tale from the Academic Asylum: Many years ago, when there was still some sanity left in the humanities branches of academe, there was a person at the conferences that I attended regularly whose papers were always heavily laced with references to Bakhtin, one of the de rigueur Theorists of the day. (Some of us used to call her the Bakhtin Lady, and we didn't mean it as a compliment.) One evening, at a dinner before the day on which she was scheduled to give her paper, I decided to have a little fun. I started talking about how all the latest scholarship seemed to be based on Foucault now, and how Bakhtin appeared to have lost ground among those in the know.

She replied tentatively (and a bit worriedly), "I think I have a few references to Bakhtin in my paper," to which I kept saying over and over, "Nope, Bakhtin's out; Foucault's in. I see it everywhere." Really, I was just clowning around; I didn't mean anything serious by it.

But the next day, when the Bakhtin Lady gave her paper, she didn't have a single reference to Bakhtin, and she'd managed to shoehorn in two references to Foucault -- neither of which had any bearing on her argument or even her topic.

That's academia for you -- except this was so long ago that many of us were still sane enough, and professional enough, to get a laugh out of it. I doubt whether anyone would see the humor any more.

Comrade Colonel,

I see you have mastered the art of pushing buttons on the keyboard, but not yet the art of line breaks, nor the difference between Rich Text and Poor Text. I understand that all animals are equal, as in the famous Party-approved anthem, "Imagine no possessions." Perhaps, that explains it.

And yet, some text possesses formatting, while other text doesn't. To equalize all skills, the Party has created Editor for the Rich that has a button called "Rich Text, Poor Text." Switching between Rich Text and Poor Text with that button helps you to see exactly where you are with the formatting.

In Poor Text mode, line breaks are easily created by pressing ENTER (or RETURN on certain fruit-themed keyboards). You can type your poor text in the Poor Text window, or paste your rich text into it. That will preserve all the line breaks, but also strip the rich text of any other possessions - or rich formatting, if you will.

But if you want to insert line breaks in the Rich Text mode, you can do so by doing SHIFT+ENTER, otherwise known as "soft break." That is the method for the soft and decadent bourgeois class, but the Party permits it for the sake of readability.

In the next Five Year Plan we will introduce a more equal text editor. Until then we will have to deal with the existing one. Consider it a metaphorical representation of the transition from capitalism to communism.

Thank you Comrade Square.

My fingers are adept at pulling triggers, peeling bananas and picking at...things...but not at pecking keys.

My secretary, Boltleevy, usually did that for me but she's on an extended leave in the far east and I don't expect her to be reformed back for at least 20 years.

Given your generous advice, I will endeavor to improve my contributions to the extent humanly possible possible.

Colonel Obyezyana wrote:... the "piled higher and deeper" doublespeak of academia and "peer-reviewed" scientific papers ...

Math is sooo boring.
Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of an Integrative Gender-Holomorphic Pi ? Dud.
Ultradimensional Transmutative Derrida/Adorno/Lacan Topology in Squares and Cubes ? Flop.
Onomatopoeic Cohomology versus Epistemologic Deconstructivity over Foucault Manifolds ? Loser.

Eureka!
Try Physics? Cosmology? Nanotech? _ . . . . . . . _ phew. . . sooo boring, tooo. . .



P.S.

Colonel Obyezyana wrote:... My secretary, Boltleevy, usually did that [the art of pushing buttons on the keyboard] for me but she's on an extended leave ...

Obviously, Sergeant Uspekhov replaced that babblemouth, Boltleevy! Or is it Major Udachnyi?

Comrade Director, is the new text editor a facet of the current Five Year Plan or part of the now deferred 7th Five Year Plan, or (Lenin forbid) the now twice deferred and seldom-mentioned-in-public 6th Five Year Plan?

Yes. Yes, I know. Platform 9.....

And speaking of peer review. Now that all animals are equal, doesn't peer reviewed mean that anyone is qualified to perform such service? Or, for that matter, write the original article?

Think of it: we could hire some otherwise useless prole to sit and read (or just look at the pictures) and double our scholarly publication output virtually overnight! Then, once we have the review process hammered and sickled out, we could set another group in front of typewriters to peck at random keys to produce new works to be reviewed and quadruple output! Think of the volume of new knowledge that could be produced....

This could turn into a real money-maker for the Party Press (if I were at all interested in such things as money-making).

LANG LEBEN DIE GESCHWÄTZWISSENSCHAFTEN !
LONG LIVE THE GOBBLEDYGOOK-SCIENCES !

Math is sooo boring.. phew. . . sooo boring, tooo. . .

Academic journals are the most effective non-narcotic sleep aids ever produced.

Obviously, Sergeant Uspekhov replaced that babblemouth, Boltleevy! Or is it Major Udachnyi?

No, Tovarishch Dummkopf. Although both are successes, my new administrative assistant is Korporal Wozzeck. He tends to be a bit preachy whilst trimming my facial hair, but I ignore this because I really like his wife.

Then, once we have the review process hammered and sickled out, we could set another group in front of typewriters to peck at random keys to produce new works to be reviewed and quadruple output! Think of the volume of new knowledge that could be produced....

