Russian Defense Ministry Seeks Frickin' Dolphins with Frickin' ‘Killer Instinct'

The Soviet Union and United States used combat dolphins during the Cold War. The militaries trained the mammals “to detect submarines, underwater mines and spot suspicious objects or individuals near harbours and ships.”

“Americans looked into this first,” explained retired Colonel Viktor Baranets, who ran the program to train dolphins. “But when Soviet intelligence found out the tasks the US dolphins were completing in the 1960s, the defence ministry at the time decided to address this issue.”

Russia inherited Ukraine's combat dolphins after Moscow annexed Crimea in March 2014. The dolphins stayed in Crimea after the USSR dissolved, used in swimming therapy with disabled children.

The Ukrainian Army restarted the program in 2012 but ended it in February 2014, towards the end of Euromaiden. Russia then announced plans to keep the dolphins.

Apparantly these glorious comrades in the class struggle have created a site for just this purpose!

Soviet Animals

The Party approves -

Soviet Animals

Shouldn't they get an official decoration or anything?

Even dolphins are inspired by the stirring National Anthem of USSR! Glorious! Come Comrades, sing with me as we march Forward! to that wondrous world of Next Tuesday.™

Союз нерушимый республик свободных
Сплотила навеки Великая Русь.
Да здравствует созданный волей народов
Единый, могучий Советский Союз!

ПРИПЕВ:
Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
Дружбы народов надёжный оплот!
Знамя Советское, знамя народное
Пусть от победы к победе ведёт!
Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы,
И Ленин великий нам путь озарил:
Нас вырастил Сталин — на верность народу,
На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил!

ПРИПЕВ:
Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
Счастья народов надёжный оплот!
Знамя Советское, знамя народное
Пусть от победы к победе ведёт!
Мы армию нашу растили в сраженьях.
Захватчиков подлых с дороги сметём!
Мы в битвах решаем судьбу поколений,
Мы к славе Отчизну свою поведём!

ПРИПЕВ:
Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
Славы народов надёжный оплот!
Знамя Советское, знамя народное
Пусть от победы к победе ведёт!

You have to give them that: what a catching melody!

Silly Comrade Squirrel!

Of course dolphins are inspired to sing this and other Party approved melodies as we go about our many and varied Housekeeping duties for our cherished Cube! Not for nothing, but Meowsevitch would never have fallen asleep had Chicken Sushi not whistled lullabies to him as he quaffed his evening benzo and roofie-laced cocoa. And you should be thankful she did, particularly during that annus horribillis when he and the Doktor were double-fisting bottles of Chinese mail-order little blue pills as they drunkenly terrorized San Francisco nightly and we were expected to find a place to land the Tupolev in order to extract them and collect any potential prostitutes they'd nominated as potential necroproxies accidentally, on purpose (heheheheheh... aaaahhh... good times, at least until young Aki realized they all bore a disturbingly striking resemblance to Nancy Pelosi). It got so bad that when he broke out of his restraints and sleep walked around the darkened halls of the Cube, certain Kommissars took to quickly hanging mobiles and bells on it... him... such that he often resembled a nekked debauched version of the ghost of Jacob Marley, wafting about the place, and I did once find him dry humping poor Brain-In-Jar's... well... jar. Brain was so terrorized by the entire episode that he quivered uncontrollably whenever we tried to clean his jar, and was finally diagnosed with PTSD when it got to the point that his cerebrospinal fluid was green with algae. I was afraid we might lose him! It really isn't our fault that your human and rodentially impaired hearing doesn't extend past 20kHz! Laika always appreciated our harmonizing, just as we've always appreciated his Friday night 80's Retro Dance Music Broadcasts.

I find it disillusioning that so many Party Members and Kommissars seem to have forgotten that The Pod has not only been in charge of Housekeeping, yadda, yadda, since we escaped our Navy Pens during Katrina and made our way to the sanctuary of Mother Cube, but that we brought our weapons with us! It is hard to believe it's been over a decade - October 2005, I believe - since we were given our shovels and a worthy porpoise purpose, even as the Party and Mother Cube accepted us into her loving but strict embrace.


Who, precisely, did you think was changing your linens and washing your silk panties? Did you think the Cube had house elves working behind the scenes to keep things ticking along and make sure you had toilet paper in your washrooms and nuts in your... wherever-the-hell you keep your nuts? This isn't fracking Hogwarts, y'know! And with the coming elections, you're going to be a damn sight more comfortable with us managing the necroproxies. They really don't... um... keep well if they're just lying around the place.

I would like to express my gratitude to Our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid for such an artful inclusion of the cetacean Cube members among the beautifully rendered Soviet Animals! Aki is even now having it inked onto his left fluke, just beside his tat of Beet of the Week! He literally squealed with happiness when he saw it, and was so engrossed with it at breakfast that Chicken Sushi managed to steal one of his squid. I hope you won't mind if I whip up a banner of it to hang it by the pool. It will inspire The Pod!


Never out of Tuna Tune!
Sister Massively Opiated

Comrade Dolphin,

I am pleased to see you are still Massively Opiated, Sister. We haven't heard from you in quite some time. Enjoy the music! Oh, and thanks for tending to my "nuts in silk panties" - Hey, that reminds me of a song, "Nights in White Satin" - yet one more story languishing on the back burner of my frazzled mind...

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:Silly Comrade Squirrel!

