People's Cube Beauty Non-Contest

Commissarka Pinkie

Lone Stage Grip

I looked at all this crap!

Good God you commie pinko's are disgusting!!!

Lone Stage Grip! You! YOU!!!

You're the one who stood me up and left me without a date Saturday night, you stinking rotten Bush Cheney Palin 19 percenter, you! Well, here--have a quickie date with my shovel!

WHACK!!!

You took me out last week and said you had a lot of fun and we'd do it again the following Saturday. I went out with you because you worked so closely with TOTUS. I thought for sure that meant you were a good Prog, a nice Prog boy perfect for a nice Prog girl like me.

I thought we had a really great time last Saturday, and I was really looking forward to this Saturday, when I was going to take you home to my Prog mother, Yelling Yelena, so she could stuff you full of borscht and vodka and put her own--ahem--stamp of approval on you. I should've known what would happen when I told you that over our post-coital cigarettes, and your own cigarette fell out of your mouth and set aflame my environmentally correct Panda-safe bamboo sheets (I only buy those certified with the "No Pandas Went Hungry From the Making of These Sheets" label). I just figured your mouth was still numb from our earlier exertions, but NO! It turns out you were horrified at the prospect of getting it on with Yelena! And just because her boobs hang lower than that thing of yours.

That should've been my first warning sign that you're just another uptight frustrated neocon male who can't get it from neocon women because of their promise rings and stupid insistence that abstinence is the only form of birth control. You thought you could get a job taking care of TOTUS just so you could pick up Prog women and get all the goodies you want, because you stupid neocons think Prog women are sluts who'll do it with ANYBODY, yes, ANYBODY--even YOU!!!

Well, you're wrong, conboy, because I took The Pledge. I wouldn't go to bed with you again if--if--if you were my shovel!

WHACK!!!

Now get out of here and this time, take your jawbone with you.




The Shovel Blocking Chrome....

[center][/center]

[center]Wow!!! Didn't know you'd get all bent out of shaped, but Yellena is one nasty Momma!![/center]
[center]So I found another date....[/center]

[center][/center]
[center]They're Not Commies... Sorry :-( [/center]
 

True they are not Commies, now take one for the team to prove your devotion to the party.
[center][/center]
 

Comrade Snoogie Woogums

[center][/center]
True they are not Commies, now take one for the team to prove your devotion to the party.

[center][/center]


What the Hell is Dan Ackroyd doing in drag? Is this a promo shot for the new Ghostbusters III movie?
 

Janyt!! How did you get out of The Wombat Factory!?! There are non-rules for all wombats to Take Back The Night™ on Halloween only! We don't want to frighten the general populace just yet, we must wait until they become accustomed to the new gyrlie look:

[center][/center]

Leninka

Comrades,

The Tiara has arrived. Thought you might like to have a peek.




Comrade Leninka, The Red Star Tiara™ is MARVELOUS! Did Little Sally do this fine work?
 

Leninka

OOOH, Soooh Kewl,

OOOh, that milky white skin . . .



OH!!! I just love how he has his Progressive Bottled Water™...






 

Lone Stage Grip

I looked at all this crap!

Good God you commie pinko's are disgusting!!!


Comrade Lone Stage Grip,

You're that jerk who stood up Commissarka Pinkie!!! I see you have already caught hell from her for that! Good! Her shovel is a mighty tool of the proletariat and it is weilded by a robust and healthy example of Socialist Womanhood! Fear it and fear her! We do!

You need to understand a few things around here. There are member's here, such as myself, Commissarka Pinkie, Comrade Herr Doktor Theocritus, etc., who are MADE Progressives !!! That's right! We did the dirty work behind the scenes for our useful idiots, the Democratic National Committee! We spread the lies about how cruel and mean spirited the Bu$hitler regime was. We were the foot soldiers of the Troll Expeditionary Corp who did battle with those "Prog wanna-be posers", Mikael "The Mime" Rudolf and Jodin "Achey Vagina" Morley at impeachforpeace.org. Yes!!! We deserve to be members in good standing within The Party™ and members of the Central Committee (i.e. the Inner Circle™). DO NOT TRIFLE WITH US, MY GOOD SIR!!! WE HAVE WAYS TO DEAL WITH THE LIKES OF YOU!!! I hope you have plenty of warm coats!

