I have just watched a documentary on polar bears which attack humans on Svalbard, Norway, without provocation. Since they do not have CNN it is impossible for them to have learned enough about the Bush/Cheney war for money for oil for profit for Halliburton machine to have the proper progressive pissed-off rage (PPPR). So it must be something else.

Polar bears would attack humans when they had not before. A brave researcher from the San Diego zoo, who had done postgraduate acting research on infomercials advertising deep bowel-cleansing products at 3 AM in the morning, had found that the polar bears are victims of American corporate imperialism.

American pirate lords of commerce have been polluting the world with chemicals for thousands of years, as all progressives know, and possibly more. Recent research has uncovered scrolls which, translated from the Latin, are leaked interoffice memoranda from Dauum Chemicalum and which prove that Georgius Arbustus ran a gambling ring on the games in the Roman Coliseum and that Julius Caesar was assassinated as a cover-up to draw attention. It was the Ides of March Surprise.

American Chemical Imperialism (ACI on the NYSE) has been flooding the world with pesticides, which hover in clouds all over the world, strangling babies and making kittens sad. In the arctic it is cold, as students of modern education will be glad to learn as it will prove sufficient to get into Brown, and the chemicals condensed on the ocean, and were eaten by defenseless plankton. Which were eaten by small crustaceans, which were eaten by fish, which were eaten by seals, which were eaten by polar bears.

This caused female polar bears to display male genitalia, in addition to their female ones, and the male polar bears had increased testosterone which caused them to become aggressive whenever a Hercules C-130 airplane flew over, causing them to attack Norwegian girls hiking, whose deaths are of course George Bush's fault.

Comrades, I ask for your help. We must stop ACI, and undo the damage which its parent company Daaum Chemicalum did by immediately stopping the production of all pesticides and insecticides. That this will cause a billion deaths from starvation is not at all important for the people who will die will never show up in Davos or display the Proper Progressive Pissed-Off Rage in the DKos and I for one will not brook the excuse that they are too weak from hunger, don't have computers and can't type. What's a library for, if not for that and letting schizophrenic homeless pee in the corners?

But do not let Rosie O'Donnell know of this. The idea of female bears with male genitalia is one that she could not resist.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I have just watched a documentary on polar bears which attack humans on Svalbard, Norway, without provocation.

Commissar, you imply that is a bad thing...

Commissar Theocritus wrote:American Chemical Imperialism (ACI on the NYSE) has been flooding the world with pesticides, which hover in clouds all over the world, strangling babies and making kittens sad.

This is true - I can personally attest I was depressed as a kitten when I leaned of the earth groaning beneath the poison spewed by the greedy Capitalist Running Dogs. Then I experimented with catnip in my adolescense, and discovered female felines, which helped me feel better in general. And that is important, because it's all about how I feel.

Commissar, you are a credit to the Party, but I must rebuke you for mentioning the vile Rosie at the end of your post. Facing the wasteland left us by the Bushitler/Cheney cabal is one thing, but contemplating Rosie's reaction to the biological anomaly you mentioned is too much to take. It is more than the People need to know, comrade!

The problem with ignoring Rosie is--you can't. She has great potential as a Maximum Scourge. Nothing depresses me more than happy people, if they're happy without us. For the Progressive offers a system of laws which, when obeyed, will insure happiness for everyone.

<b>Submit</b> and you'll be happy. Well, I will be too but then I'll do anything for the party, you know. The hoof prints of Our Many Titted Empress on the marble flooring of Rancho de Rio Grande are proof of that, and that blood just won't come up. But it was all for the party.