Santa Warns In Greenpeace Video Christmas Will Be Canceled Due To Global Warming

A MESSAGE FROM SANTA CLAUS:
“Dear children, regrettably I bring bad tidings. For some time now, melting ice here in the North Pole has made our operations and our day-to-day life intolerable and impossible and there may be no alternative but to cancel Christmas. My home in the arctic is fast disappearing, and unless we all act urgently, then I have to warn you of the possibility of an empty stocking forevermore.”

Aaaak!Christmas, Winter Solstice Festival maybe kaputed and canceled because of global warming!!

Santa is upset by his melting abode and that this is the time of year he picks up beer, vodka and deer jerky while he is in the lower states. And OK, I am admitting I have always looked forward to a piece of coal in my Winter support hose stocking, but since our dear leader has not been permitted (by the evil Rethuglicans) to lower the sea levels and cool the heating, the North Pole is moving southward in an avalanche or melting or whatever.

COMRADES, THIS SHOULD NOT BE.

Please be expecting your official bi- weekly Memo on the harsh rhetoric The Peoples Cube will be sending to the Evil Rethuglicans demanding they join with dear leader to "STOP THE MELTING". "RESTORE CHRISTMAS WINTER SOLSTICE!" (bumper stickers to be available a week from the Tuesday after next, if the ice is off the roads)

p.s. you may watch the Official Greenpeace ad online if your computer is still working after the cold weather we are still having and if it is update to Windows 5.

I am all on board with extreme measures for dealing with this crisis. I hereby pledge to forgo buying any winter solstice presents and instead donating the money to a fund I have started which will purchase ICE which I will send to the North Pole to restore its frozenness after I have finished using said ice in my winter solstice party drinks. I hope you will all join me in supporting this noble cause.

Opiate of the People wrote:I am all on board with extreme measures for dealing with this crisis. I hereby pledge to forgo buying any winter solstice presents and instead donating the money to a fund I have started which will purchase ICE which I will send to the North Pole to restore its frozenness after I have finished using said ice in my winter solstice party drinks. I hope you will all join me in supporting this noble cause.

Yes Comrade Opiate! The Party fully supports your scam scheme! Only please remember first the ice needs of the Inner Party for our annual Winter Solstice celebrations! Beet vodka goes much better iced down!!

Comrade Opiate! I think we must start a campaign, calling all conscientious comrades to collect all the ice cubes in their coolers and glasses left over from the holiday parties, and send it in padded envelopes to the Greenpeace headquarters in London:

Greenpeace (UK) Ltd
The Boiler House, Canonbury Villas,
London N1 2PN,
United Kingdom
Phone:+44 20 7865 8100

The Green comrades will take it from there.

Let's make it look like the scene in Miracle on 34th Street, where the mail carriers brought all those bags with letters to Santa into the courtroom. Only this time it'll be called Miracle at The Boiler House.

Comrades Che Ramie and Red Square,

I am of course pleased that you are willing to join me in the fight to keep the North Pole frozen but you seem to have missed the most important part of my plan, that is, the part where others send me money. Perhaps I was a little too subtle about this but I anticipated all Party members would understand that my plan, like all Party plans, do not work without other people's money.

Also, is it just me or is there a certain irony in the fact that a group dedicated to propagating the con-game fighting the scourge of global warming is located in a building known as The Boiler House. Just sayin'.

The monetary aspect of your plan was grasped from the start loyal Opiate...however since I've been tasked with adult beverage procurement for the annual gala...I need ICE...cash we got & plenty of it...so do your duty & supply the Party with ice!!

I am trying to package to mail, Relief For Santa . . . it is more difficult than I contemplate.