You, on the other hand, are very likely one of those knuckle dragging troglodites that voted for the evil Bu$hitler. An unsophisticate who wants the United States of America to win the war on terrorism and this paradise, the United Soviet States of AmeriKa, to FAIL when His Excellncy's, General Secretary B. Hussain Obama's nation healthcare plans financially bankrupt this country!!!

So what if the Bu$hitler prevented another 9/11 style attack by sending in the troops to Iraq to kill the terrorists freedom fighters. He not only restored a prosperous economy after the attacks, he actually grew this evil capitalist economy. Thankfully, Rep, Bonnie Fwank's (S-MA) Community Reinvestment Act torpedoed that!!! And so what if Socialism does not work anywhere in the world, and never has. A century of failure proves nothing!!! Our version of Socialism, Obamunism™, will work!

Now pour yourself a margarita and submit to the will of us, The Party™ !!!

--
Zampolit Boris Sukavich Blokhayev
Commissar, 1st Chief Directorate for The Party™ Approved Margarita Research and Operations
Grand Inquisitor, The Reformed Church of Latter-Day Climatology (The Goremons)
 

Red Rooster

Leninka

Comrades,

The Tiara has arrived. Thought you might like to have a peek.




Comrade Leninka, The Red Star Tiara™ is MARVELOUS! Did Little Sally do this fine work?

Comrade Red Rooster,

Little Sally only added the star after I beat her and confiscated her crown for the collective. She needs to understand that's it's all for her own good, For the Children[sup]TM[/sup], so to speak.

Oh, say, RR, you know those lovely young things that Comrade Lone Star Grip entered into the contest. Do you think they ought to be progged up a little? After all, this is a prog queen contest.
 

It is an outwage! I was twying to get tan like my buds when I got wind ob this conpetisun. Now I submid to you my bes piktur. I deserb this croun!!!

Ib you tink that lon-legged mac-dabby looks bedder dan me in a beekini, you are quazy.


 

She can juggle bills, coerce RINOS, tame wild jackasses, make her neck appear shorter than it actually is...and all while back peddling her way through lies about the CIA!!

The guys might look better in a swimsuit, but talent is more important than a (governing)body.


 

We need to end this contest now!




 

Room 101

We need to end this contest now!





Comrade Room 101,

I forgot to tell you how many laughs I got out of the Oberman one. I think that counts as his being entered in the swimsuit competition. I was laughing even hours later.

But wait, I'm a prog. I can't laugh. Sorry.

Comrade Nanscki is quite the talent!

Comrade Messiah,

What's the matter? Don't you like our beauty contest?
 

Room 101

It is an outwage! I was twying to get tan like my buds when I got wind ob this conpetisun. Now I submid to you my bes piktur. I deserb this croun!!!

Ib you tink that lon-legged mac-dabby looks bedder dan me in a beekini, you are quazy.



Wait, I didn't see this one yet! Oh, this contest is such a turn on. Love the red shoes. Bawny! Bawny! Bawny! You aren't going to charge me even more for your next trick, are you?
 

Leninka

Oh, say, RR, you know those lovely young things that Comrade Lone Star Grip entered into the contest. Do you think they ought to be progged up a little? After all, this is a prog queen contest.

Yes Leninka, as I learned well in Communal Collective™ re-education camp and I quote my glorious professors:

"It is the Artists job to subvert Western Myth."

Whether that "myth" is that beauty is desirable, that dreams are attainable, that work is not a necessary evil and instead a desirable accomplishment that should and ought to be reveled in, that fairy tales give us archetypes for our dreams and passions and celebrate the best within us, or explore morality in abstract ways that are impossible to explore with the premises and precepts of a concrete bound TV reality show troglodyte. That our minds are the motor of the world. These are all FALSE NOTIONS™ of Western Myth.

We are persons, not individuals, not ladies, not gentleman, just persons... like a mass of flesh with no distinction between the pieces. And I quote:

"The American Dream is a dead, a fairy tale and a lie! It is the same bullshit they feed you all your lives, that you are different, that you are unique, that you are more important than others. We are all people, all the same, you're no different than anybody else!"

The Lone Star Women are merely figments of our imagination, they do not exist. Their image exists only for our envy and should only be spat upon by the likes of wondrous progressives such as Perez Hilton and the Miss USA pageant producer.