Of course dolphins are inspired to sing this and other Party approved melodies as we go about our many and varied Housekeeping duties for our cherished Cube! Not for nothing, but Meowsevitch would never have fallen asleep had Chicken Sushi not whistled lullabies to him as he quaffed his evening benzo and roofie-laced cocoa. And you should be thankful she did, particularly during that annus horribillis when he and the Doktor were double-fisting bottles of Chinese mail-order little blue pills as they drunkenly terrorized San Francisco nightly and we were expected to find a place to land the Tupolev in order to extract them and collect any potential prostitutes they'd nominated as potential necroproxies accidentally, on purpose (heheheheheh... aaaahhh... good times, at least until young Aki realized they all bore a disturbingly striking resemblance to Nancy Pelosi). It got so bad that when he broke out of his restraints and sleep walked around the darkened halls of the Cube, certain Kommissars took to quickly hanging mobiles and bells on it... him... such that he often resembled a nekked debauched version of the ghost of Jacob Marley, wafting about the place, and I did once find him dry humping poor Brain-In-Jar's... well... jar. Brain was so terrorized by the entire episode that he quivered uncontrollably whenever we tried to clean his jar, and was finally diagnosed with PTSD when it got to the point that his cerebrospinal fluid was green with algae. I was afraid we might lose him! It really isn't our fault that your human and rodentially impaired hearing doesn't extend past 20kHz! Laika always appreciated our harmonizing, just as we've always appreciated his Friday night 80's Retro Dance Music Broadcasts.

I find it disillusioning that so many Party Members and Kommissars seem to have forgotten that The Pod has not only been in charge of Housekeeping, yadda, yadda, since we escaped our Navy Pens during Katrina and made our way to the sanctuary of Mother Cube, but that we brought our weapons with us! It is hard to believe it's been over a decade - October 2005, I believe - since we were given our shovels and a worthy porpoise purpose, even as the Party and Mother Cube accepted us into her loving but strict embrace.

sistasgottagun3.gif

Who, precisely, did you think was changing your linens and washing your silk panties? Did you think the Cube had house elves working behind the scenes to keep things ticking along and make sure you had toilet paper in your washrooms and nuts in your... wherever-the-hell you keep your nuts? This isn't fracking Hogwarts, y'know! And with the coming elections, you're going to be a damn sight more comfortable with us managing the necroproxies. They really don't... um... keep well if they're just lying around the place.

I would like to express my gratitude to Our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid for such an artful inclusion of the cetacean Cube members among the beautifully rendered Soviet Animals! Aki is even now having it inked onto his left fluke, just beside his tat of Beet of the Week! He literally squealed with happiness when he saw it, and was so engrossed with it at breakfast that Chicken Sushi managed to steal one of his squid. I hope you won't mind if I whip up a banner of it to hang it by the pool. It will inspire The Pod!

sistersmiles04.gif

Never out of Tuna Tune!
Sister Massively Opiated

I love the clean linens and countless cleanliness in the buildings. You make a splash out of Spring Cleaning.

Please note, everything needs to be dried after they clean. Comrades, you can use the people's hair dryer, or the people's dryer after they clean. I am told Next Tuesday we will have an industrial building dryer.

Captain Craptek wrote:Comrade Dolphin,

I am pleased to see you are still Massively Opiated, Sister. We haven't heard from you in quite some time. Enjoy the music! Oh, and thanks for tending to my "nuts and silk panties" - Hey, that reminds me of a song, "Nights in White Satin" - yet one more story languishing on the back burner of my frazzled mind...

Comrade Squirrel Craptek,

I cannot tell you how warm but not fuzzy it makes me feel to think of that Moody Blues song... Having been raised by kindly hippies (I really hope Dad isn't reading this post), and being a calf of the 60's, I cannot tell you how many times I listened to that album, although I must say that ELP's Brain Salad Surgery was my favourite growing up... that, and Flo and Eddie's version of So Happy Together from Zappa's 200 Motels... But ELP's BSS goes a long way to explaining why after going punk as a teenager, I really appreciate Nine Inch Nails. That said, I still love The Moody Blues, Zeppelin, Tull, and early Floyd (in spite of what an asstard a certain member has become).

And I understand your frazzled mind as well. I'm sure it must be difficult, running along those uninsulated wires every now and then, and all that acid doesn't help, but I actually thought of that song as soon as I read "nuts in silk panties," too. And it had been so long since I had a flashback! Ah well. I have other medications now. We in Housekeeping take great pride in handling the Member's delicates gently, although I really meant it when I wrote that I don't know where you keep your nuts. If you don't want to say publicly, just leave us a note in your room and we'll make sure you're fully stocked. Also, if you would like extra toilet paper to add to your bedding, please let us know. Many of our Hamsters prefer it. Did you know there is a Member who is a Golden Hamster and his pouches extend all the way down his sides to his back legs. It's quite something to see him regurgitate half a roll of toilet paper for his nest, and it stays completely dry in there too! I thought that might be a weird flashback too, when he first showed how much he could get packed in there to Aki and I, and Aki, being young and impressionable, is clearly smitten by the idea. I told him that no hamster could bubble net fish, so all things being equal, I think he got the better end of the roll.

Hammer and Loupe wrote:I love the clean linens and countless cleanliness in the buildings. You make a splash out of Spring Cleaning.

That's very kind of you to say. I think we have a "Hang In There" kitty in a tree poster from one of Meowsevitch's disturbingly twee periods somewhere if you would like it to hang in your room. We aim to please.

And now, as my meds are kicking in, I will bid you all Priyatnykh Snov!
Sis

Good to see you on the Cube again, Sis!