Yes, but a thousand monkeys without a thousand typewriters equals a thousand tasty meals, and we all demand equality (and we must keep my the troupe troops fed).

Colonel Obyezyana wrote:

Obviously, Sergeant Uspekhov replaced that babblemouth, Boltleevy! Or is it Major Udachnyi?

No, Tovarishch Dummkopf. Although both are successes, my new administrative assistant is Korporal Wozzeck. He tends to be a bit preachy whilst trimming my facial hair, but I ignore this because I really like his wife.

uh, well... but - keep tavarishch Wozzeck away from the pond. _(use bananas, as bait?)

None of these claims, including Wikipedia's or John Lennon's new big hit IMAGINE NO POSSESSIONS referred to above, have been vetted by SNOPES. All the vetters have disappeared with no trace.

That Lennon is dead is just a rumor spread by the Capitalists, and it should not be of concern. In Lennon's circles, people can not only vote at least twice after having been decomposed, but compose while comatose. They can also vote, because voting in the American elections is a duty for every foreign national.

The only sources who can follow up on the disappeared facts at SNOPES are at the Kenyan branch of SNOPES in the Fareed Zakaria Library, Mahmoud Abbas section.

I'm heading there right now to follow up on this story and interview the entire nation of Kenya, Uganda and Zimbabwe that will vote in the next American elections for president. We must right all the wrongs from the last one that wants to build walls instead of bridges to nowhere. I'm told, and this is a fact, that we must recapture the rights of foreign nationals to vote in the US elections, for social justice so we can all be equal. We must demand that American citizenship will no longer be required to vote, and the entire continent of Africa and the Muslim world - WE ARE ONE - will be invited to vote.

It's the right thing to do.

The Department of State's new ruling will redefine "Foreign National" to "American citizen."

It's about time and it is legally supportable!

If you don't agree with this turn of events, you must be racist!

Kommissar Chernobylski wrote: That Lennon is dead is just a rumor spread by the Capitalists, and it should not be of concern. In Lennon's circles, people can not only vote at least twice after having been decomposed, but compose while comatose. They can also vote, because voting in the American elections is a duty for every foreign national.

No, Lennon died about ten years ago from a drug overdose, er suicide (with seven shots to the back of the neck), capitalist assassination involving an ice axe. We know this because he was the incarnate of Lenin and when he died, we were gifted with thisincarnate of Lenin.

Far from the Great Leap Forward, many of my college students appear to be operating on a Five Year Plan mentality.

RedDiaperette wrote:[PROG OFF:]She replied tentatively (and a bit worriedly), "I think I have a few references to Bakhtin in my paper," to which I kept saying over and over, "Nope, Bakhtin's out; Foucault's in. I see it everywhere." Really, I was just clowning around; I didn't mean anything serious by it.

Did you tell her that sometimes in academia the pendulum swings the other way?

Ivan Betinov wrote:Far from the Great Leap Forward, many of my college students appear to be operating on a Five Year Plan mentality.

Alas! Where would today's Climate Science™ be, were it not for well-oiled peer-to-peer review...

Genosse Dummkopf wrote:Alas! Where would today's Climate Science™ be, were it not for well-oiled peer-to-peer review...

Perhaps this will answer your question, my teuer genosse...

https://www.breitbart.com/big-governmen ... pers-2017/

Prof calls diversity of thought ‘white supremacist bullshit'

• At a recent conference on Critical Race Theory, professors discussed how "there is no virtue in whiteness," with some saying "whiteness" is "inherently violent."
  
• Other conference-goers reportedly called the concept of intellectual diversity "white supremacist bullshit," while another said "research" is a "colonial, white supremacist, elite process."

There you go, comrades. "Research" is a colonial, white supremacist, elite process. And so it the scientific method of discovery.

A scientific fact is what the Party says it is. The place of scientists is to provide a scientifically sounding foundation for Party-established facts. And to teach these facts to students without deviating from the dogma. In this context, "diversity of thought" is a call for a permission to deviate. Such deviationists are the enemies of the Party and the people. And if the Party wishes to call such criminals "white supremacists," who are we to question its wisdom?

The Party knows best. Always.

Red Square wrote:The Party knows best. Always.

All trains lead to the same killing fields.

Red Square wrote:At a recent conference on Critical Race Theory, professors discussed ...

Just wait and see those profs' research, I mean, their Critical Racializing (or is it Racialized Criticasting?) drill down to the pestilent cauldron of Whitey Supremacist Crusader Cult . . .

Be prepared - hold ready straitjackets and tranquilizer shots. Plus popcorn, for your own pleasure.

At a Critical Species Theory Conference which I have just attended, consensus (after defenestrating and in other ways eliminating naysayers) was: "Four legs good, two legs bad."

Ignoring the point about evil two-legs, ants and spiders present at the conference protested that six and eight legs had not been mentioned. Their protest was easily squashed quashed.

One of the hoaxers teaches philosophy in Portland, and he is now being fired for this.

Just yesterday, John Stossel posted a video about this prank and interviewed the authors.