We are femynists, not feminists of the Susan B. Anthony ilk, not women of the stature of Harriet Tubman, we're far more equal:

[center]

[left]So Mr. Lone Stage Grip, know this you beer drinking armadillo, The Wombat Factory will let your Lone Star Women live this time, but just know that they are freaks of nature and that life is most prodigious in the swamps of the saved and restored Wetlands™ that those evil ranchers and farmers KILLED, KILLED, KILLED!!! With their vile husbandry ways....[/left][/center]
 

Red Rooster

Leninka

Oh, say, RR, you know those lovely young things that Comrade Lone Star Grip entered into the contest. Do you think they ought to be progged up a little? After all, this is a prog queen contest.

We are persons, not individuals, not ladies, not gentleman, just persons... like a mass of flesh with no distinction between the pieces.

Yes, that's right. We are persons. We are equals. Boys = Girls, Men = Women, Gay men = Gay women, short = tall, smart = stupid, lazy = hard working, virtuous = pervert. This is why 12 year old nubile girls ought to be made to ride on the same public transportation bus as pedophiles (as the Goracle aspires). In the Progressive World of Next Tuesday[sup]TM[/sup], when we no longer have our own cars, this will come true.
 

Rooster, I think Leninka means those women need to have their flotation devices replaced with anchors.

What do anchors do?

You see them and you want to throw them overboard.

They drop below the water line.

They sag so heavily under their own pendulous weight, that unless they are properly hoisted into place and secured, they will pull the women straight down to the bottom of the sea.

Be advised that not all anchors are USCG approved.
 

Comrade Pinkie,

I don't know how to turn off the laughing after reading your comment. I may have to anchor myself somewhere.
 

I just couldn't resist.


 

Surely we jest such bourgeois notions...

[center]

But it can not be argued that as far as flotation devices
go these just may make it when the womyn's ship is sinking.

Oh those vile 50's! How Bourgeois![/center]
 

"...sexism is still confused with nature as racism once was; because anything that affects males is seen as more serious than anything that affects “only” the female half of the human race..."




This is getting serious.
 

GLORIOUS GLORIA! Goddess of The Wombat Factory!

"You wisdom pales only in comparison to you collectivist cunnilinctus!"

-Ancient Moaist Proverb

"More than two decades after founding Ms. magazine, Gloria Steinem remains America's most influential, eloquent, and revered feminist...."

[center]

Glorious Gloria, Glorious!!![/center]
 

As a prog woman. I just want to be like a man. That is what makes me feel most equal. I want to walk like a man (a la Caroline Kennedy), talk like a man (Susan Estrich), cuss like a man (Janine Garafalo), dress like a man (Diane Keaton), whore around like a man (Talullah Bankhead--I can't think of anyone contemporary right now),
sit like a man (Martha Stewart with her legs apart in some dumb commercial she did), go to jail like a man (Martha Stewart, again). Well you get the jist. I just want to be like a man. That's all. That's what being equal means to me.
 

I'm angry that the private sector, which is supposed to be in charge of running this kangaroo "contest" doesn't have its act together to deal with a critical situation, so now the public sector has to step in.


 

Richard Pryor said it years ago...

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Room 101

I'm angry that the private sector, which is supposed to be in charge of running this kangaroo "contest" doesn't have its act together to deal with a critical situation, so now the public sector has to step in.



Comrade Room 101,

Of course, it's a free for all.

The beautiful and accomplished Janet is a most welcome prog queen contestant. I see that Janet is suited up, but she does appear a little shy.

Here, ply her with this:


She'll be dancing onto the stage, unfettered, and free as a bird in no time.
 

Comrade Room 101.. we work very hard at The Wombat Factory, it's hard, hard work being in charge of so much....

[center]

We put out thousands of products a day for The People™.[/center]
 

Comrades,

I confess, bookkeeping is not one of my favorite things to do, but you will be happy to know that I have added Nanski P., Janeane G., and Janet N. to the official poll. Have I forgotten anyone? Oh, shoot, Mr. Olbermann. I'll go back and fix that.
 

Comrade RR,

This is why the contest is good for little Janet. It's good to get her out of her element once in awhile.
 

Leninka,

I heard a rumor about some of our beauties on display here. Is it true that when some of them walk into a bank they turn off the cameras?

Sounds pretty reasonable to me.
 

Snoogie,

I've heard that somewhere, too.




I'm beginning to feel quite soiled in the same room with all of these prog women. They really are quite frightening to deal with.




The show must go on. Isn't Janet Napolitano stunning in her bathing suit? And Keith Olbermann was a sleeper. It certainly isn't going to be easy for Bruno to slip into the finals. And there is yet the congeniality part of the contest to come, not to mention the mystery prog.
 

