... of a shovel being used as anything other than an implement of aggravated assault...

This man thumbs his nose in her general direction.



I assume this is what Ivan Betinov (brain in jar) would spend his time doing if he had hands...

Name dropper. It's a good thing you wear that tight rubber boot over your head, it'll help contain the pieces when Pinkie clobbers you.

You know she's not just some homicidal maniac armed with a shovel. She's a kind, sweet, caring person too. In fact, nobody dares to care more than she does.

(you owe her a box of Godiva chocolates dude)

In Russia, the musicians' jargon word for the electrical guitar is "lopata" - a shovel. Hence the joke.

It's similar to how American rock musicians call the electrical guitar an "axe." So the American rockers must now respond with a guitar made of an axe. Unless they follow the People's Cube - then they'll stick with shovels.

Alas, Red Square.....an axe head would have about zero resonation for the pick-up heads
( It would sound crappy! )

I, Krasnodar , self-proclaimed technical engineer and weaponry advisor to the Collective, know this is so.

Red Square wrote:In Russia, the musicians' jargon word for the electrical guitar is "lopata" - a shovel. Hence the joke.

It's similar to how American rock musicians call the electrical guitar an "axe." So the American rockers must now respond with a guitar made of an axe. Unless they follow the People's Cube - then they'll stick with shovels.

A guitar mad of an axe?

Shovel to the head

Warning: Not Pinkie approved either.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:You know she's not just some homicidal maniac armed with a shovel.

Krasnodar, how dare you question the wisdom of Red Square? With electric guitars the string vibrating over the electromagnetic coil (pickup) is what makes the sound. This is why they can use an inch thick slab of plexiglas as the body...or no body at all as in the case of this travel guitar.

(Never underestimate the sheer genius of the People's Director)

Yes, guitars can be made in that fashion. However I, Krasnodar, prefer the feed back of sympathetic harmonics through the stings made possible by a resonating body ( solid or hollow). In fact, the Indian sitar actually amplifies this quality.This is why bodied guitars still are the predominate instrument in use. It's all about subtlety of sound textures. The photo shows a sitar that I designed and built a few years ago, before the Cube became the dominant factor in my life. So if anyone asks " How's life treating you, who is Krasnodar ?
I will reply " What life ? I have the Cube !"


And if you ask nice, tovaish Whoopie, I just may let you play it ! Maybe.
Red Square, however, has an open invitation because of his position in the party.

Electrified Comrades,

Would not the "Obaminator" provide much deeper and resiliant tones?

Absolutely.
Perhaps even a 5 -string fretless base, with Dear Leader's logo right on the front !

Nobody can " shovel it " like Dear Leader.

Krasnodar - nice work. I once went to a Ravi Shankar concert in Kiev, and his shovel looked pretty much like yours. He didn't play any Beatles' tunes, though. And he didn't let me play it either. I didn't have the current Party standing then, and he clearly wasn't a clairvoyant.

I can see Red Square sitting in on that session, in full uniform... his budenovka gently waving above the stage, fervently banging on the the tablas. Out in the audience are members of the Cube....some of them yelling out " Play Free Bird !" Quite a sophisticated bunch, yes?

Yes! I can remember it like it was yesterday! And everyone screamed, "Play Sweet Home Alabama, dammit!" But the sophisticated man I am, I modestly played Stairway to Heaven on my tablas made of hollowed pumpkins.

Krasnodar wrote:Nobody can " shovel it " like Dear Leader.

I'm really looking forward to the "Shovel Ready Tour '12"!

I'm baffled by the subject line of this topic. Is this thread supposed to be about me, or about guitars? Because if it's the latter, then I most assuredly do not approve!

Any topic with my name in it should focus on me. I clicked on this thread expecting to see all of you using your guitars and shovels to sing my praises, laud my total awesomeness, and express your trembling, sweat-soaked fear of me and my shovel. You should all be talking about how much I care, of how I care so much that none of you could ever hope to care as much as I do.

For your information, Comrade Buffoon (you knew I was eventually going to get to you, but I must come first), the shovel has many uses, not just for whacking people. As you've seen for yourself, it can be used to make everything from music to love to jobs.

If anything, you've raised awareness of the need for us to hold something like a "Restoring Shovels" rally, where the masses can get together with their shovels for one great big dig-in.

For we must all dig deep within ourselves to find our inner shovel.

Now, where are my tributes, comrades?

Well you're in luck, C.P...... I have a tribute lying around here...... somewhere..............
Ah...I think I see it, right under the bag of Doritos.................. Yep. This is it !

Please give me a moment to fill out this thing.....................anybody got a pencil ?

( a few minutes later) Alrighty then.......let's give this a shot:

Commissarka Pinkie is a first-rate "kolkhoznitsa" whose digging of unusually straight furrows on " the back forty " has earned her a written nomination from somebody named "annonymous" to receive the Order of Lenin. This is due to the fact that she is legendary in her proficiency ( all the way from the bowling alley down to the State liquor store, I might add ) in her yielding that most terrible of personal farming implements, the shovel. Many of us have had close encounters with this " Device of Correction"......so much so that future lobotomies may not be necessary.....or even possible !

She is the stuff that headaches are made of.....She is Pinkie of the Red Scarf.

How 'dat for a tribute ?

Dear Leader plus music??? What could possibly go wrong??!! plus
would surely sound this wonderful!


Surely, such imagery and sounds could help get Dear Leaders' message out.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Now, where are my tributes, comrades?

Comrades;

Quick, please help me before I get whacked again!

Do we worship unto the All Caring Goddess Commissarka Pinkie before or after the Obamao services five times per day? Do we still face east or down upon the hallowed shovel ready dirt of the coming workers paradise?

ah, I loved guitars, although they do not last very well when used to encourage an ill gotten comrade to do his FAIR SHARE INSTEAD OF LEAVING ME ALL THE WORK.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:If anything, you've raised awareness of the need for us to hold something like a "Restoring Shovels" rally, where the masses can get together with their shovels for one great big dig-in.

The collective has already reacted..


and our Cuban Comrades have taken note...