Comrade Snoogie Woogums

Leninka,

I heard a rumor about some of our beauties on display here. Is it true that when some of them walk into a bank they turn off the cameras?

Sounds pretty reasonable to me.

This explains all. I heard there was a bank hiest in Washington D.C. at the Fed, now I understand why the criminals were not caught on tape.

They only caught this piece of audio, which I will transcribe for you here:

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all"
 

Leninka

Of course, it's a free for all.

The beautiful and accomplished Janet is a most welcome prog queen contestant. I see that Janet is suited up, but she does appear a little shy.

Here, ply her with this:




Madam Direkteur would never drink a passé vodka like “Global Warming.” She prefers “Climate Change™” to get loosey-goosey. Below is a favorite recipe of Janet's. She helped to create it! Does that count for the talent contest????

FEMA Hurricane Recipe

• 2 oz. Climate Change™ vodka
• 1 oz. dark Looter’s Extra Stout
• Several dashes of bitterness
• One large dollop of Mama’s Homeland Hype (if fresh Hype cannot be obtained, use vintage variety, but blend in current phraseology)
• Splash of CNAS Natural Security Essence or IPCC soda of dihydrogen monoxide
• Greenhouse spirits to taste
• Liberal amount of simple-mind syrup
• 1 c. heavy rhetoric
• White Curacao Supreme (optional)

In a large blender, add Climate Change™ , Looter’s, and bitterness. Pulse with lid off until bitterness exudes a strong odor. Increase speed of mixer and slowly pour in Mama’s Homeland Hype and Natural Security Essence or IPCC soda. Drink should be very sour to the taste.

In a separate container, combine Greenhouse spirits with simple-mind syrup (no shaking is necessary…the two will blend naturally).

With a whisk, stir heavy rhetoric until froth forms. Pour all ingredients into a globe-shaped glass.

If a stronger effect is desired, gently pour White Curacao Supreme into the glass over the back of a spoon to keep separate from the other ingredients.

Garnish with grass roots.

Consume quickly, as this drink is unsustainable and may become explosive if stored.
 

Yummy...a new cocktail! Will serve the "FEMA Hurricane" at my Back-From-The-Dead Party!
 

Comrade Lenin 'n' Things,

Better late than never. Where have you been?

There is yet one more prog queen contestant. But, she's just another nut cracker.


 

I have crowned myself. I am the One. I am tired of waiting. I know it will be too late if I do not do something about this contest now. The naysayers who have promoted my bitter half as Prog Queen are stuck in the past and are unwilling to accept change.

I am the One I have been waiting for.





Photo courtesy of Larry Sinclair.
 

Room 101,

I was afraid this was going to happen. I knew His Obamaness would end up doing exactly this.

Well, I guess, we'll just have to wait until he's asleep, steal the crown back from him, and start over. If he only knew just how far ahead Bruno is in the polls, it would be devasting to him.

Just let him do a pole dance or two and then we'll deal with it.
 

I have received an email from a reader with new information that may add points to Janeane Garofalo:

Profmarcus

Surely, Janeane Garofalo is douchebag of the month. My first language is Italian and I can tell you that Garofalo translated into English means, 'unsuccessful sex change.'
Profmarcus
 

Comrade Red Square,

Point taken. And I have it from a good source that Sotomayor in Spanish means "major pain in the ass."
 

Mussolini Peoples Points in Italian for Garofalo!
 

Lone Stage Grip

Commissarka Pinkie

Lone Stage Grip

I looked at all this crap!

Good God you commie pinko's are disgusting!!!

Lone Stage Grip! You! YOU!!!

You're the one who stood me up and left me without a date Saturday night, you stinking rotten Bush Cheney Palin 19 percenter, you! Well, here--have a quickie date with my shovel!

WHACK!!! .....

Now get out of here and this time, take your jawbone with you.


The Shovel Blocking Chrome....


[center]Wow!!! Didn't know you'd get all bent out of shaped, but Yellena is one nasty Momma!![/center]
[center]So I found another date....[/center]
[center]They're Not Commies... Sorry :-( [/center]

[center]You FREEEEEEEAAAKK!!!!!

Who let you out! How did you escape the Obamagastapo!?! Here I am dead, Dead, DEAD -- as a Windows 3.1 machine!!!

And you!... Your running around like some desperado living the high life!?!

Well, I'm living the HIGH-LIFE too, and from up here I'll be making sure GoogleEarth watches your every move! You think you can sleek around and go on dates with Commissarka Pinkie and floozies from the Lone Star State after what you did to MEEEEEEE!?!

Your wrong! Dead WRONG!!!

So Many Things Are Wrong, DEAD WRONG!




And you can BLAME IT on whatever you want!

[/center]
 

I have to say this contest sure makes me feel good that I'm a prog and not one of those neanderthal conservative male pig types. I revel in the inner beauty on display here. The intelligence of our most equal prog female comrades, compared to some neocon hag. Heck, I'm so moved that I think every prog female should be given a free Giverment computer.

Here is a pretty nifty computer design I've come up that would be perfect for any modern prog woman.

[center][/center]
 

How my heart goes pit-a-pat when I remember dear Slick Willie.
 

Comrade Snoogie Woogums

Here is a pretty nifty computer design I've come up that would be perfect for any modern prog woman.


We added a few peoples modifications to your design Comrade Snoogie, we hope you don't mind:

[center]

Just call The Wombat Factory The Apple of Femynist Computer manufacturers.[/center]
 

You are not going to believe this, but when I was about eight or nine years old, I sat on Santa Claus's lap up at the town's "General Store" (it was a small town), and asked him for an iron and an ironing board for Christmas. Girls really are programmed a certain way. My brother saw my nanny ironing every day, but he never asked Santa for such a thing.
 

How grateful we should be that our "nanny" is now the State! When this Nanny has her way, there will be no more wrinkles to iron!!
 

Leninka

Room 101,

If he only knew just how far ahead Bruno is in the polls, it would be devasting to him.



Dear Comrade, as The One would say, "This is not about me." He only wants what is best for the people He stands shoulder to shoulder with attached to a collar and leash.

Of course, if He should lose this contest, I advise you to stay away from Bethesda.
 

Leninka

You are not going to believe this, but when I was about eight or nine years old, I sat on Santa Claus's lap up at the town's "General Store" (it was a small town), and asked him for an iron and an ironing board for Christmas. Girls really are programmed a certain way. My brother saw my nanny ironing every day, but he never asked Santa for such a thing.

{ProgoOffo}
No, he probably asked Santa for a saw and hammer like I did when I was a kid. Should I learn to throw a tantrum every time someone mentions men use saws and hammers?

Yeah, I'm just gonna go burn my saws and hammers now.

Wombats burn bras, why can't I burn tools?

{ProgoOno}
Comrade Leninka! How dreadful what these kapitalist sexist exploiters put into your young mind! I will notify Janyt immediately of such tragedies, we will burn all irons and ironing boards tomorrow!

Or use them for Economy Surfing™, were not quite sure yet...
 

MYSTERY PROG REVEALED!

IT'S ARNIEGON THE GYRLIE MAN!


WHY ARNOLD IS A PROG QUEEN CONTESTANT

Congratulations Arnold,

You have been chosen as the People's Cube Mystery Prog Contestant because, although you ran as a fiscal conservative, you have broken one promise after another to the people of California, and have not only failed to cut spending in California, you have failed to reign in California's prog state legislators, and worst of all, you yourself have proposed one tax increase after another including a tax increase for universal health care, a tax increase on taking one's car to the repair shop, a tax on alcohol, and even taking Fluffy to the veterinarian.

So when you see him around, give him a big PROG thank you for every little PROG thing he's done.



Graphics compliments of Red Rooster!
 

Comrades,

Comrade Red Rooster felt sorry for Ashley, and allowed her to make a late entry into the contest. After all, Ashley does aspire to be most equal with all progs, be they men or women. And this is most admirable, because in our glorious system there are no differences between men and women, wombats and bats, woompla loompas and bawnie frankies.

So let's give her a big welcome. Welcome Ashley, to the Prog Queen Beauty Non-Contest!


 

Comrade Ashleykin Judkin,

Now I know you want to do your best in the contest. But your competition is stiff, very stiff. And I mean stiff. This is the body you will need if you are going to have any chance of being most equal, not only with other contestants, but, as all femynazis aspire, to be equal with men.


 

What a Beautimous Buff Babushka! Yava Weh Comrades!
 

Comrade Red Rooster,

Looks like it's just us chickens here tonight at the beauty contest.

No matter, I'll be readying the gowns for the evening gown competition and then we can go straight to the congeniality contest.

Bruno has been strangely quiet. I wonder what he's up to?
 

JUST HOW MUCH OF A PROG IS ARNIEGON THE GYRLIE MAN?

READ BELOW:

1. From S.F. Gate Open Forum:

The $12.8 billion tax increase signed by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger comes in the throes of the worst recession in a generation. It will cost more than $300 for every man, woman and child in California - $1,200 taken from the discretionary spending of an average family of four - either in direct tax increases or in tax-driven price increases as businesses pass along their costs to consumers.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... z0M36nFIOP

2. From U.S. News and World Report:

Jan 26, 2009 11:01 am US/Pacific
Calif. Governor Wants To Tax Golf, Auto Repairs
SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) ―

Golf course owners and some of their customers are teed off at Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. So are veterinarians, auto mechanics and amusement park operators.

Their anger is directed at the Republican governor's proposal to extend the state sales tax to cover more services, an idea that has surfaced in other states as they race to plug crippling budget deficits. The Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, a research clearinghouse, predicts such deficits nationwide could reach $350 billion by 2011.

In California, Schwarzenegger wants to help close a nearly $42 billion budget deficit by taxing rounds of golf, auto repairs, veterinary care, amusement park and sporting event admissions and appliance and furniture repairs.

3. From the Cato Institute:

Schwarzenegger’s Health-Care Shakedown
by Michael F. Cannon
Michael F. Cannon is director of health policy studies at the Cato Institute and coauthor of Healthy Competition: What's Holding Back Health Care and How to Free It (2005).
Added to cato.org on January 26, 2007
This article appeared in the National Review (Online) on January 22, 2007.

Last week, California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger proposed to guarantee health insurance to all Californians — including many illegal immigrants. How would Gov. Schwarzenegger achieve this feat? To paraphrase another California governor: If it moves, he taxes it. If it still moves, he regulates it. And if it stops moving, he subsidizes it.
Or more precisely, you subsidize it. Gov. Schwarzenegger would fund nearly the entire plan through Medicaid. Under that program's rules, roughly half the funding comes from California and half from the federal government — in other words, from taxpayers in other states. But, if you look closely at how the program will be funded, it becomes clear that Schwarzenegger wants to bend the rules so non-Californians would pay over three times as much as Californians would.
The governor's thinly veiled shakedown is both dishonest and emblematic of what ails America's health-care system.
 

Ivan Betinov

Comrade Snoogie Woogums

True they are not Commies, now take one for the team to prove your devotion to the party.

[center][/center]




What the Hell is Dan Ackroyd doing in drag? Is this a promo shot for the new Ghostbusters III movie?
Ackroyd??? I'm thinking Carvey...



 

Finally,

Comrades,

It is nearly over,

Here are the eight finalists.

My apologies to any of you who didn't make it into the finals. Really, you're all equals.



A note from behind the scenes:

My apologies to Bruno. Bawney Fwank insisted on wear whatever Bruno was wearing, no matter how hard I tried to convince into something else.
 

I too denounce stereotypes. I wanted a chemistry set. And the Kenner Girder and Panel Building Set. And the monorail set. And I used Dad's tools to make things from scraps of wood. And I've done dry wall.

I denounce me. I should have been doing interior decorating and playing the piano.

Oh. I did that too.
 

Leninka, Bruno is so over the top at being ahead as Prog Queen that I will never hear the end of it. But there's a downside though. He's switched from "Tico, Tico" to "Everything's Coming up Roses."

 

Comrade Theocritus,

Did you just denounce yourself and then take it back. I certainly hope so.

If Ashley can do everything, so can you. If Hillary can crack nuts, so can you. If Michelle can hold grudges, and appear on the cover of Vogue, so can you, if Janeane can get a gig in London, then so can you, and if Barbara Boxer can speak condescendingly to a black entrepreneur, then so can you, and if Nancy can lie about the CIA, and boss around Harry whst's his name from Nevada, then so can you.
 

Comrade Leninka,

The Commissar presented a brilliant observation and if it weren't for my loyalty his Obamness I would tell you what it was. Oh hell, if Kazan can say "loyalty to my true self", then I can say --wait for it-- individual. Great now I have to go to Jiffi-Lobo(TM)!

The finalwists lwook dwarling, and it jwust figwures thwat pwoser Bwanny Fwank would cwopy Brwuno!!!

Thwat iwrritates mwe two nwo end!

I jwust cwant stwand imitwation!!!!
 

Dear Comrades,

I regret to tell you that we have had a terrible upset here at the contest. We have been GobSmacked. We have been violated.

Late last night, Jodin Morey, angered that he had not been included as a contestant, with stealth, broke into the closet where I had the crown hidden, absconded with it to a remote cave. Were it not for the global positioning device on the crown, I would have never figured out who had taken it. The cave is near Brainerd, MN, and Jodin is being protected by a group of Democrat Farm Labor members there.

One of them was able to get a photograph of Jodin, and he is happily wearing the crown.

Here is Jodin's statement:

"I am the true winner of the Prog Beauty Queen non-contest. No one is more prog than me. No one. All of you have done me a terrible injustice, and one day, one day, you will pay. These are my instructions to you: you must go to YouTube, type in the keywords, Jodin Morey, and watch every single one of my videos on "Beingism" at least five times each, and then, maybe, I'll let you have another picture of me wearing the crown."



 

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!! AN OUTRAGE!!!! THAT CROWN RIGHTFULLY BELONGS TO BRUNO!!!

WE NEED ACORN ON THIS PROBLEM AND WE NEED THEM NOW!!!! FOR THEY ARE MOST ACCOMPLISHED AS BROWNSHIRT THUGS STORMTROOPERS!!!
 

Do you know what it's like living with Bruno after the crown has been stolen? And by Jodin Morey? This is tough, comrades, tough. All this blubbering his his basso profundo voice, and the floors are just covered with tears, colored by the finest Max Factor makeup. And the noise.

If it had been anyone other than Jodin it wouldn't have been quite as bad. After all, every time that Bruno sits in the middle of the floor and spikes the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits in the head with his stiletto heel, he says, "GodDAMNED little pests. Well, better than Jodin." Whack! Whack! Whack!
 

Comrade Zampolit,

Any suggestions are welcome. Perhaps ACORN workers from Chicago can be bussed up to Brainerd, especially if they are promised a dinner at that restaurant where Babe and Blue Ox stand so proudly. But the people in Brainerd are not your normal Minnesotans. Many of them are staunch welfare recipients, so their willingness to protect Jodin is strong.

Comrade Theocritus,

I am so sorry about Bruno. This is not over. We'll get that crown back somehow. In the meantime you'd better stock up on Max Factor. I hear the line is being discontinued in the states. It is owned by the same company as Cover Girl, but Cover Girl is not for Bruno with his sensitive skin.

This couldn't have happened at a worse time. And I found out too, that Jodin had just been at the ranch for an unsuccessful well, er, uh experiment? Oh, dear, when it rains it pours.
 

Yes, the tough part is that Ms. Gawdawfulo had to go before Bruno could ask her about her leg-shaving secrets. And in fact her mustache-shaving secrets. It's really tough when the Max Factor balls up on the tips of his one o'clock stubble. BUt if there is anyone who can help him with that, it would be Ms. Gawdawfulo. Even Rosie drew a blank.
 

What!?! WHaT!?! Jodin Morey don't you dare cross Bruno! Do you know what happened to the last prog who crossed Bruno?
 

It was gruesome. Bruno tied him down and did his hair and makeup--for 48 hours straight. While singing along with Judy Garland records. I still blench when I think of it; it defines cruel and unusual punishment.

He was never the same again. All you had to do was look at a boom box and he'd turn white and pass out.
 

Ivan Betinov

I just looked at the results, and I think we need to get Senator *snort* Franken's recount team to work here.

Mystery Prog...is that anything like Mystery Date?

Mystery Prog....
Are you ready for your Mystery Prog?

Comrade Betinov,

You have given me an idea. Comrade Franken is from Minnesota, and Jodin Morey is hiding out in Brainerd. I wondered if we could get him to visit Jodin to have a chat. Perhaps he could line up the same swat team who went in to get Elian in the middle of the night.

Oh, wait a minute, let me get this phone call.

"Yes."

"Oh, Comrade Franken, thank you for returning my call."

"Yes."

"All right."

"As soon as you are free?"

"Thank you."

CLICK

Good news, comrades. Comrade Franken says we'll have to wait until congress goes on recess, because he's sure they are going to pass that health care bill, but when he's done, he say's he'll be glad to help.

So, see, Bruno, there is hope. Comrade Franken says he's willing to help. I think he might have a little crush on Bruno. I picked it up in the tone of his voice.
 

If he wants Bruno, he can have Bruno. I've been trying to lose him for years, but he's a homing queen. No matter where I dump him, he beats me home.
 

A belated submission came in the mail from comrade SPK, who wrote:

"Post this on your site or Babs will climb in through your bathroom window and eat your cat while you sleep."

We have many cats and a few dogs here on the Cube, and so we have no choice but to comply. Besides, she's a hot role model for all Democrat voters, dead or alive.


 

As a quick reminder for the confused; the labels are messed up on this diagram but you get the general idea.


 

Theirs[center][/center]
Ours[center][/center]
 

Dear Comrades Red Square and Rex,

Thank you for dragging bringing these Prog Queen Beauties to the post-Non-Contest competition.

That Barbara boxer is truly gorgeous, isn't she? She is a prog beauty inside and out.

I hear Comrade Theo is hosting Comrade Nansky Peloski at the Rancho, and I wonder if Comrade Boxer wouldn't be an appropriate companion.

We now have quite an inventory of beauties from which to draw upon. However, I'm sure there are more and I encourage all comrades who view this post to feel free to bring more into the safe and comfortable home of the Cube.

As for the Rethuglican hags you included, Comrade Rex, what a sight for sore eyes! I'll need therapy after having to cast my eyes upon them grouped together in such a fashion. Nevertheless, I must endure.

I am awaiting a phone call from Comrade Al Franken who has promised to pay a visit to Jodin Morey in that cave where he is hiding near Brainerd, MN with the crown. I just know that Comrade Franken will be able to do something. as he and Jodin Morey seem to be cut from the same cloth. You should have seen Comrade Al chew out T-Boone Pickens about having funded those Swift Boat ads during the Bushitler/Kerry election. He was in fine form.

Both Comrade Franken and Jodin are both exemplary progs.

Comrade Theo,

I see you have added yet another post-non-contest contestant. I always thought that Michael Moore was such a cutie.
 

Ah, yes, Leninka. Michael Moore would be the heart-throb of the entire world if our Muslim brothers did not so hate and fear swine. But as it is we'll merely have to make do watching him stuff his feet into sandals which take an entire year's output from Goodyear to make.

And those ankles! Our Many Titted Empress is very jealous of those ankles, saying that she has slogged in the beet fields all of those years and she ought to have ankles like a telephone post, and not Michael Moore.
 

It's really not his looks that attract, me, although he is certainly cute enough, it's his beautiful mind, the mind of a thinker, a truth seeker, a seeker of justice, and of everything, let's see, everything Jodin Morey. That's it.
 

Yes, and when Michael, Mikael and Jodin get together they make a perfect trio of Prog whining. They start on about all the injustices on earth, even some that are not in fact injustices. But such is their devotion to being a Red Knight writing wrongs that they'll make up injustices. They'll make people unhappy when they are not unhappy.

The Perfect Progs.
 

I can just imagine them transported back to the days of the crusades riding into Jerusalem.

"What a magnificent seat that Michael Moore has! What a magnificent seat!" Wait a minute, I know that line. It's from "Aunty Mame."

And Jodin--now strangely, the time clock has turned to November 22, 1963, to the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. "Jodin Morey, is that you? Was your name Lee Harvey Oswald in your last life?" Oh, no. I must hallucinating.
 

AbecedariusRex

As a quick reminder for the confused; the labels are messed up on this diagram but you get the general idea.


Comrade Rex, Is that the kind of garbage those Rethuglican rednecks are passing out!?! Thank you for bringing this evidence here, I will be stowing it away in my secret evidence safe for a later, er, date.
 

A little musical number in between the contests...

Argument to Beethoven's 5th


 

Comrade Red Square,

Thank you for that visual. The story of my spouse and I for the last 20 years. No, just kidding, really only every 5th night.

The 6th is good for a quiet at-home Sunday morning, but one has to be in a certain mood to play the 5th.
 

I denounce you kapitalist pigs with more equal internet connections than The Wombat Factory! I'm sure you just sit around and enjoy videos and blazing fast connection speed ALL DAY LONG, don't you?

Well, (spit) kapitalism has failed, just look around you, everything you enjoy was invented by the state!

You bunch of... of... VIDEO WATCHERS you....
 

Comrade RR,

Sorry about that. We have the bargain basement triple deal from People's CommieCast. If we paid the same amount to ATT, it would cut our download speed in half. The only downside is that whenever we have a storm we lose our phone, and our internet, and after hurricane Ike we had no phone for 14 days (or anything else).
And we don't get HBO, or any other premium channels, so every night we see if the movie on the Lifetime Movie Channel is one we haven't already seen. The Lifetime movies are so bad, they're humorous, and I can keep up with the plot and surf on the web at the same time. And for variety, we watch the HGTV channel to see if we can guess which house a couple buys.